Who Knew Domestic Partnership Really Does Come in Handy

A few months ago as some of you may remember I got domesticated. As in my partner & I registered with the state of Oregon as domestic partners. Well little did I know that it would come in handy already.

My beloved & I work for the same company & last week while I felt like I was nearly dying with the flu, my sweetheart needed to leave work early to take me to the doctors. When she asked if she could leave early she was told she couldn't because it wasn't she who was sick. But she explained that there was no way I could get to the docs on my own & her boss responded that she could only use emergency leave if we were married/domestic partnered. "Well we are" she said to her boss. So my poor sweetie had to go talk to HR about it & confirm, yes were legal & have been since March thank-you-very-much! So they let her take off so she could drive me to my doctor.

I had no idea we would be called to validate our relationship so soon and I had no idea that our workplace would be the entity to need our relationship to be legal. Crazy! I'm so glad that my love & I registered and realize even more how important it is for same sex couples to have equal relationship rights. If my sweet hadn't been able to get me to the doctor it would have taken me that much longer to recover & get back on my feet as a tax paying citizen. Anyway that's my story du jour. Peace!

~F

More Flowers & Some Friggin' Links

I'm typing in a different font because I can. Anyway I got flowers from my sweetie today. A lovely rose was with several daisies & I decided to put it in my hair today. Pretty eh? It was very hard to take this pic because I was in the bathroom & despite having a mirror it was still a bit of a pain. But worth it because I love flowers in my hair & wanted to share this beautiful flower with y'all!

It's really nice out so I'm not saying much today. I had some really awesome sex yesterday. I've been having constant medical issues that have caused a strain on my sex life. I won't get into the gory details but today I am extra happy because even when my beloved & I can't get it on for whatever reason, we're always close. So it's just that much hotter when we do have sexy time. All day I've been grinning like a fool. Speaking of sex check out this recent post on the Powell's Books Blog. You can actually watch a couple screw. How ever thinks books are boring is sadly mistaken!

Other random items include a dude selling his Blackness on EBay, Arnold Schwarzenegger plans to fight against banning same sex marriage in California and an Iraq war veteran in Ashland, Oregon heals her pain by being a consultant to a play about an Iraq war veteran in "Welcome Home, Jenny Sutter" by Julie Myatt.

Folks have a beautiful weekend!
~F

I'm Domesticated!

As of 3pm today my beloved & I are officially domestic partners in the state of Oregon! We're thrilled! More details later.
Peace!
~F

Holy Crap! We're Getting Domesticated!

Words cannot express how wonderful it is & how excited I am that my sweetie & I will be soon legally bound! I love her & now we can have the protections (In the state of Oregon) for our little family! No matter what y'all... always always always believe in the power of love to make the difference! Many thanks to Basic Rights Oregon for fighting the good fight with & for all Oregonians!

Back tomorrow!
~F

The Bubble Hath Burst: Domestic Partnership on Hold in Oregon

Photo courtesy of unprofound and edited by me

The news came to me later than it did for others in the blogosphere. I didn't find out until my beloved called me at Noon today to share what our lesbian boss told her. That January 2nd we will not be able to get a legal partnership in Oregon.

Truthfully I'm so shocked I can hardly even speak or think. I knew there was a possibility that there could be a delay but I figured the possibility had the odds of like, getting struck by lightening. Fuk.

What happened was a conservative "christian" group called The Alliance Defense Fund filed a suit against the State of Oregon & Bill Bradbury (our Secretary of State) claiming that some signatures on referendum petitions against domestic partnerships were tossed out unfairly and that the people whose signatures were considered invalid should have been properly notified. In order for there to be a delay to the domestic partnerships going legal on January 2nd the plaintiffs needed to prove that signing a petition is the same as signing a voting ballot and that the law passing would incur irreparable harm and also that the ADF in the end would likely win their case.

Yesterday Judge Michael Mosman presided over the case (also called a preliminary injunction). It was what the Portland Mercury called "a secret weapon" that convinced Mosman to issue a temporary restraining order (TRO) from DP laws going in effect on the 2nd. The weapon was a case in Idaho where it was ruled signing a petition was the same as voting. Therefore Mosman decided that signatures on a petition were fundamental right and by putting a hold on January 2nd's domestic partnership laws he was preventing irreparable harm.

In reaction to how this case has turned out so far there has been a lot of support by others within the Oregon and or Queer community around this disappointment.

Kendall Clawson, the executive director of the Q Center said "Unfortunately, our fight for domestic partnership may not be over, yet I truly believe that those that opposed this amendment have underestimated the strength of our community and the power of love and respect for others that drives us. As the sun comes up and we begin planning our next steps, I have decided that I will not give away another minute of sleep pondering the negative aspects of this situation. Conversely, I will work to acknowledge, appreciate and derive strength from all of the people that tirelessly work to bring us together as a community rather than tear us apart."

Crallspace wrote an open letter to the Alliance Defence Fund and asks "Why take the beacon that many look to for inspiration, hope and goodwill and shine its dark side? With all the problems that face our world today, homosexuals are your scapegoat; you have a heyday on folks that may have been the subject of the verse, "As you have done it to these the least of my brethren, you have done it unto Me." (Matt 25:40) As much as you think Christianity is persecuted and outlawed for obnoxious reasons, how do you think homosexuals feel about your work?"

Multnomah County Commissioner Jeff Cogen noted for us all that "Daily, we are reminded that the quest for equality continues and it is up to us to push forward principles of acceptance, fairness and justice. I hope this issue is resolved soon and we can get to the business of equality - for all."

Jack Bogdanski at Jack Bog's blog made a great point that "...once again, the electoral process in this country is showing itself to be badly, badly deficient. Not only can't we count votes securely and honestly -- we can't even agree on how to check the signatures on the petitions by which we decide what we'll be voting on. Nearly every election -- even every potential election -- turns out to be a lawsuit. It's a disgrace."

For more information on all this go here and here for information from Basic Rights Oregon.

There will be a vigil at the Q Center from 5:30pm to 7pm On January 2nd. The address is 69 SE Taylor Ave at SE Water Ave.

Though personally I'd like to see folks taking this to the streets I know many feel safer in a queer space among other queers & allies. I guess I just don't want it to seem like Oregon LGBTQ2S folks are rolling over and taking this. But I'll be at the vigil all the same, with my beloved.

Stay tuned to Just Out's Blog for updates on this heartbreaking situation.

I wish for all of us who planned on participating in legal domestic partnership on Wednesday a peaceful night & happy, hopeful, loving New Year!

Peace!

~F

My Heart is Happy

Despite the fact that I look slightly stoned in this pic, I'm happy. My love and I had a great holiday and I just feel so grateful to the powers that be for putting us together.

Today I'm also happy Christmas for '07 is over. Time to get started on other projects. Peace y'all!
~F

A Year!

Today marks one year since my beloved & I hung out together for the first time. We didn't know then that a mere 5 months later we'd be engaged. We didn't know we'd fall so in love that we knew we wanted to not only spend the rest of our lives together on this earth, but in the great beyond as well.

I was just coming off the heels of one relationship & very much not looking to start anything with anyone. Though I was saddened by the break up & remained hopeful & grateful for the opportunity to learn yet more about myself in that coupling. In fact the person I had been seeing was not so sure about breaking up & I felt confused too as these things are hard. But I knew in my heart it was over.

What was most wild was that while I was with this former lover, the last couple months of our relationship, my coworker and pal was beginning to distract me terribly, but not in any kind of sexual or romantic way. We just had such a great time talking with each other every Sunday at work that at times I had to stay late to correct mistakes I had made from our intriguing conversations. I began to wonder why, week after week I was having such a hard time staying on task at work when she was around. And being the good addict I can be, I decided to ignore it, in effect a state of denial, because after I had a girlfriend and I don't cheat (anymore).

My sweetheart and I went to Crush and got approached by some dude that was the brother of the DJ. Finally we made our way to Holocene a smoke free club in town for a night called Double Down, a lesbian themed event. Despite the fact that my sweetie & I can't stand typical lesbian bars and dance nights we decided to take a chance on it. We didn't dance much because the DJ wasn't very good. But I had requested "It Takes Two" by Rob Base & we did get down for a few moments. Later another song came on that she really likes & so she danced on her own as I tried not to stare at her.

There was no helping watching her on the dance floor. The way her body moved reminded my of many things and I found myself utterly enchanted. It was the first time I really looked at her as a sexual being. It was the first time I realized I could very much make love to this woman. And I found myself overwhelmed & temporarily at a loss for words or thought.

More than that moment of attraction was the ease in which are relating took place. Though we both were nervous we found a way to talk to one another and share things we hadn't shared with others before. We were more than getting along. We were connecting.

And the rest is history as they say. Soon to follow were slow kisses, hungry sex, talking for hours on the phone, meeting her mom, getting engaged, moving in together and so much real, spirit filled love. So much laughter and so much fun we have! I can't thank the powers that be enough for bringing this amazing creature into my life. How very good it is to at long last have, as Mary J. Blige says real love. Here now are some words we exchanged today. And a couple of goofy pics. Peace!

Frances,
Happy 16th! This is the day that we first hung out together and look where it lead us. I am happy that we are taking this path together and I look forward to our future as a couple! You are my other half and I am so glad that I found you. I love you Frances! Your Wolfie

My best friend & best lover-
I'm amazed by our connection. The last year means more than I can say. So glad we took a chance on each other a year ago. To our future together and the grace of the universe to guide us along the way.
Your Little Bear

Brief Break/Hot Sex

I took a brief blogging break for several reasons.

1. I had a nasty sinus infection that made me too tired to think.
2. I was on my period & could give a rip.

But I'm back now & should blog every other day or so as usual.

So since I couldn't finish NaBloPoMo I figured my readers deserved a treat. Here it is y'all. A sexy sex tale. And a real one at that!

So my beloved & I had recently gone like, a whole freakin' month without really getting it on. We made out of course & had a couple attempts at coitus that didn't work out due to what was going on with my crotch. We had a few mutual masturbation sessions but no real doin' it.

The reason was that I had something called Bacterial Vaginosis. It's not an STD but one can get it like one sometimes. Which WAS NOT the case with me. I just simply had too much or too few of the right/wrong bacteria and had an unpleasant infection. I knew something with my cooter was not quite right so I made an appointment with my doctor. Which had to later be cancelled. It was rescheduled and then had to for some reason I can't remember reschedule again!

Finally I had my appointment and got diagnosed & was prescribed antibiotics that of course wiped out all the good flora or whatever I needed for a happy vagina & gave me a severe yeast infection. And as the horrible infection faded I then got my period. Then I got sick. Needless to say my sweetheart & I were due for some serious body slappin'!

So last night at long last we had some time alone. My sinuses were under control & nothing funky was in my crotch whatsoever. The funny thing was despite all of our affection & sweetness during my month of hot crotch I felt terribly shy yesterday. And she did too because we had that whole looking at each other smiling, then looking away thing that happened when we first got together.

After flirting and talking with desire behind our eyes she asked me if I'd like to make out. I of course said yes because my mama didn't raise no fool. Candles were lit, lights turned down and dogs were put to bed. I sat on our cream colored couch waiting for her to sit by my side. When she did I felt tingles run through my arms & chest and had the excitement of a first make out session in my quickly beating heart. Our kisses were tender & slow. I made sure to breathe in her air & focus my attention to the feel of her lips upon mine. My whole body felt like a live wire of sensation because when she put her hands upon my back to hold me closer, I felt the energy of those hands into my calves and feet.

After a nice long session of kissing mouths, necks, arms & hands we got frisky and started nibbling at each other and groping with closed eyes for each others breasts.

I realized after a while that I needed to pee and so I smiled into her brightness and went to the bathroom. It was nice at long last to know that I was a-okay for whatever our night may bring us sexually. And I was damn wet too!

We eventually moved to our bedroom and with our open eyes close to each others and our hearts even closer, we finally made love. It was passionate, playful, intimate, yummy, long lasting and soulful.

At one point we held onto each other chest to chest so tight and for so long that I felt emotional. And when she was at last inside me I wanted her to stay there forever. Best was coming together while we told each other we loved one another. It was a lovely night. One of our best yet. And definitely worth the wait!

Peace y'all!

My Best Friend

Before I get into my topic du jour I wanted to give props to a couple blogs I recently discovered. One is a pick from the Blogs of Note category on Blogger called Attitude of Gratitude. It's a great blog with beautiful pictures, lovely quotes and a list of things the author is grateful for. Even if a person is not in recovery I think there is much to appreciate on it. The next blog is a very sweet one called Queer Love. It's kinda like a Post Secret for queers. It's basically letters to & from fellow homo's & it's refreshing. And now onto my topic!

I have some truly remarkable people in my life. Folks I can call best friends. I have one in Minnesota who I've been friends with since I was 12 years old. Every time we visit it's as if we've never been apart. She resides in my psychic space and can trust that she will always be in my life. I have another wonderful best friend who has been in my life just over 2 years. We've journeyed through new sobriety together and have talked about everything from sex to money to manicures. She is someone whom I can tell the truth and she knows my heart. Another dear dear friend is a saucy curmudgeon who I can gossip with and go dancing with. We celebrate important things together & he keeps me from getting too whimsical in my general philosophies. I know he doesn't understand every motive of mine, but he's loved me through my most yucky mistakes. That's a true friend.

And now I have another person I can call a best friend. She is patient, loyal, sweet, feisty and has the kindest soul I've ever met. She's one of those people we consider angels who walk among us. She's my partner, lover & wife to be. Not only do I love her as my significant other but I love her most for her friendship. She accepts me as I am yet encourages my potential. We can have fun anywhere we go. We talk about every goofy & meaningful subject there is. We dance around each other with glee & share so many common interests. It's not always easy to find a good friend. And a best friend is a rare treasure. When you can share the depths of your heart and know the other will hold it safe, and that you hold them sacred in your own heart too, that's a damn miracle. I have that with my beloved. I have that with all my best friends.

So today I celebrate best friends. People who tell the truth, share struggles & triumphs, people who love us unconditionally but with good boundaries. Our friends who are dedicated to us by a bond stronger than blood. I'm grateful for these gifts!

~F

Date Night

My sweetheart & I were in need of a date. To my surprise we spontaneously had one last night & boy was it great! After looking at the movie section of the ol' Willamette Week I saw that there was a horror comedy double feature at the Clinton Street Theater and called my beloved to see if she wanted to go. She said yes and we made plans for dinner before the movies.

The plans for dinner fell through though in a the best way. We were going to go to the grocery store and make hot dog roll ups but instead decided to use a coupon we got in our mailbox for the queer owned restaurant Wild Abandon. We went in time for their happy hour so we got our meals for even cheaper, but let me say there was nothing cheap about our food. My love had a burger because she is a burger connoisseur. It was very good and though it didn't come with french fries as she's accustomed it came with a most delicious side of au gratin potatoes. I had the baked ziti.

For some odd reason I thought it would have tomato sauce as I usually prefer that to cream sauces. It had a creamy 3 cheese sauce and despite my usual distaste for such creamy madness this dish was amazing! I mean I still can't get over it. Their ziti was hands down the best meal I've had this year! It had tender scallops with the noodles and buttery bread crumbs on top. I think you can look at a pic of the dish here. I couldn't stop raving or eating the dish despite my ever increasingly full stomach. And when the noodles, scallops & bread crumbs were gone I grabbed a spoon and tried to scrape every last bit of the cream sauce out of the bowl. Truly this was a dish to write home about and for the rock bottom, happy hour price of $8 bucks. Cannot wait to have it again!

After our fabulous meal we were off to the Clinton Street Theater for a double feature of the films Murder Party and Blood Car. Both movies were fun but Murder Party was our favorite. Blood Car had a few good laughs and had a definite political message about U.S. Americans addiction to fuel. There was a scene where the protagonist was a vegan yet eating meat ribs that was a hoot. And the very last scene was frighteningly funny. Murder Party won me over because it was really funny throughout and had some serious scares. So many of the characters were ridiculous and yet very real. And the movie did a great job of making fun of avant garde art scene which as someone who has been in the art world, was happy to see that others got how phony some of the folks can be. If you're into comedy and horror I highly recommend both films but if you could only afford one, go with Murder Party.

After the films we walked home in the fog before Midnight. It was a dreamy kind of feel hearing the trees abandoned leaves rustle beneath our feet and not being able to see further than a block away. It was one of those evenings where I was not only grateful to not be by myself, but more than that, I was grateful for the wonderful person on such an adventure with me. It makes life that much sweeter!

Peace!
~F

Halloween/Sad/Pics

I'll start with the sad. I'm missing my girl. She's currently on her was to Idaho for her grandfathers funeral. We have never been apart longer than a day for at least the last 6 months. I'm lucky really. To find & be with someone I enjoy spending so much time with. My mind tells me to be grateful that I miss her rather than happy I have some time to myself. I don't know what the heck has happened to me. Before her I always needed my space, my time. I had loneliness but enjoyed being alone a heck of a lot too. Now all I feel inside in the moment is longing. A sadness. I miss her even though we awoke together this morning. What a sap!

So anyway it's also Halloween today, obviously. Samhain. Many believe that every year this is the time when the veil between the living & the dead is at it's thinnest. Perhaps this is why I feel so moody today as well. This morning while I prayed I asked the spirits to watch over those I love who have passed. My own grandfather, Aunt Hetty, Aunt Monica, Uncle Frank, Christine, Mike, Francois & Laura. I miss & love them all.

I'm excited to hand out candy tonight and the house is decorated with small pumpkins, a large scary faced pumpkin, yellow plastic caution tape and a handmade Frankenstein face. It should be a fun night watching CBS mysteries and eating sugar.

So here are a few pics. One I took yesterday on my walk with my new camera phone. And me in costume today. I'm calling my character Agnes. Don't ask why. Also one of my wonderful cat Bebes with the Frankenstein face.
Peace!


~F

A Personal Photo

I know my most recent posts have been mostly pics and today is no exception. Today is the first day I got out of bed & didn't fall back in so a longer more substantial post will come soon. Until then I thought I'd post a personal photo. No not personal like that. Just a pic of me & my beloved. All the photos of her on this blog have been sun glassed or the side of her head or perhaps a tooth. With her blessing I wish to introduce you all to her beautiful handsome face.

My love & I last Sunday at our friends wedding. Though I have been in many a photo with past partners & lovers I think this is the first pic I'm in with someone where it's so obvious I'm totally in love. And I can't help gushing... I really am! Peace!

~F

Home...

is where the heart is. And my home is with my beloved. That being said I'm all moved in & domestically partnered now. Our first night with all my stuff in what is now our place was last night. It was a night full of everything a home life with a partner should be: a little kissing, a very pointless argument over where a Cat Stevens poster would hang & a movie with Jack Nicholson being basically evil (The Departed). Ahh love!

Seriously though I just felt so damn content this morning. I'm so in love. So happy to finally found the woman it seemed like I had waited for, for like ever. We work in the same place & live in the same place & I still miss her when she's not around. Don't get me wrong here. I like my space. I am an only child after all. But my girl is such an amazing, true & fun person! And the best part is that before we got together I laid down the ground work to be able to be with her & be good to her & myself at the same time. Not an easy task for a recovering drunk!

Finally I'm ready & able to love while walking somewhat gracefully through the fear. Finally my heart is clear & open to true love. Our love is epic. That may sound egotistical but it's true. Our romance is more than just about now. It's about forever. How very grateful I am to the powers that be. I'm committed to her & to us. Now if only we could organize the bathroom!

Peace!
~F

Dear God I'm Still Up!

Not asleep. Can't sleep. I think it's because I'm not with my girl tonight. Were on the phone late talking about each other with each other. We mention our late night sexy thoughts. Oh man I miss her right now!

We leave this week for our first vacation together. A road trip where I'll meet many of her family members. I'm not too nervous about meeting her peeps. Just hope we all get along & can make me a part of their family too. Am excited to get away & have some alone time with my girl on the road. Tomorrow I start packing, Hope I don't forget anything!

We get back from vacation & then we shack up August 1st. Okay time for bed!
~F

Cuz I'm so in LOVE/Erase Racism Carnival/White Privilage

Geez my posting has fallen behind a bit. It's not my fault really cuz I'm so in love. Man I mean damn! Oh I really could go on & on & on & on but I don't want to make anyone barf. It's just so excellent to finally find the person who fits. It's not just because she's so great- which she is. It's feels as though she & I we're made for each other. Yes we have other things in our lives we're meant to do and yet we just are totally... uhh I just can't even articulate it here. It's just so beautiful & amazing & I'm so greateful to the powers that be for bringing us together. It seems as though I've waited my whole life & can now rest in the grace of our soulful romance.

Now onto the latest Erase Racism Carnival. This time it's at White anti-racist Parent. Some topics included are race in the media, race & immigration, Whitness & privilage and much more. Check it out.

And just for fun here are 50 ways in which white privilage effects white folks. Peggy McIntosh came up with this list and to read her more of her piece White Privilage: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack click here. Okay here we go...

1. I can if I wish arrange to be in the company of people of my race most of the time.
2. I can avoid spending time with people whom I was trained to mistrust and who have learned to mistrust my kind or me.
3. If I should need to move, I can be pretty sure of renting or purchasing housing in an area which I can afford and in which I would want to live.
4. I can be pretty sure that my neighbors in such a location will be neutral or pleasant to me.
5. I can go shopping alone most of the time, pretty well assured that I will not be followed or harassed.
6. I can turn on the television or open to the front page of the paper and see people of my race widely represented.
7. When I am told about our national heritage or about "civilization," I am shown that people of my color made it what it is.
8. I can be sure that my children will be given curricular materials that testify to the existence of their race.
9. If I want to, I can be pretty sure of finding a publisher for this piece on white privilege.
10. I can be pretty sure of having my voice heard in a group in which I am the only member of my race.
11. I can be casual about whether or not to listen to another person's voice in a group in which s/he is the only member of his/her race.
12. I can go into a music shop and count on finding the music of my race represented, into a supermarket and find the staple foods which fit with my cultural traditions, into a hairdresser's shop and find someone who can cut my hair.
13. Whether I use checks, credit cards or cash, I can count on my skin color not to work against the appearance of financial reliability.
14. I can arrange to protect my children most of the time from people who might not like them.
15. I do not have to educate my children to be aware of systemic racism for their own daily physical protection.
16. I can be pretty sure that my children's teachers and employers will tolerate them if they fit school and workplace norms; my chief worries about them do not concern others' attitudes toward their race.
17. I can talk with my mouth full and not have people put this down to my color.
18. I can swear, or dress in second hand clothes, or not answer letters, without having people attribute these choices to the bad morals, the poverty or the illiteracy of my race.
19. I can speak in public to a powerful male group without putting my race on trial.
20. I can do well in a challenging situation without being called a credit to my race.
21. I am never asked to speak for all the people of my racial group.
22. I can remain oblivious of the language and customs of persons of color who constitute the world's majority without feeling in my culture any penalty for such oblivion.
23. I can criticize our government and talk about how much I fear its policies and behavior without being seen as a cultural outsider.
24. I can be pretty sure that if I ask to talk to the "person in charge", I will be facing a person of my race.
25. If a traffic cop pulls me over or if the IRS audits my tax return, I can be sure I haven't been singled out because of my race.
26. I can easily buy posters, post-cards, picture books, greeting cards, dolls, toys and children's magazines featuring people of my race.
27. I can go home from most meetings of organizations I belong to feeling somewhat tied in, rather than isolated, out-of-place, outnumbered, unheard, held at a distance or feared.
28. I can be pretty sure that an argument with a colleague of another race is more likely to jeopardize her/his chances for advancement than to jeopardize mine.
29. I can be pretty sure that if I argue for the promotion of a person of another race, or a program centering on race, this is not likely to cost me heavily within my present setting, even if my colleagues disagree with me.
30. If I declare there is a racial issue at hand, or there isn't a racial issue at hand, my race will lend me more credibility for either position than a person of color will have.
31. I can choose to ignore developments in minority writing and minority activist programs, or disparage them, or learn from them, but in any case, I can find ways to be more or less protected from negative consequences of any of these choices.
32. My culture gives me little fear about ignoring the perspectives and powers of people of other races.
33. I am not made acutely aware that my shape, bearing or body odor will be taken as a reflection on my race.
34. I can worry about racism without being seen as self-interested or self-seeking.
35. I can take a job with an affirmative action employer without having my co-workers on the job suspect that I got it because of my race.
36. If my day, week or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether it had racial overtones.
37. I can be pretty sure of finding people who would be willing to talk with me and advise me about my next steps, professionally.
38. I can think over many options, social, political, imaginative or professional, without asking whether a person of my race would be accepted or allowed to do what I want to do.
39. I can be late to a meeting without having the lateness reflect on my race.
40. I can choose public accommodation without fearing that people of my race cannot get in or will be mistreated in the places I have chosen.
41. I can be sure that if I need legal or medical help, my race will not work against me.
42. I can arrange my activities so that I will never have to experience feelings of rejection owing to my race.
43. If I have low credibility as a leader I can be sure that my race is not the problem.
44. I can easily find academic courses and institutions which give attention only to people of my race.
45. I can expect figurative language and imagery in all of the arts to testify to experiences of my race.
46. I can chose blemish cover or bandages in "flesh" color and have them more or less match my skin.
47. I can travel alone or with my spouse without expecting embarrassment or hostility in those who deal with us.
48. I have no difficulty finding neighborhoods where people approve of our household.
49. My children are given texts and classes which implicitly support our kind of family unit and do not turn them against my choice of domestic partnership.
50. I will feel welcomed and "normal" in the usual walks of public life, institutional and social.

Why Marriage Equality is Important to Me

I'm not going to sugarcoat this. I never wanted to get legally married. Not until now. Not until I found the love I had waited so very long for. And now I see the importance of marriage & why civil unions/domestic partnerships are not enough.

For many years I ran around saying "screw legal marriage, everyone should just do domestic partnerships." I believed it with all my heart & still very much feel it's a great way to go. It is not necessary to get legally married. Lawyers can draw up papers so that most things in a marriage can apply to a union. So why have I changed my mind for myself?

I suddenly understand what deep love means & how important it is to protect it to the fullest extent possible. Legal marriage makes this possible. To want your partner & family to have as many provisions as possible to keep the family sustained & healthy is an appropriate response to such strong feelings. Don't get me wrong, legal marriage in and of itself can't keep a family from harm, divorce or problems. But when love is right & life is tough, legal marriage can help. Take for instance, the two things our state (Oregon) with it's domestic partnership legislation doesn't cover: after death benefits & immigration.

• As noted in the Willamette Week article written by Byron Beck legal domestic partnerships would still leave a surviving partner unable to receive the deceased partners social security benefits. You could be together for longer than a married couple but still not receive the dead partners social security after death. I cannot even begin to fathom that my partner would not be able to get my social security benefits for one reason only: because she's female. If we have children & grandchildren I would want them along with my beloved to be able to receive all the monies that I worked my ass off for. It would be the way I would want it & legal marriage provides for that. Not having access to that is not only unfair but unjust & discriminatory.


• Immigration and love. Yes the two happen! If the bill Gov. Kulongoski signed goes through it still means that if a US citizen falls in love with someone from another country, even Canada, the partner wishing to immigrate here would not be able to. This means a mixed citizenship couple could be physically torn apart at any time because the non-citizen could be deported. Legal marriage protects against this & keeps the couple together.

Let's not forget that all the other benefits that legalized domestic partnership would afford a couple would not be carried on to any other state. Only legal marriage for all partners in all states would guarantee a couple all the benefits & provisions no matter where in the US they go.

The love I feel for my partner is so strong that I want her to be able to get all the help & comfort possible. Legal marriage provides help and shows to all that our commitment is so strong that we feel the privileges marriage affords are not to be taken lightly but are cherished & to be used to benefit the family to make us better so we can better for others. That the benefits of legalized marriage can be used to enhance our comfort so we can be better citizens of our country of the heart & the country we're supposedly equal to all, in. Is saving money by filing joint taxes, getting each others social security after death & being recognized as lifelong partners legally important? Hell yes! Relationships no matter how wonderful are work. The labor of love is important work that benefits the individual, couple & all around them A real & deep commitment to stay together no matter what is one of the most important things a person can do & it's extremely serious. If the law can provide a bit of ease for a couple with some tax breaks & post death financial support than so be it. Our country should support real love between two people and legal marriage makes that possible.

Same sex marriage does not interest me. Marriage equality does. To me this issue is not about the right for gays & lesbians to get married. It's about stopping discrimination based on gender or the sex of our partners. The size, shape & appearance of one's genitals is not the determining factor in commitment. It's that a union between two people who care deeply for another is worth the seriousness of lifelong togetherness. And I believe even most married straight couples would agree that they married their partners for love & not solely for what is in their pants.

Peace!
~F

Super Huge oh so Wonderful Fantastic News!!!!!

I'm getting married!!!!!!

Oh-my-gosh I can't even begin to articulate how thrilled & in love & am. A friend from Minnesota recently asked for our story after I revealed the news & after explaining how we got together I summed us up by saying simply "she feels like home." And she does in the best way!

A couple weeks before she asked I was walking & realized there was no one else I could or would want to be with for the rest of my life. It wasn't a shock to understand such deep knowledge & feelings, just a wonderful realization that I felt everywhere.

Here's a quick example of just one of the things that makes her so damn perfect for me. Last night after we broke the news to my roommate we went outside to look at the full Moon. Suddenly we both got the idea to moon the people going by from the driveway. Yes that's right she pulled down her pants, I pulled up my house dress & we mooned the drivers passing by. At one point she even smacked her bare ass & yelled "kiss this!" Oh we are sooooo meant for each other!

For the most part the people closest to us have been informed except our grandparents. Our mom's had the same reaction which was "you can't have the wedding without me" which we wouldn't dream of because family is really important to us both. The even more wonderful thing besides us finding each other is that everyone & everything seems to be going along beautifully! No one has said "are you crazy iyou have not been together long enough" which I'm pleasently suprised by. I guess the folks who know us & have seen us just get it too. That we're right for each other. It's a beautiful thing!

My best friend back home is designing the dress. Her first sketch was beautiful & my partner even dreamt of it last night! Kewl. We're finding locations we can afford that are outdoors & beautiful and know a lot of the right folks to help with all kinds of stuff from music to photographers. It's so amazing! Here's the 1st design!
Even my engagement ring is perfect. It's hard to see in this pic but it's simple & elegant with just enought bling & practicality to make it exactly what I need. Plus it works well with whatever rings we design (we've already found our designers who happen to be a lesbian couple in Oregon- what luck!) and my current wedding ring to myself.

So we're at this point planning for next summer. I could marry her today but I am a girl after all & have been dreaming of my wedding since I was young so I need time to plan without getting into a frenzy. And since we have a road trip next month to Idaho we can get our engagement pic somewhere on the road. Anyway I'm sharing this news with my readers because I'm planning to write about our upcoming nuptuials & hopefully help anyone who is queer & somewhat broke with wedding prep. And also because I love this woman & I want to tell the world at last I've found the One.

Kisses y'all!

~F

Busy Beaver!

That's me. Memorial day (observed) was a day to remember (har har). After the clouds burned off it was a beautiful & bright day in the City of Roses. My beloved & I were housesitting & had a lovely secluded backyard to sunbathe in the buff in. Ahh nothing like a warm sun kissed ass! Of course in a secluded backyard one has to engage in lots-o-hanky panky, which we did with great pleasure. Good times!

There's lot's of other stuff going on (all good things!) but I shall digress on spilling the beans today. Let me just say I'm a very happy camper!

Also let me say that I'm looking forward to this summer's Portland Gay Pride celebration! Me thinks this is the year I'll go topless in the dyke march. We'll see! Peace y'all!

Babies!

I wish my girlfriend could knock me up. That would be so cool.

When I look into Her Eyes I Feel Like This

Photo courtesy of Freedigitalphotos.net

So open & beautiful. Full of natures glory. I know I know. More vomit inducing sappiness but I can't help it. This woman is so amazing I just can't help it. Sometimes I get scared because I can hardly take in the beauty of our relationship. It's so many things, all good. And what I have to remember is what brought us together & believe in that source & trust it. Can't begin to describe what I feel for her. I just know that it is good and real and hope to nuture it for a long time!
Peace!
~F