Mildred Loving in Her Own Words

In honor of Mildred Loving who died on the 2nd of this month and California's reversal on banning same sex marriage, I'd like to post her statement on marriage equality in full. I think these words touch me in particular because I am queer & of color. Please enjoy!

Loving for All
By Mildred Loving
Prepared for delivery on June 12, 2007, on the 40th anniversary of the Loving vs. Virginia announcement

When my late husband, Richard, and I got married in Washington, D.C. in 1958, it wasn't to make a political statement or start a fight. We were in love and we wanted to be married. We didn't get married in Washington because we wanted to marry there. We did it there because the government wouldn't allow us to marry back home in Virginia where we grew up, where we met, where we fell in love and where we wanted to be together and build our family. You see, I am a woman of color and Richard was white, and at that time people believed it was okay to keep us from marrying because of their ideas of who should marry whom.

When Richard and I came back to our home in Virginia, happily married, we had no intention of battling over the law. We made a commitment to each other in our love and lives, and now had the legal commitment, called marriage, to match. Isn't that what marriage is?

Not long after our wedding, we were awakened in the middle of the night in our own bedroom by deputy sheriffs and actually arrested for the "crime" of marrying the wrong kind of person. Our marriage certificate was hanging on the wall above the bed.

The state prosecuted Richard and me, and after we were found guilty, the judge declared: “Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix.” He sentenced us to a year in prison, but offered to suspend the sentence if we left our home in Virginia for 25 years exile.

We left and got a lawyer. Richard and I had to fight, but still were not fighting for a cause. We were fighting for our love.

Though it turned out we had to fight, happily Richard and I didn't have to fight alone. Thanks to groups like the ACLU and the NAACP Legal Defense & Education Fund, and so many good people around the country willing to speak up, we took our case for the freedom to marry all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court. And on June 12, 1967, the Supreme Court ruled unanimously that, "The freedom to marry has long been recognized as one of the vital personal right is essential to the orderly pursuit of happiness by free men," a "basic civil right."

My generation was bitterly divided over something that should have been so clear and right. The majority believed that what the judge said, that it was God's plan to keep people apart, and that government should discriminate against people in love. But I have lived long enough now to see big changes. The older generation's fears and prejudices have given way, and today's young people realize that if someone loves someone they have a right to marry.

Surrounded as I am now by wonderful children and grandchildren, not a day goes by that I don't think of Richard and our love, our right to marry, and how much it meant to me to have that freedom to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the "wrong kind of person" for me to marry. I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to marry. Government has no business imposing some people’s religious beliefs over others. Especially if it denies people’s civil rights.

I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard's and my name is on a court case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment, the fairness, and the family that so many people, black or white, young or old, gay or straight seek in life. I support the freedom to marry for all.

That's what Loving, and loving, are all about.

Women in the Congo Benefit

My pal Jamie organized this event & my pal Nate Ashley will be playing there. If you live in or near Portland please join us at Plan B (1305 SE 8th St ) on April 24th. Women in the Congo get raped every day by "soldiers" with various items including wood chucks and bayonets which are not only psychologically damaging but can be damaging to reproductive health and can even result in death. The point of the assaults to to destroy these women and the Congolese government won't create a better justice system for perpetrators & worse some of the worst rapes are done by government troops.

So be a part of the healing and come to the benefit next Thursday starting at 8pm until 2am. Thank you for reading! Also if you belong to an area business & would like to donate a raffle prize, contact Jamie at delia.sailed@gmail.com.

Peace!

~F

Life is Good!

So much to celebrate! So much to do. And that means it's extra important to have down time to relax. So I've taken this Friday off to have a 3 day weekend and chill with my boo & meditate on the lovely changes that are coming into my life.

First things first. Pics of the rally for equality sponsored by BRO. I'm sorry it took so long to to get around to uploading them & they're not that great of pics, but you get the idea of how many folks stood in the rain to show they care about all families.

And of course best of all starting yesterday same sex couples are able to get civil unions! I don't really care for the term domestic partnerships so in the future I'll say civil union but y'all will know I mean "domestic" partnerships. My beloved & I are going to get legal at the end of the month! Yay!

The workshop I did for OSCC went well I think. Though I was nervous & as usual forgot entirely what I was talking about at one point, it seemed folks got was I was sharing for the most part & I hope I get asked back next year. Though I didn't get to see much at the conference due to friends coming into town from Pendleton, I had fun!

Tonight my brother in-law to be is coming over for a celebration of his 25th birthday. He doesn't know this but we have some suprises in store!

Okay so even more about me, soon you'll be able to see my name in lights! Okay not really but yesterday I got my first assignment from Just Out and will be writing for them on a regular basis. I'm really excited to stretch my wings & hopefully write things for my queer sisters & brothers in Oregon that they find interesting. March will be when my first article comes out so stay tuned!

Next week on valentines day the Q Center is having an event that is near & dear to me. QDocFest will be showing the film Brother Outsider at 7:30pm. The movie is about one of my all time favorite activists Bayard Rustin. He not only organized the well known March on Washington but had the courage to be an out gay Black male activist. His story deserves our attention so please stop by the Q Center on February 14th. What a way to experience the love & peace he has brought to us all by coming on down that night. Also I'll be there speaking on a panel about the queer Black experience. So ya know, please stop by!

Finally my best gal pal in Portland Zee made the cutest film of her dog Rennie running around chasing a remote controlled car. Too cute! Here it is.


I have not forgotten about featuring Sylvester or the awesome QWOC interview. They're a coming so stay with me. Hope all y'all and enjoying the glow of a little bit more equality this week. I know I am! Peace!
~F

Grief & Strength. Accepting the Loss of what January 2nd Could have Been

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. -Martin Luther King Jr.

For in the end, freedom is a personal and lonely battle; and one faces down fears of today so that those of tomorrow might be engaged. -Alice Walker

Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person. -Mother Teresa

Do exactly what you would do if you felt most secure. -Meister Eckhart

Let no man pull you low enough to hate him. -Martin Luther King Jr.

I'm not doing so great today. Started the day okay, feeling still numb but less in shock. Then I got to work and had co-workers asking me what happened with domestic partnerships and what we were going to do next. And the reason so many co-workers even know is because due to where I work we have something called a holiday "blackout" time where if a staff member needs a day off before January 8th, the person has to either call out or find another staff member to switch shifts. So I had to make a plea to other staff members to switch that day (January 2nd) for one of my regular days off. I really didn't want most of the workplace to even know my business, but I had to find someone to switch shifts so my sweetheart & I could get up early, get legally partnered, and then celebrate.

So the feeling with co-workers asking me about it was one of embarrassment in a way. Like my personal life was on political display for folks I don't really need involved. And the other feeling is grief & loss. Just plain sadness. Trying to stride on in my normal work day I had to get to the bathroom to break down in tears. I'm sweaty and can't eat. The whole thing is really upsetting.

Always in my life I have overcome. Being a queer woman of color I have no choice or else I succumb to the evil of prejudice that wishes me dead. And I know that this ordeal will pass because things always do, but I just can't seem to shake the utter despair of being less than equal today. I'm just so sick of being a minority right now. I'm sick of folks who don't care & folks who don't have to care. I'm sick of one minority group hating another. I'm sick of folks within their own minority group not giving a shit. Many people care, I know this. My own mom reminded me that allies & good people are working hard for equality right this very moment. But when I go around the town today & see folks smiling & laughing & not even phased I just feel... a temporary hopelessness.

There is anger here too. I'm angry so many of my fellow queers choose to sit with their thumb up their arses then get in the streets & make it known to all we are equal. Yesterday I checked Portland's Indy media & other local web sources & there was nothing. No-thing. And yes there will be vigils but where's the passion. Where's the fire or hope even to demand we be treated, by the government who makes us pay the same taxes, equally.

And for the hate mongers who think that their god is better their everyone else's and can't understand what the point of having queers be equal is, I just want to ... I don't even know. Can it be explained that we are just people? Just regular ol' folks who just want the same protections that they already have. We don't wish to take away even one right from them. Don't they know we just want some peace and nothing special at all. Just the same ability to move through the world without having to watch our backs every 5 seconds.

To the allies who remain silent: please speak up! Speak the words we need to hear. That equality is important to you!
To my l/g/b/t/2s family: Don't be afraid to speak up & take action even if you immediate circle doesn't understand. You will connect with those who get it and your strength will shine so others can stand up too.
To our Queer leaders: Know we cannot just settle for less. That this is the time to fight. That doesn't mean violence or hateful actions but a new creativity that will get into the hearts of those who need to see, hear & feel what is the truth of our situations.
For myself: I'll not give up. I'll not sit & wait. I'll speak up even if my fellow queers don't like it. My place is in this world at this time & that cannot for naught. I won't be run over or run down by prejudice. I will rest when I need to & continue to take action for myself & others to be full citizens of not only Oregon or the United States, but also the world. Get ready people. You haven't seen nothing yet!
~F

Here's a little musical salve from the late Tupac. Peace!

The Bubble Hath Burst: Domestic Partnership on Hold in Oregon

Photo courtesy of unprofound and edited by me

The news came to me later than it did for others in the blogosphere. I didn't find out until my beloved called me at Noon today to share what our lesbian boss told her. That January 2nd we will not be able to get a legal partnership in Oregon.

Truthfully I'm so shocked I can hardly even speak or think. I knew there was a possibility that there could be a delay but I figured the possibility had the odds of like, getting struck by lightening. Fuk.

What happened was a conservative "christian" group called The Alliance Defense Fund filed a suit against the State of Oregon & Bill Bradbury (our Secretary of State) claiming that some signatures on referendum petitions against domestic partnerships were tossed out unfairly and that the people whose signatures were considered invalid should have been properly notified. In order for there to be a delay to the domestic partnerships going legal on January 2nd the plaintiffs needed to prove that signing a petition is the same as signing a voting ballot and that the law passing would incur irreparable harm and also that the ADF in the end would likely win their case.

Yesterday Judge Michael Mosman presided over the case (also called a preliminary injunction). It was what the Portland Mercury called "a secret weapon" that convinced Mosman to issue a temporary restraining order (TRO) from DP laws going in effect on the 2nd. The weapon was a case in Idaho where it was ruled signing a petition was the same as voting. Therefore Mosman decided that signatures on a petition were fundamental right and by putting a hold on January 2nd's domestic partnership laws he was preventing irreparable harm.

In reaction to how this case has turned out so far there has been a lot of support by others within the Oregon and or Queer community around this disappointment.

Kendall Clawson, the executive director of the Q Center said "Unfortunately, our fight for domestic partnership may not be over, yet I truly believe that those that opposed this amendment have underestimated the strength of our community and the power of love and respect for others that drives us. As the sun comes up and we begin planning our next steps, I have decided that I will not give away another minute of sleep pondering the negative aspects of this situation. Conversely, I will work to acknowledge, appreciate and derive strength from all of the people that tirelessly work to bring us together as a community rather than tear us apart."

Crallspace wrote an open letter to the Alliance Defence Fund and asks "Why take the beacon that many look to for inspiration, hope and goodwill and shine its dark side? With all the problems that face our world today, homosexuals are your scapegoat; you have a heyday on folks that may have been the subject of the verse, "As you have done it to these the least of my brethren, you have done it unto Me." (Matt 25:40) As much as you think Christianity is persecuted and outlawed for obnoxious reasons, how do you think homosexuals feel about your work?"

Multnomah County Commissioner Jeff Cogen noted for us all that "Daily, we are reminded that the quest for equality continues and it is up to us to push forward principles of acceptance, fairness and justice. I hope this issue is resolved soon and we can get to the business of equality - for all."

Jack Bogdanski at Jack Bog's blog made a great point that "...once again, the electoral process in this country is showing itself to be badly, badly deficient. Not only can't we count votes securely and honestly -- we can't even agree on how to check the signatures on the petitions by which we decide what we'll be voting on. Nearly every election -- even every potential election -- turns out to be a lawsuit. It's a disgrace."

For more information on all this go here and here for information from Basic Rights Oregon.

There will be a vigil at the Q Center from 5:30pm to 7pm On January 2nd. The address is 69 SE Taylor Ave at SE Water Ave.

Though personally I'd like to see folks taking this to the streets I know many feel safer in a queer space among other queers & allies. I guess I just don't want it to seem like Oregon LGBTQ2S folks are rolling over and taking this. But I'll be at the vigil all the same, with my beloved.

Stay tuned to Just Out's Blog for updates on this heartbreaking situation.

I wish for all of us who planned on participating in legal domestic partnership on Wednesday a peaceful night & happy, hopeful, loving New Year!

Peace!

~F

Exploring my Own Transphobia

After reading about a prisoner in the Oregon prison system that recently castrated herself by using her fingernails to severe her own testicles, and the awful comments I've seen related to the story I felt it important to explore my own transphobia in a post. So here we go....

The truth is that in my past I've been transphobic. I don't admit this joyfully. Dislike comes naturally within myself when I have any prejudice towards any one person or group. It's a yucky thing made worse by the very prejudice I've experienced by others. So I'm not proud of my past transphobia. But I also want to say that whenever a prejudice is realized, I look at it & explore it. Trying to find a way to love myself & accept my human fallibility, while improving my serenity & being of service to other folks.

In the mid 90's it seemed like I was meeting more and more female to male transitioning people. Though I had known many men who dressed in drag in the late 80's and then men who transitioned to women in the early 90's, FTM's we're new to my consciousness and blew up on my "I don't know about this" radar. When I say I was transphobic, I was actually particularly troubled by women transitioning to men.

The root of this dislike towards FTM's specifically was a false (however real it seemed at the time) sense of betrayal. That these folks no longer wanted to be women meant they wanted male privilege and were therefore anti-woman. That they wanted to join the oppressor instead of fighting with the oppressed. A male knowing deep inside she was female made sense. I rationalized that after all women are amazing and really who wouldn't want to have that connection to life. So one group of transitioning people I honored while the other group I vilified quietly in my head. Never did I make public statements about my prejudice as I knew better than to expose my anger toward anyone.

My anger came from sadness and ego. My sadness at misogyny and the confinement of women's freedom's over the years was understandable, but I had blamed the wrong target. FTM's were not responsible for sexism against women. Sure some FTM's have been sexist. But so have other folks who claimed to love and identify as women. I can't tell you how many sad scenes of violence erupted at a local lesbian bar back in the day, between supposed lovers. Even I have had some less than respectful behavior toward those of my own gender. Anyone can give crap to a woman. That indeed is genderless.

My ego though wanted to have an answer to that which I didn't yet grasp about trans folks. My ego decided that FTM's thought they were better than what womanhood represented. That they were better than me. I justified my ego by thinking that if brown people took pills & had surgery to become white they'd be obviously prejudiced so why should trans person's be any different?

Also is the fact that I'm most attracted to biological women who display what I consider to be masculine qualities. This added to my thinking that these men were wasting their gifts of natural sexiness to become men. Maybe I just wanted everyone I thought was hot to myself.

The journey away from rationalizations and justification came about 6 years ago when I had a coworker who was a transitioning male. He was of course at first subjected to my ridiculous ideas until I got to know him. It was as if a physical barrier to knowing someones heart started to lift. Now don't get me wrong here. I don't think knowing, befriending or even dating someone from a different minority group makes one automatically not prejudiced against that group. But being willing to get to know someone beyond our own silly ideas of them can be a start.

As this coworker became a friend I encountered more trans men and of course found each individual to be just that. Individual. As my mom would say- duh! My friend let me ask questions and like anyone else, did not speak for trans folks as a whole. Just his life and who he is and what we had in common, which was a lot. In fact he became less and less my "trans friend" and just a friend. He, to this day, I believe is one of those angels who walks the earth in human flesh. But that's besides the point.

I had to come to realize that transitioning is different for each person. That the trans experience is as vast in range as the queer experience. That each of us regardless of how our bodies look when were born are on a journey toward ourselves and each other. I had to learn that I needed to change my thinking. And thank goodness it did change. There have been some good people in my life, that have some different and similar experiences that we do & don't share.

I can't explain what motivates each transitioning/transitioned person. Some folks I've known simply felt deep inside they were inside a body that was the wrong gender. One friend took testosterone to simply enhance their already masculine identity but had no plans to ever get any type of surgery. Someone else I knew somehow thought his way into facial and body hair and even a receding hairline. He had not one hormone or alteration to his body by modern science. Yet his desire to be his true self alone made him more himself. A few friends have had chest surgery and not much else. Only one person I know has taken T (testosterone) and had upper and lower surgery. So the variety here is as great as the lovely shades of skin among the peoples of the world.

Today I'm grateful for the opportunity to transcend my own prejudice and have not just more tolerance but love for all of HP's people. Amen to that!
For more on trans issues read this great post by Holly about what being trans means to her.
Peace!
~F

This is What Passes as News? And Communist Medicine

Okay so first off this fool was on Fox Sleeze News, so I take that with a grain of salt. All I can say is God help us all if this is what passes as news. I cannot believe folks take this shit seriously. And too boot if you watch the video, this dude uses the term Chinese instead of Asian. Not all Asian folks are Chinese people! Clearly we live in a time where intelligence is not a prerequisite for a discussion of work, people or ethics. *sigh*

On a side note my good pal Zee had a good post today on the history of health care in the U.S. of A. Check it out here. One for instance that I didn't know is that Former Prez Truman wanted Universal health care for all citizens. The American Medical Association (AMA) said it was a communist plot. *sigh* *sigh*
Peace!
~F

They're No Friends of Mine. Why a Vote for Obama, Clinton or Edwards is a Vote for Inequality

Please note: It's about to get all opinionated up in this blog and for good reason. I'm known for "saying it like it is" and today is no exception.

If you support any of the current popular democratic candidates for president then you are against the founding principals of this country and against human rights for all U.S. American citizens. That's right! Am I being black and white on this? You bet! Why am I saying all this? Because of one extremely important reason:

Marriage Equality

This isn't about same sex marriage. This isn't about gays being able to get married. The truth is not everyone in a same sex relationship is gay. Not everyone who is gay falls in love with someone of the same sex either. Love happens regardless of sex or gender identification. As I always say the size and shape of one's genitals are never the main reason someone wants to marry or start a family with another. And not all gays want to get married per se either. But I don't know of one queer person who doesn't want 100% equal rights.

Sure these candidates show some support towards l/g/b/t/2s folks. Hillary Clinton believes the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy is a matter of national security and wants to fix it. She supports equal benefit legislation and anti-hate crime legislation. She even has gay friends! She proved that when she addressed the HRC. Barack Obama opposes a constitution ban on "gay" marriage. Thinks homosexuals (god could his language be more annoying?) should have the same adoption rights and is concerned about AIDS worldwide. John Edwards would support a federal law protecting all people from job discrimination. He also believes in equal immigration rights. One interesting thing to note about Edwards is his willingness to discuss his internal conflict about marriage equality. I like his honesty & willingness to explore his heart about it. It should also be noted his wife Elizabeth Edwards disagrees with him and supports marriage rights for all.

Yet not one of these candidates support marriage equality. They all support civil unions. But here's the gipper, marriage and civil unions are not the same. And even though all the democratic candidates support federal benefits for same sex couples, access to survivor benefits and equal taxes for same sex couples, only Dennis Kucinich and Mike Gravel support full equality for all. Here's a great fact sheet about about where each democratic candidate stands on all these issues.

Here's the deal: our constitution guarantees equality for all. Not just a majority or minority. It doesn't say "everyone is equal but those who want to get married to someone of the same sex." No it says The Citizens of each State shall be entitled to all Privileges and Immunities of Citizens in the several States. And here's the 14th Amendment if you are unclear what Article Four, Section Two said: All persons born or naturalized in the United States and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

Now let's just for a moment go back in history and consider this example. Now I know some folks hate it when racial minority civil rights get compared to current l/g/b/t/2s rights but I think this example is appropriate. Lets just say that in 1964 when the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was signed it also said "citizen racial minorities will have all equal privileges or immunities except in marriage where they shall have civil unions instead." Do you think for one minute that would be okay? Sure a few would say "well that's fair because they're still 2nd class citizens to me." But there would be quite a fight for full equality as civil unions would be considered not full rights and therefore unacceptable & unconstitutional. Even if the law was "racial minorities can marry each other but only have civil unions to Caucasians" that kind of law would still be considered less than separate but equal.

But wait some say. The bible says...... Well folks lets not forget separation of church and state. Umm no that phrase is not actually in the constitution but the 1st Amendment says: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof. This means that everyone is free to believe what they want and carry out those beliefs within their own religion. It does not mean one's religion gets to determine federal and state law. It does not mean one's religion trumps any citizens basic rights. Also remember folks, the bible was used to justify slavery back in the day.

In conclusion we must acknowledge that if we wish to call ourselves true Americans we must also vote in the ways our constitution. We must support presidential candidates who honor the American value of equality and therefore honor not only the original constitution but also the 1st and 14th Amendments. These are our laws. They are not in anyway an out for one group to have more rights and privileges than another. Obama, Clinton and Edwards are not only not patriots because of their stance on marriage equality, they are also not worthy of our support when they don't support equality for all American citizens. It's as simple as that.

Peace!
~F

The United States Constitution Article 4, Section 2

The very first sentence reads:

The Citizens of each State shall be entitled to all Privileges and Immunities of Citizens in the several States.

I remember this when I think about marriage equality. I don't want special rights & privileges I want equality!

Peace!
~F

The above message was provided by a citizen of the United States of America