So Tired but I'm Giving Updates Anyway

At this moment I'm so tired. The reason is because I'm experiencing vaginal bleeding. TMI? You betcha! Anyway vaginal bleeding (aka my period) always makes me tired in the first few days. Plus it is after 10pm on a Sunday & I'm here at work off duty waiting for my fiance to get off work.

In a few days I shack up with my beloved. Right now I'm about half packed. All books are in boxes, most nick knacks & such. Clothing still needs to washed and packed or not washed but packed all the same. And I have a lot of damn clothes. The funny thing is that what is in my closet is simply my spring/summer wardrobe and not the other stuff. Yes one could say I'm lucky but it's my ever changing dress size that seems to dictate the quantity of my clothing.

Can't get into details here but this weekend I was at a certain 12 step meeting I shared about some feelings that I had worked through this week. Right after the meeting a person who I've known casually for a year or so came up to me & just spouted off his/her opinion about what I had just shared & what I should do. Not like "oh that was a good share & I support you" or "your share made me think & I wish you the best." No nothing like that it was instead "don't _____ ___." And I was responded by asking him/her to repeat the comment. It was in fact repeated & I said "well it's too late for that" & he/she said "no its not just don't ____ ___." Finally I said to the person as he/she instead of facing me to finish the conversation cowardly walked away "I think I'll defer to my higher power on this matter." Sheesh! I'm so grateful I go to another 12 step group because if I didn't some days I'm not sure I could handle going to my primary 12 step groups. I'm so glad that I can remember that I don't have to play god to other people anymore.

Back to the move... we bought a new shower curtain for the bathroom. It looks like a big ol' mirror ball on a sheet of plastic. Cool! So some of my wonderful friends are helping me this weekend this the move & I'm so damn grateful. I have some of the most wonderful people in my life. God has indeed blessed me.

Lately I've been a beading mama. I'm nearing obsession. Spent 2 hours yesterday trying to perfect a circle on an earring. It was madness but once I finally got it I managed to make a lovely matching necklace. Will show those off later. Must admit though I really love love love beading. I'm good at it & have so many ideas. My goal at this point it to create an inventory of jewelry & start to sell it on Esty. I really think I have a forte in this area! It's weird because lately I find myself doing whatever & I just want to get home so I can bead. I just want to create! Sometimes I dream of beads & think about beads before sleep & as I wake. I'm so sick! Luckily my partner supports my creativity & has even helped my design a piece.

Okay I gotta go as I'm not sure if I'm writing an interesting post or the most boring ass one ever! Please enjoy this horse pic if nothing else!

Peace!
~F

My 1st Necklace & Feeling Emotionally Shitty

I made my first necklace last night. With the help of a great teacher at Beads at Dusti Creek & some willingness to spend money & get into a new hobby the piece above was made. It's chocolate pearls & these kick-ass glass beads with a few seed beads. It was a lot of fun & I have to complete a couple more projects & then I'll have another private class & learn how to make earrings.

Knitting is fun. I know I'll knit again. But it is also monotonous & lacks a bit for me in quickness & creativity. Beading was a bit more fun because It's cool to put colors together & figure out patterns of beads. Plus I get to get into use my natural obsessiveness to make details in the string & use my hands & tools to finish the piece. I'm a hands on kinda girl. Hehe!

Yesterday I hit a wall emotionally. I felt like a computer that needed to simply shut down & re-boot later. Went to bed at 6pm & only woke for an hour to talk with my beloved & then went back to bed. Mercury is certainly retrograde in Cancer because I feel like all things home related are just wacky as all get out.

My partner & need to live together soon. It's actually more stressful living apart than together. Those are words I never thought I'd say! The trouble is that we're mutually a little broke due to going on vacation next month & her place needed no deposit so we need to save for deposit on a new place. We found an awesome place that we're filling out paper work on tonight. It's a 2 bedroom town home with over 950 sq. feet and hardwood floors. Plus it's totally affordable! But we may need to borrow $$$ to get the deposit paid off immediately.

My home life at where I'm currently residing isn't much better. My roomie & I seem to have differing opinions on a household issue & too boot we communicate differently about things. I love her & hate having any strife especially when she's out of town.

So I came home last night & felt utterly hopeless. Just broken down emotionally & unable to do anything or think about anything. Knowing that I'm PMSing helped. Knowing that there is a solution & that it will pass helped too. My mind & heart know all will be well. So I just went to bed, to overloaded to do much else after my beading class.

Today I ran into a very sweet & squishy friend who gave me an amazing hug. I can't believe how much better I felt within my own body after that. Thank goddess for recovery because if you hang out enough, little angels angels find you everywhere!

I did chip a tooth today though. Hrumph!
Peace!
~F