8 Things Mixed Race Folks Don't Want to Hear

Love this! Diversity Inc. has a great article on what not to say or ask mixed race folks & they are on point. Author Yoji Cole recited 8 key phrases or questions that many of us get and are sick to death of. Story example are included so check out the whole article here. Here are the 8 very annoying & dehumanizing sayings/questions:

1. "What are you?"


2. "What is your nationality?" or "You look foreign"


3. "You're all beautiful" or "You make beautiful babies"


4. "Are you X or Y?" or "Which side are you more on?"


5. "How in the world did your parents meet?"


6. "You're the future" or "You have the best of both worlds"


7. "You don't look …" or "You're not …" or "You sound white"


8. "Aren't we all mixed anyway?"

If I had a dime for everyone of those I've heard, especially 1, 2, 3, 6 & 7. Anyway I hope everyone is well & I was happy to realize today that today's post is the 401st. I can't believe have wrote over 400 posts! Who knew this blogging thing would stick for me. And though I have been a little lax due to being so effing busy in other areas, I'm still so glad to have QWOC and all of you wonderful readers. Have a great mother's day!~F

Noooooooooo!

My girl, my secret hollyweird crush Mariah Carey is quite possibly married to Nick Cannon. Waaaaah!

My only hope is that he is her "beard" and the whole union is just to protect her love of the ladies. That's the only way I can take this news. Because I love Mimi. Not in that crazy unattainable way but I love her music, style & persona. Ever since I saw her debut on the Arsenio Hall show many moons ago I have been smitten. It was the first time I saw a clearly mixed race person on stage. I never forgot it & her life story is quite amazing. Plus to me she is feminine to the hilt & I love it!

Anyway I don't care if she really is into Mr. Cannon or not, I'm still a fan. But for my sanity... to me she's the epitome of a lipstick lesbian & in my fantasies I'll keep it that way.

Curiosity Vultures

Amazingly great post on Racialicious by Wendi Muse about the "what are you?" question. In the comments was a link to an answer someone gave as to why mixed race folks get offended by other's curiosity.

A post I did in May about the what are you experience led to an ending of knowing someone I had at one time been closer to. A debate ensued at that time around whether the curiosity was anthropological in nature. We went back & fourth & I much felt the familiar pangs of being asked a question by someone in a majority position and then being completely discounted when I give a heartfelt answer. Something minorities go through a lot. I wanted to be open minded however to this person's assertion & asked someone who is a leader in the anti-racism activist community & also multiracial.

I asked: "Is it possible that when a stranger comes up to me or any other mixed person & asks "what are you" that it's anthropology as a motivation?"

The answer: "...what if I went up to men of different races and asked how long their penises are? But you know, I'm just curious from ananthropological view?"

I think that sums it up. Peace y'all!

My Latest Post on TTL/Why I Hate the Term Exotic

This one was about if Rosie O'Donnell is a role model to lesbians. Go here http://tinyurl.com/2hhkoz to read my post. Here are some of my past thoughts on her. Though I'm glad she apologized I still don't think much of her.

This weekend I had a customer at work come up to me and say "you're so exotic looking, what are you." Granted she was smiling & I suppose trying to compliment. But it got me thinking about what the term exotic to the mainstream American mind. I found this great post from the former Mixed Media Watch & thought I'd link it. In addition to that post I wish to mention just how feeking shitty it feels when someone calls me exotic. I'm a mid-western Catholic. I went to an inner city high school, had regular friends & did regular teenage stuff. I loved, hated, gossiped & made-out. My childhood though dramatic in many a moment was ordinary in it's dysfunction & my family members are all Minnesotans who still say "yah-you-betcha." Nothing about my life is exotic. Yet based solely upon my skin tone I'd perceived to be that way.

I'm reading the book New Moon by Stephanie Meyers and at one point in the book she refers to a female character who has brown skin as "pretty in an exotic kind of way." I nearly stopped reading the book. I'm only continuing the thing because it's about vampires & pretty good. But I think I need to write the author and ask her just what the hell she meant by that. Does it mean someone of color can't be a regular kind of pretty? How many classifications of pretty do we need? Must brown skin & beauty equal exotic? Exotic to me means "different" & "other."
And different & other are often really nice ways of saying less than. I'm no less a person because my parents fucked & made me.

So you may wonder just what did I say to this misguided young woman when she asked. I lied & said I was adopted & didn't know. Sometimes it's fun to do that & see all the things people try to project onto you. I just nodded at her guesses and said "I don't know...maybe." And if I had thought of it I would have asked her what it even mattered anyway. Why was it important to her. But my guess is she wouldn't have been able to examine her heart enough at that moment to answer & quite frankly I didn't care that much to have a discussion.

It's hard to know how to react when people say "you're so beautiful...exotic...what are you?" I know they're in part trying to compliment so I don't want to be all bitchy about it but on the other hand ignorance is not my shade of bliss & if I can prevent another person going though the silliness of such questions, I'd perhaps want to try. Well I'm off to have pizza with my beautiful & just plum pretty girlfriend. Thank goddess she she's my soul & not just my skin!

The What Are You Experience

Re-listening to Addicted to Race Episode # 18 gave me the most meaningful answer to why the "what are you" question is so painfully annoying. All multiracial folks go through this & I'd like to pass on what guest Claire Light said in that episode.

"The experience that we all have in common (mixed race people) is the what are you experience, where people come up and have to address you and find out what your racial mix is and where you come from...

That moment is a very clear expression of discomfort with difference. And the thing that's most wearing about it is not having to address strangers. The thing that's most wearing is having to absorb other peoples discomfort with you day in and day out...

Whether you do it in a positive or negative way it doesn't matter. You're forcing the other person to deal with your discomfort."

Peace!