The big "O"/bad jokes/pics/redo update/whatever the hell else I can think of this morning!

The Oregonian had an interesting article on race and "humor" yesterday. Read it here. Apparently this guy in Newport, OR decided to share with his Mexican-American co-worker a column called "Ask a Mexican." The guy who showed the column was eventually suspended for racial harassment. Racialicious had a great post in late December about the new trend of Ask-a-(some type of minority) articles. I'm not entirely sure what I feel about these columns. They seem to try and dismantle racism while upholding stereotypes at the same time. Humor is subjective and this ask a Mexican may very well, through humor, help open eyes around various isms.

In a Powells.com interview with author Paul Beatty, he noted that what is funny to one group of persons may not be to others. This is where the whole free speech issue comes in. If folks justify trying to deal with racism by using using humor that feeds into stereotypes where do we draw the line in who we expose to this type of "humor." Just because it makes one person laugh for whatever reason they do doesn't mean someone else won't find it terribly offensive. And so if one makes these jokes they must be prepared for any consequences and not be mad if others get mad. Yes we have free speech, but we also have consequences for that speech.

Okay so speaking of humor that may offend- here are 2 very bad jokes:
Q- How do make Martha Stewart scream twice?
A- Fuck her in the ass & then wipe your dick on the curtains.

So bad! Okay here's another:
Martha Stewarts 3 helpful hintos for taking charge in the kitchen:
1. Fuck them in the ass with an egg beater
2. Make them lick it clean
3. Hand wash my curtains bitch!

I know bad. But I laugh anyhow!
So I decided to take theThink off as my BOTM. It's been replaced by Rachels Tavern. She's a QWOC (queer woman of color) that has a most awesome blog that mostly covers social issues of race, sexism & homophobia. Check it out! Also added as to the blogs is ham & cheese on wry. She's a NY dyke that is simply very funny. Thanks to the friend who recommended her blog. I now read it every time it's updated. Also you may notice yet again I have changed the look of my blog. I love variety and so will probably change the look of this thing often. But I want to give a big thanks to Zee for my last header. This new header I created by taking a free-share photo & editing the section of it I liked for a header. Photo cradit to Tracy at unprofound. Last but not least the colors blogger allows are pretty limited so I found the yummy color called "going down" on COLOURlovers. I used it for the links as I wanted something bright. It's color #D1045A

So tonight I'm going to my 1st ever cocktail party. If I've been to them before I was too drunk to remember or they were NOT classy enough to call it that really. I'm a little nervous as I generally don't like going to places where there's lots-o-booze and I'm likely to be the only sober person. So I've got a pal who will leave her phone on in case I need to call and I have another recovery friend who is willing to go with if need be. My new ladyfriend is DJ-ing the event which is why I'm going in the first place. I told her though I may just make a cameo and take off and she supports that so it will hopefully be alright. My attitude is the focus and I'm just trying to look at the situation by what I can bring to it and how I can helpful and take care of my self. There you have it.

So here's info on the pics in today's post. The 1st one I took this morning making this face and quite frankly I think I look silly & hot. The 2nd happened again this morning. I was on the phone with Zee and I saw my cat Bebes in this corpse type pose and had to take a pic. He's such a cute baby! The last photo is Lucy, a teacup chiuaua. She belongs to Satan and my ladyfriend and is very cute and very fussy.

Peace y'all!

Various

It's been a reasonably enjoyable day off. Tired though from not getting much sleep last night. And no I wasn't up all night *doing* *it*! Though I was up with my lover we chatted and laughed our asses off with...oh ... it's bad.......bodily function stories. Poop, farting, belching and other grossness were the topics for a great deal of our past Midnight chat. I think she was mighty impressed that I can fart at will. She laughed so hard she cried. It was pretty funny.

We also talked about trust and honesty. She suggested that we "be true to ourselves and each other." Sweet, simple & to the point. So we embark on the journey of not just sexual but emotional intimacy. A friend once said intimacy can stand for into-me-you-see. I like that.

So I put some new links in the sidebar. OurChart and TheThink are the new WOTM & BOTM's of the month. I must admit I really like TheThink but I just read this post and am rethinking linking his blog to mine. He says at the end of his post:

"Anyway, food for thought. Are Blacks more homophobic than other races in America? I don’t know, but I think some Blacks need to calm down when it comes to all that “No Homo”nonsense.
It’s stupid. Grade F stupid.

And I shouldn’t even have to bring this up, but I am not gay, never have been. Frankly, I find most men to be disgusting as dingleberry pie to look at or be attracted to. I think women are just about the most beautiful people on Earth, spiritually and physically.

I need them; they complete me. But just because I think gay sex and a gay lifestyle is gross doesn’t mean that gays should be barred from certain freedoms."

WTF? Gay sex is gross & the gay "lifestyle" is gross? Just what the hell is the gay lifestyle to him or gay sex for that matter? His viewpoints on race stuff are pretty refreshing so I'm disappointed in his idea of not just there being a gay lifestyle but that whatever this so-called lifestyle is is gross. He's young and I don't want to be ageist but perhaps he just doesn't know much about queers to know what he's talking about. What you you guys think? I offered in a comment to dialogue with him about this. So we'll see. For now I'm linking him but with trepidation.

Speaking of this dude he wrote an awesome article on Barack Obama being AWB- Articulate While Black. It was featured today in my oh-so-favorite racially delicious blog Racialicious. Check out the article here.

Speaking of black stuff I bought a new black bra today. I had to because Lily freakin' ate my bra. I wear a 32DDD and my bras are very expensive. Needless to say Little Lil' and I to had to have some space the rest of the day.

Here is a pic of my poor beautiful $60 bra that I can't even fix because of where the holes are. Anyway I got one today that is the exact same damn thing but black. And if you're a lady you know how freakin' taxing it is to find a really good bra. There's the fit thing first & foremost. You don't want your boobs to bubble up over the top or have the back so tight there are rolls of back-fat on the sides of your back. Then it's always nice beyond fit to have a bra that's pretty and comfortable. It is very hard to find this and I'm happy to say Wacoal has supplied me with wonderful bras that have been beautiful, fit well and comfortable. This bra is my particular favorite & what I purchased in black today.

Well I think that's enough from me today. Happy Thursday y'all!

My iPod matches my vibrator!

Just realized this, this morning. After looking in my "goody" drawer & seeing them side by side I just had to laugh. I guess I'm truly hot for hot pink!

Peace!

Weird Tuesday!

Customers were weird at work today. One dude thought there was a mouse turd on his book but it was just a marker stain. Another guy got mad because he the store required ID for returns. One poor lady got bitchy with me so I got bitchy back and then we apologised to each other and held hands. Funny stuff. Not so funny however is this huge stupid crap with my mail-in pharmacy Express Scripts. If I go into the story I'm afraid I'll break this computer so I'll just say I finally got my meds today after many curse words and only had to pay $4.

Bush was on TV tonight but I can't watch him without wanting to tear my hair out so there you go.

Since the Sun went into Aquarius the air around me has felt strange. More grumpy I guess.But here is something to NOT be grumpy about. Gay.com has a lovely article on how 50 couples in Colorado protested unequal marriage laws by getting married. LGBT organizations there handed out licences to love. Kewl!

In other homo news this whole Isiah Washington thing is bringing up a lot of feelings for folks. This week he met with GLAAD people and I must admit I'm really (pardon the pun) glad about this. The last thing we need are more wounds between minorities. This post on Racialicious has brought out some interesting comments (unfortunately including mine) on if Mr. Washington should be fired.

Anyway I think it's time for a slice of hot pepper jack cheese and relaxation. Peace!

Nugget of the Day

At the Noon meeting I went to today I heard someone say: You can't do something new and look good at the same time. Gawd how friggin true that is. No wonder I rarely look cool because I'm always trying new things.

BTW Zee had a funny post today on beer flavored dog water. What will they think of next? I don't know, I'm afraid to ask!

Heroes starts again tonight. I'm so excited but am so tired (about 7 hours sleep in the last two nights) that I hope I can stay up until 9pm for the show. Peace!

Erotic City

Don't worry. This is not going to be a long post on how damn awesome my sex life is right now. No. It was bee a short post about how awesome my sex life is. Ha ha!

My sex life is really awesome!

Have a great day y'all!

~F

Yummy Blog Stuff

Well I must admit the more I fart around with this little blog the more I want to know & learn. I don't have photoshop so I'm limited in stuff I can do in terms of headers. I'm cheap as hell too and don't want to have to pay out anything for image usage & such. So I found this (great link which guides us to the world of free photos) after visiting Mr. P. Moore at TheThink. From there I checked out COLOURlovers which has yummy color palettes and ou can even create yout own lovely palette. Of some of the free photo sites I really like so far unprofound.com.

Fun stuff! So my goal with all this now is to come up at minimun 2x a week with neat photos or colors to post (and o' course give credit!). So here we go. My favorite photo thus far and my favorite color palette. Enjoy!







Color palette called Desert Treat by weirdosayswhat at COLOURlovers. Photo by Jim at unprofound. Peace y'all!

A Groovy Title Alludes Me

Today was a great day. Nothing special happened per se. Just a happy camper. I wasn't so sure if I'd be kinda sad today as last night I was grieving. Grieving for goodness knows what really. I guess my last relationship was a big part of the sadness. Grieving dreams that I'm grateful never came true. Loss sucks but I'm glad I cried & got through the feelings.

I wore a skirt today. Have not worn one since the summer and it felt so very good. Since having to wear an ankle brace I'm reluctant to wear any skirts that show my ankles. But I said "fuck it" and wore a very cute catholic school girl type skirt. Yes it's short, pleated, wool and has a black background with red, green, white & yellow plaid. It even has the lovely big gold pin to close up the side flap to keep others from seeing my goodies. The best part I must admit was wearing this skirt knowing the effect it would have on DJ. We discussed the catholic school girl sex play thing after I told her I was raised catholic. Just for fun I wore this skirt & when she came up to chat with me I was sitting. Then I said I had her surprise and stood up, showing the skirt. She grinned wildly & had to walk away for a bit because her face began turning bright red. Ahhhh!

In other news I really loved it when I was at a meeting tonight & it was said that you can't turn a pickle back into a cucumber. Why this thought got to me today is unknown to me. But there you have it!

Added 2 new blogs to my blogroll. 1st is Daily Dose of Queer. And well, it's a heck of a lot of queer news all day long. I love it! Also added is The Lesbian Lifestyle. I figure this is pretty self explanatory. And Guess what? TLL is having their 1st annual Lesbian Blog of the Year Award. And yes you want to nominate me. Just click on the nomination button at the top-o-this blog or click here. You don't have to be a homo to nominate me either, so there you go! Peace!

Dill Havarti Cheese...

is so damn yummy! Last week DJ showed up for our date with a bouquet of tulips and a block of dill havarti cheese. No one had ever brought me cheese. Flowers yes. Flowers & cheese no. So this evening I'm munching on this cheese and getting geared up for a nice evening of must-see-TV.

Though I'm not the worlds biggest fan of television I have some certain things I love to watch. Thursday nights I always watch the comedy line-up on NBC. My Name is Earl, The Office, Scrubs and 30 Rock are great shows. The Office & 30 Rock always make me laugh. 30 Rock has been the biggest surprise actually. When it was first advertised I thought it looked kinda stupid. But that Tina Fey & that shows team of writers really know their stuff & are great with subtlety. And Steve Carell on the Office is a hoot. In the film Bruce Almighty he stole the movie playing a newscaster being forced to say lines from a teleprompter that Jim Carrey's character "typed" in. In fact I was on an airplane on my way back to Portland from Detroit and Bruce Almighty was playing. When the above mentioned scene was playing I laughed so much my friend on the plane said everyone could hear me.

Heroes is my other favorite show. Normally I'm not into fantastical stuff but shit that show is good! Not only is the cast multi cultural but the plot is interesting and paced deliciously. The is also a mixed race child character on the show who along with others has special powers. Yay!

A show I'm not watching this season however is *gasp* The L Word. Yes it's true. I saw the season opener and it sucked. I mean really sucked. The plot didn't even make sense. My word for it is stupid. So disappointing! I'm just going to wait until season 4 is on DVD and watch it then. Hopefully there will be enough hot girl-on-girl action to finish all the episodes.

Speaking of watching stuff I saw the movie "The Curse of the Golden Flower." It was magnificent! Just beautiful. Visually stunning with a story that had so much back-stabbing and deception that I was utterly riveted. The costumes were so lovely and it was vibrant colors everywhere. Very highly recommended!

As much as I hate Coca-Cola the coke commercial before the previews I watched today was really cool. It mimiced a video game that was much like Grand Theft Auto. Only the main character helped people instead of attacking them. It wasn't perfect, there was a goofy scenario where he put a man who appeared to be homeless into a car full of beautiful women, but hey the commercial was a step in the right direction.

Last little thing. The American Lung Association of Oregon are hosting a wonderful event called Reach the Summit. Obviously it benefits the ALAO (an association near & dear to my heart...I mean lungs as I have asthma) but it's also really cool because instead of walking or running for a cause your climbing Mt. Hood (or Mt. Shasta). They even train folks and outfit them with equipment for the climb. So ya know, check it out. Okay y'all. Peace!

How Cool! Making Headers is Easy!

Well hells bells I learned something new tonight. I've been wanting to figure out more about creating my own headers after Zee made the nice new one that is currently atop this bloggie. Tonight I have self taught moi & I'm happy. First I went here and chose an image after creating an account. Then I went to myImager.com and played around with text fonts, borders & such. At the top under file I selected open, uploaded the pic & then was able to go from there to effects, draw and adjust. So where is this header I made? It's on my other blog (warning it's all about sex!). And then to get just the right shade of blue to go with, I found this HTML color codes site. Anyway I'm a happy camper!

I Love Snow in PDX!

It was yet another great snow day today. Just being out there crunching around and smiling. It's a great time to chit-chat with strangers and play. Walking around in SE Portland today my new friend/lover DJ & I decided to take pics of snowmen that we saw. The one in this picture reminded me of Caesar with the crown of leaves.

Very tired yet again. We got about 5 hours of sleep which is a vast improvement over the last time she slept over & we never feckin' slept! The key phrase in my head at this point is One Day at a Time. After my last relationship I don't want to rush. Though I must admit I'm having a rockin' time & do wonder if she & I could really have something. We have this thing. It's something I can't even put words to. So I'm just trying to remember take this one day, if not one hour at a time.

We have the best damn sexual chemistry I've ever had. That's very dangerous for me because great sex has always turned my brain into scrambled eggs. Like great sex equaled love and I know from experience that is not true at all. And what's really interesting is sex is one thing but just it's just kissing her even that puts deep flutters waving through my body. And then adding on all the other aspects of sexuality and...Wow! Plus DJ is just a cool lady. We have so much in common and are very at ease with each other. We're both spiritual, loyal, strong & happy. So I'm just praying. Praying for peace of mind and heart. Praying to take things slow & really know her without trying to make her be what I might want her to be. I'm praying for guidance and that my relationship to God/dess and self comes first no matter what. I have no other choice for anything else brings insanity. And you know insanity is very dehydrating! Seriously!

Speaking of sex, here's a link to an SF Gate article by Violet Blue: 2006's top 10 sex stories. Enjoy! Peace to you & me.

WOC Fast

Starting today there has been a call for women of color to fast together across the nation. Reclaiming our Spirit is what it's called. WOC I ask you to join me. For more details please follow this link: http://iambecauseweare.wordpress.com/2007/01/14/reclaiming-our-spirit-join-us-in-a-three-day-fast-please-distribute-widely/

Peace!

Let it Snow!

It's been snowing like a mofo here in Puddletown. The store is closing early today and though I leave at the same time anyway, it just makes the day feel more special. Took almost 1 1/2 hours to get to work. I was only 4 minutes late. Not too shabby, especially considering the Bus Mall is all wiggity wack right now and I have to walk an extra 8 blocks to & from work everyday.
Anyway I freakin' love this snow. I'm in such a good mood. It's so fun to be out & be slogging around town with everyone.

I sent a text message to my new lover. It said "Wanna play in the snow & then get naked?" Amazingly she called right after receiving the text saying yes. Looks like it will be a fun night for us! What makes me smile most about today is that I finally get to use the snow boots my ma bought for me. I called first thing to tell her I'd be using them & she said it made her day. Awww! Anyway have a great y'all. I know I will!

Yay and MLK Jr. Day

Are you looking at my blog? Oh gosh yes you are! Notice anything different? I know it's cute eh? A big big thanks to Zee for creating the header. The Daschund looks just like my little Lily. With the lovely header I needed to figure out how to get it on this blog. Thanks to Google I found this. And yay!

Well I'm still quite tired despite getting 10 hours of sleep last night. I don't even know what else to say on that.

Today I walked in a Martin Luther King Jr. march. It was great! Sisters of the Road sponsored the march and you know they make some really great cookies. Today I felt so very grateful for Dr. King and his wife Coretta. If it had not been for them & the others who joined in the movement for equal freedom, I may not be here. My parents may not have ever got together. Perhaps I'd have to drink from a different fountain then some of my friends. Maybe I wouldn't be able to work and love as freely as I do. I thank God for Martin & Coretta. Things can still suck, but my goodness, because of Dr. King I can do something about it.

One thing we can never forget when it comes to prejudice: as King said "whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly." This is the truth for those of us who are minorities. We are still suffering the affects of slavery, marriage inequality, and brutality. And I believe one day this wo'n be the case. All will be & feel free.

Happy MLK Jr. day to y'all. We shall overcome!

Oh-My-Gosh!

It's official. I have been awake for over 24 hours! Dear God. Generally I love sleep. Lately it alludes me. Can't even remember the last time I went a whole night without sleep. Maybe in my early 20's? Anyway incase any of you are wondering... yes I had a great time not getting sleep. I'd do it again & again for the lovely evening I had. But I need some damn sleep. That much I know.

Celebs I'd Do

Okay I've been up since 5am. So laying in bed I started thinking about various things including celebrities who are hot & I'd totally have sex with. Yes I'm that slutty! So without further ado here are the celebs I'd do & what I think the sex would be like.

Men (yes men damnit, just cuz I'm a carpet muncher doesn't mean I don't upon occasion find dudes do-able!)

1. Taye Diggs. I think he'd stare into my eyes & be very firm but gentle
2. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. I'd hope he'd fuck me with all his might
3. Denzel Washington. I think he'd be good at eating pussy
4. Mark Ruffalo. He'd use a little light bondage on me I'm guessing
5. Clive Owen. I'd tie his ass UP!

Women

1. Halle Berry. Oh god where to begin with this woman. Well since I'm such a sucker for waists I'd probably spend a lot of time caressing her curves. Then I think we'd have pretty typical you eat me I eat you type sex
2. Selma Hayek. I think there would be a lot of kissing and then fisting
3. Julianne Moore. I think we'd stare into each others eyes as we gave each other hand jobs
4. Missy Elliott. There would be lots of laughter and experimentation
5. Leisha Hailey (from the L Word). A strap on would definitely be involved

Well on that note I'm going to umm... take a nap. Yeah that's it. Peace y'all!

Diagnosis: Eat Candy!

Well not exactly but kinda. My salivary gland was blocked a couple months ago & unblocked itself then by some miracle. Last night the gland felt tight again. This morning the underside of my chin was swollen due to the blockage. I called the doctor & went in during lunch. Was examined & the suggestion for draining the block is to suck on really sour candy. This stimulated the gland & gets it to push out the blockage. Now I can eat Sour Patch Kids for dessert & not feel guilty. Yay!

Confession: I've been wanting to smoke cigarettes. I have not but for the last month I've had the cravings. I haven't picked up a cigarette in over a year. I hate smoking. It's disgusting! None of my close friends smoke. None of my family. No lovers. All that. But my gosh how I want one. So I'm just needing to let the cat out of the bag. I want to smoke. I won't but the desire is there and I don't like it. Peace!

-Hello Frances, I have just been to health class, and I was wondering how your feminine parts were developing?

That is a line from the book I'm reading 'What is the What' by Dave Eggers. Last night my new friend whom I'll call DJ & I went to go see Valentino Deng, the very real main character of this book, at Reading Frenzy. He spoke for an hour & I took a pic of him that is so blurry I can't even post it. But it was great to see this man in person. I have about 60 pages to go in finishing the book & I just have to say it is wonderful. The things this man has been through...

And DJ & I both noted how he said he felt Americans in general were a compassionate people. I couldn't believe it. I never really though of Americans as compassionate. And knowing his story, of starvation, war, blood, danger, made me feel very grateful to be an American. We have incredible opportunity & freedom. I certainly take it for granted. Laziness. I just assume all will be there when I want it & sit back & don't do the things I dream of. Valentino's words inspired me. I'm so grateful.

I can say without pause that last night I went on the best date I've ever had. Hands down. I'm so very very tired because I could not sleep last night when I got home (alone thank you very much!). Since Sunday night I've been sleeping terribly & can hardly eat. I don't know what the heck is happening. But last night I thought for sure I'd crash & sleep for a full 8 hours. No I slept about 4 hours maybe.

My mind just kept replaying the amazing evening. So I don't make my readers gag I'll keep the details to a minimum by relaying some highlights.

• Meeting her 2 very tiny chihuahuas (they're like 2lbs each)


• Being asked if she could hold my hand


• First kiss at the Blue Monk listening to live JazzTronica


• Kissing at Midnight on Hawthorne Blvd.


• Her eyes, her caring & holding her close


• Having her find my special hot spot and treating it very well (no not that hot spot! It's areas of my ears & neck which have not been kissed like that in probably a decade)

The very best part though was saying goodbye & just seeing the way she looked at me & feeling my smile radiating out of my body. Now the key is just staying grounded and true to myself no matter what my little head wants to do.

In other news check out the very cute pic my pal Zee took. It's so funny!

Also I've discovered the website ourchart.com. It's a new lesbo site that''s pretty interesting. Also click on this link to see my (mine is the 2nd one from the bottom on the right side) & some other folks top 5 book picks for 2006. Okay that's it from me. Peace y'all.

Trusting My Intuition

This is one of those moments where being true to myself is hard. I feel like folks may judge me for this decision but I have to do what feels right. I'm putting off school. Not forever, just for one more term. Seriously! Just the timing doesn't quite feel right. When this feeling came upon me I asked the powers that be for a sign. And if you believe in that sort of thing then believe me when I say I got it. On the way to class tonight I was going from one bus to another. In the block and a half I walked to my bus stop the rain poured fiercly. So much that I literally got soaked. My feet were wet, jeans damp and jacket throughly moist. As soon as I got under the bus shelter the rain slowed to regular drops and I thought "damnit."

I know I want to go back to school. And I know I'm just about ready. My ankle needs to be more solid for one thing. It's been swollen and in pain lately. My thought upon walking to work this morning was "it feels like it's going to crack apart on the inside ." Another sign. My decision to go back Winter term was rash and I know that what's good is it has gotten the ball rolling for me. All is in place. Soon my brain will be ready and I'm excited. In the meantime I have lots to do. With my housemate gone I've got prime opportunity to do a lot of growing via 1st step work.

So there it is. Judge me if you must. I know I'm struggling with judging myself on this. Believe me, believeing in myself is still hard sometimes. But on this matter I'm going to just practice trusting my intuition.

Otherwise it was a groovy day. Time to relax and play with Miss Lily. That dog is so goofy!

Great Day. Post #2 for 1/8/07

Oh my gosh it was such a great day! On my break I wrote the 1st of today's posts (had to wait until I got home to publish it though). Then I met and spoke to Barry Manilow! A co-worker came upstairs and told me he was shopping in the Red room and I ran my ass down there to check him out. And there he was looking at the book Bush on the Couch. I got really shy and instead of being a regular, nice, normal person I walked past him and said "wow you're a lot taller in person" and he said "umm thanks...I think." Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

A couple hours before I went to a good noon meeting and heard some incredible honesty. I love how raw & humble folks can get in 12 step meetings sometimes. Anyway soon after I met Barry Manilow I ran upstairs to tell co-workers about Barry Manilow being in the building. That's when I ran into my new Friend who I was pretty excited to see after we spent most of our working hours together the night before flirting and talking about the & films we love while completing various tasks. I was hoping also I'd run into her because she's a DJ & has a very wide range of musical tastes & I knew she'd be excited to meet Barry Manilow. So when I told her She got all excited & rushed down with me to meet him. I went back upstairs to wait & chat with another worker and when my Friend came back she was as happy as I was. Only she was cooler than moi as she actually introduced herself & shook the mans hand. Ahhhhhhhhh!

New Friend & I went off to a little corner to chat and figure out what we're doing together this weekend after our mutual Barry Manilow moments. Around her my brain feels a bit like a scrambled egg & I walked her downstairs forgetting I needed to finish up work upstairs. So we parted ways & I went upstairs and stopped one floor up to chat with a couple co-workers. My one co-worker was like "are you wearing blush?" And I said "honey I wear blush everyday." She said "You do because your cheeks are all pink and they never look that pink" and I pretty much repeated my first response to her. "Really because your cheeks are all pink and your all glowing" she smirked. I realized what it was and told her the woman I was talking to I had a big ol' crush on. My co-worker said "oh that explains why you too were smiling so much and you've never looked happier." Oh my gosh. This is all very strange because my last relationship ended recently and I did not expect to feel anything for anyone for a while. I always thought if I were ti be single again I'd want to ask my Friend out. And she confessed last week she had tried to ask me out 4 months ago but found out I was starting to date someone else and backed off.

Needless to say at this point I'm cautious if not wary in the realm of romance. My track record is terrible. Worse is my time single has been short. So with that, this thing that's going on between my Friend & I is going to go slow. People seem one way because that's the way they want to appear or you want to see them a certain way and then boom, this person is not what you thought. I can say this for about 9o% of my relationships. So I need to check this girl out & find out over a period of time who she is and what she's about. I need to take that time because I can't always see the truth (because I don't want to see it) of a situation until some time has passed. And truthfully my best relationships always have happened slowly. So that's where I'm at with that.

Anyway....

I wanted to highlight a few updates to my blog. I have added a BOTM (Blog Of The Month) in addition to the Website Of The Month (WOTM). This months picks include the blog Reappropiate. The woman who does this blog is really inspiring and smart about race issues and in particular Asian representation in the media. The website is the Green Belt Movement. Environmental activist Wangari Maathai is helping to empower men & especially women in Kenya by planting trees. So check out the BOTM & WOTM in the sidebar. You'll be glad you did.

One other change is I'm now featuring what book I'm currently reading. Right now it is "What is the What" by Dave Eggers. The book is incredible & I love Dave Eggers even more now. More on that book later.

One last plug. Yes it's Racialicious related. New Demographic produces the blog Racialicious. They or maybe I should say she, Carmen Van Kerckhove also produces a podcast called Addicted to Race. The last episode of Addicted to Race was really good. You can listen without even having an iPod here. You'll thank me later.

Okay that's enough out of me! Peace!

I Love. Post #1 for 1/8/07

Can it be that simple? The defining statement that sums up who I am & what I believe?

That I love. It's not about a particular person in a romantic way. Or familial duty or even how I feel about the President & the state of our world.

So much of my life has involved my self knowing to be defined by others. Had I grown up with people around me who knew themselves well, perhaps I too would of had a better grasp on Me. Whatever the reason, I sought out ideas about who I was based often on friends/lovers perceptions of my self rather than thinking and then finally understanding myself based upon my own intuition and logic.

"To thine own self be true" it says on the coins I receive that celebrate sobriety anniversaries. When I first started to receive them I had a difficult time knowing who the self the coin talked about was. Self be true-who's that! I knew how to morph into looking like the good girlfriend/lover/activist and such. I didn't know squat about being true to my own hopes and needs. I was afraid to say no. I was afraid period.

Now I know that how folks feel about who I am & what I do not only have little to do with me, but also is not my business. And this applies to my perceptions of others as well of course. I know now that what I hate in others directly reflects what I hate in myself. The same for what I like/enjoy. That my attitude holds the key. And willingness is the small hole that opens to the world.

All that being said I can say this regardless of what my family, friends,co-workers, ex-lovers, current lovers, bosses, government officials or anyone else thinks... I know who I am.

And here is the key defining word that describes not only who I am but what I want, need, live for, know and feel: love. That's it. That's all. No I certainly have not loved as well as I like liked. Especially my very own self. Addiction, despair and anger many times muted the shining of the love in my life. With those things lifted or lifting from my world I see know how beautiful the world inside me is. And all there can be from such revelations is gratitude. Like life I am great and small, good and bad, beautiful and ugly. But also like life, the greatest lessons are about love. How glad I am finally to just be in my rightful place. Just drops of water encased in flesh, trying to get back to the places I came from.

Sunday is Sunday

First off I wanted to share Zee's new blog or shall I say very nicely updated blog Behind Blue Eyes. It looks great & she's a rockin' lady with great insights so check it out.

At work it's free pizza day so I didn't need to deal with breakfast, lunch or dinner. The bad part is all I'm eating is cheese pizza all day so needless to say I had to go buy some fruit & get some damn life into my body.

Children of Men was awesome! Bleak as hell but very good. Julianne Moore was super beautiful as usual and Clive Owen was rugged & such. Highly recommended. My time with my new friend was great. She took off work early just to spend more time with me & we went to one of my favorite restaurants Saucebox for dinner before the flick. My sushi had Kim Chee in it which was very good.

I was chatting with a co-worker today about the difference between being loved for our weirdness vs. being loved in spite of it. Growing up I was the literal black daughter of the black sheep in my mothers Euro-American family. For so long I tried to hide my weirdness (except to my very weird close friends) so I'd be loved. My best relationships (friends/family/lovers) though have been when the intrepid people in my life encouraged me to let my weirdness out.

Last night at dinner when I was explaining to This Woman my fears around wearing my hair in strange & unique ways, based on that lingering desire to pass, she suggested I try once a month to wear my hair in some funky way I've always wanted (she herself currently has a "fade" on the sides of her head!). I just love that type of encouragement!

Tonight is the L Word premiere! Yay! I'm going to the Portland premiere tonight at Aura which happens to across the street from where I work. Even more yay! As some of you know my favorite character is Alice. I think in part I like her because she's so weird yet true to herself. I do hope that character has a better year. Well that's it from me today. As I struggle with grieving and loss and also wrap myself in excitement & joy I'm so very grateful for the 12 steps in my life. I don't have to do anything but my best today & be in each moment as it comes. I'm so grateful to 12 step programs that have helped me learn to be true to my soul. Peace!

Oh Shit!

I'm PMSing. And it's the bad kind. In my dreams I was screaming even. So needless to say the theme of the day is calm. I didn't feel calm upon going to sleep nor did I feel calm when I woke up after 12pm today. Worse is my sponsor is unreachable and there has been some conflict with someone I'm close to lately. So.....the answer lies in doing that which I know works. To love myself, my joy, my pain, my face, bones, strength and past. And remember who I am. And in doing so the calm just seeps in. Even when my mail-in pharmacy loses my asthma medication and I have to pay for it again. Even when I feel like whining because my head is still a bit stuffy. Even when my heart hurts.

So I have a date tonight. Quite frankly with my mood as it was around noon today I almost felt like cancelling. But I'll be alright. I just have to remember to be myself & be in the moment. The woman & I have already been hanging out lately anyway, it's just now we've been able to acknowledge that yes there is an attraction and yes maybe it now can be more than just hanging out. I was talking with someone who's known her for years about her today & they referred to her as "the most caring person I've ever met." It makes me wonder just how caring I am towards others. The old alcoholic selfishness rears it's ugly head at times. Lately I've been told I'm the "best housemate ever" and ""our most reliable sub" and even a co-worker yesterday said "you're just a lot more grounded then you used to be." So I know I'm better than I used to be. And I know more than ever I'm becoming the woman I want to be.

Yes folks life is a never ending adventure. And with that I'm off to relax, stay calm & hopefully download a couple songs. Peace!

Update: Newt!

Newt is coming! Newt Gingrich is wanting us to vote for him. For president? Well maybe. Check out this CNN Money article. God help us! He even has a DraftNewt website. Uggh. *Sigh*

Bloggies & Such!

Hey sexy people-

It's time to vote for your favorite blogs. That's right! Go to http://2007.bloggies.com/ and vote damnit! And if you wish to vote for moi as yer favorite GLBT blog....well I won't stop you!

Also if you love, love, love Racialicious as I do please vote for that blog under the Best-Kept Secret Weblog category. I personally want to vote in the *best blog ever* catagory but there isn't one so there you go.

Tomorrow I see the movie Children of Men with the ever handsome Clive Owen. Even though I'm hella gay, I'd do him fo' sho'! That's it for now. Peace!

The Facing Race Conference

That's right y'all I'm gonna try and get my butt to this & hey why don't you join me?! Here's the scoop:

From The Applied Research Center's Facing Race Conference pages:

The goals of the conference are to: (1) foster increased public awareness and discussion of the racial impacts of public policy; (2) explore models, strategies and opportunities for advancing racially equitable policies; and, (3) build new connections for advancing equitable policy initiatives in the U.S.

Here are just a few of the workshops that will be there:

• Race & National Security
• Affordable Housing for Whom?
• Rebuilding the Gulf Coast
• Structural Racism 101
• Multi-Racial Organizing
• Voices That Need To Be Heard: Criminal Justice and, Race and Society

And yes, much more. To register and get more info. click here.

Now here's your superficial fashion question of the day:

Are skinny jeans over? Let me know?

Okay. Fine! Here are some New Years Resolutions, Thank to Reading Mark Morfords Article

Before I get to the Resolutions I have to link y'all up to this post at Rachel's Tavern. It's Rachel's summary of racial trends in 2006. Very interesting and true!

Also For those who may wish to know my cold is better but still not great. Sara made a suggestion about vinegar, honey & warm water & I'm trying to figure out if it has to be cider vinegar or if I can use regular vinegar. She's on her way to London, but if she or anyone else knows, please give me a heads up!

When my housemate come home from visiting a mutual friend of ours, she brought back nasal spray. The deal is a person can only use it 3 days in a row & then must stop. So for now in the moment I can breathe through my nose. And our mutual friend sent with my roomie a bag full of medicinal treats such as throat drops, Emergen-C's and shower vapor tablets, just for me! I'm so grateful for friends.

Okay so here are the resolutions. After reading Mark Morford's article today I realized I need to be a little less lazy & make a few formal ones.

1. Floss every damn day. I hate to admit I'm lazy about that one. But my family is prone to gum disease & besides flossing is good for me & makes me sexy. My therapist told me to say to myself when faced with flossing "I want to change." And I do. More & more I see that finally I'm becoming the woman I want to be. And well, the woman I want to be flosses.
2. No getting into committed relationships until 6 months of dating. I can date but not be a girlfriend for at least 6 months of hanging out.
3. I will Q-TIP when I feel like I'm being judged by others. Q-TIP stands for QUIT-TAKING-IT-PERSONALLY.
4. Digest less caffeine, wheat, sugar and meat.
5. Okay this resolution is a combo based on my Rob Brezney horoscope & something Mark Morford wrote in his column today. Here's the horoscope: "If 2006 sometimes felt like the Year of Perpetual PMS (even for you men), 2007 will quickly make you forget any bloated, edgy feelings that may still linger. The coming months may in fact feel like the Year of Perpetual Ovulation (even for you men). I bet you'll often feel horny not just for sexual adventures, but for other kinds of intimate exchanges that make you smarter and wilder." And the Mark Morford wrote "Maybe it's less about resolving to, say, breathe more deeply and remember everyone's name and lose five pounds and eat more organic greens and worship the texture of your own skin and never, ever orgasm without taking that feeling deep into your bones (exceptional resolutions, all, just not the only ones) and more about, say, resolving to use a slightly different yardstick by which you measure happiness and progress. You think?"

So with those words in mind my final resolution is to find or be in happiness where ever I'm at, in all the little, exciting, fun ways that exist. One of my problems in life used to be not enjoying the moment. I do it now, but now I want to let myself be energized by any given moment. To swallow it, thrust upon it & hug it knowing that if I let go I'll be more than alright. I'll be more joy-filled & hopeful & sincere & graceful.

With that I wish you all much love & happy thrusting upon life's glorious thigh!

Sick/The Dog Whisperer/Mpls Recap

I'm feeking sick gol gosh darnit! Am home using up most likely my last sick day from work. Ear nose & throat still. Called my doc & am waiting to hear back. Man I hate being under the weather. Makes things feel bigger than they are sometimes. For now I'm dosing up on vitamins & such & teas & praying the doc will have a miracle cure for me.

So my housemate Sarah is going to be out-o-town soon for a bit. While she's gone I'm going to work on training Lily using Cesar Milan's techniques. Lily is awesome but she thinks she rules the house. And the problem is that my housemate & I are the ones who truly need to change our energy & behavior. Sarah acknowledged that she may be the one who needs the most training when she gets back.

Well my trip to Minneapolis was great! Spending time with Heather my close friend for almost 20 years was wonderful! We both have done a lot of work in our lives & it was so nice to discuss our lives in a language we both speak. My best times in Minnesota were with her & my grandma. I also enjoyed seeing my uncle Rog & his wife & a bunch of their peeps on x-mas day. So the day I asked for prayers, the 28th was interesting to say the least. On our way from downtown to SE Minneapolis we got into a car accident. No joke! It was not my mom's fault thank goodness but it was a crappy way to start off her birthday. The guy who hit us had a big Ford F1500 truck with a big ass grill on it so his vehicle had very little damage. Mom's car got hit on the back side & needs almost $2000 bucks worth of work done.

Mom & I tried to make the best of things by heading to our appointments at the spa but we both were shaken up. I had to take care of myself later that evening & stay at Heather's parents house which is a block & a hlaf from my mom's & rest. The next day I went to lunch at White Castle (a place I never ate at when I lived in Mpls & now everytime I'm in Mpls I have to have it) and then met my mom at a coffee house and took off for the airport. All in all the trip was great. I really used my strength & boundaries to stay sane and it worked in everyone's favor. Hell's bells!

Well that's it. Peace!

You Know You're Sick When You Feel Dizzy After Taking a Piss!

Seriously! I'm back home safe & somewhat sound from Minnesota. Had a lovely time, which I'll detail when I'm feeling better. For now though it is New Years Day & I had to go home early because I feel like crap. I suspect I have a sinus infection. Friends tell me to put various things up my nose to help the condition such as saline and Afrin. I have pretty much slept the whole time I've been home except for work & such yesterday. Was in bed by 10:30pm & asleep right after midnight. New Years Eve. was mellow & I'm okay with that!

Anyway I'm off to take a nap now. There are so many new items and such to comment on but I'm too out of it to think. I wish you all a happy & healthful 2007!

My friend let me borrow her hat to keep my head & ears warm. This was me leaving work today feeling cute in the hat but sick in the rest of me. Peace!

Pray for Me

From here on out it's quality time with my mother. Her birthday is today & I can't say how old she is or she'll kill me but she is between 59 and 61. Today were going to a spa called Raw Beauty. I think it will be fun. It's just that in the past when I've spent more than a few hours with her my whole psyche starts to feel rather taxed & I get cranky with her. Especially annoying it that I got up early to get to a 7am meeting and was disappointed to find that the meeting wasn't happening this morning. So I'm going to call the MPLS intergroup & get my ass to one tonight.

Well I'm off to try and get a nap in & mentally prepare of a day+ of my moms theater of the absurd. Yesterday with pal Heather was awesome. More on that later. Peace y'all!

Hi from MPLS!

Well I made it here via Denver with ease. The Denver airport was calm and I landed in Minneapolis 10 minutes early. I didn't think I'd have a chance to update this here blog for a week so if you are a bloglines subscriber please add my bloggie to your subscriptions and you'll get updates whenever the heck I update this thing!

Anyway...

I arrived x-mas eve. at almost 10pm here. When my ma & I got to her place I was pretty tired and discovered my face wash had leaked all over her x-mas present. A book called Breathing Out by Peggy Lipton. So mom had to wash off all the goo from her book while I had to wash out parts of my suitcase. Funny. That has been the only mishap (LITERALLY KNOCKING ON WOOD). The next day we got up & had x-mas lunch with my beloved grandma. Then we went to my uncle Rog's & opened some gifts from my aunt Jan. Then back to grandma's where I stayed overnight. She is 93 and her health is not so good. She's struggled with depression this last year after discovering a hairline fracture in her hip. Pain is depressing. Well anyway it was so wonderful to spend time with her & I was nearly in tears as I left her this afternoon.


Here is an example of how my granny is. We were walking in the lobby of her building which is independent living for the elderly. We passed by a table that notifies the resident of who recently died. Grandma as we walked by "oh I wonder if I know whoever just kicked the bucket." So funny. Then late last night she shows me a x-mas picture card folks send to show how annoyingly happy & heterosexual they are, and she says pointing at different folks in the pic "oh here's Bob and here's Evelyn and here's a retarded boy, he's Bob's retarded brother." Oh God she cracks me up.


Mom & I went to visit my great aunt Rose (my granny's sis) whose 91 years old. She's doing worse than grandma & I think it's in part because her one child is never really around to take care of her. Loneliness sucks! So after seeing here I landed here, got settled in and then went walking. I walked up & down Nicolette mall, which for you Portlanders is much like 5th & 6th avenues downtown Portland. I went to a queer store called Rainbow Road a block off Nicolette mall on Grant Street. It opened up a couple years before I moved to Portland & was glad to see it still there. I lived 1&1/2 blocks from there so I saw my old apartment building too.


So much has changed downtown. Many things I don't recognize but it was funny because at one point I was walking around & my eyes looked at a neon sign on a building that has been there since I can remember & I realized I never see that sign anymore and I suddenly realized I'm indeed no longer a Minnesotan.


Tomorrow Heather & I go to breakfast & then who knows where the day will go. The next day it's my mom's birthday & I just pray I can hold my tongue. My mom is really rude & emotional and wants everything her way and all the attention all the time. It's really exasperating in every sense of the word. But I just try to have the attitude that she is walking theater & I'm getting a free show. And despite it all she is funny and wild & sometimes really fun. I love her and know she's loves me with all her crazy heart. That's what is important.


You must be wondering if it's cold here. Well yes but it's just like Portland right now. Only there is still leftover crusty snow all over. It's great. I love that it's not totally freezing. Well here's a pic I took tonight oh the IDS tower. Enjoy!

Xmas is Not so Bad

You know this year the holiday season has been pretty lovely. Not just for the presents received but I've enjoyed giving very much and sheesh it's just been all really nice. In the midst of changes it has been nice to see the lighted homes, decorated stores and general holiday cheer. I have not felt cynical and even had a moment where I almost purchased a felt headband that looked a bit like rain deer antlers. They even lit up but even for me that was pushing the xmas thing. Anyway I'm doing laundry and hoping I'll remember everything I need to bring. I hope if there are any delays in Denver I & everyone else can take them in stride.

Happy holidays y'all. I'll update this blog on about a week. Until then...PEACE!
~F

Awesome

Well sorry for the delay with posting y'all. Tis the season for busy. So it looks like after the possibility of not making it to MPLS due to the Denver airport closing down is no longer a concern. All scheduled flights are flying starting today there & that means I'm going home through Denver after all. Whopee!

This morning I feel great! I got on my knees & prayed and could have stayed that way all day. It felt so good to be connected to something greater than myself. Then I meditated. It was funny cuz at first I was like "aww I don't have time and it's boring" and then I remembered that meditation is a yummy treat just for me. So I focused on my breathing & took any pressure off doing it perfectly (there is no such beast really) and just enjoyed that quiet space. Ahh. I'm just loving my life right now. Plus I got to work and our boss got the employees many boxes of fresh donuts. Life is good!

There have been some changes in my romance with Mary. We are indeed in each others lives and it seems the changes we've made are really bringing about growth for each of us. I'm not sure exactly what we are or aren't, but I'm feeling really grateful for her and for the life I've worked so hard to have on my own.

My housemate turned 35 yesterday and for xmas she gave me an electric blanket. I turned it on about 15 minutes before I got into bed so it would be all warm and oh-my-gosh! I was moaning and giggling like I had some hottie in my bed because it felt so friggin good in my warm bed. So nice. She gave me this great xmas card too that said I was the best housemate ever. What a blessing to be a good housemate & to have a great one. Geez I'm just so very lucky.

Gotta go work it! Peace!

Can't Think of a Clever Title

Sarah, my housemate decorated my sad little plant that I over-watered. It's as bad as that pitiful tree from the Charlie Brown xmas special. Anyway she gussied it up & put some presents near and now we have xmas in the living room. Yay. Sarah will trim back the branches of this ficus and hopefully it will thrive again. Yes folks, you can love something too much!

Here I am home sick. Was supposed to be at a Local 5 union training but I feel very tired & like there is thick cotton foam in my ears. My throat is swollen to the touch and the only thing I've got going for me in the moment is that the mascara I wore yesterday is still making my eyes pretty. I have acupuncture Wednesday and am taking lots of vitamins and sleeping like it's going out of style. Since I have no sick food (foods to eat when un-well like chicken soup, 7-up and such) I ate veggie corn dogs for breakfast and have made a huge ass pot of jasmine rice. I'll have some veggies as soon as I can force myself to the store.

Yesterday I had for the first time one of those Lindor truffle things with the crazy smooth center. My co-worker gave me one which is funny because Mary & I had just talked about them days before. Anyway my co-worker advised be not-to-bite but just suck. Well how can I pass up such directions on how to use my mouth? So I did as she said and I'll tell ya the outside is nothing to write home about. The inside however is amazingly smooth and cool to the tongue. It's heavenly indeed & made me start thinking of naughty ways to use those secret centers! So friends I say yum yum to the Lindor thingys. I can't wait to try the dark chocolate ones! Peace!

iXmas/Chacha Changes/I'm Sick Damn it

Xmas has come early for me this year. Santa gave me my very first iPod (a super cute bright pink Nano). I somehow managed to get my new Toots & the Maytals cd onto iTunes and then on my iPod. Yipee! Yesterday a friend & I were shopping and stopped at the Mac store in Pioneer Place. I wanted to see how much a kicky little Nano holder would cost. $20 minimum. So I'm going to shop around & see if I can find something a wee bit cheaper as I've still got xmas presents to buy. Anyway I'm excited to explore this iTechnology and see where it takes me.

Speaking of cool presents Zee got me Chanel mascara. It's called Inimitable & this stuff is awesome! No raccoon eyes and it gives a natural look despite making my lashes look huge. Yay!

Yesterday had a few tougher moments until I called my sponsor and let a demon or two out of my head. She again told me how proud of me she is. I asked her why making the right, healthy and wise decisions feels so yucky sometimes. "Letting go is always hard, especially for us" and it is a comfort to know it is not just me. Once I talked to her I preceded (by sheer mental force at first) to take a yummy bath with a yummy coco butter Lush bath ball (I know poor me right?). Yum coco-butter. Then I coco-buttered myself more with a lotion & then futzed with my iPod, read David Sedaris, cuddled with my cat and watched Emma with my roomie. Changing rhythms in my lifestyle always feels hard at first and am glad that gratitude kicked in allowing me to live in that day. And that my friends is growth indeed!

I'm sick damn it. Not dying or anything but needing to baby myself big time as my throat is a bit sore & I'm coughing up a little goo. An ear, nose & throat thing I'm thinking. I wore myself down this week with some obsessive thinking and finally too much crying. So this week is TLC week so I don't leave for MN a week from now with my body & mind in a bad way. Anyway today I work and will so slow. I pray for guidance today and just enough grace to keep me from being cranky.

A Higher Love

Turned on the radio this morning and Steve Winwood's uplifting song "Higher Love" was on. What a way to start the day! These lines in particular move me:

I could light the night up with my soul on fire

I could make the sun shine from pure desire

Let me feel that love come over me

Let me feel how strong it could be

I love that! Anyway last night I was reading what is so far a great book titled Meditation Made Easy by Lorin Roche. I know I know. It's easy to scoff. Meditation be easy? I think that very mindset is what has kept me from recieving the wonderful benefits meditating provides. That's why I'm reading it! So I'd like to share some things I read and take y'all on this journey with me. My goal is to practice meditating everyday, even if it's only for 30 seconds. Because some is better than none and I realize what I thought I knew about meditation is faulty at best.

From the introduction:

Each of us is a yogi for half a second when we stop to smell the roses. It's all there in that moment of conscious, grateful breathing. When we cultivate our gratitude for breath, something good happens at a deep level. We make friends with life.

Meditation is great gift to give to yourself. It is a way to experience a higher quality of life by just going inside yourself & touching your center for a moment. It is a brief retreat from the world that lets you reenter the world with a more vivid presence.

...come-as-you-are meditation.

...engage your curiousity & sense of adventure. The rewards are a greater ability to pay attention to life and to love.

Meditation is about being intimate with your deepest self. Any sense of formality, any sense that you are doing a technique that comes from outside yourself interferes with this necessary closeness.

Meditation can and should be something you reach for as informally as you reach for a cup of tea, or an apple or the phone to talk to a friend--in other words, as a direct response to sensing some need in your body or heart.

Meditation is powered by our deepest cravings, not by discipline.

It should have a sense of luxury and deliciousness. It should be a place for you to entertain all your desires and longings and prepare to fufill them as much as is possible and ethical in your life.

This was Bebes meditating this morning. He's so damn sweet & cute. Peace y'all!

A Prayer

God please help to see today as the gift that it is, rather than a problem to be solved.

Yesterday I went my first whole day without my ankle brace. My doc wants me to officially ween myself off it, so today I am again without the brace (it's in my bag just in case). So far so good. It feels like I'm learning to walk again & in a way I am.

Last night I had crazy dreams. Death was the main theme. The hero in my dream was unknowingly surrounded by dead bodies on an airplane. I later became the hero and had to battle the undead villain and kill it six times before it died. For me death dreams have to do with changes in my waking life. So here we go....

Happy ChristmaKwanHukah

Peace Y'all!

December 11th, 1974

I was born that day. 32 years I've been alive. I've survived so many things including my own addictions. Have lived though 9/11 and the Internet. Made love and war. All that stuff. Today all I really feel is grateful. And relaxed (I took the day off).

Right now a search in on for climbers missing on Mt. Hood. After everything with the Kim family it almost seems like Oregon is some kind of black whole into which people fall. I'm still reeling from the loss of James Kim. No I didn't know him, but something about this story is so heartbreaking. Bittersweet in it's truest. Partly I'm touched because Mr. Kim was what sounds like a wonderful father, proved by his heroic efforts in the woods to save his family. Something I doubt my father ever would have done. And I'm also touched because his daughters are mixed race and will grow up without the parent of color there to guide them directly on their journeys. Something else I relate to. I was saddened to see that a comic at an anti death penalty benefit felt a need to make a joke about this event by playing into the Asian driver stereotype.

Sometimes I just don't get people. Sometimes I just want to give up and assume all people suck and then I read a great article by Mark Morford at the SF Chronicle and decide I'll try to like this place called America on more time.

Since it is my birthday it means it's time for a viewing of my solar return chart. It's an astrology chart that shows where the planets & such were at the exact time my Sun was in the same sign & degree as it was when I was born. This happens every year right on or the day before or after one's b-day. For instance I was born at 11:03am 32 years ago. This year though the Sun was in the same degree as it was 32 years ago after 5am this morning. Here's my chart:

Click on it for a better view.

So just for fun I made a new little title banner on this blog because.... well I wanted to. And down a bit in the side bar I made a matching button so feel free to use it & connect folks to Redolence!

So my birthday weekend was wonderful. Mary and I had a very sexy time at a wonderful B&B called Heron Haus. Our room was upgraded when we got there so we were on the top floor with a view over looking the city. The room was called Manu and it looked like this:
I recommend this place. We hardly wanted to leave. It was so relaxing with the fireplace, huge King size bed and this amazing shower head (no not like that) called the rain dance or something. We went to August Moon on NW 23rd for dinner because I love Chinese American food and then to Papa Haydn's for dessert.

Back at our luscious room we romped around and yes folks had some awesome sex. Though right after I got nausea and had to finish what we started the next morning. After we left Heron Haus we went to Lush and Ms. M got some stuff for peeps including a yummy smelling oil bar thingy for me. We relaxed at home, played cards and ate at Chez Jose for dinner. Then the finale. The Gospel Christmas program at the Schnitz. It was the best one I had ever been to. Folks couldn't stop clapping, the audience was dancing and everyone seemed regardless of religious belief happy for baby Jesus or at least the music honoring him. Mary said I was "swimming in the good vibes" and she's right! So lovely.

Well it's time to do some reading and relaxing. One more thing though. If you have not already explored my favorite blog Racialicious, I really encourage you to do so. I really love it. Every week is a new podcast, links to great articles and so much more. I cannot even begin to sing this blog's praises. So with that happy holidaze y'all. I look forward to another year of growing into the woman I wish to be & staying open to the love and joy that surrounds us all! Peace!

How Beauty Is Made

How Beauty Is Made - Dove Campaign - www.campaignforrealbeauty.com

The B-Day Weekend Hath Begun!

That's right! So why the heck am I sitting at a work computer this very moment? Ahh yes waiting a bit before I head off to a meeting. Since I'm here I may as well recap on this weeks Items of Note (is that correct grammar wise?).

ION's

• Rosie O'Donnell had a most graceful moment on "The View" this week when she referred to an episode being so popular that folks in Mongolia would say "ching-chong-ching-chong." I suppose that is how Mongolians speak of course. That racist fool can suck it!
• My officially declared my love for Amy Sedaris null & void. I won't have a thing to do with her. That racist fool can also suck it!
• I did not have sex this week but has some really good chocolate from Pix Patisserie last night that made me very horney! I want to suck it!
• Discovered the website eatwild.com. Grass fed meat all the way baybee! Suck it down!
• Corn that is grown with petroleum is in every fawking thing. Yum yum. It sucks!
• Baking soda is the great cure-all for most problems
• The L Word is coming!!!!!!!!!!
• I was told today I'm the prettiest woman on staff. Awwwwwww!

That's it for now. Check out the Dove film in the post above!

Coffee Makes Me Cranky/My B-Day

Okay it's official. Coffee makes me cranky. Not lattes, mocha's or soy chai pumpkin spice with extra foam lattes. Just plain ol' coffee with cream & sugar makes me a bit of a grump. I'm not proud of this. Even more annoying is how frickin' much a decent latte costs, but alas my affair with coffee is coming to its slow final end. Green tea I love yet there is one problem with it. Once it hits rooms temperature & I swallow it I get nausea. And have even barfed from room temp. tea. So I have to drink it quickly and hot. Which is fine I suppose. Ahh pool problems! I'll shut up not about my caffeine issues.

So my birfday is Monday. I'm really ready to be 32. Though it means I'm slowly creeping towards the land of 40, I'm happy to be moving away from the land of the 20's. This year I've decided to go mellow. No dinner parties, no gifts, no bullshit. All I wanted this year is some hot unadulterated sex with my girlfriend in a nice setting. So we're going to a lovely B&B in NW. I won't say where were going until we get back because I wanna make sure no one bugs me this weekend as I'll be busy but here is what Fodors said about the place:

"...A long flight of wooden stairs leads down from the driveway of this West Hills mansion. At the bottom is a tiny secluded orchard of pears, apple, and cherry trees. This is just one of the many hidden charms of ________, arguably the most accomplished B&B in the Rose City..."

Sounds good eh?

Saturday we go to the Portland Art Museum to see their Egypt exhibit. At some point well have Chinese food because it's good and after an hour your ready to start doing-it again. And Sunday night Mary & I get to go to Gospel Christmas. And that folks is how I'm sending my birfday. Sex, food and gospel. I think even Jesus would smile.

Back from my Posting Vacation

NaBloPoMo darn near kicked my butt. Although I actually posted 37 times in November. Yes kids, I rawk! Anyway here is what I got for posting 30 days in a row in November.









That's right! Nothing. Ah well. I may not have won a prize per se but discovered some lovely blogs and got a chance to emerse myself in what some call the blogsphere. And it motivated me to write. I mean really write again which I've needed to do. I even started another blog in November (which also needs an update this week!). It's a blog on sex from the perspective of an aware queer woman of color (moi). You can check it out here. It's quite explicit so be prepared. Anyway I need to run off to celebrate my friend's 25 years sober! Kewl! Oh and last but not least about NaBloPoMo...

Last NaBloPoMo

Thank you geezus. I'm so glad. So now what. December I think I'll work on cleaning up this blog. Making sure things are spelled correctly, taking out illegal pics, just general cleaning. Since December contains my birthday, x-mas, mums b-day and New Years I think I'll dedicate some time to these celebrations and what they mean to me(duh).

Tonight I saw This Wonderful Life at the Gerding Theater with Zee. It was very good, save for the man sitting behind us who kep belching like a rabid cow the whole time. It was a great way to start the holiday season. Here's to another December, another year and just for today!
~F

Not Much Sense

Well apparently the ol' Bush & Co. are at it again. This idea is so silly one can really only shake their head. Mark Morfords column today tells us about it and quite frankly I hoped he was joking until he provided this link. Umm what the hell is going on? Why are $50 million dollars of our darn tax monies going to fund abstinence programs that target unmarried adults under 29? I'm truly appalled. I mean it's funny. These conservatives don't want folks to get pregnant but don't want them to have hot gay sex either. They don't like it if were encouraged to masturbate as well. We can apparently only have married missionary position sex so we will make an army of the Lords children. WTF?

Abstinence education will never work. It will never work because humans are programmed to fuck. I know I don't swear much on this blog but I'm letting loose tonight. We all like to fuck. We fuck hard, soft, up, down and all around. Jesus made it so. Or at least God or nature of whatever gave us all these things called in polite company...urges. Don't get me wrong. I'm not a fan of just fucking nilly willy like I have. That stuff only gave me grief more that hot joy filled passion. But come on, folks wanna DO-IT! We wouldn't have yummy soft squishy "parts" otherwise. So what are we, a Country and World full of people with yummy genitals supposed to do. I say masturbate! Or have some hot, safer gay sex. That's right I said it. I'm advocating everyone to go to your bedroom and diddle your skittle. Choke your chicken. Pleasure yourself for the love of God and Country. And if you need a little human touch, go get that friend of the same sex or gender or at least someone who can't get you pregnant and fuckin' fuck already...with protection of course!

People, especially teens need to know it's okay and good and very normal to want to have sex. Shit I waited until I was 18. You know why? Because it wasn't forbidden. It was my choice. My mom never said, don't do-it or I'll kill you or that's nasty or you'll be a slut if you do. No, she said she would like it if I waited until I was married, but that it was my choice. And you know I think even at 18 I was still too young. Sometimes at almost 32 I feel too young. Because for me I have learned the hard way that sex can be a loaded activity. It's always more than just the "bump 'n' grind" as some say. To let go and open to pleasure alone or with others is no easy task at times. Why do you think so many folks drink? To be able to get slutty and fuck like a demon in the raw. I've learned since I've been sober that it takes love for me to do that. I know everyone else is different and that some can screw and such easily. And I have screwed as if I fell off a chair & onto someone else's mouth or cock. But for me to really show myself in that crazy mad tender raw way where we look into each others eyes and watch each other shake in primal bliss...That takes love.

So why not teach our teens to have rapture with themselves. That yes, sex can be very serious. Yes there very much can be dangerous life changing consequences. But there's nothing wrong with the urges. Nothing wrong with expressing passion. That our crazy-making society that thirsts for sex while bemoaning it doesn't have to rule our sex lives. That hot sex comes in many forms where fluids don't have to be exchanged. Okay I think I've ranted enough!

In closing I'd like to switch topics completely and mention that I get to stay over at my grandma's while I'm in MN. I'm so excited to see her. I miss her so very much. She is my heart and I just pray I don't bug her too much. She's 93 and I want to create calm and not anxiety for her. And I hope I get to see my BF in Minneapolis. It would make the trip perfect. Goodnight y'all!

My Sweet One is Back

Short post tonight because I'm tired as heck. She's home and I'm so glad! More tomorrow!

Waiting

Well her flight is late which with the snow today is expected. She lands in Seattle no less then comes the 3+ hour drive to Portland. So I'm cleaning her condo and checking on the SEATAC website & such. So I stopped at Fred Meyer today and it started snowing kinda. More like tiny iceballs that turned to slush instantly. It was fun but I knew it would slow down my baby getting back home. Arrrg! Ooh she just called and is tired but on her way! Yippee!!!!!! Anyway here's a pic I took of it today.

I liked the orange in the midst of the snow and grass & such. Now here's a story...

This weekend I was at this one place. I can't say where because one can get fired for saying stuff that has to do with work. So I'll just say I was at Play Land. Okay so while I was at Play Land I was helping this person. A person who consumes things that have words in them. The things I'll call Bools. And I'll call this person Angryevilelf. Angryevilelf came up to where I was taking money from other elves who wanted to give money for bools & straight up coughed-on-me! Like his germ filled air flowed at me. So I said to to him "please cover your mouth the next time you cough." I didn't say this bitchily ( I know it's not a word, just lay off already) but calmly and to the point.

Well Mr. Angryevilelf responded by saying to evilelf mistress "God people in Oregon are so rude" to which I said "well sir when you coughed your wind blew right on me & I don't want to get sick." This enraged Angryevilelf. I suspect that perhaps I may have also seemd like an uppity negress to him and perhaps it bugged him I had on Hothead Paisan tee that also said "Homocidal Lesbian Terrorist." He started going off on me about how rude I was and he couldn't believe I said that so I let him know that I was no longer willing to help him get his bools and that I would have someone else help him. he said good and asked for a manager and then ranted at the dude next to me that takes money from elves (not Elvis! ha!).

So the moral of the story is some folks have quite a sense of entitlement and don't want to treat other human beings like...um... what do you call 'em?.........OH yes...PEOPLE! If such a thing happens to you remember to breathe, not cowtow to some asshole and laugh it off. Laugh as soon as you can. Interesting enough when thee dude next to me was helping Angryevilelf, Angryevilelf coughed and guess what? He covered his mouth. WTF?

To answer M's question: Interactive Media Design.
Tootles!

Hothead Forever!

Dear Santa/Halloween

Dear Santa-

I would like an iPod Shuffle. I'll even give you an x-mas kiss!

~F

hair
Originally uploaded by frankathlin.

Here I am at work this Halloween. Clearly my costume is that I'm a person who just woke up.

Breasts

So at the party last night I was introduced to a girl wearing a very 70's dress. A gunny sack type dress. Her breast though small were well lifted and bound within the built-in laces of the top part of the dress. For some reason my eyes kept focusing on her bodice and especially her breasts. It was so odd because even though the visual was nice enough I just kept thinking of my girlfriends luscious breasts and how much I missed her and her yummy body. So the more I thought about her breasts the more I stared at this woman's tits and I finally had to walk away because I was starting to feel like a letch.

This morning while im-ing with my pal I realized that school work will be about 20 hours per week and I work 32 hours per week. That makes a 50+ hour week. Then there are meetings and my cat and my girlfriend and my own self to spend time with. Hot dog I'm going to be very busy! Little nervous about that because with the medical stuff I have that produces a daily feeling of exhaustion, I'm scared I'll fail. I know it's just my head trying to sabotage but the reality is I'm really going to be forced to take care of myself and put my needs first. And recovery comes first and that's that. I've done school & work before but I worked 22 hours per week and was able to use some of the loan monies for living expenses. This time the probability is that I'll need to work every single hour due to AIP costing a bit more and loans won't cover all school expenses. It will all work out. If you pray, send a little one to the powers that be for me to take good care of me.

Back from the Party

Well it was an excellent party. I'm tired and about ready for bed. This pic is how I looked tonight as I was waiting for the bus to take me to the bash. Geez I love my camera phone!

Quickie

Today is a very quick post as I need to go to work soon and then get gussied up for the Decades party. I'll be wearing a lovely dress from the 40's which is my favorite decade. Only problem is the dress is quite long and I don't have time to get it hemmed. But maybe that's okay since I have to wear street shoes with the dress due to my ankle stuff. Hey at least I can walk! Hope to see some of you at the party tonight and if not have a lovely Saturday!
~F