Sunday, July 22, 2007

Splat! Vay Cay Pics!

On Friday I went splat. Was running late for work on the day of J K Rowling's final Harry Potter release. The line for the book began at 6:30am & the book wouldn't be released until midnight and one minute which meant there was a slew of Potter fans infront of me watching as I tripped on the curb & my entire body thudded onto the concrete outside of the bookstore. I skinned my knee & elbow, punctured my pride as three older ladies came to my aid cooing & helping me up and bruised various areas of my body. It was not pretty. I didn't even know I had fallen until I was already making full frontal contact with the sidewalk. I had to go home early to ice & elevate & missed the Deathly Hallows extravaganza. Boo hoo! I'm recovering just fine but am sad I missed the final party as I've attended every Harry Potter release we've had. Ah well!

So for now I'm just going to show some pics of my trip & explain as much as I can for being tired in the moment. Hope y'all enjoy!


The morning we depart I'm happy & relaxed! Just 3 hours to Pendleton Oregon


Baby Alex is so sweet! He & I stared at each other a lot!

Ethan is his own little person! He came up to me on the stairs & just sat there. This pic was snapped & he took off


Kirkham Hot Springs in Idaho. So pretty. We plan to go back & swim!

Target was a very friendly horse. You would walk towards him & he'd start walking to you. Liked to bite a little though!
My beloved with Target at her dad's place

We we're in Idaho & I can't even remember where but we passed this auto shop & had to take our pics there. Can you blame us?

The funny thing too was it seemed like mainly dykes we're driving in and out of the place. I need to see if this place has a tee-shirt!


Sidney & Lucy. Teacup chihuahuas. Very sweet & brave girls on our trip. Here they stand in Crouch Idaho on their human grandmothers porch.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

I'm Back!

These are my new nephews. Since I have no brothers or sisters I therefore have no nieces or nephews to call my own. Lucky for me these boys made me fall in love with them & I'm honored to call them mine. More vacation pics on the way. Had a great trip & have some stories too! Peace!
~F

Monday, July 16, 2007

Still on da Road

I'm currently in a place called Nampa Idaho. So far the biggest thing going on here is a Walmart but my beloved's mama is here too so all is good.

Hope all my QWOC readers are spiffy & I look forward to sharing all about my fun vacation later this week. Until then....

Peace y'all!
~F

Monday, July 09, 2007

That's Right!

I'm officially on holiday. I'm currently at work waiting for my girlfriend/fiance to get off duty so we can take off early tomorrow. Not sure what else to say other than I'm excited & looking forward to meeting her peeps & relaxing. Will be possibly updating with a pic or two so watch for that. In the meantime enjoy this very strange pic I edited my myimager. I just love that thing!
Peace y'all!

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Dear God I'm Still Up!

Not asleep. Can't sleep. I think it's because I'm not with my girl tonight. Were on the phone late talking about each other with each other. We mention our late night sexy thoughts. Oh man I miss her right now!

We leave this week for our first vacation together. A road trip where I'll meet many of her family members. I'm not too nervous about meeting her peeps. Just hope we all get along & can make me a part of their family too. Am excited to get away & have some alone time with my girl on the road. Tomorrow I start packing, Hope I don't forget anything!

We get back from vacation & then we shack up August 1st. Okay time for bed!
~F

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

You are Free to Kiss my AZZ

Happy 4th mofo's! I'm bleeding like a freshly killed pig, need to take a dump & have to start work in a few minutes so this post will be short. My plans to celebrate my independence as well as yours is to feed a dog, deposit a check & go up to the Burnside Bridge with my girl & make out under the fireworks! Thought I'm wearing a multicolored Carole Little hippy dress, I am wearing a red, white & blue button that says Support our Troops. Bring 'em home *alive*.

In other news I'm adding a pod casts/vlog (video blogs) favorites to my right hand column. Check out my new favorite Ill Doctrine by Jay Smooth. It's a fresher take on hip hop & dryly funny. Plus Mr. Smooth is kinda cute! Yes I still appreciate the fellas so hush up! Also check out the latest podcast of the first & still favorite podcast I listened to: Addicted to Race. The latest episode is on celebrity adoptions.


Photo courtesy of unprofound

Have a safe 4th!
~F

Monday, July 02, 2007

Curiosity Vultures

Amazingly great post on Racialicious by Wendi Muse about the "what are you?" question. In the comments was a link to an answer someone gave as to why mixed race folks get offended by other's curiosity.

A post I did in May about the what are you experience led to an ending of knowing someone I had at one time been closer to. A debate ensued at that time around whether the curiosity was anthropological in nature. We went back & fourth & I much felt the familiar pangs of being asked a question by someone in a majority position and then being completely discounted when I give a heartfelt answer. Something minorities go through a lot. I wanted to be open minded however to this person's assertion & asked someone who is a leader in the anti-racism activist community & also multiracial.

I asked: "Is it possible that when a stranger comes up to me or any other mixed person & asks "what are you" that it's anthropology as a motivation?"

The answer: "...what if I went up to men of different races and asked how long their penises are? But you know, I'm just curious from ananthropological view?"

I think that sums it up. Peace y'all!

Saturday, June 30, 2007

P M S

Photo courtesy of unprofound

This is where I'm at with my PMS today. I just want to slap the shit out of someone. No one I like of course but someone really annoying who deserves it like Dick Cheney. Perhaps he's too old for such an action. Or maybe I'm being ageist. Yes that's it I'm being ageist. His age shouldn't matter when it comes to mindless violence! I say as of today anyone who comes across Dick Cheney has the right to slap the bloody shit out of him for me. Thank you!
~F

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Free The New Jersey Four Now! A Call for Action!

Reprinted with permission from Workers.org

Lesbians sentenced for self-defense

All-white jury convicts Black women

By Imani Henry New York
Published Jun 21, 2007 2:58 AM

On June 14, four African-American women—Venice Brown (19), Terrain Dandridge (20), Patreese Johnson (20) and Renata Hill (24)—received sentences ranging from three-and-a-half to 11 years in prison. None of them had previous criminal records. Two of them are parents of small children.

Their crime? Defending themselves from a physical attack by a man who held them down and choked them, ripped hair from their scalps, spat on them, and threatened to sexually assault them—all because they are lesbians.

The mere fact that any victim of a bigoted attack would be arrested, jailed and then convicted for self-defense is an outrage. But the length of prison time given further demonstrates the highly political nature of this case and just how racist, misogynistic, anti-gay, anti-youth and anti-worker the so-called U.S. justice system truly is.

The description of the events, reported below, is based on written statements by a community organization (FIERCE) that has made a call to action to defend the four women, verbal accounts from court observers and evidence from a surveillance camera.

The attack

On Aug. 16, 2006, seven young, African-American, lesbian-identified friends were walking in the West Village. The Village is a historic center for lesbian, gay, bi and trans (LGBT) communities, and is seen as a safe haven for working-class LGBT youth, especially youth of color.

As they passed the Independent Film Cinema, 29-year-old Dwayne Buckle, an African American vendor selling DVDs, sexually propositioned one of the women. They rebuffed his advances and kept walking.

“I’ll f— you straight, sweetheart!” Buckle shouted. A video camera from a nearby store shows the women walking away. He followed them, all the while hurling anti-lesbian slurs, grabbing his genitals and making explicitly obscene remarks. The women finally stopped and confronted him. A heated argument ensued. Buckle spat in the face of one of the women and threw his lit cigarette at them, escalating the verbal attack into a physical one.

Buckle is seen on the video grabbing and pulling out large patches of hair from one of the young women. When Buckle ended up on top of one of the women, choking her, Johnson pulled a small steak knife out of her purse. She aimed for his arm to stop him from killing her friend.

The video captures two men finally running over to help the women and beating Buckle. At some point he was stabbed in the abdomen. The women were already walking away across the street by the time the police arrived.

Buckle was hospitalized for five days after surgery for a lacerated liver and stomach. When asked at the hospital, he responded at least twice that men had attacked him.

There was no evidence that Johnson’s kitchen knife was the weapon that penetrated his abdomen, nor was there any blood visible on it. In fact, there was never any forensics testing done on her knife. On the night they were arrested, the police told the women that there would be a search by the New York Police Department for the two men—which to date has not happened.

After almost a year of trial, four of the seven were convicted in April. Johnson was sentenced to 11 years on June 14.

Even with Buckle’s admission and the video footage proving that he instigated this anti-gay attack, the women were relentlessly demonized in the press, had trumped-up felony charges levied against them, and were subsequently given long sentences in order to send a clear resounding message—that self-defense is a crime and no one should dare to fight back.

Political backdrop of the case

Why were these young women used as an example? At stake are the billions of dollars in tourism and real estate development involved in the continued gentrification of the West Village. This particular incident happened near the Washington Square area—home of New York University, one of most expensive private colleges in the country and one of the biggest employers and landlords in New York City. The New York Times reported that Justice Edward J. McLaughlin used his sentencing speech to comment on “how New York welcomes tourists.” (June 17)

The Village is also the home of the Stonewall Rebellion, the three-day street battle against the NYPD that, along with the Compton Cafeteria “Riots” in California, helped launch the modern-day LGBT liberation movement in 1969. The Manhattan LGBT Pride march, one of the biggest demonstrations of LGBT peoples in the world, ends near the Christopher Street Piers in the Village, which have been the historical “hangout” and home for working-class trans and LGBT youth in New York City for decades.

Because of growing gentrification in recent years, young people of color, homeless and transgender communities, LGBT and straight, have faced curfews and brutality by police sanctioned by the West Village community board and politicians. On Oct. 31, 2006, police officers from the NYPD’s 6th Precinct indiscriminately beat and arrested several people of color in sweeps on Christopher Street after the Halloween parade.

Since the 1980s there has been a steady increase in anti-LGBT violence in the area, with bashers going there with that purpose in mind.

For trans people and LGBT youth of color, who statistically experience higher amounts of bigoted violence, the impact of the gentrification has been severe. As their once-safe haven is encroached on by real estate developers, the new white and majority heterosexual residents of the West Village then call in the state to brutalize them.

For the last six years the political LGBT youth group FIERCE has been at the forefront of mobilizing young people “to counter the displacement and criminalization of LGBTSTQ [lesbian, gay, bi, two spirit, trans, and queer] youth of color and homeless youth at the Christopher Street Pier and in Manhattan’s West Village.” (www.fiercenyc.org) FIERCE has also been the lead organization supporting the Jersey Seven and their families.

The trial and the media

Deemed a so-called “hate crime” against a straight man, every possible racist, anti-woman, anti-LGBT and anti-youth tactic was used by the entire state apparatus and media. Everything from the fact that they lived outside of New York, in the working-class majority Black city of Newark, N.J., to their gender expressions and body structures were twisted and dehumanized in the public eye and to the jury.

According to court observers, McLaughlin stated throughout the trial that he had no sympathy for these women. The jury, although they were all women, were all white. All witnesses for the district attorney were white men, except for one Black male who had several felony charges.

Court observers report that the defense attorneys had to put enormous effort into simply convincing the jury that they were “average women” who had planned to just hang out together that night. Some jurists asked why they were in the Village if they were from New Jersey. The DA brought up whether they could afford to hang out there—raising the issue of who has the right to be there in the first place.

The Daily News reporting was relentless in its racist anti-lesbian misogyny, portraying Buckle as a “filmmaker” and “sound engineer” preyed upon by a “lesbian wolf pack” (April 19) and a “gang of angry lesbians.” (April 13)

Everyone has been socialized by cultural archetypes of what it means to be a “man” or “masculine” and “woman” or “feminine.” Gender identity/expression is the way each indivdual chooses or not to express gender in their everyday lives, including how they dress, walk, talk, etc. Transgender people and other gender non-conforming people face oppression based on their gender expression/identity.

The only pictures shown in the Daily News were of the more masculine-appearing women. One of the most despiciable headlines in the Daily News, “‘I’m a man!’ lesbian growled during fight,” (April 13) was targeted against Renata Hill, who was taunted by Buckle because of her masculinity.

Ironically, Johnson, who was singled out by the judge as the “ringleader,” is the more feminine of the four. According to the New York Times, in his sentencing remarks, “Justice McLaughlin scoffed at the assertion made by ... Johnson, that she carried a knife because she was just 4-foot-11 and 95 pounds, worked nights and lived in a dangerous neighborhood.” He quoted the nursery rhyme, “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” (June 15)

All of the seven women knew and went to school with Sakia Gunn, a 19-year-old butch lesbian who was stabbed to death in Newark, N.J., in May 2003. Paralleling the present case, Gunn was out with three of her friends when a man made sexual advances to one of the women. When she replied that she was a lesbian and not interested, he attacked them. Gunn fought back and was stabbed to death.

“You can’t help but wonder that if Sakia Gunn had a weapon, would she be in jail right now?” Bran Fenner, a founding member and co-executive director of FIERCE, told Workers World. “If we don’t have the right to self-defense, how are we supposed to survive?”

National call to action

While racist killer cops continue to go without indictment and anti-immigrant paramilitary groups like the Minutemen are on the rise in the U.S., The Jersey Four sit behind bars for simply defending themselves against a bigot who attacked them in the Village.

Capitalism at its very core is a racist, sexist, anti-LGBT system, sanctioning state violence through cops, courts and its so-called laws. The case of the Jersey Four gives more legal precedence for bigoted violence to go unchallenged. The ruling class saw this case as a political one; FIERCE and other groups believe the entire progressive movement should as well.

Fenner said, “We are organizing in the hope that this wakes up all oppressed people and sparks a huge, broad campaign to demand freedom for the Jersey Four.”

FIERCE is asking for assistance for these young women, including pro-bono legal support, media contacts and writers, pen pals, financial support, and diverse organizational support. For details, visit http://www.fiercenyc.org/.

Waiting Game

It's my 1 day off this week today. Got a call from a realtor saying she'd be by between 10:30 & noon to show the house I'm currently residing in that is also currently on the market. While my roommate is in NY I'm here dealing with realtors who leave all the lights on before leaving & wondering if they'll let my cat outdoors to get hit by a car. Mercury is so farking in retrograde!!!!

The realtor who called for today never showed up. I woke up for nothing. My urge was to call her and say something like this even though it's very much not true:

"Ummm excuse me but you said you were coming by noon today & I have some casual sex scheduled for 12:30pm today so can hurry up & come here so I can." Wouldn't that be funny to say? I didn't do it but I certainly felt like doing it!

My partner & I are also waiting to hear back on a rental we're really interested in. We checked out one of the townhomes next door that the neighbors kindly let us walk around in & it's super great. The townhouse we want has hardwoods & a fireplace for a bit under $750 per month. Not only would I personally be paying less rent but I'd get to go back to the neighborhood I love (North Portland a.k.a da hood). So at this point everything is simply in God/dess's hands & I personally have no choice but to surrender & stay in reality moment by moment.

I'm off to chill. Peace!
~F

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

My 1st Necklace & Feeling Emotionally Shitty

I made my first necklace last night. With the help of a great teacher at Beads at Dusti Creek & some willingness to spend money & get into a new hobby the piece above was made. It's chocolate pearls & these kick-ass glass beads with a few seed beads. It was a lot of fun & I have to complete a couple more projects & then I'll have another private class & learn how to make earrings.

Knitting is fun. I know I'll knit again. But it is also monotonous & lacks a bit for me in quickness & creativity. Beading was a bit more fun because It's cool to put colors together & figure out patterns of beads. Plus I get to get into use my natural obsessiveness to make details in the string & use my hands & tools to finish the piece. I'm a hands on kinda girl. Hehe!

Yesterday I hit a wall emotionally. I felt like a computer that needed to simply shut down & re-boot later. Went to bed at 6pm & only woke for an hour to talk with my beloved & then went back to bed. Mercury is certainly retrograde in Cancer because I feel like all things home related are just wacky as all get out.

My partner & need to live together soon. It's actually more stressful living apart than together. Those are words I never thought I'd say! The trouble is that we're mutually a little broke due to going on vacation next month & her place needed no deposit so we need to save for deposit on a new place. We found an awesome place that we're filling out paper work on tonight. It's a 2 bedroom town home with over 950 sq. feet and hardwood floors. Plus it's totally affordable! But we may need to borrow $$$ to get the deposit paid off immediately.

My home life at where I'm currently residing isn't much better. My roomie & I seem to have differing opinions on a household issue & too boot we communicate differently about things. I love her & hate having any strife especially when she's out of town.

So I came home last night & felt utterly hopeless. Just broken down emotionally & unable to do anything or think about anything. Knowing that I'm PMSing helped. Knowing that there is a solution & that it will pass helped too. My mind & heart know all will be well. So I just went to bed, to overloaded to do much else after my beading class.

Today I ran into a very sweet & squishy friend who gave me an amazing hug. I can't believe how much better I felt within my own body after that. Thank goddess for recovery because if you hang out enough, little angels angels find you everywhere!

I did chip a tooth today though. Hrumph!
Peace!
~F

Monday, June 25, 2007

Our Beavers are the Best!

Online Dating
Thanks to Sara for putting this link on her blog! Find out your blog rating here!

Because I didn't follow the OSU Beavers during the year. But as a pervy dyke I can't resist being able to say that for us in Oregon, our Beavers are the best! And that Oregon's Beavers are the best in the US.

Oh my gosh I am right now sucking on the most sour thing I've ever had in my mouth. A extreme sour apple Warhead. Goodness it's better but that was terrible! Now it's finally sweet! Yum yum.

Okay so I've been kinda stressed lately. And the annoying thing is it's all good stuff, but apparently stress whether it's good or bad has the same effect on the body. At least this is what my mommy says! So I shant complain a lot but perhaps a little because I can. Went to a great 12 step meeting today & someone said something cool. Since we're not supposed to repeat what others say in meeetings I'll summerize.

God has three answers-


  1. Yes

  2. Yes but not now

  3. No but something better is coming

That really helped me as I found myself before the meeting trying to think my way into knowing what to do about my living situation. I know by now the "brainstorm" as we call it, doesn't work. So I prayed, listened to the song Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve and got my ass to a meeting. And voila... head is better. Now it feels a little more like this...

Photo courtesy of unprofound

Peace y'all!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Yay! Pics!

I just got my Cunt Coloring Book by Tee Corinne. So very excited to color in it & I think I'll try crayons & colored pencils & see what I like best. Woo hoo!

On Racialicious I saw this awesome cartoon dedicated to That One Black Kid by Keith Knight. Check it out here. It's so on point I made one for my locker at work, fridge & my beloved.

Peace!

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Cuz I'm so in LOVE/Erase Racism Carnival/White Privilage

Geez my posting has fallen behind a bit. It's not my fault really cuz I'm so in love. Man I mean damn! Oh I really could go on & on & on & on but I don't want to make anyone barf. It's just so excellent to finally find the person who fits. It's not just because she's so great- which she is. It's feels as though she & I we're made for each other. Yes we have other things in our lives we're meant to do and yet we just are totally... uhh I just can't even articulate it here. It's just so beautiful & amazing & I'm so greateful to the powers that be for bringing us together. It seems as though I've waited my whole life & can now rest in the grace of our soulful romance.

Now onto the latest Erase Racism Carnival. This time it's at White anti-racist Parent. Some topics included are race in the media, race & immigration, Whitness & privilage and much more. Check it out.

And just for fun here are 50 ways in which white privilage effects white folks. Peggy McIntosh came up with this list and to read her more of her piece White Privilage: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack click here. Okay here we go...

1. I can if I wish arrange to be in the company of people of my race most of the time.
2. I can avoid spending time with people whom I was trained to mistrust and who have learned to mistrust my kind or me.
3. If I should need to move, I can be pretty sure of renting or purchasing housing in an area which I can afford and in which I would want to live.
4. I can be pretty sure that my neighbors in such a location will be neutral or pleasant to me.
5. I can go shopping alone most of the time, pretty well assured that I will not be followed or harassed.
6. I can turn on the television or open to the front page of the paper and see people of my race widely represented.
7. When I am told about our national heritage or about "civilization," I am shown that people of my color made it what it is.
8. I can be sure that my children will be given curricular materials that testify to the existence of their race.
9. If I want to, I can be pretty sure of finding a publisher for this piece on white privilege.
10. I can be pretty sure of having my voice heard in a group in which I am the only member of my race.
11. I can be casual about whether or not to listen to another person's voice in a group in which s/he is the only member of his/her race.
12. I can go into a music shop and count on finding the music of my race represented, into a supermarket and find the staple foods which fit with my cultural traditions, into a hairdresser's shop and find someone who can cut my hair.
13. Whether I use checks, credit cards or cash, I can count on my skin color not to work against the appearance of financial reliability.
14. I can arrange to protect my children most of the time from people who might not like them.
15. I do not have to educate my children to be aware of systemic racism for their own daily physical protection.
16. I can be pretty sure that my children's teachers and employers will tolerate them if they fit school and workplace norms; my chief worries about them do not concern others' attitudes toward their race.
17. I can talk with my mouth full and not have people put this down to my color.
18. I can swear, or dress in second hand clothes, or not answer letters, without having people attribute these choices to the bad morals, the poverty or the illiteracy of my race.
19. I can speak in public to a powerful male group without putting my race on trial.
20. I can do well in a challenging situation without being called a credit to my race.
21. I am never asked to speak for all the people of my racial group.
22. I can remain oblivious of the language and customs of persons of color who constitute the world's majority without feeling in my culture any penalty for such oblivion.
23. I can criticize our government and talk about how much I fear its policies and behavior without being seen as a cultural outsider.
24. I can be pretty sure that if I ask to talk to the "person in charge", I will be facing a person of my race.
25. If a traffic cop pulls me over or if the IRS audits my tax return, I can be sure I haven't been singled out because of my race.
26. I can easily buy posters, post-cards, picture books, greeting cards, dolls, toys and children's magazines featuring people of my race.
27. I can go home from most meetings of organizations I belong to feeling somewhat tied in, rather than isolated, out-of-place, outnumbered, unheard, held at a distance or feared.
28. I can be pretty sure that an argument with a colleague of another race is more likely to jeopardize her/his chances for advancement than to jeopardize mine.
29. I can be pretty sure that if I argue for the promotion of a person of another race, or a program centering on race, this is not likely to cost me heavily within my present setting, even if my colleagues disagree with me.
30. If I declare there is a racial issue at hand, or there isn't a racial issue at hand, my race will lend me more credibility for either position than a person of color will have.
31. I can choose to ignore developments in minority writing and minority activist programs, or disparage them, or learn from them, but in any case, I can find ways to be more or less protected from negative consequences of any of these choices.
32. My culture gives me little fear about ignoring the perspectives and powers of people of other races.
33. I am not made acutely aware that my shape, bearing or body odor will be taken as a reflection on my race.
34. I can worry about racism without being seen as self-interested or self-seeking.
35. I can take a job with an affirmative action employer without having my co-workers on the job suspect that I got it because of my race.
36. If my day, week or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether it had racial overtones.
37. I can be pretty sure of finding people who would be willing to talk with me and advise me about my next steps, professionally.
38. I can think over many options, social, political, imaginative or professional, without asking whether a person of my race would be accepted or allowed to do what I want to do.
39. I can be late to a meeting without having the lateness reflect on my race.
40. I can choose public accommodation without fearing that people of my race cannot get in or will be mistreated in the places I have chosen.
41. I can be sure that if I need legal or medical help, my race will not work against me.
42. I can arrange my activities so that I will never have to experience feelings of rejection owing to my race.
43. If I have low credibility as a leader I can be sure that my race is not the problem.
44. I can easily find academic courses and institutions which give attention only to people of my race.
45. I can expect figurative language and imagery in all of the arts to testify to experiences of my race.
46. I can chose blemish cover or bandages in "flesh" color and have them more or less match my skin.
47. I can travel alone or with my spouse without expecting embarrassment or hostility in those who deal with us.
48. I have no difficulty finding neighborhoods where people approve of our household.
49. My children are given texts and classes which implicitly support our kind of family unit and do not turn them against my choice of domestic partnership.
50. I will feel welcomed and "normal" in the usual walks of public life, institutional and social.

Friday, June 15, 2007

It's Pride Weekend in Bridge City

For some reason I'm so so about it. It's not because I'm a closet case (obviously) or have some internalized homophobia that keeps me from the Pride party. It's that our Portland Pride is sorta...well...lame. It's small & kind of boring. I guess I'm still used to the Prides past in my hometown of Minneapolis where the Pride celebrations were amazing. I know I shouldn't complain. And I'm not really because this year I'll be with my beloved & we'll take it moment by moment & dance or not dance, celebrate publicly or get our gay on in private, which we do anyhow.

Well I'm pretty feeking tired & will have more to say tomorrow maybe. Happy GLBTQ Pride Weekend Y'all!
~F

Monday, June 11, 2007

WTF is up with Whites Doing Blackface???

I don't get it. I really don't. I mean I really really really don't get it. What's extra special about this latest in mockery is that it's a Christian school that had adult staff participate in this utter nonsense. There are several places to check out the story about Riverdale Christian Academy reenacting slavery as their graduation party. Find out more here, here & here. The principal at Riverdale seems at this point to not find it a big deal and said that that acting out slavery is "not offensive." Well yes that's true I suppose that to other ignorant racists it's not offensive. Though if it were truly no big deal to Riverdale then why is their website currently unavailable?


I'd also like the school staff of supposed Christians to ask themselves: What would Jesus do?
If these people looked into their hearts I know the answer would not be this... Or a game of Catch the Runaway Slave. *sigh*

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Why Marriage Equality is Important to Me

I'm not going to sugarcoat this. I never wanted to get legally married. Not until now. Not until I found the love I had waited so very long for. And now I see the importance of marriage & why civil unions/domestic partnerships are not enough.

For many years I ran around saying "screw legal marriage, everyone should just do domestic partnerships." I believed it with all my heart & still very much feel it's a great way to go. It is not necessary to get legally married. Lawyers can draw up papers so that most things in a marriage can apply to a union. So why have I changed my mind for myself?

I suddenly understand what deep love means & how important it is to protect it to the fullest extent possible. Legal marriage makes this possible. To want your partner & family to have as many provisions as possible to keep the family sustained & healthy is an appropriate response to such strong feelings. Don't get me wrong, legal marriage in and of itself can't keep a family from harm, divorce or problems. But when love is right & life is tough, legal marriage can help. Take for instance, the two things our state (Oregon) with it's domestic partnership legislation doesn't cover: after death benefits & immigration.

  • As noted in the Willamette Week article written by Byron Beck legal domestic partnerships would still leave a surviving partner unable to receive the deceased partners social security benefits. You could be together for longer than a married couple but still not receive the dead partners social security after death. I cannot even begin to fathom that my partner would not be able to get my social security benefits for one reason only: because she's female. If we have children & grandchildren I would want them along with my beloved to be able to receive all the monies that I worked my ass off for. It would be the way I would want it & legal marriage provides for that. Not having access to that is not only unfair but unjust & discriminatory.

  • Immigration and love. Yes the two happen! If the bill Gov. Kulongoski signed goes through it still means that if a US citizen falls in love with someone from another country, even Canada, the partner wishing to immigrate here would not be able to. This means a mixed citizenship couple could be physically torn apart at any time because the non-citizen could be deported. Legal marriage protects against this & keeps the couple together.

Let's not forget that all the other benefits that legalized domestic partnership would afford a couple would not be carried on to any other state. Only legal marriage for all partners in all states would guarantee a couple all the benefits & provisions no matter where in the US they go.

The love I feel for my partner is so strong that I want her to be able to get all the help & comfort possible. Legal marriage provides help and shows to all that our commitment is so strong that we feel the privileges marriage affords are not to be taken lightly but are cherished & to be used to benefit the family to make us better so we can better for others. That the benefits of legalized marriage can be used to enhance our comfort so we can be better citizens of our country of the heart & the country we're supposedly equal to all, in. Is saving money by filing joint taxes, getting each others social security after death & being recognized as lifelong partners legally important? Hell yes! Relationships no matter how wonderful are work. The labor of love is important work that benefits the individual, couple & all around them A real & deep commitment to stay together no matter what is one of the most important things a person can do & it's extremely serious. If the law can provide a bit of ease for a couple with some tax breaks & post death financial support than so be it. Our country should support real love between two people and legal marriage makes that possible.

Same sex marriage does not interest me. Marriage equality does. To me this issue is not about the right for gays & lesbians to get married. It's about stopping discrimination based on gender or the sex of our partners. The size, shape & appearance of one's genitals is not the determining factor in commitment. It's that a union between two people who care deeply for another is worth the seriousness of lifelong togetherness. And I believe even most married straight couples would agree that they married their partners for love & not solely for what is in their pants.

Peace!
~F

Monday, June 04, 2007

How many books...

does someone need to plan a wedding? These just to start. Uff da indeed!
Peace!

Saturday, June 02, 2007

The Shoes

Last night I dreamt that I was wearing a pair of kinda cute, kinda not really shoes. I was at some strange Emily-the -Strange hipster place that also sold comfortable shoes in white. I walked around in the shoes but was NOT feeling them. This leads me to wonder this afternoon just what the hell am I going to wear on my feet for the ceremony. Even barefoot is not an option because I still have to wear my ankle brace.

I hate having a bad ankle but it's better than no ankle!
Peace!
~F

Friday, June 01, 2007

Super Huge oh so Wonderful Fantastic News!!!!!

I'm getting married!!!!!!

Oh-my-gosh I can't even begin to articulate how thrilled & in love & am. A friend from Minnesota recently asked for our story after I revealed the news & after explaining how we got together I summed us up by saying simply "she feels like home." And she does in the best way!

A couple weeks before she asked I was walking & realized there was no one else I could or would want to be with for the rest of my life. It wasn't a shock to understand such deep knowledge & feelings, just a wonderful realization that I felt everywhere.

Here's a quick example of just one of the things that makes her so damn perfect for me. Last night after we broke the news to my roommate we went outside to look at the full Moon. Suddenly we both got the idea to moon the people going by from the driveway. Yes that's right she pulled down her pants, I pulled up my house dress & we mooned the drivers passing by. At one point she even smacked her bare ass & yelled "kiss this!" Oh we are sooooo meant for each other!

For the most part the people closest to us have been informed except our grandparents. Our mom's had the same reaction which was "you can't have the wedding without me" which we wouldn't dream of because family is really important to us both. The even more wonderful thing besides us finding each other is that everyone & everything seems to be going along beautifully! No one has said "are you crazy iyou have not been together long enough" which I'm pleasently suprised by. I guess the folks who know us & have seen us just get it too. That we're right for each other. It's a beautiful thing!
My best friend back home is designing the dress. Her first sketch was beautiful & my partner even dreamt of it last night! Kewl. We're finding locations we can afford that are outdoors & beautiful and know a lot of the right folks to help with all kinds of stuff from music to photographers. It's so amazing! Here's the 1st design!
Even my engagement ring is perfect. It's hard to see in this pic but it's simple & elegant with just enought bling & practicality to make it exactly what I need. Plus it works well with whatever rings we design (we've already found our designers who happen to be a lesbian couple in Oregon- what luck!) and my current wedding ring to myself.


So we're at this point planning for next summer. I could marry her today but I am a girl after all & have been dreaming of my wedding since I was young so I need time to plan without getting into a frenzy. And since we have a road trip next month to Idaho we can get our engagement pic somewhere on the road. Anyway I'm sharing this news with my readers because I'm planning to write about our upcoming nuptuials & hopefully help anyone who is queer & somewhat broke with wedding prep. And also because I love this woman & I want to tell the world at last I've found the One.

Kisses y'all!
~F

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Busy Beaver!

That's me. Memorial day (observed) was a day to remember (har har). After the clouds burned off it was a beautiful & bright day in the City of Roses. My beloved & I were housesitting & had a lovely secluded backyard to sunbathe in the buff in. Ahh nothing like a warm sun kissed ass! Of course in a secluded backyard one has to engage in lots-o-hanky panky, which we did with great pleasure. Good times!

There's lot's of other stuff going on (all good things!) but I shall digress on spilling the beans today. Let me just say I'm a very happy camper!

Also let me say that I'm looking forward to this summer's Portland Gay Pride celebration! Me thinks this is the year I'll go topless in the dyke march. We'll see! Peace y'all!

Thursday, May 24, 2007

12th Erase Racism Carnival is Up & Running

This time it's at Angry Black Woman. Check it out right here!

Also I came across this great handout for whites who think they're anti-racist. Check it out!

Peace!
~F

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

My Latest Post on TTL/Why I Hate the Term Exotic

This one was about if Rosie O'Donnell is a role model to lesbians. Go here http://tinyurl.com/2hhkoz to read my post. Here are some of my past thoughts on her. Though I'm glad she apologized I still don't think much of her.

This weekend I had a customer at work come up to me and say "you're so exotic looking, what are you." Granted she was smiling & I suppose trying to compliment. But it got me thinking about what the term exotic to the mainstream American mind. I found this great post from the former Mixed Media Watch & thought I'd link it. In addition to that post I wish to mention just how feeking shitty it feels when someone calls me exotic. I'm a mid-western Catholic. I went to an inner city high school, had regular friends & did regular teenage stuff. I loved, hated, gossiped & made-out. My childhood though dramatic in many a moment was ordinary in it's dysfunction & my family members are all Minnesotans who still say "yah-you-betcha." Nothing about my life is exotic. Yet based solely upon my skin tone I'd perceived to be that way.

I'm reading the book New Moon by Stephanie Meyers and at one point in the book she refers to a female character who has brown skin as "pretty in an exotic kind of way." I nearly stopped reading the book. I'm only continuing the thing because it's about vampires & pretty good. But I think I need to write the author and ask her just what the hell she meant by that. Does it mean someone of color can't be a regular kind of pretty? How many classifications of pretty do we need? Must brown skin & beauty equal exotic? Exotic to me means "different" & "other."
And different & other are often really nice ways of saying less than. I'm no less a person because my parents fucked & made me.

So you may wonder just what did I say to this misguided young woman when she asked. I lied & said I was adopted & didn't know. Sometimes it's fun to do that & see all the things people try to project onto you. I just nodded at her guesses and said "I don't know...maybe." And if I had thought of it I would have asked her what it even mattered anyway. Why was it important to her. But my guess is she wouldn't have been able to examine her heart enough at that moment to answer & quite frankly I didn't care that much to have a discussion.

It's hard to know how to react when people say "you're so beautiful...exotic...what are you?" I know they're in part trying to compliment so I don't want to be all bitchy about it but on the other hand ignorance is not my shade of bliss & if I can prevent another person going though the silliness of such questions, I'd perhaps want to try. Well I'm off to have pizza with my beautiful & just plum pretty girlfriend. Thank goddess she she's my soul & not just my skin!

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Babies!

I wish my girlfriend could knock me up. That would be so cool.

Monday, May 21, 2007

When I look into Her Eyes I Feel Like This

Photo courtesy of Freedigitalphotos.net

So open & beautiful. Full of natures glory. I know I know. More vomit inducing sappiness but I can't help it. This woman is so amazing I just can't help it. Sometimes I get scared because I can hardly take in the beauty of our relationship. It's so many things, all good. And what I have to remember is what brought us together & believe in that source & trust it. Can't begin to describe what I feel for her. I just know that it is good and real and hope to nuture it for a long time!
Peace!
~F

Saturday, May 19, 2007

My Girlfriends Breasts

Okay I know this may be a crass subject but I got permission from the girlfriend so I can write about this. My girlfriends boobs are awesome! I'm not kidding they are such a fetching pair of boobies I can't help but just gaze upon their glory at times.

Last week I requested she give me her bra size. She does not know the exact size as she only wears sports bras but I'm thinking she's a B cup. In other words a lovely handful of boobie goodness. I wear a 32F so needless to say we really don't need another set of huge tits in our relationship. Her breasts are refreshingly delightful and despite their relative smallness compared to mine, plenty.

Her nipples are perfect in size, shape & color. And the breasts themselves have a firm yet soft shape that feels oh-so-good in my hands. What can I say I love breasts & hers are luscious. I can't wait to hold her tonight & feel her lovely titty tartlets upon me.

BTW here is my favorite Banksy image. Enjoy!Peace!
~F

Friday, May 18, 2007

Woo Hoo!

It's been just lovely here in Portland. Yesterday I finally switched out my summer wardrobe for my winter. I did 5 loads of laundry & have 2 1/2 to go. I have a lot of damn clothes! And since I've gained a few pounds again I'm too big for some of the clothes I wore last summer but too small for the clothes I wore the summer before that. Before I slept I began to obsess on needing to lose weight. Ahh the problems of the typical American.

This week was my sweetie & my 5 month anniversary. You know it's still new when you count the months. I can't even begin to articulate how amazing these last 5 months have been. Technically we've been dating since the first week of January but I like to count from our first outing together when I felt a strong connection & attraction. It was hard then because I was still seeing someone else who had really hurt my feelings on my birthday no less and was emotionally torn. But I still consider December 16th our first date as I felt something stir so deep that night that I knew somehow nothing would ever be the same.

We to this day have not had one argument or drama. It's been so fun and happy. It's been sexy & spiritual. We spend most nights together and work at the same place & yet everytime I see her I'm excited. I am straight up totally & completely in love and am so very grateful God/dess has put her in my life!

More good news as of today. I won a scholarship to Evergreen's 17th Annual Summer School for Union Women and Community Activists. I'm really excited to connect with other women on issues and passions that we have in common.
Now I just need to figure out how the heck I'm getting to Olympia!

Man today I just feel good! Perhaps it's the Stumptown coffee!

Last but not least I have a new blog. Yes another one. It's called My Daily Deuce. It's an online journal of my poop. No I'm not kidding! Don't worry there will be no poo poo photos or anything. Just whenever I get a chance I talk about my latest poop or shit related news. Why? Cuz it's funny!

Well here's a pic my girlfriend took of my on the bus the other day. Enjoy. It's called the juice face. Peace!


Monday, May 14, 2007

Fruit!

Photo courtesy of FreePhotosBank

Today I ate this yummy cake with fruit. I want more but must not! That's all for today.
~F

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Some Links Cuz I'm Lazy

Yes I'd say more but it's nice out & I'm feelin' lazy.

  • Too cute video that will make you consider having kids here.
  • Make your own too kewl e-flower garden here. Left click anywhere on the screen.
  • My latest essay on The Lesbian Lifestyle you can read here.
  • Wanna know which 2008 Presidential canidate best fits you. Find out here.

Peace!

~F

Sunday, May 06, 2007

The What Are You Experience

Re-listening to Addicted to Race Episode # 18 gave me the most meaningful answer to why the "what are you" question is so painfully annoying. All multiracial folks go through this & I'd like to pass on what guest Claire Light said in that episode.

"The experience that we all have in common (mixed race people) is the what are you experience, where people come up and have to address you and find out what your racial mix is and where you come from...

That moment is a very clear expression of discomfort with difference. And the thing that's most wearing about it is not having to address strangers. The thing that's most wearing is having to absorb other peoples discomfort with you day in and day out...

Whether you do it in a positive or negative way it doesn't matter. You're forcing the other person to deal with your discomfort."

Peace!

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Hear Me Now! In Love in a too white Town

That's right! Would you like to listen to my goofy opinion on the Imus controversy? Well just get yerself over to the podcast Addicted to Race & listen to episode #68. I'm the first person giving feedback on episode #67 where Carmen & Yolanda discuss Imus & his ridiculousness. If you wish to get right into hearing moi, skip ahead about 8 minutes & then you can hear me wax philosophical about how his apology ought to have gone. Pardon the shameless plug but what can I say: I like to talk!

And now an update on my little world. I'm bleeding. I'm tired & yesterday I had the headache from hell. I took so much ibuprofen to knock it out I would up with a belly ache & had to take Tums. Am better today after napping my ass off all day as I had to leave work early & miss my home group. Today is a laundry day & will possibly finish the book Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. I can't believe I'm reading a young adult book on vampires, but it's pretty good actually. Tomorrow I'll have to grab New Moon, the next book in the series. Check out the customer comments on these books. Some of the girls leaving comments are so cute. One chick is all "I'm in love with the main character." Man I remember having literary crushes. Funny stuff.

Speaking of being so in love...I am! My sweetheart & I are doing beautifully. Everything is just so lovely. Not one fight, not one issue. Only sweetness & fun. I mean we have serious discussions about us, the world, family. Lately we've been talking about ...gulp...shacking up. And though were not ready yet, were getting ready to be ready if that makes any sense. Figuring out stuff like how we like the toilet paper to sit on the roll (over vs. under), chores we like/hate and what would be okay/not okay in our home such as alcohol or stoned friends. Anyway we decided that we'll know when we know when were ready & that courting is so important because you only get to court like this once & I'm loving it & wish to savor each moment!

My ladyfriend & I have also been discussing...gulp...kids. If we do/don't want them and if so would we adopt or what. I must admit I've been on the fence for a long long time. I've always felt like parenting depended on a number of factors like having a partner that was right & enough money & being personally healthy physically & emotionally. There is also the factor that fertility is indeed finite so if I wanted to squirt out a kid, my time sadly is limited. One thing I really would have to think about is about raising children of color here in Portland. It's the whitest town in America & many a day I question why I'm here because it sucks to be so surrounded by people who don't look like me and can barely understand anything about being a racial minority. It's a town filled with semi-well meaning folks who think because they vote democratic they're down with POC and that just isn't the case.

Last month I had to deal with folks at an otherwise lovely dinner get into a discussion over my ethnicity. Finally I just said "I'm a child of God & that's it." And I know no matter where I go I'm going to have to deal with someone being uncomfortable with my racial-ness but I can decrease the number of times this happens & live where there are more chances to feel connected to other POC that get it. This will likely not happen here in Oregon and I really don't want to make my kids go through the way I feel here. Shit even yesterday at work someone was making fun of the fact that some folks are uncomfortable going a place called the White Bar. Bloody hell how is that funny? And it's so gawd awful anglo there no one even needed to worry that the lone WOC was around the corner to hear the little funny. AHHHHH!

So babies are a possibility. I've met someone I want to have a family with. What will happen I don't know, so today I'm just going to keep on keeping on & take good care of myself. Peace!

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Voodoo

Holy crap! I just ate a Tang doughnut from local Voodoo Doughnut. It was surprisingly good. There was a doughnut shaped like a guy that has raspberry filling & a pretzel in a particular place. Fun stuff. I'll have to go back for more.

Speaking of local eats check out my review of Juniors Cafe on Portland Citysearch here. I had such a great time there & am really looking forward to going back. Here is a pic of the meal I had a couple weeks ago. It's called the Spicy & was delightful with it's home made salsa & perfectly fried taters.
P.S. There is a website that helps to feed rescued animals. You can help by clicking on this and then clicking on the button that says "click here daily." Come on you know you wanna! Peace!

Sunday, April 29, 2007

That's It. I'm Movin' to Canada

Well not quite yet but after reading an article in the New Republic about a truly vile man named Andrew Roberts visiting the "White" house I'm convinced it's time to look into immigrating. If you wish to read the article I suggest you Google New-Republic-Andrew-Roberts and then click. If I gave you the link you'd have to subscribe. Anywho I found the article via this great post by Too Sense. Good lawd I just don't know how much more I can take. Why are people like Roberts invited for a cozy visit to the WH when there is so much real work the prez should be doing. *Sigh* This shows even more just how aligned the current administration wants to be with imperialism. It's just all so gross. Pardon me while I have a pessimistic rant. I just feel like one day some asshole like bushwhack is going to get in the office of "da people" and round up all us brown folks & do bad things. I know I know. I promise it's only temporary paranoia. I just really question this country sometimes because of our brutal history. I mean manifest destiny was taught to be a good thing to so many youngsters & you can ask any Native person if it was good. The answer will be NO.

Okay I'm done being negative. Do I believe things can get better? Hell yes. The only constant is change right so that means things have to get better at some point. There is so much more America can be. It's about not giving up. But first things first. Self care. And if living in a country where racists are given carte blanche to the WH I may have to live where it's a little less stressful (though not perfect, as no place unfortunately ever is or will be) so I can continue to fight, breathe, listen & teach.

Okay so on to something kewl. Listened to an older episode of Addicted to Race and it's a very good show & you can connect to it here. Anywho a woman named Claire Light was a guest and she talked about mixed race issues and she said some wonderful stuff. I'll have to re-listen to the episode to give her multiracial. Also a great quote from Claire. Here it is. Enjoy y'all!
Now is the time for us to really recognize what the roots of racism are, which is a fear of cultural difference. It's not a fear of skin color difference. It's a fear of the cultural difference skin color points to. And that is all about the fear of difference period.

Peace!

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Something New!

I'm now writing for another blog (in addition to this & my sex blog) and just made my first post. It's TTL The Lesbian Lifestyle and you can read my first post on TTL here. I've been thinking about writing there for a few months & now the time seems right. It's a blog for lesbians to share their stories & such and I'm excited to partake in a e-community of lesbos.

Last night after having a truly filling and slightly mediorce meal at the Sizzler my gal & I got home & got quite upset about something that my roommie brought into the home. A motherforking ugly azz couch. After ranting about it to Zee I just had to lay down and not throw a fit. I mean geez talk about pool problems! Soon I figured out I'm totally PMSing and after confessing this to my ladylove she suggested I scream. To let the anger out. And I burst out with what she called "a truly blood curdling scream." And then she said he thought I needed to do it again & this time she covered her ears while my high pitch scream filled the house & frightened the dog. Even after that she knew I had more & got me on the floor with her & we threw a big ass temper tantrum and I even ran around the house screaming "fuck your couch!!!"

Let me say this: meditation has it's place. It takes the edge off. Prayer...really good too! And now I'm going to add the occasional temper tantrum to let anger out because I felt a world better after yelling & swearing and jumping around like a total fool.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Grey or Gray

I'm too lazy in the moment to look up what the difference between these 2 words are. My guess is that it's the same meaning but different spellings. Today I wanted to get some real clarity on the words then & than. I hope I never make the mistake of mixing those words up, but I probably will! Anywho it's grey in the City of Roses and so my ladylove & I are going to...now get this...ummm...Sizzler. I know but crap it's a weird day and funky looking & why the heck not have some very not freerange meats and seafood. We're normally very good about eating with a conscious and having quality dining experiences...okay that's a complete lie as we freakin' love Totino's pizza. So it anyway it's blah & were going to Sizzler and that's that. Bad steak here we come!
Photo courtesy of unprofound

Monday, April 23, 2007

Let Go

I met with a woman who I'm taking the steps with this past Saturday. She gave me a lot of papers to read, all good stuff. As we chatted she told me a story about what another woman had told her about letting go. The woman told her that when she worries she imagines a balloon growing bigger & bigger as she thinks of the situation. She puts her fears into that balloon and then imagines it floating away, all the fears with it.

This weekend I imagined little things that annoyed me or concerned me or whatever & saw in my head balloons with the words Let Go or Let it Go on them floating in the sky & I'd feel free of the issue. It really works! The truth is no matter how much I try to use my thinking (or obsessing) to change something, what seems to work best is acknowledging the feeling, letting go and then doing the next right thing. Simple! Not so simple is the journey to get to this point. I've worked reasonably hard to get the feeling of serenity I have in this moment. And I realize recovery is a very long journey. Today I can let go of how long it takes to finally let go!

Peace!

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Yeah the Shooter was Asian...What does that have to do with Anything?

So on Racialicious I made a comment off a post about how now that we know the gunman was Asian what would the backlash be based on his ethnicity. Here's what I said:

I hate to add yet another comment but here goes…

I find it interesting that the “settlers” & “pioneers” who immigrated here illegally caused the greatest amount of carnage this country has ever seen. Not only that were still very much affected by the brutality of people who are considered “founders” of this country. If only background checks could have been done then…

Bringing this young mans ethnicity & migration status into this tragic event only takes away from what in my humble opinion is the heart of the matter- violence. Regardless of this persons background his violence is a reflection of a culture that embraces violence. We love/hate violence here. And everywhere I suppose. All humans are capable of great beauty & great harm. No one is exempt & to pretend that race, nationality, gender, sexuality or anything else has anything to do with what folks are capable of is silly & defeats progress to peace.~F
Posted 17 Apr 2007 at 3:40 pm


I know I have more thoughts on all this but I'm pretty tired & fighting off a potential cold so I'm just going to leave this for now. I just wish some folks didn't feel a need to get all racist & shit when something awful happens. It's not like when a white person commits a crime on this level you see POC saying out loud "we shouldn't let white folks into the country" or "see how those white people are." I mean maybe we think this at times & historically it would be fair to feel that way due to the great atrocities done to POC by whites at the "beginning" of the US of A. But we don't get broadcasters to speculate on how whites or men or whatever are a force of terror. And that folks is privilege in a nutshell. Peace!

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Love Latte

Is this not so sweet. My girl was taking a shift for a pal at ye ol' coffee shop and made me this drink with a heart on top. She already gave me chocolate truffles & dill havarti cheese today & now this. I know I make make some of you wretch and I'm working on a post about the shootings in Virginia, but I had to take a moment to wallow in my happy heart! I'm so friggin' in love and I say this with all seriousness...if I could I would have this woman's baby. No joke. She makes me want her to get me pregnant! Gawd help me I'm becoming a family queer!

For a long time I was on the fence about having kids but I think a lot of that had to do with finding the right person to have a family with. We've been together for 4 months & even though that's not very long, I just feel so darn deeply for her. Being in love is so nice. I've prayed all my life for someone like her. I'm so grateful!

BTW here's a pic of my new tattoo. The lighting is weird & this was taken with a camera phone but you'll get the gist.

Last but not least is this funny from Tracy Morgan called Blackass spooking Jack Ass. I don't know about anyone else but I believe this man is a comic genius. Peace!

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Quotes from Harry Allen

So I wanted to pass these quotes along from the spectacular podcast episode on Addicted to Race that featured Jason Tanz & Harry Allen. Mr. Tanz didn't particularly impress me but Mr. Allen was so great! Here's a couple quotes:

"Anytime anyone mistreats another person, they are engaging in some form of fantasy, some form of denial that that's not really a human or that's not really someone whose really accorded everything I'm accorded."

"What Black people want most from white people is the elimination of white supremacy. And anything short of that is really just minstrelsy of a kind."

Thank you Mr. Allen for saying what needed to be said in a succinct heartfelt manner!
Peace y'all!
~F

A Great Short Film

I watched an incredible short film on Cosmogirl.com today. It's a film by a young lady named Kiri Davis called "A Girl Like Me" and if you want to have even a clue of what it's like to be a young WOC in this country take a look. There is a heart breaking experiment with young Black children and a white doll & Black doll that may be eye opening for some people. Miss Davis gets her point across thoroughly in less than 8 minutes which shows her skill in film making. Please go see it at the link below. I really believe in this young lady & hope to see more good things from her.

http://www.cosmogirl.com/funandgames/video/

Peace!
~F

Friday, April 13, 2007

Love & Happiness

Was listening to some Al Green this morning and thank goddess because I was starting to think & we all know that ain't good. I got to thinking about this whole Imus thing. Then I got to thinking about the co-worker who complained about having to learn about white privilege & I just started to feel bitterly angry. This happens from time to time. As a QWOC how could it not. But for me I know my anger helps no one (especially myself) unless I take peaceful, happy hearted action. Why take such a seemingly whimsical approach to the racism, sexism & homophobia that swirls around us? Because if I don't I'll explode and that will help no one.

Sometimes people of non-color seem to think that POC have issues. That POC are bringing up the "race thing" for no reason other than to make PONC (people of non-color) feel guilty. They wonder why we bring up our color, our experiences, our pain. Well quite frankly we wouldn't bring it up if ignorant white dudes didn't feel it necessary to remind up of our "place" in American society. That if we play basketball & were Black women were simply nappy headed ho's. None of those women on the team said "hey were going to bring attention to ourselves and issues of race by calling ourselves derogatory things." No it was a white heterosexual middle aged male who felt a need to talk shit about a group of women who only want to play basketball. These women had no political agenda, yet here they are smack dab in the middle of having to remember being a Black woman to some folks means being an ugly slut. That's what nappy & ho translate to.

And on a personal note why the hell should I have to listen to some white guy complain about having to deal with his inherent privilege. Why should I be reminded that some white folks think racism is my problem, when I never brought up the damn topic in the first place. Yeah it's my problem they want to talk shit about folks of color, queers, women and so on. Yeah it's my problem when they say something stupid & I have a feeling about it. Yeah it's my problem that they are racist. No it's their problem. And I'm not going to take on anyone else's problems. After all I go to al-anon.

So I could sit here & stew about the injustice of it all. That when white folks say racist things it's funny and when I confront them on it I'm just being a "sensitive" girl. But I say fuck it! I'm not going to let anyone's ignorance kill my spirit. I'm gonna thrive and help others to thrive. I'm not going to give myself a heart attack from the stress of injustice. I'm not going to scream & hit & hate. What works best is to first & foremost love myself and be happy. I'm going to be happy no matter what some fool thinks of me or the folks like me. Even if it's my own people. Then I'm going to be of service. Tell my truth and hope that in doing so others may suffer a little less at the hands of intolerance & prejudice. And then I'm gonna relax. And every time some a-hole feels a need to remind me they think I'm less than human I'm going to grow stronger in love & joy. I'm going to know that much more how lucky I am to not be one of those people. I'll know I'm free. QWOC's I believe they hate our freedom. Our freedom to shine in the face of their wish to crush our spirits. Let's not let them take it!

Here's an awesome link called How to Suppress Discussions of Racism. Learn it & know it well.

Some are pissed about this Imus thing because they think it was just freedom of speech. And I agree that freedom of speech is essential. With freedom comes consequences though. Yes we can say whatever we want. That is our right. We are also free then to take whatever consequences that come from what our words present & represent. If I call my boss a name, I may get fired. I'm free to say something mean & free to get fired after I say it. It's very silly to expect that there are no consequences for our words & actions. So when I hear someone get upset that Imus got punished I'll remember that in a free country he was free to speak & free to learn what his words can teach. I sure hope he & his ilk will get that someday.
Peace!

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

"I'll Never Leave"

Photo courtasy of unprofound

The three words I've longed to hear my whole life. Finally said & I believe her. There are no guarantees in life & in the end I must stay open to the remote possibility that what I want in terms of my love life may not be the Universe's will. I'm willing to accept that. I have to because it's only through openness that I found this woman. But I do hope. I have faith. After giving up & trying again and again I've made peace with my romantic past & am ready for whatever future I'm to have.

In love all I truly want is a spiritual connection. Everything else is secondary. My ladylove & I match so well. We fit like we've been together for so very long. Being in love is great. And better yet, she won't leave. Call it co-dependent or whatever but I needed those words to put my heart as ease. There is peace today. Tomorrow is out of my hands and I'm okay with that because I now know love. I know to never give up and to keep believeing.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Happy Mutha F-ing Easter!

Lent. This year I have not followed any tradition for Easter except giving up something for Lent. This year I gave up guilt & it has worked quite well. Yesterday I ate this lovely little cheesecake cupcake from Peets while doing an information shift at my place of employment. A customer came up with a question right as I was about to take a big ol' bite. He was kind and told me he was sorry for interrupting & I explained that my job is first & foremost to help him and that I could eat my cupcake any ol' time. He told me my treat looked good & wished he could have a treat but that it was Lent.

And for a moment I felt like "damn, I'm the worst friggin Catholic ever." Worse I realized it was Good Friday no less & I should not even be eating anything. Then I remembered that since I have not been to Mass in years & am brazenly queer & have had lots & lots of wonderful & sometimes weird sinful experiences that I could screw feeling bad for eating a cupcake. If I was going to feel bad for that then perhaps I ought to feel bad for that one night stand 9 years ago with the girl who had a bad haircut who was kinda shitty in bed. Anyway...

So tomorrow I work. And am glad for it. And as much as I'm glad Jesus rose on the third day I'm even more glad that this year for 40 days & 40 nights I've been guilt free & much more forgiving of myself and others. And really isn't that what the good Lord wants? For us to love each other and not put our ridiculous judgements upon ourselves & others. People are just people. And I am a people, I mean person. Queer or not. Of Color or not. Female or not. I'm just a mix of animal, vegetable & mineral with blood & emotions and ego coursing through it all. Just like everyone else. So today I can stop feeling bad for being a human & stop being so darn annoyed with everyone else's imperfect humanity. You know it feels so good I almost want to go to Easter service. Instead though I'll eat a triple chocolate Klondike bar!

Now for your viewing pleasure a pic my my sweetie took of me the other day. We were blowing bubbles outside her house & it was so fun and since it's raining here in Portland, I thought this would cheer. BTW I'm hopefully seeing the film Grindhouse tonight. Looks like a fun film! Peace!

Thursday, April 05, 2007

April and then some!

Ahh it's a beautiful day in the city of Portland! A crisp breeze flows through the living room doors from the back yard as I type this. There have been so many interesting things to update folks about & yet I've been slow to blog about them. So here's some updates in no particular order.
  • I got a new tattoo. It's a blue star on my right forearm. It's about the size of a nickle & really cute. I'd been thinking about getting a star of some sort on one of my arms for a while but finally (on a whim!) did it. My pal Andy came with me and we went to Captain Jacks on 46th & Hawthorne. The place was recommended even though when passing by the studio on the #14 bus I thought it looked a bit like a den for neo-nazis and bikers. Alas I went & a very nice young man did the star & I will go back for sure to get the tattoo on my neck redone. I'd take a pic & show it on this here blog but the tat is still in it's healing phase & looks a bit crusty.
  • My girlfriend & I are planning a trip. Were going to a treesort this summer. What the bloody hell is a treesort you ask. Go to the following link & find out. http://www.treehouses.com/treehouse/treesort/home.html We have been trying to figure out where to take a mini trip & this place seems like a good bet for our first lovers getaway. We both really love tree houses & she found this place & it's so cool because you can go horseback riding, swim & take classes to learn how to build your very own tree house! Can't wait!
  • Addicted to Race had an awesome podcast a couple weeks ago that featured Harry Allen & Jason Tanz. It was about hip hop & people on non-color's relationship to the music. Mr. Allen said some incredibly brilliant things & as soon as I listen to the podcast again (have listened to it twice so far) I'll quote him. Anyway check it out right here!
  • Speaking of race stuff some moron (okay strong word I know but I had to let that out) at work was near me recently complaining that they had to study white privilege. Ohh poor fucking baby! I want to check out the new website raceintheworkplace.com and see if I can find some stuff to pass along to the union at work. Geezus!

Well it's too damn nice to stay in a keep blogging. I'm off to walk the dog & perhaps watch Snake on a Plane this evening. I know but I love silly movies. BTW I'm reading the book Boomsday by Christopher Buckley (the guy who wrote Thank You for Smoking) and it's really good. It's about a lady blogger who one day proposes that the government could save money by having the elderly volunteer to kill themselves by 70 years old in exchange for tax credits. It's sounds macabre as hell but is really quite enjoyable. Tootles!