My sweetheart & I were in need of a date. To my surprise we spontaneously had one last night & boy was it great! After looking at the movie section of the ol' Willamette Week I saw that there was a horror comedy double feature at the Clinton Street Theater and called my beloved to see if she wanted to go. She said yes and we made plans for dinner before the movies.
The plans for dinner fell through though in a the best way. We were going to go to the grocery store and make hot dog roll ups but instead decided to use a coupon we got in our mailbox for the queer owned restaurant Wild Abandon. We went in time for their happy hour so we got our meals for even cheaper, but let me say there was nothing cheap about our food. My love had a burger because she is a burger connoisseur. It was very good and though it didn't come with french fries as she's accustomed it came with a most delicious side of au gratin potatoes. I had the baked ziti.
For some odd reason I thought it would have tomato sauce as I usually prefer that to cream sauces. It had a creamy 3 cheese sauce and despite my usual distaste for such creamy madness this dish was amazing! I mean I still can't get over it. Their ziti was hands down the best meal I've had this year! It had tender scallops with the noodles and buttery bread crumbs on top. I think you can look at a pic of the dish here. I couldn't stop raving or eating the dish despite my ever increasingly full stomach. And when the noodles, scallops & bread crumbs were gone I grabbed a spoon and tried to scrape every last bit of the cream sauce out of the bowl. Truly this was a dish to write home about and for the rock bottom, happy hour price of $8 bucks. Cannot wait to have it again!
After our fabulous meal we were off to the Clinton Street Theater for a double feature of the films Murder Party and Blood Car. Both movies were fun but Murder Party was our favorite. Blood Car had a few good laughs and had a definite political message about U.S. Americans addiction to fuel. There was a scene where the protagonist was a vegan yet eating meat ribs that was a hoot. And the very last scene was frighteningly funny. Murder Party won me over because it was really funny throughout and had some serious scares. So many of the characters were ridiculous and yet very real. And the movie did a great job of making fun of avant garde art scene which as someone who has been in the art world, was happy to see that others got how phony some of the folks can be. If you're into comedy and horror I highly recommend both films but if you could only afford one, go with Murder Party.
After the films we walked home in the fog before Midnight. It was a dreamy kind of feel hearing the trees abandoned leaves rustle beneath our feet and not being able to see further than a block away. It was one of those evenings where I was not only grateful to not be by myself, but more than that, I was grateful for the wonderful person on such an adventure with me. It makes life that much sweeter!
Peace!
~F
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Sydney Melts the Heart
This little tea cup chihuahua is the apple of my eye many times a day. She's got the most gentle doggie soul except for her jealousy. She really puts the lousy in jealousy. Oh and she pees on the floor fairly often because the tiny 12 year old bladder doesn't function so great & though I take her out every 1-2 hours, I still wind up spot treating piss with Bac-Out the worlds most awesome cleaning solution. Anyway beyond her little messes and vicious snarling at her sister Lucy sometimes, Syd is a peach.One of the things that makes her so special is her adventurous attitude and willingness to go anywhere at any time. Another thing that's great is her ability to be venerable and cuddle super close to the face. She'll lay right in my neck and it's so friggin sweet! Well that's all from me today.
Peace y'all!
~F
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
They're No Friends of Mine. Why a Vote for Obama, Clinton or Edwards is a Vote for Inequality
Please note: It's about to get all opinionated up in this blog and for good reason. I'm known for "saying it like it is" and today is no exception.
If you support any of the current popular democratic candidates for president then you are against the founding principals of this country and against human rights for all U.S. American citizens. That's right! Am I being black and white on this? You bet! Why am I saying all this? Because of one extremely important reason:
Marriage Equality
This isn't about same sex marriage. This isn't about gays being able to get married. The truth is not everyone in a same sex relationship is gay. Not everyone who is gay falls in love with someone of the same sex either. Love happens regardless of sex or gender identification. As I always say the size and shape of one's genitals are never the main reason someone wants to marry or start a family with another. And not all gays want to get married per se either. But I don't know of one queer person who doesn't want 100% equal rights.
Sure these candidates show some support towards l/g/b/t/2s folks. Hillary Clinton believes the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy is a matter of national security and wants to fix it. She supports equal benefit legislation and anti-hate crime legislation. She even has gay friends! She proved that when she addressed the HRC. Barack Obama opposes a constitution ban on "gay" marriage. Thinks homosexuals (god could his language be more annoying?) should have the same adoption rights and is concerned about AIDS worldwide. John Edwards would support a federal law protecting all people from job discrimination. He also believes in equal immigration rights. One interesting thing to note about Edwards is his willingness to discuss his internal conflict about marriage equality. I like his honesty & willingness to explore his heart about it. It should also be noted his wife Elizabeth Edwards disagrees with him and supports marriage rights for all.
Yet not one of these candidates support marriage equality. They all support civil unions. But here's the gipper, marriage and civil unions are not the same. And even though all the democratic candidates support federal benefits for same sex couples, access to survivor benefits and equal taxes for same sex couples, only Dennis Kucinich and Mike Gravel support full equality for all. Here's a great fact sheet about about where each democratic candidate stands on all these issues.
Here's the deal: our constitution guarantees equality for all. Not just a majority or minority. It doesn't say "everyone is equal but those who want to get married to someone of the same sex." No it says The Citizens of each State shall be entitled to all Privileges and Immunities of Citizens in the several States. And here's the 14th Amendment if you are unclear what Article Four, Section Two said: All persons born or naturalized in the United States and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.
Now let's just for a moment go back in history and consider this example. Now I know some folks hate it when racial minority civil rights get compared to current l/g/b/t/2s rights but I think this example is appropriate. Lets just say that in 1964 when the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was signed it also said "citizen racial minorities will have all equal privileges or immunities except in marriage where they shall have civil unions instead." Do you think for one minute that would be okay? Sure a few would say "well that's fair because they're still 2nd class citizens to me." But there would be quite a fight for full equality as civil unions would be considered not full rights and therefore unacceptable & unconstitutional. Even if the law was "racial minorities can marry each other but only have civil unions to Caucasians" that kind of law would still be considered less than separate but equal.
But wait some say. The bible says...... Well folks lets not forget separation of church and state. Umm no that phrase is not actually in the constitution but the 1st Amendment says: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof. This means that everyone is free to believe what they want and carry out those beliefs within their own religion. It does not mean one's religion gets to determine federal and state law. It does not mean one's religion trumps any citizens basic rights. Also remember folks, the bible was used to justify slavery back in the day.
In conclusion we must acknowledge that if we wish to call ourselves true Americans we must also vote in the ways our constitution. We must support presidential candidates who honor the American value of equality and therefore honor not only the original constitution but also the 1st and 14th Amendments. These are our laws. They are not in anyway an out for one group to have more rights and privileges than another. Obama, Clinton and Edwards are not only not patriots because of their stance on marriage equality, they are also not worthy of our support when they don't support equality for all American citizens. It's as simple as that.
Peace!
~F
If you support any of the current popular democratic candidates for president then you are against the founding principals of this country and against human rights for all U.S. American citizens. That's right! Am I being black and white on this? You bet! Why am I saying all this? Because of one extremely important reason:
Marriage Equality
This isn't about same sex marriage. This isn't about gays being able to get married. The truth is not everyone in a same sex relationship is gay. Not everyone who is gay falls in love with someone of the same sex either. Love happens regardless of sex or gender identification. As I always say the size and shape of one's genitals are never the main reason someone wants to marry or start a family with another. And not all gays want to get married per se either. But I don't know of one queer person who doesn't want 100% equal rights.
Sure these candidates show some support towards l/g/b/t/2s folks. Hillary Clinton believes the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy is a matter of national security and wants to fix it. She supports equal benefit legislation and anti-hate crime legislation. She even has gay friends! She proved that when she addressed the HRC. Barack Obama opposes a constitution ban on "gay" marriage. Thinks homosexuals (god could his language be more annoying?) should have the same adoption rights and is concerned about AIDS worldwide. John Edwards would support a federal law protecting all people from job discrimination. He also believes in equal immigration rights. One interesting thing to note about Edwards is his willingness to discuss his internal conflict about marriage equality. I like his honesty & willingness to explore his heart about it. It should also be noted his wife Elizabeth Edwards disagrees with him and supports marriage rights for all.
Yet not one of these candidates support marriage equality. They all support civil unions. But here's the gipper, marriage and civil unions are not the same. And even though all the democratic candidates support federal benefits for same sex couples, access to survivor benefits and equal taxes for same sex couples, only Dennis Kucinich and Mike Gravel support full equality for all. Here's a great fact sheet about about where each democratic candidate stands on all these issues.
Here's the deal: our constitution guarantees equality for all. Not just a majority or minority. It doesn't say "everyone is equal but those who want to get married to someone of the same sex." No it says The Citizens of each State shall be entitled to all Privileges and Immunities of Citizens in the several States. And here's the 14th Amendment if you are unclear what Article Four, Section Two said: All persons born or naturalized in the United States and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.
Now let's just for a moment go back in history and consider this example. Now I know some folks hate it when racial minority civil rights get compared to current l/g/b/t/2s rights but I think this example is appropriate. Lets just say that in 1964 when the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was signed it also said "citizen racial minorities will have all equal privileges or immunities except in marriage where they shall have civil unions instead." Do you think for one minute that would be okay? Sure a few would say "well that's fair because they're still 2nd class citizens to me." But there would be quite a fight for full equality as civil unions would be considered not full rights and therefore unacceptable & unconstitutional. Even if the law was "racial minorities can marry each other but only have civil unions to Caucasians" that kind of law would still be considered less than separate but equal.
But wait some say. The bible says...... Well folks lets not forget separation of church and state. Umm no that phrase is not actually in the constitution but the 1st Amendment says: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof. This means that everyone is free to believe what they want and carry out those beliefs within their own religion. It does not mean one's religion gets to determine federal and state law. It does not mean one's religion trumps any citizens basic rights. Also remember folks, the bible was used to justify slavery back in the day.
In conclusion we must acknowledge that if we wish to call ourselves true Americans we must also vote in the ways our constitution. We must support presidential candidates who honor the American value of equality and therefore honor not only the original constitution but also the 1st and 14th Amendments. These are our laws. They are not in anyway an out for one group to have more rights and privileges than another. Obama, Clinton and Edwards are not only not patriots because of their stance on marriage equality, they are also not worthy of our support when they don't support equality for all American citizens. It's as simple as that.
Peace!
~F
Monday, November 05, 2007
Recipe 4 U! Warning it's MEAT!
A break from my wordy meanderings today. A recipe for Pot Roast that I concocted on my own with just a wee bit of help from my mama & the Sober Kitchen Cookbook. But I pretty much winged it & it turned out to be one of the best pot roasts I've ever tasted. Now for all you vegetarians I'll post a recipe soon for delicious cottage cheese patties and one later for a vegan curry dish. I'm starting with the meat first because I can.
Fran's Frantastic Pot Roast
Chuck roast. About 4 pounds
1 1/2 cup coarsely chopped onion
2 tbsp butter
6-8 cloves of garlic minced
Celery salt
Sea salt
Freshly ground black pepper
Dried parsley -to taste
Dried Thyme -to taste
Pinch of dried Rosemary
1 or 2 bay leaves
2 tbsp flour
6-8 very coarsely chopped carrots
2-3 lbs red baby potatoes
water
Heat oven to 500 degrees. Put butter in roasting pan once oven is fully heated. Brown butter in pan and put the beef (I always rinse my meat before cooking) in the pan & put that in the oven. Sear the beef in the oven for 15 min. on one side and 10 min. on the other side of meat. Then turn the oven down to 325 degrees and add water until you have a 1/2 inch of water in pan. Also add 1 cup of the onion but not all. Let this all cook for 20 min, then baste roast and continue to baste every 15 to 20 minutes. After the roast has been in the oven for 40 min. or so add garlic, bay leaf, and rosemary to roast and juices. After 2 hours of cooking add thyme, black pepper & celery salt. After another half hour add sea salt and if you like more pepper. This would also be a good time to add 1/4th to 1/2 cup water.
I recommend cooking the roast for about 3 1/2 hours. In the last hour add the sea salt & more pepper if you like. In the last 40 min. add potatoes and the rest of the onion and put the lid on the roasting pan. 20 min. later add carrots and parsley.
After 3 1/2 hours remove meat & veggies to a baking dish and put in oven while the roasting pan will go on the stove top where you'll make the gravy.
Put the roasting juices in a glass measuring cup straining it through with a small mesh strainer on top. Put the garlic/onion/spice mush into the roasting pan. Next try to take off as much fat off the top of the juices in the glass measuring cup as possible without wasting the juices. Add 1/3 cup water to the roasting pan & turn the burner on the med-low. Cook the mush and water in the roasting pan constantly stirring until hot. Turn heat up to medium & slowly add the roast juices until fully blended. Then slowly add flour and any additional spices you want.
Then you'll have the honor of serving a Franastic Pot Roast!
Fran's Frantastic Pot Roast
Chuck roast. About 4 pounds
1 1/2 cup coarsely chopped onion
2 tbsp butter
6-8 cloves of garlic minced
Celery salt
Sea salt
Freshly ground black pepper
Dried parsley -to taste
Dried Thyme -to taste
Pinch of dried Rosemary
1 or 2 bay leaves
2 tbsp flour
6-8 very coarsely chopped carrots
2-3 lbs red baby potatoes
water
Heat oven to 500 degrees. Put butter in roasting pan once oven is fully heated. Brown butter in pan and put the beef (I always rinse my meat before cooking) in the pan & put that in the oven. Sear the beef in the oven for 15 min. on one side and 10 min. on the other side of meat. Then turn the oven down to 325 degrees and add water until you have a 1/2 inch of water in pan. Also add 1 cup of the onion but not all. Let this all cook for 20 min, then baste roast and continue to baste every 15 to 20 minutes. After the roast has been in the oven for 40 min. or so add garlic, bay leaf, and rosemary to roast and juices. After 2 hours of cooking add thyme, black pepper & celery salt. After another half hour add sea salt and if you like more pepper. This would also be a good time to add 1/4th to 1/2 cup water.
I recommend cooking the roast for about 3 1/2 hours. In the last hour add the sea salt & more pepper if you like. In the last 40 min. add potatoes and the rest of the onion and put the lid on the roasting pan. 20 min. later add carrots and parsley.
After 3 1/2 hours remove meat & veggies to a baking dish and put in oven while the roasting pan will go on the stove top where you'll make the gravy.
Put the roasting juices in a glass measuring cup straining it through with a small mesh strainer on top. Put the garlic/onion/spice mush into the roasting pan. Next try to take off as much fat off the top of the juices in the glass measuring cup as possible without wasting the juices. Add 1/3 cup water to the roasting pan & turn the burner on the med-low. Cook the mush and water in the roasting pan constantly stirring until hot. Turn heat up to medium & slowly add the roast juices until fully blended. Then slowly add flour and any additional spices you want.
Then you'll have the honor of serving a Franastic Pot Roast!
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Grumpy Franny
No real idea why I'm a bit moody today. Maybe I'm sensitive to the time change. Maybe I don't want to have to go to work today when my beloved just got back from Idaho. Maybe it's no reason at all. Anyway I was walking to work and thinking about topics to rant about today. Like a list of things I hate or something. But really how productive to my own psyche is that, or my wonderful readers. So instead I took a pic with my camera phone of the Willamette River and decided to list 20 things I love (I'll save the list of things I hate for a day I'm really grumpy!). Here goes...- When I cook something for the first time and it turns out really well.
- Snuggling with people & animals I love
- Reading a riveting book
- Watching a riveting film
- Music that feeds my soul
- Walking on a sunny fall day
- Making love with someone who's really good at it
- Carrying out plans that empower me
- Feeling inspired
- My mama
- My beloved
- Friendly strangers
- Traveling and finding cool treasures to wear that remind me of the place I'd been
- Getting the house clean & then spending the rest of the day enjoying it
- Smelling lovely smelling flowers
- My fingernails painted
- Creme brulee
- Reaching out to others
- Quiet
- Dancing
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Free to Pee
I was reading the latest copy of JustOut, Portland's only queer rag. There was an article about bathroom safety for transgendered folks that I feel is important to think about. In the piece a person was asked to leave the women's restroom and when an attempt was made to use the men's in a different store this person was told s/he was in the wrong room. Though I have not personally experienced this kind of harassment I've had plenty of lovers who have. No they were not trans per se, but each woman who expressed her gender towards the masculine had a bathroom story to tell me. And there was always pain in those stories.
It's easy to take some things for granted. Just like a number of whites (not all mind you) don't understand their own set of privileges based on their skin tone, people who don't express their gender according to what general society considers correct (ie. you're born with a cock so don't wear skirts, you're born looking female but better not dislike wearings skirts) have to struggle with oppression in the forms of harassment, threats and even violence. And often the most commonly shared experience of this kind of prejudice is in the bathroom.
Junior high was a terribly awkward time for me & most folks. I remember my own prejudice then against those who didn't conform to "proper" gender expression. I was afraid the girl who never expressed herself in an feminine way would be unsafe to be around in the bathroom. In fact then I thought out loud to friends that I thought gays & lesbians should have separate bathrooms, because what if they hit on me in there. Gosh I'm glad I'm not 13 anymore! But these kind of juvenile attitudes persist in many adults in our communities. The assumptions that trans folks or genderqueer folks are a threat while we go to the bathroom is silly at best. Not a whole lot of folks get excited from hearing someone else pee. And those that do are often the last folks we'd ever think (like a senator or something).
Being kicked out of a bathroom at any time would be embarrassing at best. Then imagine having this happen when you've got to use the toilet. Everyone has the right to take a piss or a doo doo. Why should we say we're a free country when someone is perceived to be the wrong gender and forced to not be able to relieve themselves?
Now I don't know what the best ways of talking to someone who is perceived to be the wrong gender for a gender segregated bathroom about one's personal comfort level. I don't think someone needs to ignore their own comfort and instincts. But I know there are ways to make ourselves feel safe while not harassing or making a drama out of that which we don't yet understand. I'm going to explore ways allies can talk to others about this topic and also ways to support our transgender and genderqueer citizens to help protect their safety as well.
In the meantime here are two great links:
Peeing in Peace is a great resource for transgender folks and their allies. It was produced by the Transgender Law Center in California and has not only some wonderful advice and resources but also a history of bathroom activism and how to deal with harassment. This in in a pdf.
Also a wonderful resource for gender free restrooms is safe2pee.org. You can look up your location (the site lists all the states and some other countries besides USA) and see where the gender free restrooms are. Among some of the places in Portland are Powell's Books on Hawthorne, the downtown YWCA, the Doug Fir, and the Roxy. Check more PDX locations here.
Well hope you all are having a lovely fall weekend!
~F
It's easy to take some things for granted. Just like a number of whites (not all mind you) don't understand their own set of privileges based on their skin tone, people who don't express their gender according to what general society considers correct (ie. you're born with a cock so don't wear skirts, you're born looking female but better not dislike wearings skirts) have to struggle with oppression in the forms of harassment, threats and even violence. And often the most commonly shared experience of this kind of prejudice is in the bathroom.
Junior high was a terribly awkward time for me & most folks. I remember my own prejudice then against those who didn't conform to "proper" gender expression. I was afraid the girl who never expressed herself in an feminine way would be unsafe to be around in the bathroom. In fact then I thought out loud to friends that I thought gays & lesbians should have separate bathrooms, because what if they hit on me in there. Gosh I'm glad I'm not 13 anymore! But these kind of juvenile attitudes persist in many adults in our communities. The assumptions that trans folks or genderqueer folks are a threat while we go to the bathroom is silly at best. Not a whole lot of folks get excited from hearing someone else pee. And those that do are often the last folks we'd ever think (like a senator or something).
Being kicked out of a bathroom at any time would be embarrassing at best. Then imagine having this happen when you've got to use the toilet. Everyone has the right to take a piss or a doo doo. Why should we say we're a free country when someone is perceived to be the wrong gender and forced to not be able to relieve themselves?
Now I don't know what the best ways of talking to someone who is perceived to be the wrong gender for a gender segregated bathroom about one's personal comfort level. I don't think someone needs to ignore their own comfort and instincts. But I know there are ways to make ourselves feel safe while not harassing or making a drama out of that which we don't yet understand. I'm going to explore ways allies can talk to others about this topic and also ways to support our transgender and genderqueer citizens to help protect their safety as well.
In the meantime here are two great links:
Peeing in Peace is a great resource for transgender folks and their allies. It was produced by the Transgender Law Center in California and has not only some wonderful advice and resources but also a history of bathroom activism and how to deal with harassment. This in in a pdf.
Also a wonderful resource for gender free restrooms is safe2pee.org. You can look up your location (the site lists all the states and some other countries besides USA) and see where the gender free restrooms are. Among some of the places in Portland are Powell's Books on Hawthorne, the downtown YWCA, the Doug Fir, and the Roxy. Check more PDX locations here.
Well hope you all are having a lovely fall weekend!
~F
Friday, November 02, 2007
Money can be Spiritual?!
In keeping with my goals for NabloPoMo I'm going to post a bit today on the journey I'm taking these days around money. That's right kids, the almighty dollah. But first I'd like to present a link. It's called 10 Questions and is sponsored by The New York Times & MSNBC. Folks post questions to the presidential candidates via video. Viewers then vote on what they feel are the most important questions they want answered. The top 10 questions are then posed to the candidates. So if you have a way to tape yerself & wanna know what they'll do with our health care, why they do or don't support marriage equality, what their policy is on free trade or anything else check out 10 Questions and get to it!
So as I've noted on a few other posts here at QWOC I'm trying to get alittle a lot more responsible about my money management. And being that I'm attracted to the greater depth in things (as in always looking for the symbolism, God/dess and such) I realized lately that this also has to apply to my finances.
In recovery the first step is to admit our lives are unmanageable. Then we turn our unmanageable live to to the care of a Higher Power that can restore us to sanity & thus manage our lives. From that we are able to do HP's works great and small to better ourselves & the world around us. I've been able to do that over and over again with many things in my life including alcohol, co-dependence, my family & friends and so on. But not with money. I've been trying to take care of my money on my own quite unsuccessfully.
Rent checks have bounced. Money has been borrowed. I've probably given thousands to banks in overdraft fees. Tried payday advances (which I recommend NEVER doing) and have demeaned myself in a variety of ways which I shan't discuss here. The point is that my way of doing things has sucked to put it mildly & it's high time to change. Not just for my own sake but for the ones I'm close to & my future family.
But can dealing with my money stuff actually help to change the world? I'm learning the answer is yes.
I taped an episode of the Oprah show this week because Suze Orman was on it. She is a popular finance expert & I wanted to see what she had to say. Her words were powerful! She really brought home the idea of the link between how we are financially & it's impact on our emotional and spiritual lives. That when we are in our power, we don't waste time in shame. We don't lie about where we're at and therefore repel people. And it's my experience that this concept is so true. When I feel ashamed of any part of myself I'm not in my truth and therefore not in my power. When I'm not able to let the light of truth and joy shine through me I can't seem attract the people and things I may want/need into my life. Recovery has taught me to be honest about the good & yucky parts of myself. Doing this around money makes sense.
Fear is a common theme here too. Reflecting on the far away & recent past I can see that my lack of attention to my finances has had to do with more than laziness. It's also been fear. A fear of being bored. And what's funny about that is I tend to consider myself a person who is rarely bored. My mom often said "you're only as bored as you make yourself." And I've always thought that statement was true. So why the heck has my attitude around paper work and finances been so crappy? I don't have an exact answer but know that now is the time to change those beliefs.
What makes the world a better place is love. When we love one another and ourselves we empower each other and ourselves. By facing the truth, by getting comfortable with doubt, by making fear a friend that provides guideposts on our next actions rather than something we run from we can generate more love. There is no better place to apply such principals than with our money.
So many are in a world of hurt around money. We get headaches, stomach aches, have stress and other physical & emotional symptoms from our money woes that it's not surprising folks can be so darn cruel to others. It's no wonder folks can have such feelings of failure about themselves too. And these ways of being get passed down to our kids where the cycle repeats. So folks I'm stopping the cycle. I'm letting love in. I'm telling the truth & getting power from HP to take care of my life, future family & heart by focusing on finances. And now is the best time to get down to business!
Peace!
~F
So as I've noted on a few other posts here at QWOC I'm trying to get a
In recovery the first step is to admit our lives are unmanageable. Then we turn our unmanageable live to to the care of a Higher Power that can restore us to sanity & thus manage our lives. From that we are able to do HP's works great and small to better ourselves & the world around us. I've been able to do that over and over again with many things in my life including alcohol, co-dependence, my family & friends and so on. But not with money. I've been trying to take care of my money on my own quite unsuccessfully.
Rent checks have bounced. Money has been borrowed. I've probably given thousands to banks in overdraft fees. Tried payday advances (which I recommend NEVER doing) and have demeaned myself in a variety of ways which I shan't discuss here. The point is that my way of doing things has sucked to put it mildly & it's high time to change. Not just for my own sake but for the ones I'm close to & my future family.
But can dealing with my money stuff actually help to change the world? I'm learning the answer is yes.
I taped an episode of the Oprah show this week because Suze Orman was on it. She is a popular finance expert & I wanted to see what she had to say. Her words were powerful! She really brought home the idea of the link between how we are financially & it's impact on our emotional and spiritual lives. That when we are in our power, we don't waste time in shame. We don't lie about where we're at and therefore repel people. And it's my experience that this concept is so true. When I feel ashamed of any part of myself I'm not in my truth and therefore not in my power. When I'm not able to let the light of truth and joy shine through me I can't seem attract the people and things I may want/need into my life. Recovery has taught me to be honest about the good & yucky parts of myself. Doing this around money makes sense.
Fear is a common theme here too. Reflecting on the far away & recent past I can see that my lack of attention to my finances has had to do with more than laziness. It's also been fear. A fear of being bored. And what's funny about that is I tend to consider myself a person who is rarely bored. My mom often said "you're only as bored as you make yourself." And I've always thought that statement was true. So why the heck has my attitude around paper work and finances been so crappy? I don't have an exact answer but know that now is the time to change those beliefs.
What makes the world a better place is love. When we love one another and ourselves we empower each other and ourselves. By facing the truth, by getting comfortable with doubt, by making fear a friend that provides guideposts on our next actions rather than something we run from we can generate more love. There is no better place to apply such principals than with our money.
So many are in a world of hurt around money. We get headaches, stomach aches, have stress and other physical & emotional symptoms from our money woes that it's not surprising folks can be so darn cruel to others. It's no wonder folks can have such feelings of failure about themselves too. And these ways of being get passed down to our kids where the cycle repeats. So folks I'm stopping the cycle. I'm letting love in. I'm telling the truth & getting power from HP to take care of my life, future family & heart by focusing on finances. And now is the best time to get down to business!
Peace!
~F
Thursday, November 01, 2007
NaBloPoMo Day 1. Quotes from Reparations Day
Well I hate to admit this but I really have nothing to write in particular today. Not the worlds best way to begin 30 days of blogging. So today I give you quotes from Reparations Day. These are some of the things that were said to me ask I panhandled for reparations. Usually I'd say "Reparations! I can take your reparations payment here" This is what my beloved recorded from the passers-by. Enjoy!
Goodness bless moms!
Hey check out some cool new blogs by clicking on the NaBloPoMo randomizer below. Have fun!
http://nablopomo.ning.com/random.html
Peace!
~F
- How are those restitutions?
- Congratulations!
- What a bitch!
- You're a bitch & you're going to get smacked (note: she was white walking with a Black woman)
- I don't know nothing
- What is it? Oh I'll think about it.
- Good for you
- Good luck!
- It's the most positive thing I've seen since I came back to Portland from the military
- I'm a desendent of slavery too
- I'm Romanian and think they should do this over there in Europe
- We don't need reparations because there's the Joint House Resolution!
Goodness bless moms!
Hey check out some cool new blogs by clicking on the NaBloPoMo randomizer below. Have fun!
http://nablopomo.ning.com/random.html
Peace!
~F
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Halloween/Sad/Pics
I'll start with the sad. I'm missing my girl. She's currently on her was to Idaho for her grandfathers funeral. We have never been apart longer than a day for at least the last 6 months. I'm lucky really. To find & be with someone I enjoy spending so much time with. My mind tells me to be grateful that I miss her rather than happy I have some time to myself. I don't know what the heck has happened to me. Before her I always needed my space, my time. I had loneliness but enjoyed being alone a heck of a lot too. Now all I feel inside in the moment is longing. A sadness. I miss her even though we awoke together this morning. What a sap!
So anyway it's also Halloween today, obviously. Samhain. Many believe that every year this is the time when the veil between the living & the dead is at it's thinnest. Perhaps this is why I feel so moody today as well. This morning while I prayed I asked the spirits to watch over those I love who have passed. My own grandfather, Aunt Hetty, Aunt Monica, Uncle Frank, Christine, Mike, Francois & Laura. I miss & love them all.
I'm excited to hand out candy tonight and the house is decorated with small pumpkins, a large scary faced pumpkin, yellow plastic caution tape and a handmade Frankenstein face. It should be a fun night watching CBS mysteries and eating sugar.
So here are a few pics. One I took yesterday on my walk with my new camera phone. And me in costume today. I'm calling my character Agnes. Don't ask why. Also one of my wonderful cat Bebes with the Frankenstein face.
Peace!
~F
So anyway it's also Halloween today, obviously. Samhain. Many believe that every year this is the time when the veil between the living & the dead is at it's thinnest. Perhaps this is why I feel so moody today as well. This morning while I prayed I asked the spirits to watch over those I love who have passed. My own grandfather, Aunt Hetty, Aunt Monica, Uncle Frank, Christine, Mike, Francois & Laura. I miss & love them all.
I'm excited to hand out candy tonight and the house is decorated with small pumpkins, a large scary faced pumpkin, yellow plastic caution tape and a handmade Frankenstein face. It should be a fun night watching CBS mysteries and eating sugar.
So here are a few pics. One I took yesterday on my walk with my new camera phone. And me in costume today. I'm calling my character Agnes. Don't ask why. Also one of my wonderful cat Bebes with the Frankenstein face.
Peace!
~F
Monday, October 29, 2007
Oh Baby!
Have you ever craved something that wasn't food but you knew would satiate you to the deepest of your flesh & bones? It felt nourishing like food and desired as if you may starve somehow without it?
What I'm trying to say is my clock is ticking!
The urge to have a baby seems to get stronger each day. Either biologically or adopting, my body & heart are whispering "it's tiiiiiiiiiimeeeeee" like some old man howling from behind me at supper time.
We're not ready yet. Obviously. We're just getting ready to be grown-ups about our finances. Plus my beloved and I need some time to be together & continue to build our strong foundation. We know the best thing for our (hopefully) future children is to be able to provide a stable and healthy home for them and that right now is not yet the time. So we're planning and gathering and thinking and exploring and in general just plum getting ready for our family.
There is of course the little voice in my head that asks "what if you are a terrible mother?"
"What if you fuck up your kids?"
"What if you do it all wrong and they hate you?"
"What if you do what your parents did?"
*sigh*
In my heart I've been a mother since I was 10 years old. In my head I've talked to them, prayed for them & even scolded them all in preparation for when they physically arrive. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a mommy type & believes I'll be a good mom. Yet the ol' fear creeps in sometimes asking me to not do the things I know I can do. Actually that's not fear. It's doubt. And I'm tired of doubting the beautiful gifts Spirit has given me. The fears that come up with this and any other topic for me is good. They are guide posts. The fears are friends that make me decide over and over again to believe & grow. learn and change and become the woman, mother, partner HP wants me to me.
So for now I'm left with that deep yearning for a child. And the deep knowing that I can be a good mom.
Peace!
~F
What I'm trying to say is my clock is ticking!
The urge to have a baby seems to get stronger each day. Either biologically or adopting, my body & heart are whispering "it's tiiiiiiiiiimeeeeee" like some old man howling from behind me at supper time.
We're not ready yet. Obviously. We're just getting ready to be grown-ups about our finances. Plus my beloved and I need some time to be together & continue to build our strong foundation. We know the best thing for our (hopefully) future children is to be able to provide a stable and healthy home for them and that right now is not yet the time. So we're planning and gathering and thinking and exploring and in general just plum getting ready for our family.
There is of course the little voice in my head that asks "what if you are a terrible mother?"
"What if you fuck up your kids?"
"What if you do it all wrong and they hate you?"
"What if you do what your parents did?"
*sigh*
In my heart I've been a mother since I was 10 years old. In my head I've talked to them, prayed for them & even scolded them all in preparation for when they physically arrive. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a mommy type & believes I'll be a good mom. Yet the ol' fear creeps in sometimes asking me to not do the things I know I can do. Actually that's not fear. It's doubt. And I'm tired of doubting the beautiful gifts Spirit has given me. The fears that come up with this and any other topic for me is good. They are guide posts. The fears are friends that make me decide over and over again to believe & grow. learn and change and become the woman, mother, partner HP wants me to me.
So for now I'm left with that deep yearning for a child. And the deep knowing that I can be a good mom.
Peace!
~F
Sunday, October 28, 2007
A Death in the Family
My partner's grandpa died yesterday. Obviously this is a rough time.
I must confess that my skills as a partner on this are sucking right now. I don't know how to do this. How to be there for her in a situation like this because it's very new to me.
So we got fancy chocolate cupcakes today & that was a start. And I found this pic.
I must confess that my skills as a partner on this are sucking right now. I don't know how to do this. How to be there for her in a situation like this because it's very new to me.
So we got fancy chocolate cupcakes today & that was a start. And I found this pic.
Anyway...
I wanted to turn y'all on to a great blog I was told about recently. It's What About Our Daughters and it's basically about stopping the negative images of Black women in the media. It's worth a look.
Also check out Newspaper Rock. A blog about Native Americans in pop culture.
Peace y'all!
~F
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
NaBloPoMo is Almost Here! So What the *&%#^! is NaBloPoMo Anyway?
Oh my gosh. I've been trying to figure out if NaBloPoMo was going to happen this year & it is! I completed the challenge & was hoping to do it again! So just what is it you ask? NaBloPoMo is National Blog Posting Month. It looks like from here out it will be every year in the month of November. There are prizes involved but to me that's not really the point. The point is to explore new topics, fine tune writing skills & best yet, discover new & awesome blogs. And this year It's even eaiser to connect to other folks by creating groups. I started a group today for queer women bloggers. If you are a queer lady/not lady but identify as female & of color please join me. I'd LOVE to see a bunch of us & see your blogs & hopefully build some online community that will benefit us all offline.
I love this years badge! Since my member pic is me with my extra special luv luv Bebes I thought this was only too perfect. Get it peeerfect! Ah hahahahahah!
Umm anyway so I here & now commit to 30 days of posts in November. My good pal who rocks her own blog at Behind Blue Eyes is going to tackle health stuff as a focus sometimes. I really dig her choice on that one. So taking inspiration from her I'm going to try & focus on the following subjects that I'll be lucky to even do more that one post on (because I talk about myself too damn much!).
I love this years badge! Since my member pic is me with my extra special luv luv Bebes I thought this was only too perfect. Get it peeerfect! Ah hahahahahah!Umm anyway so I here & now commit to 30 days of posts in November. My good pal who rocks her own blog at Behind Blue Eyes is going to tackle health stuff as a focus sometimes. I really dig her choice on that one. So taking inspiration from her I'm going to try & focus on the following subjects that I'll be lucky to even do more that one post on (because I talk about myself too damn much!).
- Money Management
- The Presidential election & what it means for us queer folks
- Domestic Partnerships and why they are not enough
~F
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Time to Put Away Childish Things
I have no clue where in the Bible that verse comes from, but despite my not-so-into-the-bible leanings, I'm really taking those words to heart right now. At almost 33 it's time to grow the feek up. Okay I have the job I've been at for over seven years and that's great. It show's I'm capable of some stability. I'm coming up on 2 years completly sober. Awesome! Have finally become a decent spouse in a healthy loving relationship with someone amazing.
But the deal is it's time to get it together financially. I've been in a 12 step program that deals with money & have not made the progress I'd hoped. It's not the program (though I'm having resentments) I'm sure. But at this point it's not moving fast enough. I'm still having difficulties & can't really get anyone on their game to sit & help me. So I've taken matters into my own hands & have been doing some deep research.
My good pal Zee is participating in the Dave Ramsey Money Makeover program. After seeing her actually utilizing some of the tools at dinner on night I got to thinking. But the problem is this Dave dude is a fundamentalist christian & I don't want this guy to have even one of my pennies. So I enrolled in a free 30 day gift subscription (which I had to dig for because the frontpage only offers a 7 day free trial). Here's that link! So I'm gonna get every damn thing I can out of it & then utilize some of the free online budget programs out there.
So here I go on my way to financial maturity.
But the deal is it's time to get it together financially. I've been in a 12 step program that deals with money & have not made the progress I'd hoped. It's not the program (though I'm having resentments) I'm sure. But at this point it's not moving fast enough. I'm still having difficulties & can't really get anyone on their game to sit & help me. So I've taken matters into my own hands & have been doing some deep research.
My good pal Zee is participating in the Dave Ramsey Money Makeover program. After seeing her actually utilizing some of the tools at dinner on night I got to thinking. But the problem is this Dave dude is a fundamentalist christian & I don't want this guy to have even one of my pennies. So I enrolled in a free 30 day gift subscription (which I had to dig for because the frontpage only offers a 7 day free trial). Here's that link! So I'm gonna get every damn thing I can out of it & then utilize some of the free online budget programs out there.
So here I go on my way to financial maturity.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Chihuahuas!!!!!!!!
Well if any of my wonderful readers have noticed I haven't been blogging much lately. I'm back from yet another cold but this one turned ugly and landed in my lungs. Bad for me as I have asthma & not being able to breathe well is well...uncomfortable. I woke up Wednesday morning to standing in the kitchen after feeding the dogs only to realize I was wheezing and my lungs felt tight & in pain. Off to urgent care my partner & I went where I was prescribed the oh-so-tasty Prednisone but didn't have to go through the Nebulizer treatment which tends to leave me terribly achy muscles for a week after.
What kept me from having to take the Nebulizer was something I learned in Asthma camp (don't you laugh!) when I was 11 years old. I drank some hot coffee and by the time I got to the doctor I still had some wheezing but could actually breathe. So kids remember if your having the onset of an asthma attack take your inhaler and drink some strong ass hot coffee!
Anywho I'm too busy today to wax philosophical on much of anything including Reparations, Marriage Equality & of course Britney Spears. So instead I present pics of our oh-so-hammy chihuahuas Lucy & Sydney. These girls have stolen my heart & despite the fact that they still pee on the floor sometimes (they have tiny 12 year old bladders) they make life full & warm.
A tender and maternal moment between my partner & Lucifer. Yes that's Lucy's real name. If you knew this dog you'd understand. But seriously as demanding and totally Aries like this chi-chi is she is also a lovey dovey pooch that always makes you feel better when your sad. Or just screams at you until you snap out of it!
Two hams making funny faces at the camera phone. What happened to posing? Who cares as long we get attention!
Sydney! The far sweeter of the sisters, Syd has a heart of pink gooey marshmallow. Seriously she will just follow us around & lick, lick, lick the carpet. I swear she was a totally lesbo in a former life. But really I hate to play favorites, so I won't except to say that Syd rocks my world! She's sweet, protective & very intrepid. Her only downfall is a faulty bladder that leaks onto out carper a couple times a week. You could take this dog out on the hour every hour (and we do) and she'll still eventually piss on the floor. Oh well you can't be perfect.
Well that's enough from me. The dogs & I wish y'all a happy week!
What kept me from having to take the Nebulizer was something I learned in Asthma camp (don't you laugh!) when I was 11 years old. I drank some hot coffee and by the time I got to the doctor I still had some wheezing but could actually breathe. So kids remember if your having the onset of an asthma attack take your inhaler and drink some strong ass hot coffee!
Anywho I'm too busy today to wax philosophical on much of anything including Reparations, Marriage Equality & of course Britney Spears. So instead I present pics of our oh-so-hammy chihuahuas Lucy & Sydney. These girls have stolen my heart & despite the fact that they still pee on the floor sometimes (they have tiny 12 year old bladders) they make life full & warm.
A tender and maternal moment between my partner & Lucifer. Yes that's Lucy's real name. If you knew this dog you'd understand. But seriously as demanding and totally Aries like this chi-chi is she is also a lovey dovey pooch that always makes you feel better when your sad. Or just screams at you until you snap out of it!
Two hams making funny faces at the camera phone. What happened to posing? Who cares as long we get attention!
Sydney! The far sweeter of the sisters, Syd has a heart of pink gooey marshmallow. Seriously she will just follow us around & lick, lick, lick the carpet. I swear she was a totally lesbo in a former life. But really I hate to play favorites, so I won't except to say that Syd rocks my world! She's sweet, protective & very intrepid. Her only downfall is a faulty bladder that leaks onto out carper a couple times a week. You could take this dog out on the hour every hour (and we do) and she'll still eventually piss on the floor. Oh well you can't be perfect. 
Well that's enough from me. The dogs & I wish y'all a happy week!Peace!
~F
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Inspiration & Striving for Equality
I found the below passage to be an inspiration. It reminded me of my own dealings with oppression.
It's been interesting seeing some people's reaction to the Panhandling for Reparations coverage. I know there are many who read the article & felt inspired, happy & simply acknowledged. Others I knew would view the performances in a totally different way. Though I was unprepared for the nation wide coverage I was also unprepared for the backlash of racism toward Black folks that was spewed from Internet comments.
Writing things like "they're just gonna use the money for 40's" or "they already have reparations. It's called welfare" was at best troubling. To sum up our whole intentions and performances in such a way is obviously disappointing. But I remain grateful that conversations are taking place that were meaningful to many people. I believe in that & will keep on doing the work that needs to be done for all minorities in the United States to have true equality.
"At first I was passive, let one man saddle me and ride for a while. He laughed at the illusion of my weakness. But I suddenly rose up and bucked him off and broke his arm. Another man tried to ride me, but I threw him and so many others, until I was lathered in sweat and blood from their spurs and rifle butts. It was glorious. Finally they gave up, quit, and led me to the back of the train. They could not break me. Some wanted to kill me for my arrogance, but others respected my anger, my refusal to admit defeat. I lived that day, even escaped Colonel Wright, and galloped into other histories."
-From the story "The Trial of Thomas Builds-The-Fire" by Sherman Alexie
Peace y'all!
~F
It's been interesting seeing some people's reaction to the Panhandling for Reparations coverage. I know there are many who read the article & felt inspired, happy & simply acknowledged. Others I knew would view the performances in a totally different way. Though I was unprepared for the nation wide coverage I was also unprepared for the backlash of racism toward Black folks that was spewed from Internet comments.
Writing things like "they're just gonna use the money for 40's" or "they already have reparations. It's called welfare" was at best troubling. To sum up our whole intentions and performances in such a way is obviously disappointing. But I remain grateful that conversations are taking place that were meaningful to many people. I believe in that & will keep on doing the work that needs to be done for all minorities in the United States to have true equality.
"At first I was passive, let one man saddle me and ride for a while. He laughed at the illusion of my weakness. But I suddenly rose up and bucked him off and broke his arm. Another man tried to ride me, but I threw him and so many others, until I was lathered in sweat and blood from their spurs and rifle butts. It was glorious. Finally they gave up, quit, and led me to the back of the train. They could not break me. Some wanted to kill me for my arrogance, but others respected my anger, my refusal to admit defeat. I lived that day, even escaped Colonel Wright, and galloped into other histories."
-From the story "The Trial of Thomas Builds-The-Fire" by Sherman Alexie
Peace y'all!
~F
Friday, October 12, 2007
Panhandling for Reparations Day Went Great! (a non-recap)
My words are insufficient for how amazing & meaningful an experience this has been. The fact that the story was front page of the Oregonian late edition & has gone to the Associated Press is more than I ever dreamed. Sadly I don't have time to recap today as I have a pap smear to go get & won't be near a computer until Sunday. Until then simply Google my name if you know it & the words reparations. Jeezus!
Peace!
~F
Peace!
~F
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Reparations Day is Tomorrow! Are You Ready?
I almost am. I've got the sign made, made work schedule arrangements, have allies set up, an interview set up & such. Only I have one small problem. I need a can or something good of some sort that I can collect change in. I'm thinking of using my coffee mug that says "Touch your own hair." Anyway short of that I'm ready, even, finally- mentally.I'll be in NE Portland between 10am & 2pm near Lloyd Center. We'll see what happens as I try to be a part of opening up this important issue for all Americans and the world.
Please check out my post at the National Reparations blog. In the meantime tomorrow please look for folks in your own cities & support them in their performances. A smile may go a long way for those who are not as brazen as they may seem (like myself!).
Please visit the Reparations Day website and the Reparations Day blog for more on this Nation wide event!
from my August 8th post:
"As we all know slavery sucked. And the effects of such soul crushing devastation still haunt the United States today. Reparations is basically an apology from those who have benefited from such a hideous institution in the form of money. Who has benefited from slavery? All white people. Yes even you, your mama, daddy & so on."
Special thanks to Jack Stephens for noticing this blog and that quote at The Blog & The Bullet
Peace!
~F
Monday, October 08, 2007
The United States Constitution Article 4, Section 2
The very first sentence reads:
The Citizens of each State shall be entitled to all Privileges and Immunities of Citizens in the several States.
I remember this when I think about marriage equality. I don't want special rights & privileges I want equality!
Peace!
~F
The above message was provided by a citizen of the United States of America
The Citizens of each State shall be entitled to all Privileges and Immunities of Citizens in the several States.
I remember this when I think about marriage equality. I don't want special rights & privileges I want equality!
Peace!
~F
The above message was provided by a citizen of the United States of America
Friday, October 05, 2007
Captian Kirk Wishes You a BIG Happy Friday
My beloved & I have been watching old school episodes of Star Trek. I've never been into to sci-fi & now it seems I'm turning into a Trekkie. Seriously I love OG Star Trek more than CSI & so that is a big deal.What I love about old Star Trek is how campy it is yet so ahead of it's time. Plus there's usually a mystery or action or drama or all of the above in every episode. And Captian Kirk... awww geez he's so manly. And oddly enough I like it. And Mr. Spock is the coolest cat in space. My partner & I have decided that I'm most like Dr. McCoy & she's (of course) most like James T. Kirk.
Anyway I also like that there were some political & spiritual pieces to the show that were really thought provoking. All in all I give the OG Star Trek a 10 out of 10.
Live long & prosper!
~F
P.S. I took that pic w/ my camera phone from the TV. That's why it looks funny.
Monday, October 01, 2007
Oh Effing Great!
Well this weekend in Portland: From Infoshop News:
And guess what? These lovely folk are being encouraged to stay in hotels & with other racists in SE Portland where I live. Woo hoo! NOT!
What's funny is I've already had folks at work (all whites) warn me to "be careful" this weekend. I appreciate their concern but am I supposed to hide in my house all weekend because some whack-a-do's have a problem with my skin?
Back in the day I would have been frightened or angry. In fact for a long time I wouldn't step foot in my current neighborhood because I knew from reputation & experience that neo-nazi skinheads lived there. They all eventually went to Baja, CA supposedly & I have ceased to have any other run-in's with these extremists.
And it's not apathy that keeps me from being upset about their upcoming gathering here. It's just that I can't live in fear & anger anymore. I can't let some a-holes rule my life & lifestyle (ie. gliding around SE Portland with our 2 and a half pound dogs in their doggie stroller). Yes there may be risk this weekend in being hurt or even killed. As these folks promote violence. But I'm not going to run for cover or freak out. I'm just gonna keep on keeping on. Anything else would not feed my soul.
I think a revolutionary thing to do is be happy. And I'm happy & need not flaunt it nor hide it but simply believe in the love that made me & walk in this world knowing that all goes the way it does. Even the things I don't like. No I don't like these people coming to town. It's like the opposite of Santa. But I remain grateful that I can overcome my own moments of hate and fear & have faith others can too.
Peace!
~F
Portland, Oregon – The Hammerskin Nation, a neo-Nazi skinhead organization, aims to attract hundreds of hardcore racists to the group’s twentieth-anniversary
celebration, to be held October 5 – 7 of this year in the greater Portland area.
And guess what? These lovely folk are being encouraged to stay in hotels & with other racists in SE Portland where I live. Woo hoo! NOT!
What's funny is I've already had folks at work (all whites) warn me to "be careful" this weekend. I appreciate their concern but am I supposed to hide in my house all weekend because some whack-a-do's have a problem with my skin?
Back in the day I would have been frightened or angry. In fact for a long time I wouldn't step foot in my current neighborhood because I knew from reputation & experience that neo-nazi skinheads lived there. They all eventually went to Baja, CA supposedly & I have ceased to have any other run-in's with these extremists.
And it's not apathy that keeps me from being upset about their upcoming gathering here. It's just that I can't live in fear & anger anymore. I can't let some a-holes rule my life & lifestyle (ie. gliding around SE Portland with our 2 and a half pound dogs in their doggie stroller). Yes there may be risk this weekend in being hurt or even killed. As these folks promote violence. But I'm not going to run for cover or freak out. I'm just gonna keep on keeping on. Anything else would not feed my soul.
I think a revolutionary thing to do is be happy. And I'm happy & need not flaunt it nor hide it but simply believe in the love that made me & walk in this world knowing that all goes the way it does. Even the things I don't like. No I don't like these people coming to town. It's like the opposite of Santa. But I remain grateful that I can overcome my own moments of hate and fear & have faith others can too.
Peace!
~F
Sunday, September 30, 2007
About Me
About moi-
Well I'm a love child of the 70's born in 1974 to an interracial couple. My mom & dad were almost 28 when I was born & during that time we all lived in the great state of California. After some drama between my parents my mom & I moved to Minnesota when I was 4 years old.
Some more drama followed us until I was about 8 years old when I saw my father for the last time & discovered I wanted to be a nun. But my life as a mid-Western Catholic ended after a series of pertinent discoveries about my self such as that I'm gayish, wanted to live on the west coast again & wanted to be free from religion.
At 24 I quit drinking & doing drugs because I'm an addict & alcoholic & had put myself through some funky shit. It was actually my 2nd stab at sobriety & though I have not had a drink or illegal drug since that time I had to change my sobriety date due to a nasty over-enjoyment to vicodin. My sobriety date is 11/15/05. I am so grateful for recovery programs such as AA & Al-Anon.
Currently I live in Portland Oregon with a cat & two tea-cup chihuahuas and my partner. We live in an area with too many hipsters making noise at three in the morning on their bicycles but are glad that a Stumptown coffee shop is nearby. We plan to marry (not legally which sucks because of our current system of discrimination) in August of 2008 and hope to get our honeymoon paid for by well wishers. For work I've dealt with books for over seven years and am still kinda underpaid.
My interests in no particular order include this blog & reading other peoples blogs, beading, crafts, astrology, reading, films, the arts, animals, spirituality, personal growth, yoga, walking, comedy & mystery TV shows, music, public speaking, justice and generally being the backlash to the backlash.
This blog started named as Redolence. I wanted to create a virtual space for the detailing of parts of my life that was like a scent almost. Scents conjure feelings & thoughts & I wished this blog to have a similar effect via the web. After a time I began to notice that there was not a lot of visible representation of queer women of color blogs out in the world wide web. That doesn't mean they don't exist as many queer women of color prefer the focus to be on things other than their racial, gender & sexuality status. And though I definitely focus on romance, silliness & non related issues I felt it was important to be visible as a QWOC so those that are like me don't feel so invisible & can feel more connected albeit virtually to others like us.
Not that I only want queer women of color to read this. In fact I hope what folks get from stopping by here is a peek into the brain of someone who may seem different but is as crazy, happy, sad, loving, goofy, interesting & boring as you, who ever you are. QWOC is about politics that effect especially folks whose identity encompasses multiple minority status but is also about the struggle day by day to keep on keeping on.
As always
Peace
~F
Well I'm a love child of the 70's born in 1974 to an interracial couple. My mom & dad were almost 28 when I was born & during that time we all lived in the great state of California. After some drama between my parents my mom & I moved to Minnesota when I was 4 years old.
Some more drama followed us until I was about 8 years old when I saw my father for the last time & discovered I wanted to be a nun. But my life as a mid-Western Catholic ended after a series of pertinent discoveries about my self such as that I'm gayish, wanted to live on the west coast again & wanted to be free from religion.
At 24 I quit drinking & doing drugs because I'm an addict & alcoholic & had put myself through some funky shit. It was actually my 2nd stab at sobriety & though I have not had a drink or illegal drug since that time I had to change my sobriety date due to a nasty over-enjoyment to vicodin. My sobriety date is 11/15/05. I am so grateful for recovery programs such as AA & Al-Anon.
Currently I live in Portland Oregon with a cat & two tea-cup chihuahuas and my partner. We live in an area with too many hipsters making noise at three in the morning on their bicycles but are glad that a Stumptown coffee shop is nearby. We plan to marry (not legally which sucks because of our current system of discrimination) in August of 2008 and hope to get our honeymoon paid for by well wishers. For work I've dealt with books for over seven years and am still kinda underpaid.
My interests in no particular order include this blog & reading other peoples blogs, beading, crafts, astrology, reading, films, the arts, animals, spirituality, personal growth, yoga, walking, comedy & mystery TV shows, music, public speaking, justice and generally being the backlash to the backlash.
This blog started named as Redolence. I wanted to create a virtual space for the detailing of parts of my life that was like a scent almost. Scents conjure feelings & thoughts & I wished this blog to have a similar effect via the web. After a time I began to notice that there was not a lot of visible representation of queer women of color blogs out in the world wide web. That doesn't mean they don't exist as many queer women of color prefer the focus to be on things other than their racial, gender & sexuality status. And though I definitely focus on romance, silliness & non related issues I felt it was important to be visible as a QWOC so those that are like me don't feel so invisible & can feel more connected albeit virtually to others like us.
Not that I only want queer women of color to read this. In fact I hope what folks get from stopping by here is a peek into the brain of someone who may seem different but is as crazy, happy, sad, loving, goofy, interesting & boring as you, who ever you are. QWOC is about politics that effect especially folks whose identity encompasses multiple minority status but is also about the struggle day by day to keep on keeping on.
As alwaysPeace
~F
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
A Personal Photo
I know my most recent posts have been mostly pics and today is no exception. Today is the first day I got out of bed & didn't fall back in so a longer more substantial post will come soon. Until then I thought I'd post a personal photo. No not personal like that. Just a pic of me & my beloved. All the photos of her on this blog have been sun glassed or the side of her head or perhaps a tooth. With her blessing I wish to introduce you all to her beautiful handsome face.
My love & I last Sunday at our friends wedding. Though I have been in many a photo with past partners & lovers I think this is the first pic I'm in with someone where it's so obvious I'm totally in love. And I can't help gushing... I really am! Peace!
~F
My love & I last Sunday at our friends wedding. Though I have been in many a photo with past partners & lovers I think this is the first pic I'm in with someone where it's so obvious I'm totally in love. And I can't help gushing... I really am! Peace!
~F
Monday, September 24, 2007
Pics o' Moi & a QWOC Button Just 4 U!
First here is the tag. You can put it on your blog to promote my blog. This makes sense no? Anywho here it is. 
Lovely eh? Just copy the thing & do the thingy to make it go back to this ol' blog. I'll give out kisses to all how have this on thier blogs & websites!
Anyway feel free to gaze at the pics of moi last weekend after I performed a wedding ceremony for my good friends. It was a really powerful moment for me & I'll say more on it later. Peace!
Me pursing my lips apparently
Priestess Fran!
Lovely eh? Just copy the thing & do the thingy to make it go back to this ol' blog. I'll give out kisses to all how have this on thier blogs & websites!Anyway feel free to gaze at the pics of moi last weekend after I performed a wedding ceremony for my good friends. It was a really powerful moment for me & I'll say more on it later. Peace!
Me pursing my lips apparently
Priestess Fran!
The Fruit of my Loins
That's right y'all. On top of being sick I'm bleeding. It's my period but I'd rather not add that on to how I'm feeling. Ahh well.Hey have any of you checked out the Natyional Day of Pandhandling for Reparations day blog. If not do so here. Peace!
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Nasal Douching!
Nasal douching is not fun, but very cheap & easy to do. I've been terribly sick with a sinus infection/cold from hell. Needless to say this will be a short post until I can get back on track with all my blog reading & such. Until then please entertain yourself with two links.
One is Know Thy Neighbor Oregon. It's a website that publishes the names of those who sign any petition against the Oregon Family "Fairness" & "Equality" acts. Though I have very mixed feelings about what I feel are separate but not quite equal laws, it is interesting to note just who in my State doesn't want me & my family to even have some equal protections. Check it out.
Addicted to Race has a new podcast out. This time the subject is on building a multiracial movement. Though I have not had a chance to listen to it yet I'm sure it will be another great episode. Have a listen.
That is it for now. I'll hopefully be much better soon with rants & TMI tales galore. Until then...
Peace!
~F
One is Know Thy Neighbor Oregon. It's a website that publishes the names of those who sign any petition against the Oregon Family "Fairness" & "Equality" acts. Though I have very mixed feelings about what I feel are separate but not quite equal laws, it is interesting to note just who in my State doesn't want me & my family to even have some equal protections. Check it out.
Addicted to Race has a new podcast out. This time the subject is on building a multiracial movement. Though I have not had a chance to listen to it yet I'm sure it will be another great episode. Have a listen.
That is it for now. I'll hopefully be much better soon with rants & TMI tales galore. Until then...
Peace!
~F
Monday, September 17, 2007
A Whole New Meaning to Craigslist! An Open Letter to Larry Craig
Dear Larry,
At first when I heard about this whole bathroom debacle I felt bad for you. Felt even worse for your wife & family. The fact that you were caught trying solicit an officer of the law in my home state made me even feel a connection to you. I thought "yes, I too have tried to have gay sex in a public bathroom in Minneapolis." And so I felt we had a bond. Even if you publicly said you were not a homo, you & I like to get it on in bathrooms & that's enough of a link for me.
Then you resigned. I thought it was a mistake. I thought you ought to fight the restrictive, homophobic laws that govern Minnesota bathrooms & not take such treatment, ehh hem, sitting down. I should have told you ahead of time that you could avoid pesky police officers by contacting the Minneapolis Men4Men section of Craigslist.
Then I read a Savage Love column last week (of which I can't find the link to) & started to think. If you had had the opportunity you would have voted for police patrols in every public bathroom in the United States & maybe even Canada. You would have been the first person to point your finger if it had been one of your colleagues. You Sir do not like lgbtq2s folks. You would legislate against us at every turn if you could.
So now I'm glad you've stepped down despite the fact that you & I both enjoy gay bathroom sex. You do not get to live one way & try to legislate another. And you got what you deserved because when you try to destroy basic human equality, you get it in return. It's karma baby & you got it 3 fold. I will pray for you & wish you well. But I will not have an ounce of pity for you.
Sincerely,
Fran
P.S. Enjoy this video. I dedicate it to you.
At first when I heard about this whole bathroom debacle I felt bad for you. Felt even worse for your wife & family. The fact that you were caught trying solicit an officer of the law in my home state made me even feel a connection to you. I thought "yes, I too have tried to have gay sex in a public bathroom in Minneapolis." And so I felt we had a bond. Even if you publicly said you were not a homo, you & I like to get it on in bathrooms & that's enough of a link for me.
Then you resigned. I thought it was a mistake. I thought you ought to fight the restrictive, homophobic laws that govern Minnesota bathrooms & not take such treatment, ehh hem, sitting down. I should have told you ahead of time that you could avoid pesky police officers by contacting the Minneapolis Men4Men section of Craigslist.
Then I read a Savage Love column last week (of which I can't find the link to) & started to think. If you had had the opportunity you would have voted for police patrols in every public bathroom in the United States & maybe even Canada. You would have been the first person to point your finger if it had been one of your colleagues. You Sir do not like lgbtq2s folks. You would legislate against us at every turn if you could.
So now I'm glad you've stepped down despite the fact that you & I both enjoy gay bathroom sex. You do not get to live one way & try to legislate another. And you got what you deserved because when you try to destroy basic human equality, you get it in return. It's karma baby & you got it 3 fold. I will pray for you & wish you well. But I will not have an ounce of pity for you.
Sincerely,
Fran
P.S. Enjoy this video. I dedicate it to you.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Summa Books
It's been a decent summer for books. I spent most of my time with a young adult series by Stephanie Meyer. There was Twilight then New Moon and finally last night I finished Eclipse. They were easy and totally fun books. With the exception of a couple weird comments by the protagonist like "she was beautiful in an exotic sort of way." Hate that. Anywho I also read another great young adult book by Sherman Alexie called The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian . It was very very good & I recommend it to adults as well as teens.
After seeing Mr. Alexie in person this last Wednesday I thought it would be good to read some of his other stuff. So I'm already 24 pages into The Lone Ranger & Tonto Fistfight in Heaven. It's a little fantastical which isn't usually my thing but I'm sure it's worth it.
Don't Play in the Sun by Marita Golden was a good book although it took my a while to read it. It's about colorism & was an important read.
And I re-read Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris because that book is funnier than shit. Oh & one I almost forgot despite that it was fun was Dead Connection by Alafair Burke. It was a murder mystery from an author who used to live in good 'ol PDX.
Let's hope for some good fall reading! Feel free to note your favorite books that you read this summer! Peace!
~F
After seeing Mr. Alexie in person this last Wednesday I thought it would be good to read some of his other stuff. So I'm already 24 pages into The Lone Ranger & Tonto Fistfight in Heaven. It's a little fantastical which isn't usually my thing but I'm sure it's worth it.
Don't Play in the Sun by Marita Golden was a good book although it took my a while to read it. It's about colorism & was an important read.
And I re-read Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris because that book is funnier than shit. Oh & one I almost forgot despite that it was fun was Dead Connection by Alafair Burke. It was a murder mystery from an author who used to live in good 'ol PDX.
Let's hope for some good fall reading! Feel free to note your favorite books that you read this summer! Peace!
~F
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Of Modern Day "Gangsta" Rappers and Old Timey Uncle Tom's. Why not Much has Changed
Today's mainstream rap stars are no different from the happy jigaboo uncle tom characters of yesteryear. The only real difference is that these so called tom's of the past seemed outwardly happy to entertain their masters.The rap artists of today still feed the white mans fantasy albeit a different one now. Instead of enjoying the idea of Black men serving them with glee, this time the servicing is in the form of fulfilling the character stereotype of the tough, dark and sinister man who doesn't care about taboos of sex, drugs and money. This character like the one of uncle tom has no family, hobbies or meaningful interests or real life of their own other than fully playing into this fantasy.
These men of fantasy have only one real purpose: to provide an outlet for white guilt, anger and boredom. Pissed at your boss? Pretend through 50 cent that you can blow him away or that at the very least that you are & always will be tougher than him. Turning to this fantasy allows you for a moment to hate your boss safely, be someone else safely, without the pesky possibility of getting fired or being exposed to real inner city problems.
Your wife giving you grief? Tune into Snoop Dogg where your wife turns into the magical exotic ho you've always wanted that will please you when you say. And when your done with her you can move on to the next woman and degrade her if you wish. Because it's fun for a moment to, in fantasy do all the things you want to a woman and not care. Where in real life your wife would chew you out if you slapped her told her to suck you.
To pretend that the white love of rap, more importantly rap that is violent, sexist & stereotypes Black people, has no element of racism is to be purposely ignorant. If a person of non-color really wanted to do something about being "down" with Blacks and other folks of color, they would perhaps try listening to rap that wasn't filled with lyrics about Black men only being thugs and Black women being sub-human. Maybe they would try to actually get to know some Black folks, read some of their blogs and articles and see that each one of us is very different, unique and yes...human.
The rap artists talking about all the violence and sex stuff that they do, generally don't actually live that way. I'm not saying they all live in the suburbs and drive minivans, but many have children, partners they love, homes and hobbies that have nothing to do with diamond purchasing and drinking 40's.
Are these artists making money? Yes. Are they choosing to say these things? Yes. And so did all the actresses and actors who took servant roles in movies way back when. They got money and screen time & chose to play mammies and uncles. But these folks had limited choices back then. They played these roles because the pro-white racist entertainment industry back then owned most productions of the time and chose not to have people of color be equally human, in character and/or in life. These artists now, like back then are still shucking and jiving and playing a role to the white man to get paid. There is no real difference except that the song and dance has changed.
Of course we can say those films were a reflection of the times when Jim Crow and separate bathrooms ruled the land. And that is true to a large degree. Which then really makes you think about the state of the world today regarding folks of color. Yes we are thought of as folks who can have money and some stature. But the rap videos we watch would tell us that we don't handle our money very well. That we don't know how to be vulnerable or are capable of emotional intimacy. That all we think about is sex, violence, guns, drugs and money. We are just plain not smart enough to do anything other than survive on what white men let us. Yeah we're not shown serving our massa's on TV anymore but we certainly are not being given the "cred" we deserve either.
Peace!
~F
Photos courtesy of Photobucket
Monday, September 10, 2007
When White Privilege Goes Really Really Bad. Britney Spears at the VMA's
Last night I did not watch the VMA's (MTV Video Awards). Instead it was pizza & porn for my beloved & I. Porn???? You gasp. Well don't get too excited as it was a documentary on John Holmes that included some of his porn & we could only get it from the porno section in Movie Madness.
Anywho tuning in to my favorite gossip blog Jezebel I wanted to see how the whole Kanye West Vs. 50 Cent thing might have gone down at the VMA's. What I forgot was that Britney Spears was opening for the show. And oh-my-gosh what a nightmare.
Many seem to think she was terribly out of shape. For the record I didn't think she looked so bad at all. Yeah her body wasn't all super tight but I think it looks better than mine thank you. If my body looked like that I'd wear a bikini to work everyday! Anyway her body wasn't the issue for me as much as her lazy ass performance. You can see it here to see what I mean.
Gimmie More?!?! Yeah gimmie more is right because she barely moved at all. She seemed bored or scared or something. I feel kinda sad for her and quite frankly think her career may be over after this one. Her best bet at this point would be to go to Kansas, buy a farm, raise her kids & ger herself together for the next 10 years and then make a stunning comeback. Brit if you're reading this, please go now. You'll thank me later.
Why do I even care about any of this? Because I like watching train wrecks and it takes my mind off my other problems.
So Kanye West said something about all this that got me thinking. Though I do think he's a hack in many ways from crying about getting snubbed at the VMA's to calling mixed race women mutts, I did think it's interesting to note that perhaps Brit did get to where she is in part because of her aryan appeal.
I can't believe that if Mary J. Blige had acted the way Brit did and too boot hasn't had any recent hits, I really doubt Mary would have opened for the show. Mariah Carey certainly performed after her meltdowns but open she did not. The whole thing just trips my white privilege trigger in a big way. But of course we all know the entertainment industry like most thinks in this country are whack in it racist crap.
So it was really rather funny when in a Jezebel post about the VMA's they noted Britney's crappo extensions and how it was the first thing you saw when her "performance" started. It said "this is what a nappy headed ho looks like." Bah hah haha ha.
Sunday, September 09, 2007
New Look
Howdy all! If you are a reader of QWOC you'll notice some changes to the look. I really loved th ol' template but decided it was time for a fresh look and to mix it up a bit but not too much. The header was made with the lovely & free program myimager and I got the colors for the face of this blog from colourlovers. Unprofound is my favorite freeshare photo place & that's where that great color bubbles image came from. All these sites are free and you can do some pretty fun stuff!
I decided to tone down the pink tough I love it. I just want to make this blog as readable and user friendly as possible. And I felt the pic in the header was more representitive of the focus of the blog itself. Don't ask how though because I can't explain that.
Lastly I've added a couple new links to the sidebar. One I should have had for a long time but kept forgetting to add was Pam's House Blend. The other is one I just discovered called The Real. A very funny vlog. Check them out! Peace!
~F
I decided to tone down the pink tough I love it. I just want to make this blog as readable and user friendly as possible. And I felt the pic in the header was more representitive of the focus of the blog itself. Don't ask how though because I can't explain that.
Lastly I've added a couple new links to the sidebar. One I should have had for a long time but kept forgetting to add was Pam's House Blend. The other is one I just discovered called The Real. A very funny vlog. Check them out! Peace!
~F
Friday, September 07, 2007
It's not the Oppression Olympics but I Still Wonder Why the Jena 6 got More Coverage than the New Jersey 7
Look I don't think gays suffer more that POC or that POC suffer more than white women or that women in general suffer more than trans folks or anything like that. But I do think when different minority classifications get combined the likelihood of something being written off faster is likely.
Take for example the Jena 6 case. Most of you have heard of it by now I hope, but if not here's a video link with a great explanation.
The whole thing is crap for the dudes! I mean talk about injustice! A guy gets his butt kicked some but not enough to really harm as he was able to get to a social function that very night. Yet the guys who gave him the can-o-whoop ass get 2nd degree attempted murder charges. Oh and of course it's a white dude that gets his ass whopped & Black dudes that get the erroneous charges. The whole thing is a mess & the young man judged guilty by an all white judge & jury may possibly be given a 22 year sentence. Ahh the smell of racism.
The whole thing sucks & I for one am utterly incensed by all the circumstances surrounding the Jena 6.
That being said I am a little surprised by the fact that the Jena six case is getting so much more press than the case of the New Jersey seven (or four depending on who you read). In fact the fact that some reports say four and some say seven is in itself a problem as no one seems to care to get the facts straight.
Here's an example: I googled the key words Jena 6. And get pages of links. I googled New Jersey 7. Nothing. New Jersey 4. Nothing. New Jersey four. Zip. New Jersey seven. One link to an NY post titled "Attack of the Killer Lesbians." WTF?
Are the circumstances different? Sure. One event happened in a small town and one happened in a big city. One case was all men and the other was women and a man. One case had a white person and several Black people. The other case had all Black folks. One case had (as far as we know) all heterosexuals. The other had homosexual/genderqueer people & a straight person. And to be fair the Jena case initially had stiffer charges against the accused.
Here are the similarities. Past prejudice fueled an attack. Past injustices due to privilege fueled anger. A lack of freedom in choice of location fueled resentment (the tree only belongs to the whites and the streets only belong to men). A legal system that favors the majority to minorities. A person with more privilege provoking the accused. Both cases had the person attacked suffer minor injuries yet the attackers were charged beyond the reality of the crimes. Both cases had prejudice based tensions of the recent past adding to already existing pain of living as less-than-equals. Both cases involved African Americans.
Oh and here's one more difference. In the New Jersey seven's case the accused were not only Black but queer women. Triple minorities that force us to think about the many layers of injustice that happen here in the U S of A.
I'm not saying for one second that the media attention the Jena 6 are getting is undeserved. On the contrary. I think an even bigger ruckus needs to be caused. In that same vein the New Jersey seven's lack of attention seems questionable. Why isn't there more about these women and their case. What are the reasons one case gets more support than another?
With the New Jersey seven I have to wonder if there is sexism here. Or homophobia. Or genderqueer phobia. Or all of the above. Maybe it is just too much for us to think about that many levels of injustice and oppression. Maybe we can get behind men but not people who we consider immoral due to their sexuality and gender expression. Whatever the reason I figure it is important to at least ask.
~F
Take for example the Jena 6 case. Most of you have heard of it by now I hope, but if not here's a video link with a great explanation.
The whole thing is crap for the dudes! I mean talk about injustice! A guy gets his butt kicked some but not enough to really harm as he was able to get to a social function that very night. Yet the guys who gave him the can-o-whoop ass get 2nd degree attempted murder charges. Oh and of course it's a white dude that gets his ass whopped & Black dudes that get the erroneous charges. The whole thing is a mess & the young man judged guilty by an all white judge & jury may possibly be given a 22 year sentence. Ahh the smell of racism.
The whole thing sucks & I for one am utterly incensed by all the circumstances surrounding the Jena 6.
That being said I am a little surprised by the fact that the Jena six case is getting so much more press than the case of the New Jersey seven (or four depending on who you read). In fact the fact that some reports say four and some say seven is in itself a problem as no one seems to care to get the facts straight.
Here's an example: I googled the key words Jena 6. And get pages of links. I googled New Jersey 7. Nothing. New Jersey 4. Nothing. New Jersey four. Zip. New Jersey seven. One link to an NY post titled "Attack of the Killer Lesbians." WTF?
Are the circumstances different? Sure. One event happened in a small town and one happened in a big city. One case was all men and the other was women and a man. One case had a white person and several Black people. The other case had all Black folks. One case had (as far as we know) all heterosexuals. The other had homosexual/genderqueer people & a straight person. And to be fair the Jena case initially had stiffer charges against the accused.
Here are the similarities. Past prejudice fueled an attack. Past injustices due to privilege fueled anger. A lack of freedom in choice of location fueled resentment (the tree only belongs to the whites and the streets only belong to men). A legal system that favors the majority to minorities. A person with more privilege provoking the accused. Both cases had the person attacked suffer minor injuries yet the attackers were charged beyond the reality of the crimes. Both cases had prejudice based tensions of the recent past adding to already existing pain of living as less-than-equals. Both cases involved African Americans.
Oh and here's one more difference. In the New Jersey seven's case the accused were not only Black but queer women. Triple minorities that force us to think about the many layers of injustice that happen here in the U S of A.
I'm not saying for one second that the media attention the Jena 6 are getting is undeserved. On the contrary. I think an even bigger ruckus needs to be caused. In that same vein the New Jersey seven's lack of attention seems questionable. Why isn't there more about these women and their case. What are the reasons one case gets more support than another?
With the New Jersey seven I have to wonder if there is sexism here. Or homophobia. Or genderqueer phobia. Or all of the above. Maybe it is just too much for us to think about that many levels of injustice and oppression. Maybe we can get behind men but not people who we consider immoral due to their sexuality and gender expression. Whatever the reason I figure it is important to at least ask.
~F
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Morrrron!
Whoopi Goldberg is this week Morrrrron on the View television show. Did she actually compare Michael Vick to Chinese folks eating cats? *sigh*
Check out more at Angry Asian Man.
Photo courtesy of unprofound
Check out more at Angry Asian Man.
Photo courtesy of unprofound
Monday, September 03, 2007
Triple Threat
It's official. I'm now a triple winner. What the F*#k am I talking about? I'm talking (or writing really) about recovery. I'm a member of three different recovery programs now. Sounds excessive to some I suppose but I'm okay with it & not over doing any of these programs. And I've found that I need each one or I and everyone around me suffers. The one I've had to join most recently has become my life jacket. It's about money and debt & helps me with my problem (which is putting it lightly) with compulsive spending. My chronic & compulsive spending has brought more agony to my mind & heart that I can bare anymore. Photo courtesy of Photobucket.
Reflecting back I see now that since my youth my spending has been unhealthy & destructive. From stealing my mom's money out of her purse to sneak over to Arby's & buy ham & swiss sandwiches to finding my pockets empty & having to "borrow" from friends so I can buy whatever.
If I had only 20 cents I'd find a way to spend it. I just had to.
As I got older I used the people I was in romantic relationships with to get me the things I wanted/needed. They would take me to dinner or even buy my groceries. That way I could spend my money on the frivolous things I desired. Kinda like prostitution only I called it dating.
Facing the ugly ways my lack of responsibility has effected myself & others isn't easy. A part of me does with I was different. But regret won't change the behavior. Only action will & that's what at long last with HP's help is happening.
I can feel the tide turning inside me. The woman I want to be emerging!
Never really realized until now how much my compulsive spending has effected my life. It's deeper that I could see or feel. And every way I tried to fix & control it never worked. All my tears & turmoil, all my promises & guilt never changed & thing for longer that a few weeks, days or minutes. None of the other recovery groups I belonged to could really help. But now I've found a source of support, guidance & strength to show me another way to live not just within my means but to one day thrive!
But it's one day at a time. And my daily mantra is this: With God's help I spend wisely & conscientiously. And today I am.
Peace!
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Aother Great post on Racialicious!
Once again my favorite blog has hit a home run in my heart. Latoya Peterson posted her thought provoking piece: 4th generation racist: Can you be anti-racist if you’re anti-white?
Here is my comment that I made in response to it. Please check out her post for more background. I just thought I'd share my comment with my readers too!
Wow! Latoya your honesty was so beautiful! I struggle with racism (which I define as prejudice towards individuals & groups based upon notions of race) and wholly identify as an anti-racist activist. I'm guilty of making Jewish jokes. I'm guilty of not being as nice to someone as I could because they were white. I'm guilty of seeing the quote-unquote big black man walking towards me at night & being scared. I'm guilty of seeing people acting out my preconceived notions of them & hating them.
I'd like to think or at least I hope that my work as an activist & doing tangible works to benefit equality for all humans has helped my racist karma. But what seems to help me most is doing just what you did Latoya- honesty. To admit my prejudice, to admit my mistakes. To admit these things & then actively work towards changing my thoughts & attitudes. If I don't acknowledge the hate & pain of racism I can't move past it & help others to do the same.
The forgiveness & understanding of my own prejudices helped me to feel a little less angry towards those who are or would be racist towards me. That maybe if we all had ways to take action & see racism not only as something that "kinda sucks for some people" but as what I feel it is, a dis-ease of perception, we can really heal ourselves & the world(s) around us.
So how do we take ACTION? I heard a long time ago that people can't think their way into right action, but must act their way into right thinking. So far there is no 12 step racism recovery group. There are no prejudice rehab's. But there are groups like Carmen's anti-racism group. There is this wonderful website Racialicious & the equally great podcast Addicted to Race that gives folks a chance to listen. And to really listen with all out heart is a great way to take action.
The price we pay for being honest can be great. So many are afraid of their own feelings. But getting honest with ourselves & then finding the ways to do the real work of erasing racism within & around us does have rewards. The rewards are being able to have that one moment when we look at someone & see the person & not just their skin color. We get moments where we can be satisfied with the freedom of knowing ourselves & becoming the people we wish to become. We get to listen (as George Michael would say) without prejudice one moment, one day at a time. We get to know others experiences with race & racism & not shut them down. We get to see folk's skin not as something that defines a them but adds to their experience.
Well that's enough out of me! Peace y'all.
~F
Here is my comment that I made in response to it. Please check out her post for more background. I just thought I'd share my comment with my readers too!
Wow! Latoya your honesty was so beautiful! I struggle with racism (which I define as prejudice towards individuals & groups based upon notions of race) and wholly identify as an anti-racist activist. I'm guilty of making Jewish jokes. I'm guilty of not being as nice to someone as I could because they were white. I'm guilty of seeing the quote-unquote big black man walking towards me at night & being scared. I'm guilty of seeing people acting out my preconceived notions of them & hating them.
I'd like to think or at least I hope that my work as an activist & doing tangible works to benefit equality for all humans has helped my racist karma. But what seems to help me most is doing just what you did Latoya- honesty. To admit my prejudice, to admit my mistakes. To admit these things & then actively work towards changing my thoughts & attitudes. If I don't acknowledge the hate & pain of racism I can't move past it & help others to do the same.
The forgiveness & understanding of my own prejudices helped me to feel a little less angry towards those who are or would be racist towards me. That maybe if we all had ways to take action & see racism not only as something that "kinda sucks for some people" but as what I feel it is, a dis-ease of perception, we can really heal ourselves & the world(s) around us.
So how do we take ACTION? I heard a long time ago that people can't think their way into right action, but must act their way into right thinking. So far there is no 12 step racism recovery group. There are no prejudice rehab's. But there are groups like Carmen's anti-racism group. There is this wonderful website Racialicious & the equally great podcast Addicted to Race that gives folks a chance to listen. And to really listen with all out heart is a great way to take action.
The price we pay for being honest can be great. So many are afraid of their own feelings. But getting honest with ourselves & then finding the ways to do the real work of erasing racism within & around us does have rewards. The rewards are being able to have that one moment when we look at someone & see the person & not just their skin color. We get moments where we can be satisfied with the freedom of knowing ourselves & becoming the people we wish to become. We get to listen (as George Michael would say) without prejudice one moment, one day at a time. We get to know others experiences with race & racism & not shut them down. We get to see folk's skin not as something that defines a them but adds to their experience.
Well that's enough out of me! Peace y'all.
~F
Monday, August 27, 2007
Sunday, August 26, 2007
My Baby's a Top
Well it's been a little while since I've posted here. It's been a busy week & between a yeast infection & vaginal bleeding, some sleepless nights & an infected ingrown toenail I've just not had it in me to blog. Until today. As a special bonus to all you lovely QWOC fans I'm going to post on my favorite subject: sex. Here goes!
I'm not sure among regular vanilla sexual heterosexuals (vanilla means not too kinky sexually) if discussions of who's a top & who is a bottom comes up. With the dudes I've dated (yes indeed I've "known" some guys) this has never really come up. It's never been a key factor that was discussed before engaging in the relationship.
But in many queer relationship and among the kinky the "are you a top or bottom" question is very important. First though we must define what top & bottom means. You don't have to be into S/M to have a tendency toward one of these sexual roles. Some people who are tops simply & naturally enjoy being sometimes quite literally on top. Many a top is the more aggressive partner, meaning everything from initiating sex more to penetrating their partner, to being the "giver" to enjoying mild to severe physical demonstration upon their sexual partner including such things as light playful spanking to beating their partner with whips & such.
A top doesn't always have to be on top or the giver. Some tops can "demand" to be tied up or receive oral sex or be more subtle & somehow convey a sense of being in charge sexually with just their eyes and facial expressions.
A bottom is also a diverse expression of sexuality. A bottom can literally enjoy being on the bottom more. A bottom may enjoy receiving pleasure whereas a top gets off (sometimes literally) on giving pleasure. Also bottoms may enjoy simply giving up their power to their partner & being taken and having done to them whatever their top wants to do. Not all bottoms are that way though. Some enjoy making or getting their partner to spank them or punish them or ravage them (whew is it getting hot in here?) or discipline them or penetrate them. They may do this by being quietly naughty or even loud & demanding.
As the Fairy Butch says about these sexual roles it's about "the position you favor relative to sexual power."
Life is not as we all know simply black or white, good or bad. And in terms of sexuality there is more than just bottom or top. The old school terms for some one who could be both a bottom & top was switch. Nowadays most of us say versatile. I think most folks are generally able to switch power expression and roles as the energy dictates. It's up to the couple to negotiate & share through verbal and non-verbal communication where each person is in terms of their personal sexual expression. Sometimes in a couple where both partners are versatile and lets say both feel like being more aggressive, one may have to acquiesce for the moment & then get their turn later.
Like most folks my partner & I have a very diverse & exciting sexual expression. We don't have any kind of routine & like to "mix it up" on many levels. And while I'm defiantly versatile I tend more toward a bottom expression. I enjoy most being taken by my partner & having her in charge so to speak of our sexual act. This doesn't mean I'm not an active participant or have power. In fact it's a little known fact that the bottom is often really the one in charge because s/he is letting the other person do what their doing and without such permission nothing would take place. I'm passionate as a bottom & pull hair & push my partner to me, but I let her take her time & enjoy her demonstration of sexual power. I'm what one would call a versatile bottom because if I'm in a sexual situation where my partner is a bottom I'm able to be the top with no problem. Though for me such a scenario couldn't last on a long term basis but I do sometimes enjoy and even crave to be sexually dominant.
My partner is versatile to a degree. But calling her a versatile top might be a slight stretch. Yes she likes to receive & will have me physically on top of her, but there are things that I just can't top her with. That doesn't mean I can't show her new things or initiate sex. I do. But overall she always wants me to receive and enjoy the pleasure she gives. She often will physically pull me to her at the start of sex. And the most important part, she pays attention to what I like & where my energy is and knows intrinsically how to respond. And that makes my baby not only a top but a great one.
~F
I'm not sure among regular vanilla sexual heterosexuals (vanilla means not too kinky sexually) if discussions of who's a top & who is a bottom comes up. With the dudes I've dated (yes indeed I've "known" some guys) this has never really come up. It's never been a key factor that was discussed before engaging in the relationship.
But in many queer relationship and among the kinky the "are you a top or bottom" question is very important. First though we must define what top & bottom means. You don't have to be into S/M to have a tendency toward one of these sexual roles. Some people who are tops simply & naturally enjoy being sometimes quite literally on top. Many a top is the more aggressive partner, meaning everything from initiating sex more to penetrating their partner, to being the "giver" to enjoying mild to severe physical demonstration upon their sexual partner including such things as light playful spanking to beating their partner with whips & such.
A top doesn't always have to be on top or the giver. Some tops can "demand" to be tied up or receive oral sex or be more subtle & somehow convey a sense of being in charge sexually with just their eyes and facial expressions.
A bottom is also a diverse expression of sexuality. A bottom can literally enjoy being on the bottom more. A bottom may enjoy receiving pleasure whereas a top gets off (sometimes literally) on giving pleasure. Also bottoms may enjoy simply giving up their power to their partner & being taken and having done to them whatever their top wants to do. Not all bottoms are that way though. Some enjoy making or getting their partner to spank them or punish them or ravage them (whew is it getting hot in here?) or discipline them or penetrate them. They may do this by being quietly naughty or even loud & demanding.
As the Fairy Butch says about these sexual roles it's about "the position you favor relative to sexual power."
Life is not as we all know simply black or white, good or bad. And in terms of sexuality there is more than just bottom or top. The old school terms for some one who could be both a bottom & top was switch. Nowadays most of us say versatile. I think most folks are generally able to switch power expression and roles as the energy dictates. It's up to the couple to negotiate & share through verbal and non-verbal communication where each person is in terms of their personal sexual expression. Sometimes in a couple where both partners are versatile and lets say both feel like being more aggressive, one may have to acquiesce for the moment & then get their turn later.
Like most folks my partner & I have a very diverse & exciting sexual expression. We don't have any kind of routine & like to "mix it up" on many levels. And while I'm defiantly versatile I tend more toward a bottom expression. I enjoy most being taken by my partner & having her in charge so to speak of our sexual act. This doesn't mean I'm not an active participant or have power. In fact it's a little known fact that the bottom is often really the one in charge because s/he is letting the other person do what their doing and without such permission nothing would take place. I'm passionate as a bottom & pull hair & push my partner to me, but I let her take her time & enjoy her demonstration of sexual power. I'm what one would call a versatile bottom because if I'm in a sexual situation where my partner is a bottom I'm able to be the top with no problem. Though for me such a scenario couldn't last on a long term basis but I do sometimes enjoy and even crave to be sexually dominant.
My partner is versatile to a degree. But calling her a versatile top might be a slight stretch. Yes she likes to receive & will have me physically on top of her, but there are things that I just can't top her with. That doesn't mean I can't show her new things or initiate sex. I do. But overall she always wants me to receive and enjoy the pleasure she gives. She often will physically pull me to her at the start of sex. And the most important part, she pays attention to what I like & where my energy is and knows intrinsically how to respond. And that makes my baby not only a top but a great one.
~F
Monday, August 20, 2007
A Mostly Shitastic Monday
Well I'm glad to know I'm not the only one having a crappy Monday. Zee over at Rathnait gave me inspiration to do a little rant of my own so here goes...
- Slept like crap. So I overslept & missed my Monday 12 meetings. Also had strange dreams.
- Felt like my partner was rushing me so we could have coffee together & in the midst of that I couldn't find my keys. Since I just moved in everything is still a mess & as I looked through things to find said keys crap was falling all over the floor. And at the same time my cat was underfoot meowing like a fiend.
- The garlic I've been using to clear up my yeast infection (oh joy!) is not working so I went to a drug store to get vaginal goop & realized at the checkout I'd left my debit card at home.
- Spilled coffee on my shirt on the way to said drugstore.
- Had to work with my shirt soaking wet for the 1st hour.
And that was in just my first 2 hours of the day! I've been doing a lot of attitude of gratitude Jedi mind tricks & it's helped enough to not take out my crap-o day on anyone else. But sometimes bad days happen. It's okay cuz most likely tomorrow will be less annoying.
The good parts of today include...
- My sweetie making me a quesadilla for dinner & treating me to pizza for lunch.
- Figuring out that I want my wedding dress to have a silhouette that is A-Line, a V-neck & an empire waist
- I actually got some work at work done & I get to go home in less than an hour.
That's it from me! Peace!
Friday, August 17, 2007
Why Men Should Wear Shirts
This will be my most bitchy post to date. I was on the bus & saw the man below and was so mortified by his outfit (or lack of) that I had to take this pic. This isn't just a bad taste thing but a hygiene thing. I mean back hair should never come in contact with a seat on public transport. I know I'm wrong to post thing, but he's even more wrong to force folks to look at him like this. Judge for yo'self. Peace!
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