And Again Calm

Wow. It's been a strange couple weeks. Felt lost & so tired. Tired from lack of sleep, lost from sobriety date change. Found myself in all this beginning to engage in old behaviors & feeling even more shitty. A storm indeed passed through. And now is the calm & feeling myself again. Happy to go through it because the awakening feels so nice. Got 10 hours of sleep last night. What a difference! Lily slept in my arms from 5am on & it was nice to wake her for once instead of the other way.

Read "Their Eyes Were Watching God" by Zora Neale Hurston. It took my breath away it was so good. This is a book I'll read again & again. I think it is one of the most important books I've ever & will ever read. In my top 5 favorite for sure & that says a lot. Considering I read 4 books in June, all of them pretty good. This one is in a class of its own. The main character is Janie, a woman in Florida who is the grandchild of a slave. Her grandmother was raped by her "master" and had a daughter who was then raped by a white chool teacher, producing Janie. As a result Janie had lighter skin & long smooth hair and what really amazed me was that the author did not portray her as tragic because of this. Janie's journey was a journey toward herself & love. One in the same I think!

In Janie's life she married 3 times, lost her beloved & grew to find her voice. A voice that scholars have debated, but as a woman, I can say sometimes finding our voice is in our actions & our ability to sit gratefully & gracefully in the silence. Women, people of color, women of color & anyone who is at all in touch with their own journey will love this powerful book!

Today I'm off to a rheumatologist about my ankle. Hope to get some help for I can walk longer. A pilgrimage is in my future & I need a more steady ankle. We'll see. I remain hopeful that hp will take my feet where they need to go.

I'm off to breakfast. Well it is brunch now I guess. Lily lays in my arms while I type this & I hate to move her. But I'm hungry!. Oh & this morning Bebes & Lily kissed. Nice! Kisses y'all!
~F

Update
Well I saw the doctor & here's the deal. I have tendonitis due to pronation. That my body was just made that way & I'll always have this due to the pronation. The only thing I can ever really do is find a good ankle brace & live with it. Just like some folks are born missing a toes, eye or whatever, I was born with pronation that eventually resulted in tendonitis. So I need a new brace that will be custom we'll see if insurance will pay. Great West has not been all it claims. Anyway that's the scoop. I'll be the hot girl in the brace & though a part of me is pretty sad that I can never run again, I'm grateful I can walk. Peace out!