Happy Independence

Yep I really don't give much of a rip about this holiday except for fireworks, which I dearly love. Anyway enjoy this video!

~F

8 Things Mixed Race Folks Don't Want to Hear

Love this! Diversity Inc. has a great article on what not to say or ask mixed race folks & they are on point. Author Yoji Cole recited 8 key phrases or questions that many of us get and are sick to death of. Story example are included so check out the whole article here. Here are the 8 very annoying & dehumanizing sayings/questions:

1. "What are you?"


2. "What is your nationality?" or "You look foreign"


3. "You're all beautiful" or "You make beautiful babies"


4. "Are you X or Y?" or "Which side are you more on?"


5. "How in the world did your parents meet?"


6. "You're the future" or "You have the best of both worlds"


7. "You don't look …" or "You're not …" or "You sound white"


8. "Aren't we all mixed anyway?"

If I had a dime for everyone of those I've heard, especially 1, 2, 3, 6 & 7. Anyway I hope everyone is well & I was happy to realize today that today's post is the 401st. I can't believe have wrote over 400 posts! Who knew this blogging thing would stick for me. And though I have been a little lax due to being so effing busy in other areas, I'm still so glad to have QWOC and all of you wonderful readers. Have a great mother's day!~F

Hi/Bye

Well I have not had much time to blog lately and now I'm going to be on holiday through Sunday. Plus I'm really busy today so this will be a shortie.

First off Happy Earf Day!

Okay that's about all I have time for today. But in the meantime if you're a queer woman of color & an activist or even not an activist please join the newly formed google group Radical Queer Women of Color for Peace. It rocks! http://groups.google.com/group/qwocradpeace

With that I'm out.
Peace!
~F

Is it Just Me or is February, Like the Busiest Month Ever?!

Holy Helsinki I can't seem to find the time to finish up some of the blogging projects I've been excited to do. My Black History features have are a bunch of saved drafts at this point. My awesome interview is still being written and all in all I just can't seem to focus on what I wish to blog about. Ahh the joys of Mercury in retrograde! Don't get me wrong. I'm so grateful that my life is brimming with meaningful activities outside of the blogosphere. I just want to complete some of the tasks that I set up for myself here. *sigh*

Here are just a few things I've been doing:

Wedding Plans-
Now that my beloved & I know for sure we'll have our ceremony & reception in Eastern Oregon, we're scouting out locations do what were gonna do. Also we needed to figure out just where in Mexico we will honeymoon and for how long. The invitations are another project because she's an artist and I love to design, so we are going to create our invites and then have them printed instead of just picking out some pre-made thing. It's all fun stuff to explore but they take time.

Activism/Volunteering-
Seems like I've been more busy than usual with equality projects. It's wonderful to be able to serve my fellows. So seriously no complaints! With going out of town, writing articles, speaking and such I just seem to need to take that extra important down time in decent sized chunks so I don't get too burned out. My recovery home group also voted me in as Intergroup Representative, which isn't so bad but it does mean I have one more meeting a month to go to & one more thing to regularly report on. Oh and speaking of stuff I'm doing, please come visit the Q Center tomorrow night at 7:30pm for the viewing of the documentary Brother Outsider, about the life of Bayard Rustin. After the film there will be a panel discussion that inclues moi. Learn more here!

House Cleaning-
Enough said!

There's more but I don't wish to bore anyone with the detail like that I not am going to my naturopath/acupuncture doctor every week to work on my endometriosis the natural way. And that I've got to track all of my food comsumption due to my new anti-inflamation diet to treat the endometriosis and shed a few pounds before the wedding. Blah blah blah. Life is beautiful & though I'm not getting all my blogging goals completed, some good things have and will get done this month. So I'm letting myself off the hook here. Right now all I can say for the things on this blog I wish to accomplish is... I'll get to it when I get to it. In the meantime I wish all y'all a happy Valentines day... and night!
Peace!
~F

Missed the Rally but at least I Ate a Good Happy Hour Meal

Well crap. Due to unforeseen circumstances I missed the rally & march for Martin Luther King Jr. day. I was pretty annoyed so my beloved took me out for a late lunch at the Portland Chophouse. They have a really great happy hour menu and we shared some tasty treats. Their Caesar salad is da bomb and they make a nicely grilled burger. So the day was not a total loss. I just didn't get to honor King the way I envisioned. Since there are no pics of the rally instead here are a couple pics of our experience at the restaurant. Peace!

May we all have a peaceful rest of the day & honor King's legacy in whatever way we can! By the way is anyone else feeling that full moon? I am!

A Dream of a Dream. MLK Jr. Day

There are always mixed emotions for me on the day the United States celebrates Dr. King's day. There are feelins I can't even always define but here is a little of what I feel today:

• Grateful
  
• Hopeful


• Sad


• Lonely


• Proud


• Very much alive

In a half hour I'll be at a rally and march at the Sisters of the Road Cafe. Look for another post later today with pics from the event. In the meantime, enjoy the most famous speech a human has ever gave. I still get teary every time I hear it.

Mezza Platter, Lesbian Porn and a Dude Saying the Word "Shart" on Network TV

This New Years was pretty calm. I got my period early yesterday morning and since my endometriosis has been getting worse, the first couple days of bleeding are best spent sleeping. But I had to work & at least stay up until midnight.

During the day I got to see my most significant ex and his son and he got to meet my partner and it was really good to see him. Currently my ex lives in Spain so we rarely get to see each other in person so it was great to have him see my beloved in person and all of us talk about important political issues. It was nice!

After work my sweetheart and I went to dinner at a Lebanese restaurant, which we went to last year on NYE and shared a veggie mezza platter, veggie stuffed grape leaves and a cheese pizza. So fawking good! It was so romantic to be sitting in the very same place we sat last year, not quite sure then what was happening between us then but excited to be together. That night was the first time we verbally acknowledged our mutual attraction. Ahhh memories!

Prior to dinner on our lunch break (we work at the same place) we went to the friendly neighborhood adult toy store Spartacus on a whim. We didn't see many items we needed or wanted but we wound up floating over to the video section & I wondered if they possibly had on the off change a movie I've been wanting to see called How to Fuck in High Heels. You see it has been difficult to find quality porn made by & for actual lesbians. And when I say quality I mean hot but not gross or overdone with good camera angles, attractive women and great lighting & not too much damn plot.

Well Spartacus had the film. They also had the movie Crash Pad by Shine Louise Houston. Another film I've wanted to see & had been especially excited about it because Shine is a QWOC. So I had no choice but to open a video membership with Spartacus & was able to, with glee, bring home some porn.

How to Fuck in High Heels was in a way a disappointment. It doubled with a film called Hard Love and there wasn't much too that one. In fact what was hard to watch was the lesbian drama and having to listen to the bad acoustic lesbian music that accompanied the sex scenes. My partner & I would up fast forwarding through most of it. How to- however had some decent moments but they were more on the level of comedy due to the very dry star of the film Shar. She had us cracking up with her inexpressive commands at her sex partners and even her expressions of excitement was monotone at best. I personally felt like Shar could possibly be the funniest woman on earth & instantly fell in love with her porn persona.

Crash Pad on the other hand was the film many of us have been waiting for. It had everything I like in a porn with some surprises and a couple moments that left my mouth open with shock & my loins throbbing with titillation. I don't want to give away some of the great stuff but lets just say how very talented the actresses were. And there was a strong sense that these women really enjoyed each other and what they were doing. There was some rawness that damn near took my breath away but at the same time, style and artistic merit. It was great to see women actually cum for once in a porno and even better to see close-up just what got them there. I can't wait to see Shine's follow up Superfreak about the ghost of Rick James invading a party full of femme dykes. Woo hoo! Find out more on the Crash Pad series here.

The last little shock of the night was while watching the New Years special on NBC with Carson Daly (btw is it me or does he remind you a bit of Dick Clark?) when the Star of the television show Chuck, Zachary Levi said to Carson daly that he nearly shart when he saw New York Yankee player Alex Rodriguez in the crowd at Times Square. I turned to my partner and said with surprise "did he just say shart on network TV?" She shook her head yes & we both laughed. All in all it was a pretty good new years eve.

Have a groovy 2008 y'all!
Peace!
~F
P.S. Don't forget if you live in Portland, OR about the vigil tomorrow night at the Q Center. Tomorrow was the day many of us planned to gain spousal rights in Oregon and now that right is on hold due to prejudice & a funky legal system. The event is open to all members of the community and I welcome all allies to come too.
Wednesday, January 2nd, 2008
5:30 - 7:00 pm
Q Center
69 SE Taylor Ave at SE Water Ave, Portland
FREE http://www.pdxqcenter.org/

Happy Hews Years from QWOC!

I think this e-card sums up well how I'm feeling about what I'd like to be doing tonight. My sweetie & I know we're going to dinner at the same place we went last year as a kind of new tradition. Then a movie & possibly going out for a bit. If I had my druthers though I'd read through the night after dinner and that would be that.

Speaking of reading I just finished Written in Bone by Simon Beckett and it was a very suspensful novel. If you like mysteries I really reccommend it! Now I get to start on one of the books given to me for x-mas. I got 3 in all including the one I'm starting today I Am Legend by Richard Mattheson.

In other news I was thinking of doing a recap of 2007 but decided against it because it would pretty much be different forms of this statement:
I'm in love & have finally found the woman of me dreams.

So there's no point in grossing anyone out even further.
There's not a whole lot more I have to say about '07. It was an amazing year & I'm excited for the blessings 2008 will bring. My goal (not resolution) for this year is to simply love. More & more & more.

Peace you all this evening and in '08! Enjoy this great video from a Dave Chappelle episode where Big Boi from Outkast does the best performance.

Wal Mart Sucked me In & I'm NOT Happy About it!!!

What follows is an open letter to the creator

Dear Lord or whatever you are-

I did it. I know it was wrong but what was I supposed to do? We got a gift certificate after all and to waste it would have been bad. Only after we shopped at *sigh* I can hardly say it with throwing up a little... Wal Mart we realized we could have given the gift cards away. But alas we didn't. Wood Village was where it happened and I can't believe it was so damn easy to get to. Just a straight shot on Sandy Blvd.!

And would you believe we found a parking spot right by the door? And then we had to face how the heck we were going to spend the $100 in Wal Money. Well we did what we had discussed before we arrived at the mega store and got groceries. I took at my cell phone and pulled up the calculator function on it and we began to count every Wal Cent because we didn't want even one of our pennies going to that place. The whole thing made us feel dirty. Yet the trip was surprisingly delightful.

As always when my sweetheart & I are together we have fun even if we're doing the dishes so we made the best out of being at a location of one of the worlds most exploitative companies. We shopped though aisles that were not crowded and purchased item that were far more inexpensive than at our local grocers. We loaded our cart to the brim for $100 with items like garbage bags, salad dressing, garden burgers and of course organic canola oil. The goal was to stock up on essentials so we wouldn't have to worry about certain items for a while. We did what we had to do and the horrid truth is... we enjoyed it. Aggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!

Even the staff was nice there & we saw all these signs telling us how much Wal Evil Mart has donated to charities. So we tried to let go of our guilt until we got out of the store. I know how bad they are. I've preached the gospel of yucky about them. And until yesterday I personally had never spent a penny in that place (and technically I didn't because it was a gift card damn it!). So please forgive me. I beg you. And I promise it will never happen again (unless we get another gift card & we may give in to temptation then too). Thank you for everything!

Your pal,
~F

P.S. Here's a pic of everything we got. And I know I know. But we just simply forgot to bring our own bags! Sorry!

My Heart is Happy

Despite the fact that I look slightly stoned in this pic, I'm happy. My love and I had a great holiday and I just feel so grateful to the powers that be for putting us together.

Today I'm also happy Christmas for '07 is over. Time to get started on other projects. Peace y'all!
~F

Christmas is for Jews & Lesbians!

I'm working today and it seems were having a ton of lesbians & Jewish folks in the store today. I love it! Tonight my sweetums is making chicken, potatoes & green beans & I will make a chocolate chip cake. Yay!

Anyway I got some lovely gifts last night including a bunch of awesome Aveda products & good books. Got the latest Ray Lamontagne CD too! So for my lovely QWOC readers I have an xxx-mas present. Enjoy! And yes it is moi.

X

Photo courtesy of Photobucket

Peace y'all!

~F

PMS + Working Retail + Missing My Family + a Full Moon = My Annual Holiday Freakout!

So after a minor back and fourth discussion over what my partner & I are eating on x-mas day we got into the shower. I'm washing my hair, she's soaping her back. Then somehow I got soap in my right eye. The eye's feeling all sting-y and my partner suggests I let the shower water run upon it. I do but the eye still stings. So after a minute she said "rub your eyes under the water" so I did and it helped. But a funny thing happened soon after.

My eye naturally was watering itself to get the soap out. As this was happening my beloved got out of the shower & I stayed in there rinsing off my soapy boobs when the post soap state of my eye triggered a massive crying jag. Next thing I know I'm totally sad and can't hardly speak. My love is asking what's wrong & I was utterly choked up. All I could do was feel the longing for being with my biological family this year, especially my grandma.

The sobbing only lasted a couple minutes & after I got out of the shower I was feeling emotionally raw but okay. Then I realized I seem to have one of these holiday crying episodes every year. And well, it's just a part of the season for me. So now that that's out of the way I can focus on the best part of x-mas: free shit! I can't wait to open presents!

My mom was so super cool. She gave my sweetie & I a bunch-o-cash towards our wedding. When I called & thanked her she got all sweet & traditional saying "that's what the brides family is supposed to do." Also so far I got some yummy Aveda Blue Oil, for those days (like today) when I need a little tension relief.

Speaking of wedding stuff there will be a big ol' celebration in Portland at the Gerding Theater on January 2nd. Not for us per se, but all wishing to celebrate the new domestic partnership law. If you plan on getting domesticated in Oregon this year, take this survey. Why? Why the eff not!

We plan on doing the legal registering thing the 2nd or third of January. We have decided when this takes place we will be married and a ceremony & party will follow later in the year. More details as all this gets closer. Anyway hope ya'll are staying joy filled and true to yerselves.

Peace!
~F

A Year!

Today marks one year since my beloved & I hung out together for the first time. We didn't know then that a mere 5 months later we'd be engaged. We didn't know we'd fall so in love that we knew we wanted to not only spend the rest of our lives together on this earth, but in the great beyond as well.

I was just coming off the heels of one relationship & very much not looking to start anything with anyone. Though I was saddened by the break up & remained hopeful & grateful for the opportunity to learn yet more about myself in that coupling. In fact the person I had been seeing was not so sure about breaking up & I felt confused too as these things are hard. But I knew in my heart it was over.

What was most wild was that while I was with this former lover, the last couple months of our relationship, my coworker and pal was beginning to distract me terribly, but not in any kind of sexual or romantic way. We just had such a great time talking with each other every Sunday at work that at times I had to stay late to correct mistakes I had made from our intriguing conversations. I began to wonder why, week after week I was having such a hard time staying on task at work when she was around. And being the good addict I can be, I decided to ignore it, in effect a state of denial, because after I had a girlfriend and I don't cheat (anymore).

My sweetheart and I went to Crush and got approached by some dude that was the brother of the DJ. Finally we made our way to Holocene a smoke free club in town for a night called Double Down, a lesbian themed event. Despite the fact that my sweetie & I can't stand typical lesbian bars and dance nights we decided to take a chance on it. We didn't dance much because the DJ wasn't very good. But I had requested "It Takes Two" by Rob Base & we did get down for a few moments. Later another song came on that she really likes & so she danced on her own as I tried not to stare at her.

There was no helping watching her on the dance floor. The way her body moved reminded my of many things and I found myself utterly enchanted. It was the first time I really looked at her as a sexual being. It was the first time I realized I could very much make love to this woman. And I found myself overwhelmed & temporarily at a loss for words or thought.

More than that moment of attraction was the ease in which are relating took place. Though we both were nervous we found a way to talk to one another and share things we hadn't shared with others before. We were more than getting along. We were connecting.

And the rest is history as they say. Soon to follow were slow kisses, hungry sex, talking for hours on the phone, meeting her mom, getting engaged, moving in together and so much real, spirit filled love. So much laughter and so much fun we have! I can't thank the powers that be enough for bringing this amazing creature into my life. How very good it is to at long last have, as Mary J. Blige says real love. Here now are some words we exchanged today. And a couple of goofy pics. Peace!

Frances,
Happy 16th! This is the day that we first hung out together and look where it lead us. I am happy that we are taking this path together and I look forward to our future as a couple! You are my other half and I am so glad that I found you. I love you Frances! Your Wolfie

My best friend & best lover-
I'm amazed by our connection. The last year means more than I can say. So glad we took a chance on each other a year ago. To our future together and the grace of the universe to guide us along the way.
Your Little Bear

I'm Three Three!

Well it's my brifday today. And I forgot to brush my teeth this morning. Celebrated my birth this morning with a small cup of coffee & a vegan donut.

Interesting thoughts went through my head as I got ready for the day this morning. Flashbacks or memories or more accurately thoughts about flashbacks & memories. I thought about what my birthday was like last year. The celebrating up until the actual day was pretty good. Then that day I got told something really uncool about a certain area of my body. I've let go of that resentment for the most part. But it's still kind of a shitty memory.

Also in my mind this morning was my dad. Yes I'm one of those folks who has "daddy issues" however I've worked on those that generally I'm not haunted by them anymore. For the reason I suppose of reflection that anniversaries and birthdays bring, I thought of my dad. How he has missed out on many a birthday of mine. How are birthdays are days apart & that it would have been interesting, had he not had an anger & cocaine problem, to celebrate our days together. But that was not meant to be. And to be honest I'm grateful for a life without him. The idea of a good dad in my life is nice, but my real dad would not have been so nice.

And what a better gift than to know, with the examples from above that, sometimes what may seem bad is the best thing for you. If I had not had that awful comment spoken to me, I may not have gotten together with my partner and soulmate as soon as we did. If it had not been for my father's whack ass-ness I may not have become the strong woman I am. I would not have worked so hard to love myself & others and have compassion combined with good boundaries. So this birthday I'm grateful for gifts in disguise.

In the tradition of last year here is my solar return chart. Peace y'all!

Soft Sheets, Jeans that Fit and a Bracelet that Makes me Seem a Little More Butch. Birthday Gifts Thus Far.

My birthday isn't for 2 more days but I celebrated early due to having to work, like most folks, on the actual day. So I budgeted some presents for myself that I felt we're not only desired but in a way needed.

I knew I needed some new Levi jeans because I've gained a little weight since falling in love and have gone up a size (or two) in the last year. Levi's are the only jeans I wear and to boot I always wait to get them on sale. Luckily for me I found 2 pair not only on sale, but got a free $10 gift card that I can use toward whatever, with the purchase of the pants. The new jeans look great, feel comfortable and as Levi's are known for, make my butt look yummy!

For months I've been craving a new bracelet. I wished for something a bit more chunky yet versatile. I figured that a wrist decoration would be a perfect present to my self for my birthday. Usually I go to Portland's Saturday Market for fun hand crafted stuff. But before I could make the trip I found my bracelet at one of my favorite local stores Za Zen. That place is my new favorite boutique for many reasons. It's first off got stylish, comfortable clothing that is low maintenance and best yet...affordable. Plus the selections of clothing and accessories are unique and fun. So I stooped in Thursday to see what was new there and found a really fun leather bracelet made from an old belt. Since I love recycling and it's chunky and smells good I tried it on. All I can say way from the moment I put it on my wrist it felt like it was meant for me. When I took it off my skin felt as if it were missing something.

And too boot a co-worker yesterday though it looked kinda butch. How fun!

A number of years ago I discovered the joy of high thread count bed sheets. I stayed over at a friends after a surgery and on the guest bed was a set of butter colored, buttery feeling sheets. I asked her about them & she explained they were 600 thread count sheets. She claimed they were old and needed new ones. I thought if sheets could feel that amazing yet needed to be replaced, I had to get some for myself. Soon I had some lovely 300 thread count sheets and was excited for the day I could get even softer ones. Discussing high thread count sheets with another friend about 3-4 years ago I learned that Pima & Egyptian cotton sheets were the best to go with, and in particular the ones made in Italy too.

I had sold my small full size bed when I had a woman's size girlfriend and needed a bigger bed, so I had to get new sheets & could only afford 250 threaders at the time. So for the last few years I've really wanted higher thread count sheets but didn't splurge. So at long last on Friday I got some Egyptian 400 thread count sheets. They feel so good on my skin. My beloved has never had high thread count sheets & feels totally spoiled. And we are though I must admit if I can ever get my hands on 800+ thread count sheets I'll go for it. For now though finding this lovely set for a mere $30 bucks at Ross is cool with me.

Today I received the 2nd of B-Day gifts from others that I really wanted/needed. My sweetie got me a lovely set of cast iron skillets. Something happened to my lovely one a couple years ago when my not-so-smart ex. soaked the pan overnight in water. Needless to say the skillet I so lovingly seasoned myself was no longer of use. So I'm excited to make some iron rich foods for the holidays with those pans.

Also my wonderful pal Zee got me something I really needed. She & my sweetheart went out to dinner Friday night and at the restaurant I opened my brand new Designer Envelope system created by Dave Ramsey. Now it will be a whole lot easier to stick to my budget & track my expenses. This gift was truly one I will utilize & treasure!

Thus far I'm enjoying December. Many gifts I have received and how absolutely grateful I am for them & the wonderful riches I'm blessed with. So with that here's a gift for my readers. Well it's not really a gift but something that's fun that I wish to share. The Real does a bunch of hip-hop comedy sketches & I like this one. It's called Failed Hip-Hop Ideas. And the only child one is hysterical. Enjoy!
~F

Failed Hip-Hop Ideas from jeff on Vimeo.

Getting Ready for December

As I've noted before I'm totally in the Spirit of the Season this year. I'm excited for many things. My birthday being one of them. This year I turn 33. Perhaps it's the Catholic in me but because I'll be the same age Jesus was when he died, a part of me feels like this will be a really powerful year in my life. So this birthday I continuing a ritual I do every year. And that it to nurture myself with a lovely & kind of expensive gift. We get a bonus check every year for the holidays at work & since I've been getting caught up (at long last!) with my finances, I can put these dollars aside as I always have.

In prior years my m.o. is usually an activity of some type that I do alone & completely for my self. In years past I've had a facial, gone to Seattle overnight for a concert, had an expensive dinner, went to a basketball game and other fun things. This year I'm celebrating another year of life by having a goddess day and taking part in something called "The Ritual." It involves 2 1/2 hours of massage, mud bathing, cocoon wrapping & an herbal steam bath. It's a treat that I deserve & am really looking forward to. It's hard sometimes for me to be a little selfish and spend that much money, but all people deserve some pampering.

It was quite an Internet journey to find the right place for this spa experience. Some places were near my home but had terrible reviews. Others were overpriced or didn't offer what I was really looking for. I knew more than anything I want my entire body to be surrounded in warm, goopy comfort. I want to relax & renew & I finally found the place that seemed a match after calling three locations. I hope it's a nice time & will report back on my goddess day.

Speaking of Goddesses I found some quizzes on this subject & I thought I'd share. I know these are not comprehensive quizzes and besides Goddesses are hard to put into little neat packages but it was fun to discover some tidbits.

The Goddesses I am most like are Persephone, Artemis & Oshun. Try the Which Goddess are you Ruled by quiz as well as the What Goddess Are You quiz.

If any of you take the quizzes let me know what goddesses you are! Peace!
~F

NaBlaPoMo No Mo'

I couldn't do it. Yesterday it was just too hard to get to a computer. See I don't actually own one. Usually I use the "pooter" on my lunch breaks or after work. Yesterday was just too busy with holiday cooking, eating & relaxing with peeps. So no prize for me this year. I'm okay with that as I was getting sick of coming up with stuff everyday.

Today has been good. It's not so raging busy at work, or maybe it is but I'm in a good mood & don't mind. In fact I'd say I'm *gasp* in the holiday spirit. I'm ready to decorate the house & trim my pubes a tree. I think this will be a good Christmas holiday. Yay!
Peace be with y'all!
~F

Turkey Day

Food is good! happy Thanksgiving versus thanks-taking!



Peace be with y'all!
~F

Pre T-Day Thoughts

I have to do a lot of cooking tomorrow.
Hopefully I won't be too exhausted for Friday's retail blitz.
Yeast infection better thanks to garlic in my cooch & a pill.
Blah.

~F