Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Words of Wisdom from Mrs. W.

My sponsor is such a rockin' lady. It's not even 10am & have already had 2 recovery phone calls. So here are the things she reminded me of this morning.

When having to make a decision, change or deal with confrontation ask the following of yourself:
1. What are your motives?
2. What price am I willing to pay?
3. Is it the loving thing to do?
She reminded me to wear life like a mumu, not spandex.
And she wants me to read & recite the St. Francis prayer everyday. Here it is (insert your name(s) for your HP):

Great Spirit, make us instruments
of your peace.
Where there is hatred
let us sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is discord, union;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.

Grant that we may not
so much seek
To be consoled as to console;
To be understood
as to understand;
To be loved as to love.

For it is in giving
that we receive;
It is in pardoning
that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are
born to eternal life.

The most important thing that has helped me is to remember that when we are in obsession, we're in our disease. Dis-Ease is not serenity.
Peace out!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Kate Clinton Stole My Heart

Kate & I after the show!

Kate & CM after the show!

CM on stage with Kate & others. It was too bright so they all look like angels in the photo!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Celebs, Ignorant Coworkers & Gandhi

Yesterday I met Shelton Hank Williams. The grandson of Hank Williams. Apparently he has a band named Assjack. Hmmm. Then last week I met Chuck Palahniuk, author of Fight Club & other books. He purchased a childrens book & told me it was for research on his next book. Exciting indeed!

Today a co-worker opened a gritty ol' can of worms by sending a global e-mail asking their opinions on Powells carrying a magazine that has reprinted cartoons of Mohammad that offended many Islamic people in Europe & abroad. The responses from employees with not even pithy, just plum ignorant. Honestly I knew better than to read these uneducated e-mails, but curiousity got the worst of me. A few of the responses were prejudiced against Islamic people. Sometimes it makes me so sad to think of all the "progressive" people in the USA who are so unaware of their own predudice in the name of Freedom. Wow!

Today I was reading more about Gandhi. I wish to be much more like him.
Peace out y'all!

Sunday, April 09, 2006


Today I was not as spiritual as I could have been. A co-worker did a silly thing & then I said something. Then he said something, so I said something else with a tangy zip. Apologized after 10 min. Thank goodness it doesn't take so much time to make right a wrong. I loathe hurting others. Funny week. Most of it good. Much learned. Happiness is always here. Angels everyday! Everything is a teacher! Peace out!

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

That's Right!

The Mariners beat LA 10-8. Today ends the series & since it's at home they ought to win. Anyway today I got on my knees & prayed per my sponsors suggestion. I did & lo & behold had an awesome day. Right now it's raining outside & sounds lovely. Though I forgot my umbrella, I like the rain all the same.

Last night was great. Didn't finish my scarf but had yummy pesto by the oh so lovely Ms. L. Went to a great meeting. Then had a mixed fruit cobbler at Perrys with the dynamic CM. I learned so much about her & what an amazing woman.

This morning on the way to work I read a buddhist perspective on desires. How they lead to suffering. How even when we get what we think we want we eventually end up suffering from the thing we got or suffer because we then need something else to desire. This is a basic principal in recovery. To be grateful for what we have & are. To accept life on life's terms, putting focus on changing the self for the better so others may benefit. I turned a lot of things into the object of my desire in the past & was never fully satisfied when I got them. Something was always missing. The quest for short term happiness never brought me joy. Now I have so much joy. Not that I don't have to keep working at it. Recently I went backwards & was angry about the world's people. The anger was about self importance, self righteousness, and control. When really underneath I just wished for peace, not just for moi, but the world. So just for today all is good. I can say I know who I am & what's important to me & what I need to stay happy & healthy. Today that is the greatest gift ever!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Mariners Lost But I Love 'em

You know they play again tonight & I really hope they kick some LA ass! Anyway my lovely pal L who is a knitress (get it, mistress & knit together) is making pesto tonight & hopefully I'll finish the scarf that has been unfinished too long. Then & meetin' & hopefully dessert my my sweet friend CM who I dare say is yummy herself. Now play ball!

Monday, April 03, 2006

More is Always Revealed

So this is a photo of myself with high school best friends Heather & Lisa when we were teenagers. Much has changed for us all. Lisa doesn't even go by Lisa anymore. Since I moved to PDX I've missed these 2 more than words can say. Recently I was sent some pics of the 3 of up when we were 16! I can't believe how much I look the same. Weird!

Anyway my mood is improving. When I'm sick I'm chicken little. Today I finally feel better. Not 100%, but okay. Something needs to be done about this getting sick all the time thing & I think some of it was figured out this morning. I was chatting w/ my coworker K & I realized that I'm totally emotionally detoxing. Just like it takes the body & mind a while to detox from booze, drugs & so on, it also has to be the case for elimination toxic people & attitudes. My system is cleaning out all the crap & I'm dealing with things I have not faced in years. So now is the time to be more gentle with myself & others as I have to remember when others are actin' loco that they are sick & need love & encouragement. Mee thinks it's time to integrate meditation into my life more. Calm the racebrain from the get go. So much I know in my mind, but it takes years to feel in my heart. Lucky for me I never stay hurt, sad, angry, etc. for long. My knuckleheaded optimisim always comes through & for that I am grateful!

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Which Circle of Hell?

You know I'm so fawking sick of getting sick. This time a flu with a sinus & lung infection. This is three times totally sick since November. I don't know what to do. I'm feeling so frustrated. I quit drinking years ago. Quit smoking a while back. Take my vitamins, eat organic, exercize & work on my mental health too. And I've just been feeling mad lately. Mad about how bloddy awful people are. And I'm a people. Just totally frustrated with people not caring about other people. From sneezing on others to murdering people for sport. So I'm thinking this anger & my illness go hand in hand some how. It's like I wake up lately & there it is, my mind whirling with all the injustices of the world & I'm mentally trying to battle all of it by reason. I'm trying to reason with the air in my skull. And I catch myself doing this & practice deep breathing & my mind rests again. But as soon as I get up it's the swirl of the poopybrain again.

My brain had been so calm after C & I split up. Now I'm having a tough time relaxing & accepting again. I just fawking hate the ridiculousness of our humanity. So I have to talk to that little girl inside me. Tell her that yes sometimes life isn't fair. But that if we pause & breathe & look at nature & in our hearts, that in the end, it's all okay.