Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Lesbians on My TV

That's right. Tonight is lesbo fest 06' on my tv. First I'll watch the L Word Finale that I wasn't feeling up to watching Sunday. Then I have a DVD of lesbian film shorts from netflix to watch. Finally I rented from Hollywood video "The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love." I don't know if I can even get through all of that tonight as I have a story I'm working on as well. Anywho I went to Double Down of Saturday which as okay. The music was so loud! And the dj was playin' some kinda crappy songs. Then there was this completly gross lady who kept touching her crotch over & over as she danced. Thinking og if even now gives me the heebie jeebies. But my FR girls were there & I ran into some other pals of mine, so ya know...it's all good.

Allergies & sore throat galore. I see my naturopathic doc tomorrow. Hopefully I'll feel better enough to hang with my new pal CM.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

End of L Word Beginning of Baseball Season

My precious Mariners season starts in a little over a week!
But I'll miss the L Word. Especially Alice the coolest. And Dana the dead!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Something Weird This Way Comes

Holy mole. The L Word finale is this Sunday. I cannot believe it. Only 12 episodes? How could this be? I'm shocked! It's weird dude! so you know who I'm most like on the L Word. That's right, it's Alice. She's totally smart, quirky, loyal, funny & super cute. Anyway....

At long last I'm getting some clarity as to what I want to do with my life. Exploring some options that may take me out of state. Not right away of course, but I think I'm getting to a point where it's okay if Oregon is no longer my home. I still love it here, but I don't know... it's just some feeling that I may not live here forever. Anywho last night my pal Lindsey made these yummy burritos & I ate myself silly. Then I soaked in some epsom salts & my body is much better today, as well as my attitude. Peace out!

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Gay Skate Kicked my Ass!

Yes it's true! Some mean lady pushed me down & didn't even stop to say sorry or come find me & make sure I was okay or anything. I have a huge bruise on my knee and another on my arm! I seriously felt 5 years old all over again after that happened.

Why are people so unconscious? Why do people sneeze around others & not cover their mouths. Why do people not follow rules they want others to follow. Why do people spend thousands of dollars on cars, boats & mansions & hardly a penny on the poor. Seriously I don't get it.

When I was in the 5th grade Garfield the cartoon cat was quite popular. One day I saw a girl in my class wearing a Garfield tee-shirt. On it Garfield had his little kitty arms crossed over his body with a thought bubble that said "Who cares." I remember thinking "I do" and feeling sad.

I go back to my very first entry on this blog. About what it means to be conscious. No one ever got back to me. It's a tough thing I suppose. Well that's all out of me today. I'll leave y'all with this thought:

Embrace your magnificence!

Monday, March 20, 2006


Man why does growing & changing for the better hurt so much some days. It's wonderful really, but tought at first. Anyway I've found myself in 2 situations that require me & grow with serenity & strength. My sponsor told me again she believes in me. And my horoscope told me to be an angel today which is funny because I saw my pal S today who tells me I'm an angel. Anyway I remembered today after my al-anon meeting that my family tended to react to things by walking on eggshells or exploding. Or doing one, followed by the other. And I don't have to do that anymore. I'm learning new behaviors. God seems to answer my prayers when I ask for more maturity, cuz I have to go through situations that force me to mature. Be careful what you pray for!
Peace out!

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Protest 3/19/06

A good time was had. Many liked my sign which said "WAR CAN SUCK IT" on one side & "War is not sexy" on the other. I'm tired. Heading home & hope it will be a peace filled night. Big kisses!

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Queers Not Cheers!

Does anyone else wonder what happened to the ACTIVISTS! I'm sure they're out there but where? All I see for queer/GLBT activism are overpriced fundraisers by (let's look as NORMAL as we can) HRC. Silent auctions, e-petitions, bourgeois lunchons and sad stories are doing something, but can't we do more?
Any one remember Queer Nation?
Any one remember ACT-UP?
Where are the in your face activists? Where are the folks who care enough to take some risks & not leave out our working class brothers & sisters? Enough with biding our time & schmoozing for equality. Let's get active!
* Like NOT attending our hetrosexual friends & famalies legal weddings.
*Asking our straight legally married friends to burn their marriage licences until ALL people are allowed to marry.
*How about long term partnered queer couples who do wish to be legally married to file their taxes as married.
*How about NOT purchasing from ANY organization whatever that has fiscally supported anti-gay legislations.

What happened to the kiss ins, the in your face visibility? What if we queers went to Salem & sat at the Capital until they removed us! And when they took us away more queers came. What if queers in every state did this to their own local governments? The world would have to listen. We can't just keep asking nicely if we could pretty please be treated equally. Mabye we're not fighting because we think were too small a minority. Or that our cause isn't as important. But this isn't just about us. This is about the queers who are jailed, beaten & killed in other countires for mere suspicion of being gay. Is that OKAY to you?

Maybe we don't care because we have assimilated the mainstream heterosexual ideal. Get rich, spend money, buy things we don't really need, complain we have too much stuff, have babies, own at least 3 cars & 2 homes & forget the rest of the world. Oh sure we can spend $100 here, even $500 there, to a homogenized queer dinner, with a key note address by some queer friendly celebrity who got paid $10,000 to speak to us. But otherwise, fuck equal rights cuz SOMEDAY we might get the voters to like us.

WHEN WILL WE START FIGHTING AGAIN! Martin went to jail. Gandhi went to jail. Rosa went to jail. Emma Goldman went to jail.
So if they put your ass in jail for doing your taxes the TRUE way...GO! If they put you in jail for not leaving the Capital until you are 100% an equal citizen...GO! And if your friends don't like you asking for them to NOT participate in a corrupt system of inequality...Go find folks who will support freedom.
FUCK operation iraqi freedom
We need Operation Freedom for Everyone! Screw this rah rah were normal & just like you only we like our own gender, way of trying to get equality.

Let's do Something.

Oh & here's a thing from BRO about how our lovely system is using our homo tainted monies to fund an anti-gay school.

The Facts on Portland Public Schools' Tax Payer Funded, Anti-Gay Church-Sponsored School

Yesterday we told you about plans to open an alternative high school proposed by the anti-GLBT Mount Olivet Baptist Church (one of the primary backers of Ballot Measure 36) on the Jefferson High School Campus in the fall of 2006 with the support of public funds.

Since then, several of you have contacted us looking for more information. Others have been left confused when told by school administrators that Mt. Olivet is not affiliated with the school. Here are the facts. Judge for yourself.

• Mt. Olivet first approached Portland Public Schools in 2004 about opening the "Academy of Character and Ethics" as a charter school, with the intent of housing the school in church facilities. At that time, the charter was unanimously denied by the Portland Public School Board because the board did not believe the school was "ready." The Superintendent of Schools directed administrators to keep working with Mt. Olivet.

• Later, the church, spearheaded by Pastor Martin, formed a 501c3 organization to act as the administrative body of the school and recruited its own board of directors for the school.

• That organization applied for, and was granted, funding from E3, an alternative school funding organization supported by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation and the Meyer Memorial Trust to encourage alternative education in public schools. On staff at that organization is Paula Kinney, a member of Mt. Olivet Baptist Church and the person who has now been selected to act as principal of the new school.

• In early March, the Portland Public School Board gave final approval to the school as an alternative school, ensuring it will also receive public funds and the Portland School Board encouraged the so-called "Academy of Character and Ethics" to co-locate at Jefferson High School.

When Basic Rights Oregon met with school administrators Thursday, we hoped our fears would be allayed and that we would be reassured by the facts. Instead, the more we learned, the more alarmed we got. Here's why:

• While the school district says the school will operate independently of the church,

Mt. Olivet Baptist Church states clearly on its own website that the school is their project:

• "During the summer of 2004, our application was approved by Oregon Small Schools Initiative to establish a small public high school. We received a grant and have begun the formal planning and development of the school, which is scheduled to open in the fall of 2006."

• We learned from PPS officials that the school's board of directors has been assembled by Mt. Olivet and its leadership

• We also learned from PPS officials that Paula Kinney, the appointed principal for the so-called "Academy of Character and Ethics" is a member of Mt. Olivet Baptist Church.

• Paula Kinney will report solely and directly to the school's board of directors, which is predominately Mt. Olivet members, instead of reporting to PPS or its board of directors.

• And, when PPS suggested that leaders of the proposed school ought to hear our concerns, the person in charge according to them was none other that Rev. James Martin, the Pastor of Mt. Olivet Baptist Church.

This school is going to teach courses on "character and ethics". What type of ethics will be taught at a school with leadership whose values include the core value, according to Mt. Olivet's website: "Marriage is the permanent union of one man and one woman"?

We also want PPS to explain how GLBT parents or GLBT kids can feel assured that members of a known anti-GLBT organization will uphold the school's anti-discrimination policy or foster an academic environment that is safe and supportive for GLBT administrators, parents and students.

Finally, PPS acts as though this school is a done deal. We have urged them to put this school on hold until these significant concerns, and others related to the approval process itself, are addressed and the many very important questions related to this issue can be answered.


Send your letter of concern to:
Maxine Kilcrease, Assistant Superintendant of Schools

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

March Folks! Stop The Madness!!!!!!!

Event: Peace rally and march planned for third anniversary of war on Iraq.
Date: Sunday, March 19th, 2006
Time: 1:30 PM gathering, 2:00 PM rally, 2:30 PM peace march.
Place: Waterfront Park, north of the Morrison Bridge, downtown Portland

I'll be there will you? Click on the title of this entry for more infofo.

Monday, March 13, 2006

It's Like I'm a CrackHead!

Seriously. My skin all over my body is itching. It's most likely allergies & forgetting to take my Allegra until an hour ago. But it kinda blows. I feel like Tyrone from the Chappelle show.
And ya know what else. I'm gassy! Bloated too. I love this oat bran cereal but it makes me fart these really rotten beans mixed with leftover souffle kinda farts. Did I mention the gigantic zit on the end of my nose? Life is funny!
My granny is out of the hospital & should be going home in a few days so there's some good news! And I forgot to mention yesterday I walked 4 miles on Saturday. I'm going to do it again Wednesday I think. Oops I just farted again. I gotta go!

Sunday, March 12, 2006

A Long Ass Mutha Frikin' Blog

So I'm pretty sure the Cavalier King Charles Spaniel is the dog I want when I get my own place again. Their soulful eyes, cute faces, floppy ears & temperment has me hooked.
I mean how could you say no to a face like this?!?!
BTW I really want to see that new Dave Chappell movie. I love him & he has great taste in music. If it wasn't for his Rick James sketches, I'd never use the word bitch as much as I do. I love you Dave. Marry me! Only your married & I'm mostly homo, but whatever!

So here's mah story of Saturday March 11th 2006:
Yesterday was more of a witnessing of my own step back to get 2 steps further in spiritual growth. This pal of mine that I had a friendship crush on left me stranded at the spaghetti feed last night. Stranded maybe a strong term as there were folks to get me home from Milwaukie, but if felt as though I were stranded. He & his crew took off without me & my feelings were quite hurt. So after praying & breathing I called last night to ask what happened. He explained that he couldn't find me & my peeps & thought we all had taken off. After apologies & explainations it all was fine. But what I witnessed in my reactions was a sense of that old feeling of being abandonded. Here was this person who I wanted to get to know more because he's got a service position I may take with my own district & wished to learn his experiences with it. And instead we never talked & then he left. This moment of feeling like I wasn't worth enough to be taken home rushed over me. Irrational yes, but it lead to growth.

Hopelessness lasted for about a half hour. Then I relaxed & serenity took over, as it always does. Knowing that the sad feelings always pass & that I learn so much from them has helped me to go all the way into the sadness so I can really feel it & move on. Supressing those feelings only make for more pain in the long run. Anyway this morning I awoke refreshed & grateful. I know more than ever who I am & that I'm getting better at standing up for myself & staying true to my needs while being respectful & honest. Twice on Friday, from two people I heard this when considering
telling someone who you feel:
Is it true?
Is it necesssary?
Can it be said in a loving & respectful way?

So I got to put those questions into practice yesterday. Then I got to be true to myself & remember how wonderful it feels to live an optimistic & grateful life. So all it in, again life is sweet.

I'll say this though- I can't frickin' wait for Mercury retrograde to be over!

Friday my co-worker Seth sent me a link to this religion quiz. I took it & it said I ought to be a liberal Quaker. Here are the top 15 from this quiz:
1. Liberal Quakers (100%)
2. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (98%)
3. Unitarian Universalism (93%)
4. Bahá'í Faith (78%)
5. Sikhism (68%)
6. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (67%)
7. Neo-Pagan (67%)
8. Theravada Buddhism (67%)
9. Mahayana Buddhism (66%)
10. Orthodox Quaker (65%)
11. Reform Judaism (65%)
12. Hinduism (63%)
13. New Thought (62%)
14. New Age (60%)
15. Secular Humanism (55%)

So this is what liberal Quakers according to beliefnet.com:
• Belief in Deity
Diverse beliefs, from belief in a personal God as an incorporeal spirit to questioning belief in a personal God.

• Incarnations
Beliefs vary from the literal to the symbolic belief in Jesus Christ as God's incarnation. Most believe we are all sons and daughters of God, with the main focus on experiencing and listening to God, the Light within, accessible to all.

• Origin of Universe and Life
Emphasis is placed on spiritual truths as revealed to each individual. Many believe that God created/controls all events/processes that modern scientists are uncovering about origins. Many believe in scientific accounts alone or don't profess to know.

• After Death
Few liberal Quakers believe in direct reward and punishment, heaven and hell, or second coming of Christ. The primary focus is nondogmatic: God is love, love is eternal, and our actions in life should reflect love for all of humanity.

• Why Evil?
Beliefs vary, as the focus is not on why, but how to eliminate wrongs, especially violence. Many believe that violence against another human is violence against God. Many Quakers believe that lack of awareness of God's divine Light within all may result in wrongdoing. Many believe that evil is simply an unfortunate part of human nature that we all must work to eliminate.

• Salvation
Beliefs are diverse, as dogma is de-emphasized. Most believe that all will be saved because God is good and forgiving, and the divine Light of God is available to all. Good works, especially social work and peace efforts, are viewed as integral to the salvation of humanity, regardless of belief or nonbelief in an afterlife.

• Undeserving Suffering
Liberal Quakers do not believe that Satan causes suffering. Some believe suffering is part of God's plan, will, or design, even if we don't immediately understand it. Some don't believe in any spiritual reasons for suffering. Quakers focus on reducing human suffering, especially that which is caused by social injustice or violence.

• Contemporary Issues
Views vary, some maintaining that abortion violates Quaker commitment to nonviolence, but some view the right to choose abortion as an aspect of equal rights for women and/or as a personal matter between the woman and God. The American Friends Service Committee (an independent Quaker organization with participants of many faiths, which provides international programs for economic and social justice, peace, humanitarian aid) supports the woman’s right to choose abortion according to her own conscience.

So I'm going to check that out I think. I mean I don't believe is Jesus as like ya know our holy savior. But I think the story/mythology is cool. Infact I spoke to this lady on the bus this morning & I was telling her about how I love to walk around in nature & appreciate (insert higher powers name here)'s beauty. She showed me these versus from Psalms about nature & I was floored that this devout Protestant shared my beliefs & had (gasp) bible verses to back it up. Cool & freaky!

Lastly I took a photo of my blood on a mini pad & I think it looks cool. Here it is!

Peace out y'all!

Friday, March 10, 2006

Cool Ass Shit!

Me pally C & I at the beach a while back tryin' on hats. We're so cute! Anyway there is much excitement to be had as tomorrow I'm going to help with Districts 24 & 27's spaghetti feed. I hope there's a good turnout. Plus I get to hang with my pal J who is a super nice dude. Then on Sunday it's movie time. I'll be watching a lesbian shorts film festival DVD & it's one I've never seen so that's cool.

My pal John made it to England safely & I really hope he shags a nice British boy for us all. I continue to do my soulwork & am answering big, deep questions about security, safely & what that stuff means to me. Thinking about what Nelson Mandela said in his 1994 inaugural speech. I'll put it below. Anyway Portland, OR is the #1 city for walking. How coolio. Check it out. http://walking.about.com/od/trails/tp/walkcity2006.htm

Anyway life is so good. I just love this life I've been given. Here's the speech. Maianne Williamson wrote it but it became famous when Nelson Mandela spoke these words.

"...Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Blood & Babies

How come I never hear women talk much about their menstrual blood? How come when I did a google search on menstrual blood, it was hard to find any real images of it? It's got a strong smell. Like a butcher attacked my underware. It's got colors of brown, red & pink. It's my body escaping me. Why's that so bad? My pal Ebbie used to to tampon art & it was not as cheesey as one may think. A giant cross made of tampons may have been cliche, but was powerful nonetheless. I remember hearing of a woman who used her own blood as paint for her paintings. As gross as this may sound to some, I would have loved to see it. I'm gonna take some pics of my blood. I think it's high time more women show the world this "evil" thank you. After all for you christians, let's not forget Mary had to be on the rag at least once to have baby Jesus!

Anyway last night I drempt I was at a grocery store shopping. In the refrigerator section was stacks of several babies. All caucasian babies lying quietly & on sale. I decided to get one that had a good face & bought my baby. What the heck was that about?
I think about if I want babies. Adoption, step kids & the like sometimes feels more inviting. My ma wants grandkids very badly. And according to Oprah I'm past my prime (at 31!) & need to get a move on. Such a very big thing. Anyway I'm grateful for NOT having any kids at this point as I would have surely been a terrible mama. At least now I can consider it, because there's more balance (most days). Now here's a completely unrelated quote...

"When you find the self you find love"
-Carl Jung

Sunday, March 05, 2006

The Very Busy World Of Ms. F

Not only do I seem to feel constantly busy but Mercury is in retrograde, skipping along causing troubles in communications. Ahh well, life's sweet just the same. I wanted to write about my weekend, last weekend but didn't have time to blog. I now have a whole 18 minutes, but I don't type fast so here goes about mah lafe.

Yesterday I worked the antiques show at the Expo Center for my good pal John. I left with a beautiful rhinestone laurette, rhinestone barette, white gold hoops & a 60's wool poncho. Them my new pal CM picked me up after a brief nap & some curried rice & we went to a formal house party that was really fun despite that my shoes hurt my feet. Friday after work I attended a sex toys 101 party at It's My Pleasure. I brought the very first curry dish I've ever cooked & it was liked. The class was okay, but I could have taught it myself.

The weekend prior I went to Coos Bay for a Area 58 assembly. It was really awesome. I felt a lot of love & spirit. Lots of talks that were intimate & caring, lots of being real, lots of laughter & of course plenty of hugs, a few verbal fights & more learing to be true to self. It was a magical time.

Other than the weekends the weekdays are busy with sponsee to sponsor chats, meetings, dinners, Netflix films, dinking around with the website I'm trying to build, figuring out what to do with my life career wise, reading, lots of prayin' & work. Plus a crappy cold a few weeks back. All in all life is sweet & I love the life I've been given. Amen to that!

peace out bitches!