Monday, July 31, 2006

100 Things

So my pal Lindsey has a list of a hundred things about herself on her webbie & now that I'm home & have some time to think & write I thought oh heck "why not do my own." So here we go.

1. I was born in Mountain View, CA at 11:03am
2. Have traveled to New York, New Mexico, San Fransicso, Las Vegas, Chicago, Ohio, Wisconsin, Iowa, N. Dakota, Wyoming, Montana, San Antonio Texas, Bellingham & Seattle Washington.
3. Have never been out of the country
4. Have a passport & plan on using it in the future.
5. Lived in Minneapolis, MN from the age of 4 to 21.
6. Most of my family still lives there.
7. Had my first kiss really horrible kiss at 14.
8. Had my first good kiss at 16.
9. Had my first boyfriend at 14.
10. Had first girlfriend at 17.
11. Have a cat named Bebes.
12. When I eat cooked onions I get gas really bad.
13. I have no siblings
14. Yes I was lonely as I lived in a neighborhood with no other kids.
15. My birth day is December 11th, 1974
16. I'm in recovery
17. 2 different anonymous programs
18. Love to vacuum
19. Hate to clean the bathroom
20. I like technology
21. I don't like people talking on cell phones when driving
22. Am a pretty good writer
23. Seem to be afriad to let go & just write
24. Really like knitting
25. Not that good at knitting though
26. I like to make silly faces at myself in the mirror at night sometimes
27. My cat and I have a song. It's El Farol by Carlos Santana
28. Growing up it just my mom & I
29. My best friend & I lived 2 blocks from each other from 14 to 18
30. She's a looker & no I've never been hot for her.
31. I love diet pepsi.
32. Meryl Streep is my favorite actress
33. Halle Berry is the only celebrity who I'll watch just because she's hot
34. I came out when I was 16
35. I identify as bisexual by birth & lesbian by preference, not choice
36. Gender wise I am high femme and do consider myself gender queer
37. I like animals better than people often times
38. My longest job I still work at. In September '06 it will be 6 years
39. I got my GED
40. My favorite book thus far is The Red Tent by Anita Diamant
41. I charge $50 for answering the question "what are you?"
42. I like being racially ambiguous
43. Love is my higher power & religion
44. My favorite movie thus far is Gandhi
45. I only wear Levi's when it comes to jeans
46. Enjoy cooking, especially vegetarian & vegan cooking
47. Once in a while I like going to steakhouses & ordering a nice cut of beef
48. I love jewelry but will not buy or accept jewels that were gotten by slave labor
49. Sometimes without thinking I break into an English accent
50. I love English accents
51. Love the BBC version of Pride & Prejudice. Colin Firth is beastly hot in it
52. Went to 1st protest at 14. It was for the U.S. out of El Salvador. My mom brought my pal Alexis & I & when the cops told folks to clear the streets, my mom grabbed us & had us march in the streets
53. I'm politically active & fight for equality
54. My best friend in Portland is Lindsey
55. Her dog Rennie is my canine niece
56. My favorite food is Pizza
57. Favorite dessert is creme brulee or fruit tarts
58. I would like to be in a long term healthy, growing, spiritual romance at some point
59. Hate canned veggies
60. Once ate chicken from a can
61. My favorite male singer is Rufus Wainwright. Favorite female, Sarah McLachlan
62. Have met Sarah McLachlan, Daryl Hannah, Harry Belafonte, Gwen Stefani, The band Soul Coughing, Art Alexakis, Kate Clinton & Colonel Grethe Cammermeyer, Rt.
63. My belly button is pierced with white gold & magenta opals
64. Two tattoos. A butterfly on lower belly & my symbol on the back of my neck
65. Want more tattoos
66. Have had 16 piercings over the years. Now only use about 3 of the holes
67. I have a weakness for bedroom eyes & short hair on somewhat more butch women
68. Love well groomed eyebrows on everyone
69. Voices are pretty important too
70. I think that guy who played Zack on Saved by the Bell is totally hot
71. Love dancing to reggae & happy hip hop
72. I have 5 planets in Sagittarius, my Moon in Scorpio & Rising in Aquarius
73. Love & have been practicing astrology since I was 10
74. Have known I loved women since I was four when I had a crush on Daisy Duke
75. Wanted to be a lesbian when I grew up because I thought all lesbians were princesses
76. Favorite radio station is KINK
77. Hate Tom Waits, love Neil Young
78. Best dance songs of all time: More, More, More by Andrea True Connection & It Takes Two by Rob Base
79. I'm not into this whole pirate trend
80. I love to sing but am shy about singing infront of others
81. I love the Edwardian era
82. I don't eat fast food except for Burgerville
83. Spinach is yummy
84. My first job was babysitting under the table. My first taxed job was a camp counselor
85. Once I did not pay my taxes for 3 years. In the end I was owed money
86. In the summers when I was a kid I lived on a busy street called Lake St. Would put on my roller skates & do roller shows for the cars going by
87. I don't shave anything, but I do trim
89. Have dated as many wonderful people as idiots
90. Am judgemental & trying to get over that
91. Have a multitude of medical issues
92. Make really good fried rice
93. I love Spanish food
94. Studied Russian for 3 years, French for 2 & Spanish for 1 year
95. Have the brownest ear wax you've ever seen
96. Believe our society is schizophrenic about sex & sexuality & I hope to tear that shit apart
97. I'm a bit of a libertarian. Please don't hate me for it
98. Not sure if I want kids but know I'd be a great mom
99. Love nature
100. Everyday I pray

Sleep Test. Weird.

I am a running man!
Find your own pose!

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Love is My Religion

That's a new song by Ziggy Marley. I think it fully a pplies to my spirituality.
This morning my prayer was a little different. I prayed to be like a tree. Trees have always been my guides in a way. So I asked Love to make me like the roots of a tree, connected to the earths sustinence and firmly rooted in that which connects us all. Then I asked to be like a trunk, strong and able to stand tall with loves protection. Next the branches. So that I may provide shade for those who need it. That the leaves of me always take in the sunshine & be able to move, change & fall when the winds need me to. That the fruit I bare provides healing for others so that I am of service.

If I put crap into my soil (body...blood, sinew) the fruit I bare cannot be as sustaining. I wish today only to be God's tree. To be love, take in love & give love.

Yesterday I happened to have my camera phone nearby & got this shot of Lily & myself while I was icing my leg. Enjoy!

Saturday, July 29, 2006

The Sexy

I know y'all have seen this but I can't resist. Even Germans think Bush can suck it!
This is me for the next few days. On bed rest due to my whole leg swelling. Bloody hell!


Thursday, July 27, 2006


The heat wave we had here in Portland really screwed with my ankle. I hate talking about it or complaining, as I'm very blessed in this life. But I'm feeling so frustrated these days as the intense heat has put my ankles into overdrive. Not only is the left constantly swollen & in searing pain, my right ankle, which has had some mild swelling & pain, is hurting more too. The pain in both feels like when you freshly scrape your knees after falling off a bike. That sudden searing prickly heat & rawness. Only it feels that way inside my flesh. I scared to walk & when I do it hurts.

Yesterday I got a call back from a specialist in orthopedics who told me my brace will cost $341. Which is way better than $2500. Here's what my brace options look like. Insurance will pay 80% for out of network things. So I'll hopefully find a similar specialist where they're in the network. I just need to make sure my ankle stuff is taken very seriously. So blah on that. I know this mean emotionally I need to be very gentle with myself. Not get into drama or other crap. Not to mention that though my ankle will improve, but the brace is not the top thing in fashion & as a woman, high heels or any cute shoes are no longer ever an option. I know waa waa. I just need to process this. Anyway I got Fabulash mascara a couple days ago. Halle Berry is so hot & I'm a sucker for anything she tries to pimp. Anyway the mascara is awesome. So though my ankle is what it is, at least my eyelashes will be pretty!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Sue that Motherf*cker!

Before I get to the news about Bushwack I just have to say how sad I am about Washington upholding the ban on marriage equality. Why the fark is it so scary for me to marry another wonderful woman. Do they not see how this is not EQUAL, gadangit! Fecking feekers! Okay now onto Bush & his stupidity.

Bush is a moron, idiot, dipshit, muthafocker ...if you didn't already know.
Here's the article folks:

Senate panel denounces Bush for exploiting "signing statements"
By Jonathan Weisman

The Washington Post

WASHINGTON — A bipartisan group of senators and scholars denounced President Bush Tuesday for using scores of so-called "signing statements" to reserve the right to ignore or reinterpret provisions of legislation that he has signed into law.

Bush's statements have challenged a congressional ban on torture, a request for data on the administration of the USA Patriot Act, even a legislative demand for suggestions on the digital mapping of coastal resources.

Tuesday's Senate Judiciary Committee hearing marked the latest effort by committee Chairman Arlen Specter, R-Pa., and panel Democrats to try to reclaim authority they say the president has usurped as he has expanded the power of the executive branch.

Other presidents have used signing statements to clarify their interpretation of laws, but no president has used such statements instead of using the veto authority spelled out in the Constitution, according to Harvard University law professor Charles Ogletree Jr., who is serving on a newly formed American Bar Association task force examining Bush's signing statements. Bush has never vetoed a bill.

"There is a sense that the president has taken the signing statements far beyond the customary purviews," Specter told the administration's representative, Michelle Boardman, the deputy assistant attorney general in the Justice Department's Office of Legal Counsel. "There's a real issue here as to whether the president may, in effect, cherry-pick the provisions he likes and exclude the ones he doesn't like."

Democrats were more blunt, blasting Bush's signing statements — estimated to number more than 750 on 110 laws, more than all the statements issued by all other presidents combined.

"I've never seen anything like it," said Sen. Patrick Leahy of Vermont, the committee's ranking Democrat, calling the practice "a grave threat to our constitutional system of checks and balances."

Specter has been more aggressive than any other Republican in challenging Bush's expanding authority, pushing him to reshape his warrantless-wiretapping efforts to comply with existing law, threatening to summon telecommunications executives who have given the government access to customer phone records, and challenging the White House's legal arguments for indefinite detentions at the U.S. military base in Guantánamo Bay, Cuba.

But Tuesday, Judiciary Committee members appealed to their fellow lawmakers, who Sen. Richard Durbin, D-Ill., said have been "complicit as so many of our precious rights under the Constitution have been ceded away."

Boardman countered that presidents since James Monroe have issued statements of interpretation to accompany laws, and that every president since Dwight Eisenhower has issued statements reserving the right not to execute sections of laws that may contradict the Constitution.

By her accounting, Bush has issued such statements on 110 laws, compared with 80 from Bill Clinton, as many as 105 from Ronald Reagan and 147 from George H.W. Bush in a single term. But the younger Bush issued multiple statements on many of those laws for a total of 750.

"Even if there has been a modest increase, let me just suggest that it be viewed in light of current events and Congress' response to those events," she said. "The significance of legislation affecting national security has increased markedly since Sept. 11."

It has been the national-security related statements that have caused the most controversy. Last year, after months of difficult negotiations, Bush withdrew a veto threat and signed a defense-policy bill that included a provision by Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., explicitly banning cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment of prisoners at U.S. detention centers. But Bush's signing statement reserved the right to waive the torture ban if he concluded that some harsh interrogation techniques could advance the war on terrorism.

This year, after Congress reached a hard-fought agreement to extend the USA Patriot Act, expanding the power of federal law enforcement, the president questioned a provision calling for the administration to furnish Congress with detailed audits on the issuance of secret business-record searches and so-called National Security Letters.

Sunday, July 23, 2006


The title of this post will link you to Lt. Ehern Watada's website. He is a young man of courage who as a Lieutenant in the Army, is refusing to serve in the "war" in Iraq. His decision & action to not participate in this excuse for greed is refreshing & gives me hope. Though he faces seven years in prison & fines he is standing up for the truth of the situation. Yay!

Did any of you know about the dragging death of Anthony Graham in Louisville? It's a weird situation. Apparently Graham, a black man, got into a fight with Thomas Sewastynowicz, a white man. Somehow Graham wound up being dragged by Sewastynowicz's car when he was driving. Sewastynowicz claims Graham was trying to reach into his glove box when Sewastynowicz took off. For seven blocks he drove until Grahams head hit a light pole, killing him. Graham's father is a doctor & decided to have a 2nd autopsy done, as the father found a mark on his dead son's neck.
Funny... as I write this I'm listining to KINK radio here in PDX & there's a song playing where the hook is "waiting on the world to change." It's by John Mayer. Nice!

So here it has cooled down a bit. High 90's yesyerday, yet when I got home last night the house was 2 degrees warmer than on the 100+ day. Anyway I went to Lloyd center to stay cool & there were so many folks there. I went to look at pretty things like a lovely white & rose gold bracelet that I so couldn't afford but had to try on. Then I met up with John & we saw "The Devil Wears Prada" which was quite a good summer romp. Meryl Streep was perfect as a bitchy boss without going to over the top. For a chick flick it was a really enjoyable film. In the previews a film about Augusten Burroughs is coming & I'm looking forward to that.
After the movie John & I shopped more but this time I actually got stuff. Totally inspired by that movie, my glamour puss got the best of me & I bought some bracelets & new MAC cosmetics. Spent a bit more than I should have. But this stuff will last a while & I haven't had any yummy makeup treats in quite a while.

By the time I got home ast night there was an actual cool breeze around 9pm. So that was refreshing. Anyway when I woke up this morning I was laying in bed praying & I asked my HP to tell me something to help myself with the emotional PMSING state I've been in. And what I got, and seriously I did not think this statement up on my own, was, "believe in yourself." Still learning how to do that. As a fromer drunken, stoner, and now pill popper, it's hard to believe in myself sometimes when I now my little ego wants it's way by any means necessary. Anyway that advice brought me right back to that beautiful poem by Primus St. John. Here it is again. I'll probably post it over & over, but it's where I'm at.

I believe in myself slowly.
It takes all the doubt I've got.
It takes my wonder.

Peace out!

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Heat & Tears

Geez I didn't think this heat was getting to me until I broke down in tears at 1am last night. "The heat breaks you down" a friend said this morning. Tis True! It seems all the things I was due to cry over are spilling out & of course is PMS season, so ya know what that means. Sensitive moi, little addict/alkie that I am wants the whole world to play nice & that isn't always the case. I didn't even know about St. Louis until I spoke with my ma this morning. Bush is such a fucking dunce & our media truly saddens me as it seems if the town has a lot of black folks any diaster is just not that big of a deal. And don't get me started on whats going on in Lebanon. Fuck!

Anyway a happier post later.
Peace out!

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Weird is awesome! There is a link on that blog to a webby called Totally funny!

So some silly biscuit decided to leave a rather gross comment on my last post. Shows how uncomfortable people can be with female sexuality being something other than the "Playboy" paradigm. Sad. As soon as I can figure out how to keep unwanted comments out, I will.

Anyway it's funny because Friday at one point I felt so hopeless about love & finding "the one" and since then I've had 2 people ask me out & some attention from a couple cuties. Guess HP is letting me know all will be fine. Life is good. Amazing how great & easy things are when I let go of my WAY. That's it for now.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Box Lunch!

Today I purchased a book called "Box Lunch" by the editor of On Our Backs, Diana Cage. Yes, that's right it's a book about eating pussy. Now you may ask "oh Franny, why would you need such a book? I hear you're a pussy master!" And yes folks this is true (ha!) but quite frankly I've come to realize in my sexual travels that I have treasured other womens love palaces far more than my own. Now that I'm on this magickal road of full on healing, it has become most important to start really loving my own body. Why this has been so hard can be explained, however for the sake of those of you who are already feeling overwhelmed with all this honesty, I won't get into my past.

Just for today my soberiety includes loving self touch, loving connection to myself & getting over what ever shame exists in relation to my hoobie schnoobie. Did you know that besides the clitoris having 8,000 nerve endings (more than any part of the body, including the penis, which has about 4,000 nerve endings) the clitoris is far more than the little button above our vaginal opening. The clit extendsto the hood, hymen, pelvic floor muscles & beneath the perineum & sphincter. The clitoris is expansive & powerful. Is it any coincedience than when women are menstruating we get horney? No because it's all connected. Amazing! And I have not made a loving & lasting friendship with the very life of my sex life. So since this is my time, my body & my chance to build a stronger foundation for my soberiety, it's high time I go for it. So this book Box Lunch has a bunch of info on the female anatomy & masturbation. So there you go. Plus I figure when it's time to meet that special lady, I'll have even more skills! And that's a good thing. Ya sure ya betcha!
Peace! And heck... Love to your pussies!

Thursday, July 13, 2006

The Horror

I have without a doubt seen Lily's "other" side. When I got home I let her out side in the back yard & she lounged in the sunlight for a while, whilst I finished the book "The Giver" by Lois Lowery. I heard her barking & saw from the couch she was in the bushes barking at something which she often does & never lasts too long. Well I noticed upon finishing the book (which is awesome by the way & I think every adult should read it even though it's aimed at a preteen audience) that miss Lil was still barking her ass off. I went to take a look & called & called to her & saw that she was carrying some kind of rat/shrew type animal thing in her mouth. I stood there horrified as she whapped at it with her front paws like a cat. "Lily" I cried & she picked up the wounded thing in her mouth & ran into the bushes. Freaked as much that the animal was diseased as I was Lily was hurting it, I ran inside to get a broom & ran back out to seperate the two creatures. After several minutes & some outsmarting, I was able to get the animal away from Lil & Lil inside the house. She is here right now whining because she wants to chew on that thing some more, I just know it!

I called the vet & they said as long as Lily's had all her shots she should be fine. And if I wanted I could collect the animal so they could examine it & put it out of its misery. When I went back out the animal was gone. It was the size of a rat but with more soft fur & a long pronounced nose. Poor thing! Anyway I guess Daschunds are a breed that was raised to hunt & Lily was just doing her job. But it was an ugly sight & I feel a little sad. Lily & Bebes are stuck inside for a while no matter how much they complain.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006


Had therapy today. Talked with her about my sobriety change & she reminded me how strong & brave I am. And ya know I casually mentioned the not smoking piece & how it's been like 6 months. And Tricia was quick to point out that I'm doing great & the the path to being my true self is never a perfect path. So today I honor my growth. So grateful for the many tools, steps, kindness & support in my little life.

It really feels like a special time in my life. Embracing stillness, quiet & even lonliness. There really are angels everywhere. Not little white kids with halos but energy of love, joy & surrender. Well that's it from me. Learning more about silent knowing.

One last thing. Lily has some nasty gas sometimes!

Monday, July 10, 2006

Lime Popsicles!

There are few things that are better than Safeway lime popsicles. It's hard to have just one. Well the wall in the living room is painted & lovely. It's perfect with the couch & pillows. The really nice thing is the color, a deep red, on just the one wall fills the whole house with a little depth, without being overwhelming. Took me four hours tonight with only a break for a chili chese dog. Yes I said it, chili - cheese - dog. Yum yum bitches! To be fair the bun was live sprouted grain bread. The chili, vegetarian. The hotdog, kosher. The cheese, renetless. So there! Anyway I'm now consuming my 2nd lime popsicle then heading to bed. Good day!

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Tee Hee

I took this last week & added my own take on our look. Silly! Anyway last night was weird because I was supposed to work at the shelter & 15 min. before I had to go I barfed. Got the chills & such. Today is better, but how weird! Needless to say I stayed home & slept. Other than that I have the living room wall preped for painting a delicious red. So I'll hopefully get that done tomorrow morning. Still happy, but tired. Went grocery shopping & spent $82 & feel like I have about 3 meals! Well maybe not that bad but geez & I'm a bargain shopper! Anyway it's a beautiful day & I look like a total tomboy. Oh & I got a new bra & am now a size 32DDD. Good lord no matter how much weight I loose, I still have them biggins. Tootles!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

And Again Calm

Wow. It's been a strange couple weeks. Felt lost & so tired. Tired from lack of sleep, lost from sobriety date change. Found myself in all this beginning to engage in old behaviors & feeling even more shitty. A storm indeed passed through. And now is the calm & feeling myself again. Happy to go through it because the awakening feels so nice. Got 10 hours of sleep last night. What a difference! Lily slept in my arms from 5am on & it was nice to wake her for once instead of the other way.

Read "Their Eyes Were Watching God" by Zora Neale Hurston. It took my breath away it was so good. This is a book I'll read again & again. I think it is one of the most important books I've ever & will ever read. In my top 5 favorite for sure & that says a lot. Considering I read 4 books in June, all of them pretty good. This one is in a class of its own. The main character is Janie, a woman in Florida who is the grandchild of a slave. Her grandmother was raped by her "master" and had a daughter who was then raped by a white chool teacher, producing Janie. As a result Janie had lighter skin & long smooth hair and what really amazed me was that the author did not portray her as tragic because of this. Janie's journey was a journey toward herself & love. One in the same I think!

In Janie's life she married 3 times, lost her beloved & grew to find her voice. A voice that scholars have debated, but as a woman, I can say sometimes finding our voice is in our actions & our ability to sit gratefully & gracefully in the silence. Women, people of color, women of color & anyone who is at all in touch with their own journey will love this powerful book!

Today I'm off to a rheumatologist about my ankle. Hope to get some help for I can walk longer. A pilgrimage is in my future & I need a more steady ankle. We'll see. I remain hopeful that hp will take my feet where they need to go.

I'm off to breakfast. Well it is brunch now I guess. Lily lays in my arms while I type this & I hate to move her. But I'm hungry!. Oh & this morning Bebes & Lily kissed. Nice! Kisses y'all!

Well I saw the doctor & here's the deal. I have tendonitis due to pronation. That my body was just made that way & I'll always have this due to the pronation. The only thing I can ever really do is find a good ankle brace & live with it. Just like some folks are born missing a toes, eye or whatever, I was born with pronation that eventually resulted in tendonitis. So I need a new brace that will be custom we'll see if insurance will pay. Great West has not been all it claims. Anyway that's the scoop. I'll be the hot girl in the brace & though a part of me is pretty sad that I can never run again, I'm grateful I can walk. Peace out!

Saturday, July 01, 2006

At Last

My period came. Thank gawd. Thought I was pregnant for a moment there. NOT! Ba ha hahaha. Oh my gosh I'm in total pain but at least I'm bleeding. That's right I said bleeding! Anyway despite my uterus trying to squeze tissue out, I made a perfect bowl of jasmine rice in the rice cooker. I'm having it with Tillamook sweetcream butter & a little sugar. My housemate ate most of my Earth Balance natural buttery spread. Damn her! Just kidding Sarah!!!!!!!!!

It's been an awesome Saturday. So relaxing. Been basically snoozing in between little things with the dog Lily. She's so great to nap with. Watched March of the Penguins last night. This may sound funny but the whole mating part of the film was so romantic. None of this "do ya like me, do ya want me, can I touch you there" stuff, just sweetness then they do it. And when I say it, I mean sex! Anyway it was just so cool to see the penguins world.

Well I feel sleepy again. Can't decide if I want to nap more, do laundry or take Ms. Lil for a walkie poo. Aww well it is so nice to just chill. Peace out!