Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Racist Feminists & Bizarre Fruit

If you ever needed proof that feminists can indeed be racist, let me provide said proof. Via Racialicious & What Tami Said were details on a recent article by Nina Burleigh on the Huffington Post. In the Huffington piece, Burleigh posits that Mr. Obama is not a feminist until he addresses the OJ Simpson trial or the misogyny that exists in some rap. I love how Tami responded:

Will Hillary Clinton be taking a stand against Susan Smith, the white woman who murdered her children a year after the Simpson-Goldman murders and blamed their disappearance on a mysterious black man? Should she be expected to? The idea is ludicrous and so is any notion that black people always need to answer for the behavior of people who share their skin color.

I don’t need Barack Obama to be the second coming of Andrea Dworkin or a Black Panther. As a black person and a woman, I need to know that, as president, he will move this country closer to equality for all people. That means helping to close the wage gap between women and men, and white women and women of color. It means ensuring committed gay couples have the same rights as committed heterosexual ones. It means ensuring that kids in poor inner-city and rural areas are guaranteed a good education just like rich kids in the suburbs. I’m not arrogant enough to think that I am the only person on earth to face inequality, and I am not entitled enough to think that a president’s work need be all about me. I wish some of my fellow American citizens felt the same way.

Almost worse than Ms. Burleigh's racist assertion's about what Mr. Obama should address as feminist issues was the writers blatant low regard for Black men she has & has not encountered:

The black guys came to school with picks in their huge Afros, and joints in their pockets, and we danced with them to Bootsy’s Rubber Band, in parentless, pot-scented, subsidized living rooms.

We never imagined that in our lifetime, we would someday be competing for the spoils of dying-Empire America. [umm you're surprised you would be competing because they're Black & therefore not able to compete?]

...I have no idea what happened to any of those young black men. Did they get lucky, draw the affirmative action straw and get into private colleges and law school, get promoted up the EEOC ranks of a multi-national? Or, are they delivering mail, pounding nails, in jail?

Ghaaah! Treacle on Racialicious made a great comment: "Obama is not campaigning to be the President of black people in the United States." And you know Hilary is not campaigning to be President of white women or all women for that matter. Dear gawd can this election be over soon?

So on to better things...

Last night I tasted a very strange fruit indeed (and I'm not talking about my girlfriend) called a miracle fruit. This little fruit provides one of the strangest culinary experiences a person could have. The fruit is about the size and shape of a very large fleshy seed & is red in color. You bite into it & let it's juices coat your tongue for at least 10 seconds, but I think 30 seconds is best. As you chew this fruit it's flavor begins to change & suddenly a burst of absolute sweet fills the mouth. Next is the real fun. Take something sour like a lime or lemon and put it in your mouth. Everything sour tastes sweet! It's amazing! And what's great is there is no fructose in this fruit so it's perfect for diabetics or anyone needing to avoid sugar. Apparently there's a restaurant in Japan that serves desserts without sugar & has patrons eat the fruits before consuming said desserts. Cool huh?!

You can get these fruits at: http://miraclefruitman.com/

Monday, May 26, 2008

Who Knew Domestic Partnership Really Does Come in Handy

A few months ago as some of you may remember I got domesticated. As in my partner & I registered with the state of Oregon as domestic partners. Well little did I know that it would come in handy already.
My beloved & I work for the same company & last week while I felt like I was nearly dying with the flu, my sweetheart needed to leave work early to take me to the doctors. When she asked if she could leave early she was told she couldn't because it wasn't she who was sick. But she explained that there was no way I could get to the docs on my own & her boss responded that she could only use emergency leave if we were married/domestic partnered. "Well we are" she said to her boss. So my poor sweetie had to go talk to HR about it & confirm, yes were legal & have been since March thank-you-very-much! So they let her take off so she could drive me to my doctor.

I had no idea we would be called to validate our relationship so soon and I had no idea that our workplace would be the entity to need our relationship to be legal. Crazy! I'm so glad that my love & I registered and realize even more how important it is for same sex couples to have equal relationship rights. If my sweet hadn't been able to get me to the doctor it would have taken me that much longer to recover & get back on my feet as a tax paying citizen. Anyway that's my story du jour. Peace!

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Sick (of it)

Well folks I've been dealing with a number of health crises in the last few weeks. I have not shared too much on here because some things are personal & it's been difficult. I was diagnosed with candidiasis aka Candida last month and it's been a hell of a struggle. My diet has changed in addition to some other things to get better but my progress despite all my work is slow-going. This is because in part my immune system is not fully functioning. Many things feel out-of-whack but I'm trying to keep up a fighting spirit even when I have pain and other yucky symptoms.

2 weeks ago I was in the emergency room for severe stomach pain and since last Sunday I've had a sinus infection & flu. Probably the worst flu I've had since I was a kid. I was in so much pain I was crying in the doctors office. Finally I'm on the up side but I have to take it easy this week as the infection found it's way to my lungs & I have asthma & can't take any steroids or antibiotics because of my systematic yeast condition.

But I remain grateful. Glad to have insurance, doctors, friends and a supportive partner. I don't know what I would have done this month without them. So I keep on keeping on because there is no other choice. Anyway I hope to have more to share that is not about me later this week. Until then enjoy this great pic I found.
~F Learn more about Soul Soldiers here.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Mildred Loving in Her Own Words

In honor of Mildred Loving who died on the 2nd of this month and California's reversal on banning same sex marriage, I'd like to post her statement on marriage equality in full. I think these words touch me in particular because I am queer & of color. Please enjoy!

Loving for All
By Mildred Loving

Prepared for delivery on June 12, 2007, on the 40th anniversary of the Loving vs. Virginia announcement

When my late husband, Richard, and I got married in Washington, D.C. in 1958, it wasn't to make a political statement or start a fight. We were in love and we wanted to be married. We didn't get married in Washington because we wanted to marry there. We did it there because the government wouldn't allow us to marry back home in Virginia where we grew up, where we met, where we fell in love and where we wanted to be together and build our family. You see, I am a woman of color and Richard was white, and at that time people believed it was okay to keep us from marrying because of their ideas of who should marry whom.

When Richard and I came back to our home in Virginia, happily married, we had no intention of battling over the law. We made a commitment to each other in our love and lives, and now had the legal commitment, called marriage, to match. Isn't that what marriage is?

Not long after our wedding, we were awakened in the middle of the night in our own bedroom by deputy sheriffs and actually arrested for the "crime" of marrying the wrong kind of person. Our marriage certificate was hanging on the wall above the bed.

The state prosecuted Richard and me, and after we were found guilty, the judge declared: “Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix.” He sentenced us to a year in prison, but offered to suspend the sentence if we left our home in Virginia for 25 years exile.

We left and got a lawyer. Richard and I had to fight, but still were not fighting for a cause. We were fighting for our love.

Though it turned out we had to fight, happily Richard and I didn't have to fight alone. Thanks to groups like the ACLU and the NAACP Legal Defense & Education Fund, and so many good people around the country willing to speak up, we took our case for the freedom to marry all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court. And on June 12, 1967, the Supreme Court ruled unanimously that, "The freedom to marry has long been recognized as one of the vital personal right is essential to the orderly pursuit of happiness by free men," a "basic civil right."

My generation was bitterly divided over something that should have been so clear and right. The majority believed that what the judge said, that it was God's plan to keep people apart, and that government should discriminate against people in love. But I have lived long enough now to see big changes. The older generation's fears and prejudices have given way, and today's young people realize that if someone loves someone they have a right to marry.

Surrounded as I am now by wonderful children and grandchildren, not a day goes by that I don't think of Richard and our love, our right to marry, and how much it meant to me to have that freedom to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the "wrong kind of person" for me to marry. I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to marry. Government has no business imposing some people’s religious beliefs over others. Especially if it denies people’s civil rights.

I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard's and my name is on a court case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment, the fairness, and the family that so many people, black or white, young or old, gay or straight seek in life. I support the freedom to marry for all.

That's what Loving, and loving, are all about.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

8 Things Mixed Race Folks Don't Want to Hear

Love this! Diversity Inc. has a great article on what not to say or ask mixed race folks & they are on point. Author Yoji Cole recited 8 key phrases or questions that many of us get and are sick to death of. Story example are included so check out the whole article here. Here are the 8 very annoying & dehumanizing sayings/questions:

  1. "What are you?"

  2. "What is your nationality?" or "You look foreign"

  3. "You're all beautiful" or "You make beautiful babies"

  4. "Are you X or Y?" or "Which side are you more on?"

  5. "How in the world did your parents meet?"

  6. "You're the future" or "You have the best of both worlds"

  7. "You don't look …" or "You're not …" or "You sound white"

  8. "Aren't we all mixed anyway?"

If I had a dime for everyone of those I've heard, especially 1, 2, 3, 6 & 7. Anyway I hope everyone is well & I was happy to realize today that today's post is the 401st. I can't believe have wrote over 400 posts! Who knew this blogging thing would stick for me. And though I have been a little lax due to being so effing busy in other areas, I'm still so glad to have QWOC and all of you wonderful readers. Have a great mother's day!~F

Sunday, May 04, 2008


I've been thinking about & practicing forgiveness a lot so far this month. Been thinking too about love and how much I'd like every moment, thought and decision to be based in love and how hard that can be in the "smaller" moments of life.

This week I met with an old friend. She & I became tight after a few years & at one point I lived with her & her wife in their spare room. After the break up of one of my relationships, this friend & her wife not only stayed friends with the ex, but seemed to hang out even more with the ex than me. I felt my friends were being disloyal and promptly ended the friendship after a huge yelling match on the phone.

This old friend & I eventually ran into each other at a gay pride a couple years ago, about 2 years after our fight, and hugged & re-exchanged numbers but never contacted each other. Recently this old friend was at the same place I was & we chatted briefly but it was awkward & just sort of weird I guess. So I extended an olive branch & texted her asking if she'd like to get together. After a few voice & text messages we got together this weekend and caught up on each other's lives.

It was great to see her again and I felt good basking in our familiarity and connection. It wasn't scary or very hard. But I wondered when to bring up what has kept us apart. Finally after we had caught up we stood under a tree near my home, watching the rain fall upon the ground & hugged for a long while & told each other we were sorry. All the details seemed to be said in the hug and I once again felt that she was my friend. And though I admit I will take my time trusting her again, I will try to be a good friend to her if that is our path. Slowly, slowly, slowly.

Terrible things happen to people all the time. Every minute of the day. Small things & very tragic things. How do we love when someone simply annoys us? How do we forgive when our bodies & minds are pushed to the limits by pain inflicted by others? Where do we start? And what is the point?

Three different situations that involved pain I learned of from friends this weekend. One more terrible than the next. Each friend I honor & yet I feel so helpless because I know they have to go though their pain & get to the place in their own time, of forgiveness, so they can be free to fully love.

But I also listened to stories of transcendence. The ability to love & forgive & have compassion in situations that seemed unforgivable. I'd like to share two of the stories.

For more stories please check out StoryCorps. Also if you're struggling with forgiveness please try this wonderful online ritual. Peace!


Friday, May 02, 2008


My girl, my secret hollyweird crush Mariah Carey is quite possibly married to Nick Cannon. Waaaaah!

My only hope is that he is her "beard" and the whole union is just to protect her love of the ladies. That's the only way I can take this news. Because I love Mimi. Not in that crazy unattainable way but I love her music, style & persona. Ever since I saw her debut on the Arsenio Hall show many moons ago I have been smitten. It was the first time I saw a clearly mixed race person on stage. I never forgot it & her life story is quite amazing. Plus to me she is feminine to the hilt & I love it!

Anyway I don't care if she really is into Mr. Cannon or not, I'm still a fan. But for my sanity... to me she's the epitome of a lipstick lesbian & in my fantasies I'll keep it that way.