Saturday, January 06, 2007

Oh Shit!

I'm PMSing. And it's the bad kind. In my dreams I was screaming even. So needless to say the theme of the day is calm. I didn't feel calm upon going to sleep nor did I feel calm when I woke up after 12pm today. Worse is my sponsor is unreachable and there has been some conflict with someone I'm close to lately. So.....the answer lies in doing that which I know works. To love myself, my joy, my pain, my face, bones, strength and past. And remember who I am. And in doing so the calm just seeps in. Even when my mail-in pharmacy loses my asthma medication and I have to pay for it again. Even when I feel like whining because my head is still a bit stuffy. Even when my heart hurts.

So I have a date tonight. Quite frankly with my mood as it was around noon today I almost felt like cancelling. But I'll be alright. I just have to remember to be myself & be in the moment. The woman & I have already been hanging out lately anyway, it's just now we've been able to acknowledge that yes there is an attraction and yes maybe it now can be more than just hanging out. I was talking with someone who's known her for years about her today & they referred to her as "the most caring person I've ever met." It makes me wonder just how caring I am towards others. The old alcoholic selfishness rears it's ugly head at times. Lately I've been told I'm the "best housemate ever" and ""our most reliable sub" and even a co-worker yesterday said "you're just a lot more grounded then you used to be." So I know I'm better than I used to be. And I know more than ever I'm becoming the woman I want to be.

Yes folks life is a never ending adventure. And with that I'm off to relax, stay calm & hopefully download a couple songs. Peace!

1 comment:

Sara said...

Just one day at a time & you'll make it, have fun tonight!! I'm just sitting at home watching the Dallas vs Seattle game, so I'm sure whatever you are doing is more exciting than that!!