$$$

Uff da! I'm tired today. The weather in Portland is very rainy and cold and yucky. And so this only adds to the tired feeling. Life has become very busy as of late but I suppose things are always kinda busy for me. Just different kinds of busy.

Just got off the phone with a pal in recovery who reminded me that when we have an area of our lives that is unmanageable it may be because were still seeking chaos because that's what were used to. He also noted that money is sometimes the last place folks in recovery get healthy and this is the case for me right now. Financially things have been really bad as of late. I'm making my own life unmanageable and it's the usual suspects: Wanting what I want right then & there & placing myself in a position to be hurt. I hurt today. It feels yucky and I just have to go through these feelings until I'm finally done. And I feel in my heart some day I will be. The question is just how long and how bad do things have to get.

The other areas of my life are wonderful! At work I feel like I'm challenged with my new duties and caught up with all my other duties. My love life is superb. I'm so connected & comfortable with my ladylove and excited yet have a yummy calm about it all. Still love my housemate even if the dog has her moments. All is pretty good. Which makes it even easier to stuff away this money issue. So today I'm just in a place of surrender.

Well hells bells. It's suddenly sunny outside! I think that's a good sign.
Peace!