Sunday, June 08, 2008

Stressed Out!

"I really know how it feels to be, stressed out, stressed out. When you're face to face with your adversity. I really know how it feels to be, stressed out, stressed out. Were gonna make this thing work out eventually." -Tribe Called Quest

Good gawd I'm feeling utterly overwhelmed. I mean so overloaded that I'm just trying to make it hour to hour today. I want to go on vacation & skip this whole next week. Want to sit on a warm beach with my sweetie & not have to worry about shit. About making anyone happy or follow through with plans. Just read in the sunlight & nap in the shade. But that's not an option & that's okay I guess. I know this is all in part of my own making.

The event next weekend will be a blast. But folks let me tell ya, event planning is pretty fucking hard. And for those of us planning it, it's been a week from hell in our personal lives for various reasons. So we are carrying on despite even little things going wrong like the office fax going kaput.

Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful too. For the lessons & the ability to try to even attempt to coordinate a LGBT pride block party. But never again will I do this. From here on out I only work on what has deep meaning for me. I mean parties are fun, don't get me wrong, but I would like to do a little more to actually improve the lives of marginalized peoples. And this has been the most important lesson I could learn right now. What my destiny truly is & what I really want to do with my life.

So this week I ask for your prayers QWOC readers. I can't do this alone. My grief over my friends death combined with concern for his son & my uncle with cancer & my cousin who leaves for Iraq soon is enough to make things hard. So the addition of finishing up an event of this scale just puts me this close to the edge of wanting to run away. Not drink or use or anything. Just run & run far. And that is, in the end, not a good option for me now or in the future.

Right now I'm trying to remember to keep things in perspective & breathe. And I thank each of you in advance for your loving thoughts!


Sara said...

reading your blog all I could hear in my head was all the things my mum would say to me when I'm stressed, like:

let go, let God

don't sweat the small stuff

easy does it

pause, inhale, pause, exhale

one day at a time

so I'll just leave you with those words of wisdom & as you should already know I'll be sending positive thoughts & prayers your way my dear all week long, even if you don't hear from me as I'm off at a confernce in Berlin, doesn't mean I'm not thinkin of ya, all the best mate, xx

Fransky said...

Thank you Sara. Let go & let god is sometimes the hardest for me but I needed to read that because today has been a huge pile of shit. So thanks for your thoughts. They're keeping me going!

Sara said...

glad I could be of help - of course always easier said than done (at least for me!)
big hugs, xx