Tits & Flowers

Yes that's right, now you can admire my breasts. Although of course they're plaster casts of my breasts, feel free to enjoy them all the same!

So this morning I had a beautiful experience. A bit of sunlight filtered through a vertical opening of my window shade. It was quite long yet narrow and appeared to be dancing due to the tree limbs shaking in the winds infront of my window. The spot it hit was on my Georgia O'keeffe print, of a glorious poppy on the wall to the left side of my bed. The dancing light started in the center of the flower, the pistil, and danced down past the print onto about a foot down my wall. After watching what looked like liquid amber changing colors within its own shadows I couldn't help but eventually reach for the light on my wall & watch the sunlight upon my hand. The light upon the flower, upon my hand, made me feel so secure. I understood everything would be well & that I'm on the right path.

Last night after watching the final season of Sex in the City, I copied down in my journal the very last thing the character Carrie said on the final episode. It was: "The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous." Then a powerful song is playing & the singer says in the hook "you got the love." Now I'm not going to pretend I never get meaning from television, because you know, like a fart, it happens. Anyway while I was journaling I thought a lot about what my future love life will look like. What is required & what is coming. And I came up with this:

That my love and your love joins together. That we nuture our love so it grows into a beautiful garden that nourishes the world.

I can't get love from someone else. If I got the love, then I can bring it. If she's got the love, she'll bring it. We have to already have the love on our own. Only then will a relationship have the depth & meaning I've always dreamed of. I'm tired of wanting. Wanting & wishing only gets one more wanting & wishing. Now It's all about building my love. Loving my love and knowing who I am. And when I find her, she'll know & love herself and we'll be just lovely. Courage & vunrablity, laughter & passion, honesty & respect, loyality & joyfulness, the soulful & the curious, the safety & the sanity. There's not much more I can say. Oh yes! Enjoy my breasts!