Relationships

This was & very good & very hard week. The good came mostly from spending time with my ladylove and just having a ball. We're having so much fun and getting close emotionally and having fawking fantastic sex. Her love has been so beautiful that I just don't even know where to start. Man I love this woman!

The crap part of my week has had to to with my own reluctance to grow up in terms of money management. I've skated by for a long time with not being very responsible with money but it all caught up with me this week in the form of bounced checks. I've received so much advice on money management this week my head is spinning but there have been some nuggets of wisdom that I'm applying to my life.

• I need to change my relationship with money. Unlike alcohol I can't just cut off my involvement with $$$ so I need to change my thinking/behavior around it. One of my ideas about money management is that it's boring. But my mom told me something today I really liked. She said that I need to remember that taking care of finances is a way of showing myself love and being a best friend to myself. And she's right!
• Write down every time I spend money no matter the amount. Even when I spend $.60 on a can of soda. My pal T said when these things get written down you know where your money is going (duh) but it also makes you think before you spend. So my mama suggested every time I write purchases down to say to myself "I love my self and I am my friend." Which is far better than not writing stuff down because it's boring. Yes cheesy but shit it's better than what I have/haven't been doing.

You know I've had issues with money since I can remember & I've spent so much time trying to fix it all myself that having finally hit the wall with my finances I actually feel relieved. Can money and spirituality mix? Can I have a relationship to money that brings me closer to loving myself? The answer is yes. We say in recovery that the biggest triggers for relapse is romance & finance. And for some reason I thought I was above that. And really it was money mixed with romance that brought me to a relapse on pills. So in order to stay sober I need to at last humble myself & admit I don't know what the heck I'm doing with money. That I want a full & happy life and that includes a loving attitude towards my finances. Otherwise I can just keep doing what I've always done and keep getting what I always got.

Damn this disease is powerful! At least I know now that there is a solution! Peace!