Let me Finger What Drives You

A few days ago My sweetie & I were walking down Burnside. A Street known for being quite busy for vehicles & pedestrains alike. As we started to cross the street a car (and it's driver) pulled all the way into the crosswalk making us go around the vehicle & into the dangerously busy street. Passing the car & lady driver I without much thought flipped her the bird. Personally I hate it when drivers do this especially on busy roads and my first reaction is to flip folks off. It beats what I used to do in my more agro days when I'd kick the cars or throw drinks on them.

But what does flipping the bird to these folks really accomplish? Does it really make me feel better? Does it change their behavior making them less reckless & more considerate? I doubt my hostility, however dramatic or mild makes anyone do anything the way I wish them to. And it's these kinds of exchanges that can be subtle & easy to miss as a chance for empowerment, kindness & understanding. No matter how in how wrong the other person is how can the experience be used as on e of those oh-so-fun growth opportunities?

I guess in the end it's all about how I'm feeling at the end of the moment. As with many things I feel utterly compelled to do, I find once the moment of obsession or iritation or amazement passes, so does the need to react to it. And often I find when I resist my first impulse, I was glad I didn't follow through with whatever appeared to satiate my desires at the time. In the end do I want to pretend that flipping off somene will make me get my due revenge? In the end do I want the other person to feel my anger, how ever fleeting, and pretend they'll be more conscientious because of it? These are the questions I need to ask myself if I truly wish to live in the tradition of non-violence.

Violence can be a subtle as flipping the bird to a momentary perceived "enemy." It's not acting out of peace & the belief in the inherent goodness or godliness that resides in us all. So now I must stretch my heart to fit that which my mind already knows. Because I like myself & who I am. I enjoy doing things that make the world a better place & allow me to be the instrument of love that I'm meant to be. My fear of oncoming traffic and reaction to that fear by giving drivers the finger doesn't solve much & doesn't allow for the truth of the situation. So I'll continue to watch for tho moments where I feel a need to react and remember in those moments who I really am.