Burrito Fun

Okay so the longest time I heard about Chipotle mexican restaurants and how yummy their burritos are. But I had heard that they were owned by McDevils McDonalds and I loathe that fricking place no matter how many times Justin Timberlake tells me he's lovin' it. Anyway I found out last week that Chipotle is no longer owned by satan McDonalds! So I went with an open attitude & tried what appears to be their signature meal, the chicken burrito. Now a warning... if you eat there know no matter what you'll be ingesting a truck load of calories. So if you plan to eat there know you'll be taking in about 850-1100 calories. Yikes!

Anyway I ordered the food that looked a bit like this.My Chipotle Burrito:

Chipotle Fan.com And oh dear gawd. It was the best quickie burrito I've had hands down in this city. I mean everything was spiced just right with a bit of tang, warmth & creaminess. I was floating in burrito heaven for sure. So my sweet & I headed there again a week later for veggie burritos with guacamole. As you can see from the pics above they were huge and very tasty. Anyway I'm now & forever a fan of Chipotle. May my waistline be spared!*

*I've recently lost 12 lbs and have 5 more to go!


~F

Oh Ralphie

"I haven’t heard him have a strong crackdown on economic exploitation in the ghettos. Payday loans, predatory lending, asbestos, lead. What’s keeping him from doing that? Is it because he wants to talk white? He doesn’t want to appear like Jesse Jackson? We’ll see all that play out in the next few months and if he gets elected afterwards."

Ralph Nader y'all said this. Oh my oh my. Where to even being? Via Racialicious an interesting & thought provoking post on what the hell Nader was talking about. My favorite comment so far on the blog is by deathblossom saying:

"Wait, wait, let me get my card out! 1. Caucasian guy telling a black man what it really means to be a black? Check. 2. Mention of the ghetto? Check. 3. Equating black with poor and inner city? Check. 4. Mention of the “threatening” black man? Check. 5. Free Space. BINGO! Thank you, Ralph Nader!" Amen to that! Sigh!

~F

Link-a-dinks

Great article CNN's Anderson Cooper site ac360 on titled The Fallacy of Colorblind Post-raciality. It was written by Carmen Van Kerckhove of Racialicious. Here's an excerpt:

"Then why do people insist on claiming that they don’t notice color? Often, it’s because they are scared to death of being labeled a racist.

But here’s the thing. Noticing a person’s race doesn’t make you racist. What does make you racist is if you make assumptions about that person’s intellectual, physical, or emotional characteristics based on the race you think the person is.

And unfortunately, too many of us do make those assumptions. We’ve all internalized racist ideas – consciously or subconsciously – from our families, our environments, our media consumption, and more. Until we can understand that and begin to de-program ourselves, we cannot be truly “post-racial.”


Damali Ayo who some of you may remember as starting Reparations Day has her very own clothing line. And it's great! She's dynamic & so it's no surprise that her clothes are the same. And best yet the entire line is made with sustainability in mind. Plus where else can you get easy to wear fashion on a sliding scale price range. Check out CROW here.

And a bit of randomness with Arnold.

Do you think he actually punched that camel? I hope not!

Lastly is an announcement of sorts. Soon this blog will change it's name & possibly URL. QWOC has been good to me but I'm feeling the need to move on from that identity on the Internet & other places. No this is not some post-racial thing. I just feel that the way I see myself is far beyond socially constructed labels. The core of me is effected by such labels but does not make up the majority of who I am. An important & significant part, but not all. At all! So I'm working on the design & focus of the revised blog that will still discuss my being a queer woman of color, and intersectionality in general, but will not be the primary focus anymore. It's just part of me going to the next level in becoming myself.

Much love y'all!
~F

Well Poop!

31 As a 1930s wife, I am Poor Take the test!

I thought I'd make a great 1930's wife. Oh well! Also I found this in the blogs of note. Funny stuff at Fake Interviews with Real Celebrities.
~F

Mustache Anyone

I'm wearing a mustache today. It's really funny seeing the reactions folks have to it. Biological men seem to be extra fond of it. The stache makes me feel a wee bit more bold, as in, thinking about flirting with the obviously lesbian bus driver might be fun. Then I remembered my wife may not like that. A lot of my female co-workers think I'm cute in it. And my beloved says it doesn't itch too much when I kiss her. So all is well. I think everyone at some point might want to give wearing a mustache a try. It's an eye opening experience!

~F

On Love

This is my summer of love. Loving myself, loving my partner, loving what is. Of course this is good to do at all times, but this particular season, this love is my sole focus. A person cannot transmit what they don't have. This fact is known by many in recovery & other spiritual affiliations, but how often is it practiced? That's a question we must face within ourselves. Am I transmitting what I have? Or is what I'm giving tainted by ego, fear and in the end not really helping to make a true difference in the world?

I'm as guilty as anyone, who believes in being of service, of misguided motivations. Trying to help when it really hinders progress or something similar. And those mistakes are alright because I've learned well by good intentions followed by less-than-good actions or vice versa. That is probably why is it so important to be connected to higher power at every possible moment. I may have mentioned on this blog before how it seems much easier to turn my will & life over to HP in my living room, than when I'm out in the world interacting with other people. I forget to ask for HP's words, thoughts & guidance in every single moment. But I believe I'm not the only one.

Loving myself means believing in myself and the gifts HP has given me. Loving myself means no matter what, taking the time to eat well, get enough rest & relaxation. It means time for reverence, stillness and having fun. It means ignoring negativity from others & making friends with my inner critic.

Loving my partner has several elements too. My beloved is so sweet, so loving, so supportive. And she is deeply committed to me, as I am her. So this season, it is important to keep her & our relationship high on my list of priorities. This means attention, gratefulness & patience.

Lastly this season I wish to love what is. Meaning being in acceptance of everything, even things that at first don't make sense or that I don't even like. It means being willing to see the lesson, believe in the journey & have the willingness to connect to the greater mysteries of not-so-great events.

I think it's going to be a great summer. I wish each of you the same!

~F

Quote Du Jour

Invest yourself in everything you do.
There's fun in being serious.
-Wynton Marsalis

Long Time, No Post

For those who live in areas where you haven't have your LGBTQ2s pride celebrations I want to wish you a happy Pride! Portland's was good as far as I could tell. This year I skipped the normal large gathering at the waterfront & focused on time with close queer friends. It was a good, emotional and busy weekend and my sweetie & I got to do all the activities we wanted. I'm glad it's over though & think next year, I wish to go out of town or something. I'm just losing my taste for queer only type things. In fact I seem to be losing my taste for specific group issues, communities & events. Funny since my blog is titled in such a way!

For a while I've been interested in a more global focus to my activism. Not always centering of just Americans of color or queers or women. But really finding a way to creatively do works for those in places where they may not have a voice, regardless of their backgrounds or identifications. After the last few weeks I've had, with a death, a son who needs help, & a complete breakdown in positive communication with a group I was volunteering for, I just feel the time is ripe to refocus on what is really important to my work & re-energize my body, mind & soul.

My sobriety sponsor walked me through the hardest days of the last few weeks. And has suggested something radical. She told me to have fun. Fun! I nearly forgot how to do that for a while but I do agree with her that a break from service and a focus on my own joy will be what I need to go on to the next journey. So I get to be a little selfish & do what is needed to remember the core of my life & work. This weekend I went with my beloved to the Avalon & played video games until my fingers were sore. It was great. We watched movies at home in in the theater (btw the new M. Night Shyamalan movie is not very good) and went dancing on Saturday night. It was just what I needed to start a summer of R&R.

Also I began doing the Artists Way program starting with the morning pages. Holy crap is it amazing how much I look forward each day to 3 pages of non-stop writing. It's really a meditation than just some creativity exercises. I'm excited to go deeper into the weekly exercises!

Anyway my Rob Brezney horoscope for the week really set the tone for where I need to be not only right now but always. I'm looking forward to a soulful summer. Peace!

You really have no right to tear yourself down. Badmouthing yourself is a first-degree sin, and so is being mean to yourself or depriving yourself of the care you need to thrive. This is always true, of course, but in the coming week it's more crucial than ever that you refrain from even the subtlest forms of self-abuse. To be anything less than an imaginative lover and nurturer toward yourself could upset the cosmic equilibrium so profoundly that everyone else would suffer, too. Therefore, you owe it to the rest of us to shower yourself with blessings.

*update*

I darn near forgot about a moment I wanted to share. Saturday night after going to a pride party downtown my sweet & I went to Holocene to check out their Dj's. The music sounded fun but we were tuckered out & wanted to relax without necessarily going home yet. We landed up the block at Rimsky's and ordered tea while listening to The Beatles. As we chatted quietly in a corner the song Blackbird came on. It's a song I like but have only heard a few times. As the song played we happened to be discussing my own personal re-emerging & re-energizing. My ears heard the following words sung:

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise."

Tears came to my eyes as my partner looked into me, holding my heart with such an expression of understanding and love. In that moment I felt broken & whole. Sadness and hope. I knew from that moment that many beautiful moments are ahead for me & us. Deep inside my body was a feeling of absolute acceptance for the past, present and future. The song was indeed the clear signal that this little bird is ready to fly. Peace.

An Important Link

http://www.gratefulness.org/
Peace y'all!
~F

Stressed Out!

"I really know how it feels to be, stressed out, stressed out. When you're face to face with your adversity. I really know how it feels to be, stressed out, stressed out. Were gonna make this thing work out eventually." -Tribe Called Quest

Good gawd I'm feeling utterly overwhelmed. I mean so overloaded that I'm just trying to make it hour to hour today. I want to go on vacation & skip this whole next week. Want to sit on a warm beach with my sweetie & not have to worry about shit. About making anyone happy or follow through with plans. Just read in the sunlight & nap in the shade. But that's not an option & that's okay I guess. I know this is all in part of my own making.

The event next weekend will be a blast. But folks let me tell ya, event planning is pretty fucking hard. And for those of us planning it, it's been a week from hell in our personal lives for various reasons. So we are carrying on despite even little things going wrong like the office fax going kaput.

Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful too. For the lessons & the ability to try to even attempt to coordinate a LGBT pride block party. But never again will I do this. From here on out I only work on what has deep meaning for me. I mean parties are fun, don't get me wrong, but I would like to do a little more to actually improve the lives of marginalized peoples. And this has been the most important lesson I could learn right now. What my destiny truly is & what I really want to do with my life.

So this week I ask for your prayers QWOC readers. I can't do this alone. My grief over my friends death combined with concern for his son & my uncle with cancer & my cousin who leaves for Iraq soon is enough to make things hard. So the addition of finishing up an event of this scale just puts me this close to the edge of wanting to run away. Not drink or use or anything. Just run & run far. And that is, in the end, not a good option for me now or in the future.

Right now I'm trying to remember to keep things in perspective & breathe. And I thank each of you in advance for your loving thoughts!
~F

Portland Black Pride is Coming!

I'm still very much grieving & praying & working to help the young man I mentioned in my last post. I'm sending the son a care package this Friday with things a 19 year old male might need like socks & toothpaste. Anyway after 3 days of crying it's time to think of good things too.

And Portland Black Pride is good!

As the coordinator for the block party I can say a lot of fun will be had. If y'all want to volunteer or learn more about Portland Black Pride come to our pre-event happy hour at Crush, 1400 SE Morrison, the same place the block part will be. The fun starts at 5:30pm this Thursday, June 5th.

Peace!

~F

The Difference Between Sadness and Tragedy

The difference between sadness & tragedy is the way in which someone dies and how those circumstances effect others. I know this because someone in my life was murdered. He was killed for no reason by people who have not been caught. He left behind a 19 year old son who is now an orphan.

Three young men on bicycles, one with a gun, shot my friend, fatally wounding him on July 31st 2007. I found about this yesterday and am feeling so many emotions that it's how to even name the feelings. My friend had been much more than a friend. He was a father figure and the only man in my young life who ever loved me & protected me. It was not my father but Melvin. Even when I saw him in Detroit a few years ago he was protecting me. The only man who ever protected my life & future.

He had had a stroke a couple years ago & had trouble recovering but finally got better. When my mom, who was sweethearts with him when I was a very young girl, and then 25 years later for a time, hadn't heard from him in a few months she got worried. Was afraid he had a permanently debilitating stroke and couldn't contact us. So finally she sent a certified letter that needed to be signed upon receipt. When she finally got a response back it was from Melvin's son explaining what had happened to his father and him.

The son is without a phone. Without lights or heat. The home he lives in is paid for but there are property taxes and utilities that this 19 year old doesn't know how to deal with on his own. Yes the son was spoiled by his dad. Yes it was a disservice. But Melvin was trying to do his best and make up for other mistakes in his life. Now his son, at this very moment has no mother, no father, no TV, no lights, no family nearby, no phone, no help. And it appears no one investigating his father's murder.

I'm not sure what else to say. This type of death feels so different than any other. All death is hard, but to have a loved one killed... it's shocking & beyond understanding right now. And his son needs help. Needs someone to help him help himself. Since July 31st Melvin's son has needed help. It's high time he gets some.