Long but Good Day

Today is a bit of a long day for moi. I write this post on my lunch break. Started off the morning getting up extra early for a faith/labor breakfast in NE. Portland. It was really great to hear a few fundamentalists say that gays were not as big of a deal as justice for people. I did wonder if they were talking about the people they thought deserved justice, but sometimes I'm cynical. One priest spoke so well & with such conviction for equality I nearly considered going back to Mother Church. But ya know the whole gay thing and not being able to swallow all those goofy scriptures kinda prevents that. Anyway it was great to network and learn. What I got most out of the breakfast is the idea that faith needs support and action. This is very much key principals in recovery, the labor movement & faith based political action groups. Very nice I say. Very nice!

Tonight I'm doing the author intro, which I'm excited for as it's a woman of color. Her book got good reviews so I'm even more excited. Hope I don't get nervous. It's funny but since I've been doing author intros I notice I'm more nervous with smaller crowds than big ones. Go figure!

After work (if I last that long) a co-worker & good friend of my girlfriends (ooh I love saying that!) is playing at a local club & so we'll stop in a listen to his very pretty singing. La tee da!

Speaking of good music I discovered Oddisee recently. Give him a listen here. Propa is my favorite song. That's it from me. Peace!

This is How I Feel Sometimes When I'm PMSing!

Photo courtesy of unprofound

Acceptance

My Friday meeting and Monday meeting of two different programs had this same theme. And since I'm PMSing I think it's good to focus on acceptance right now. It's the only thing that begins the healing when I feel emotionally jumbled.

I can't really go into details about the changes going on at work because I think it's a bad idea to get into work stuff on a blog (see dooce). But there are some things going on that are forcing me to look once again at my professional future. I'm not worrying. My attitude right now is that good will come out of what's happening. And right now with Mercury in Retrograde I'm not going to start something new but would like to look again at options I've been considering.

Photo courtesy of unprofound.

This year I'm giving up guilt for Lent. It never helps & often my guilt comes from trying to be the ways others want me to be. I finally know now that when others judge me it's because of their need to judge & not about me. So when I feel bad that at 32 I have or have not done this or that I can accept that my family, friends and others expectations are just reflections of my own perfectionism. Once I'm aware of that I can accept where I'm at, where they may be coming from & take the action to take care & love myself. Thus far it's been a great Lent.

Things with my new girl are lovely. We got to play house this weekend & had so much fun! I think I want to write a song about her.

Well that's all from me. Peace!

Smokin' Hot Pic of Halle

Not here of course but at Go Fug Yourself. Check it out here! Stunning!

Anywho I'm off to a very brief 24 hours of bliss with my sweetheart. Peace y'all!
~F

$$$

Uff da! I'm tired today. The weather in Portland is very rainy and cold and yucky. And so this only adds to the tired feeling. Life has become very busy as of late but I suppose things are always kinda busy for me. Just different kinds of busy.

Just got off the phone with a pal in recovery who reminded me that when we have an area of our lives that is unmanageable it may be because were still seeking chaos because that's what were used to. He also noted that money is sometimes the last place folks in recovery get healthy and this is the case for me right now. Financially things have been really bad as of late. I'm making my own life unmanageable and it's the usual suspects: Wanting what I want right then & there & placing myself in a position to be hurt. I hurt today. It feels yucky and I just have to go through these feelings until I'm finally done. And I feel in my heart some day I will be. The question is just how long and how bad do things have to get.

The other areas of my life are wonderful! At work I feel like I'm challenged with my new duties and caught up with all my other duties. My love life is superb. I'm so connected & comfortable with my ladylove and excited yet have a yummy calm about it all. Still love my housemate even if the dog has her moments. All is pretty good. Which makes it even easier to stuff away this money issue. So today I'm just in a place of surrender.

Well hells bells. It's suddenly sunny outside! I think that's a good sign.
Peace!

First Things First...Again

Has anyone else had this experience. The Winter holidaze come and you allow yourself for that glorious month and a half to eat like a pig because you know it's the holidaze & you'll get back on the horse in January. But of course in January everyone is still running on fumes from the prior month and a half and so folks are baking pies, cookies and and other sweets & bringing them to share with...YOU. So you say okay I'll just eat this treat and get back on the horse tomorrow. But you find suddenly that it's a little past mid-February and you still have not lost that 5 pounds you gained from x-mas and your body feels all crappy from eating like shit. Well this folks seems to be where I'm at.

So today (just for today) I'm going back to my normal, happy, healthy & cheaper ways of eating. I've got brown rice in the rice cooker as I post this, am drinking green tea with nettles and had sprouted grain bread with natural butter and jam for breakfast. Lunch will be brown rice with onions & broccoli and dinner is TBA. I just can't take eating crap anymore because I know I can bounce back at some point in the future. And what is worse is eating out and eating poorly all the time is fawking expensive too. So there you have it.

Also I'm in a state of first things first with my brand spanking new girlfriend. That's right I'm now a taken (not token thank you very much!) woman. A good friend kindly reminded me last night that I said I was going to wait 6 months before being anyone's girlfriend and yes I did say that. But arbitrary time-lines never work for me cuz I always break them. So whatever. Anyway my new relationship status means that I'm in a place of needing to really pay attention to my body. Not that I don't have to do that when I'm single, but I tend to the co-dependent side of life and can get lost in relationships. So I'm just putting this out in the Universe that my body, heart & soul come first. That by following what I need to do to take care of myself comes first. And that is that. Happy dead prez day!
~F

Post I-Hate-V-Day Wrap Up/You Mean Racism Still Exists??? No Way! Oh Yes Really!

Okay so I hate Valentines day. The whole give me shit cuz you *do* me is so silly. You ought to give me shit cuz I do you everyday! When folks ask about Valentines I let them know I'm too romantic for just one day of lovings. So this year I have a ladyfriend who hates V-Day as much as I. So despite the fact we loathe the V-Day tradition we had a very romantic day where we exchanged gifts (I got her man panties that look like an old school taxi & she got me the latest Lily Allen CD), had a romantic dinner at Savoy and watched one of our mutual favorite films on the big screen -Valley Girl. Yup it was as typical as you can get. My gal pal even placed bloomed flower heads in a line leading up to her place to guide me to her front door. Ahhh sappy! And so sweet! Had a truly wonderful 14th.

In other news it's interesting because lately I have a few peeps in my life who seem to think racism is-like-totally over. One pal who I love and will remain nameless didn't like a disturbing pic I posted weeks ago that had Emmet Tills horrid looking remains in it. When I responded with "yes racism is ugly" this friend said "yeah but that was like 50 years ago." This friend then noted the Matthew Sheppard tragedy which was very awful indeed. Anyway this got me thinking about how many white folks seem to think racism is dead. That it was a long time ago "so could ya stop bringing it up" kind of attitude. And "guess what I had to do a report on MLK Jr. in high school so enough already" type of mind set.

There are more problems with this attitude than I can say. It damn near makes my soul cry every time I hear it. So today I present Racism: Alive and still Annoying. Or It Exists so please take your pale head out of your ass. Chose whichever title you like best. So without further ado, some lovely links you may want to read and pass on to others.

• From Brazen Careerist a list of how to not be an annoying white person at work. I can't tell you how many times I've heard these things. "You're so articulate!" Or "you people sure can dance!" Errg!
• Southern Maryland's very own Pro-White Power advocate Lisa Stallings. She wants to put an end to Black History month. Because ya know her kids are white and shouldn't have to learn about that stuff. Because ya know white history is taught so little! Here are some responses to her truly intelligent letter.
• The KKK doing they're silly/scary ass jive with Latino Americans. Yes it's not just Blacks, Jews & Catholics anymore!
• Blackface parties on college campuses lately and especially on MLK Jr. Day! Ummm can you say WTF?
• From Poynter Online an article bringing up the phenomenon of white owned media wrongly identifying Black celebrities, writers & artists. I'm sorry Al Sharpton does NOT look like Fred Wesley! People please!
• Rosie O'Donnell with her ching-chong crap that went hardly noticed yet Donald Trump calling her fat made huge news. No link needed for that.
• Biden's comments on Barack Obama. "I mean, you've got the first sort of mainstream African American, who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that's a story-book, man." This is as Kai Chang notes what Biden really meant: Blacks aren't mainstream like you and me, man. I mean, most Blacks have trouble speaking proper English and seem kind of yucky and not very bright, and you just can't trust a lot of those inner city types. But I mean, this Obama guy seems So Safe To White America that he possibly even has a shot at winning, though I doubt it, man.
• Yes skin tone effects earnings. You may say "no way" but yes folks. It twixt be true.
• Palestinian students attacked and called terrorists. For realsies?!? Oui!
• Hollywood stereotypes of Brown skinned folks. Can you say Mel Gibson's latest film?

And I wanted to save this one for last (but very much not least) because it shows us how racism is not only haunting us but very directly hurting POC especially Black folks with regard to equal treatment in medicine right here right now. Harriet A. Washington's book Medical Apartheid teaches us about the horrible experiments done to Blacks in this country that still go on today. In the name of science Black folks have been given diseases or left untreated to see what would happen. Not by their own volition mind you. From being denied adequate medical care to death and broken confidentiality, Blacks have suffered and continue to suffer from research "treatment" that whites don't seem to get.

So sure racism may not seem as direct as it used to. We're not hung from trees and set on fire so much these days. So I guess it's all okay right? Well it's just that we just can't get equality. We just get beaten up for being perceived as terrorists or made fun of because of the shape of our eyes or our accents or considered dirty because our skin is dark or given more money if our skin is lighter or have college kids mock our culture at parties or when we get some fame we get mixed up with other famous people of color or we have the KKK thinking of ways to kill us or we're told our history isn't as important or we're told over and over how surprising it is we can speak intelligently or are portrayed as savages in films or we have our body parts removed or are given diseases because we're still thought of, due to this countries racist legacy as 3/5 of a human. Yeah man racism- it's like so 50 years ago. Right?

Ahhhhhhhh!

Okay so let me clarify. The dog chewed on the antenna on my phone. So please folks, feel free to call me just the same. It's just now my cell-y has an ugly antenna due to Daschund bite marks. Last night Lily chewed on my roommates incense and my orange panties. I swear she's on a rampage.

In slightly less disturbing news I'm just having the best sex! I mean hours and hours of shivers & joy. Man I'm a lucky gal. Anyway I won't gross y'all out by going on & on. So my ladyfriend got her hair cut and I knew she was getting the sides shaved so I suggested she get Tupac shaved into her head. As you can see she did. In honor of Black history month. So kewl! Peace ya'll!

The Dog Ate my Cell Phone!

GRRRRRRRRR!

Internal

Right now I'm feeling really internal. And I there is so much on Black history I'm wishing to post and yet I'm just in a quiet cycle with this blog. So for now I'm letting myself off my own hook. Truth is there is so much in my head that I wish to post on my other blog. My interest in expanding representation of queer WOC sexuality getting stronger everyday and sometimes I'm uncomfortable with having to keep those things separate in me for proprieties sake. Anyway I'm having a wonderfully mellow. Peace y'all!

BTW the L Word is finally strating to not suck as much. And the new character Tasha. Holy hot mama! Gawd she's hot!!!!!!

Goodbye Anna. Goodbye Everything.

Why in goodness name does her passing make me so sad. I didn't know her except for US Weekly updates and the occasional Access Hollywood mentions. But her death pains me. I guess it's because she was a troubled woman who reminds me of the troubled woman I used to be and could have been. Anna Nicole Smith proved so many things to us by the life she lived. That being blonde, rich & famous doesn't get a person health and happiness. How many times do we hope for beauty, fame & fortune? And we don't got any happier from those things. Joy is an inside job for me and I suspect that simple path is the better, not any easier path. Her drug use/abuse reflects my own desires to orbit out of the world as it is. And soberiety has shown me it's possible not only the stand this place, it's possible to thrive. Goodbye to you Anna. Goodbye to everything that pained you and me and the rest of us.

As for my own little life I've been busy but good. Working extra and dating has meant fewer meetings so I'm back on the saddle with that and it feels good.

Finished the Sidney Poitier bio and am reading Hokum which is so far kinda funny.

Peace y'all!

I'm Sorry...

today is a short post because I'm working 12 hours today.

Peace & love to you!
~F

Quote of the Day

"Have you forgotten that once we were brought here we were robbed of our names and robbed of our language. We lost our religion, our culture, our God. And many of us by the way we act, we even lost our minds."
-Khalid Abdul Muhammed

Keep in mind I do not agree with this man's politics as a whole. But this quote says so very much about what has happened to African Americans as a result of being stolen from our homeland and enslaved. And what can happen to some people generations later as a result.

BTW remember to vote for the 2007 Bloggies. Very good stuff!
Peace!

*Sigh*

I've got that post sex body-light-as-a-feather feeling. I normally wouldn't share such a thing so publicly but it's my blog and it's just such a lovely feeling so there! Almost a month & a half into this new romance & I'm just feeling really good today about it. Don't know what tomorrow holds. But just for today all I can do is sigh and say YUM! Admittedly I'm being more cautious with my ladyfriend. Not because of her. Just it seems my picker has been very broken in the past & I've had some very shitty relationships. Many that seemed to start off well and with much gusto. What I like about this time in my life is that I can be really excited to get to know someone and even have -gasp- hope that we may have something really good that -gasp- might last and still say to myself most especially "I'm not ready to be a girlfriend." Weird right?

Maybe not. My best relationships that lasted the longest had slow starts that focused on the friendship first. They both also oddly were thinner than me and had brown hair & eyes like my current lover. Bizarre! Anywho I like that when she & I chat it's not "oh yes when we do this & this" it's like "I'd like to do that with you sometime." I dunno it's just really nice that we mutually dig each other and don't need to rush into commitment out of insecurity or whatever. It oddly makes me feel freer to be excited.

For today's Black History Month feature here is a link to hiphop/rap crossword. The other feature a link to a website that has info about the DVD The Untold Story of Emmett Louis Till. If you don't know who Emmett Till is then you better go find out. PBS has a decent intro to his tragic story.



Peace y'all!

Peace be with you Emmett!