Butt What!

Don't ask me. I just blog here!
~F

My Baby's a Top

Well it's been a little while since I've posted here. It's been a busy week & between a yeast infection & vaginal bleeding, some sleepless nights & an infected ingrown toenail I've just not had it in me to blog. Until today. As a special bonus to all you lovely QWOC fans I'm going to post on my favorite subject: sex. Here goes!

I'm not sure among regular vanilla sexual heterosexuals (vanilla means not too kinky sexually) if discussions of who's a top & who is a bottom comes up. With the dudes I've dated (yes indeed I've "known" some guys) this has never really come up. It's never been a key factor that was discussed before engaging in the relationship.

But in many queer relationship and among the kinky the "are you a top or bottom" question is very important. First though we must define what top & bottom means. You don't have to be into S/M to have a tendency toward one of these sexual roles. Some people who are tops simply & naturally enjoy being sometimes quite literally on top. Many a top is the more aggressive partner, meaning everything from initiating sex more to penetrating their partner, to being the "giver" to enjoying mild to severe physical demonstration upon their sexual partner including such things as light playful spanking to beating their partner with whips & such.

A top doesn't always have to be on top or the giver. Some tops can "demand" to be tied up or receive oral sex or be more subtle & somehow convey a sense of being in charge sexually with just their eyes and facial expressions.

A bottom is also a diverse expression of sexuality. A bottom can literally enjoy being on the bottom more. A bottom may enjoy receiving pleasure whereas a top gets off (sometimes literally) on giving pleasure. Also bottoms may enjoy simply giving up their power to their partner & being taken and having done to them whatever their top wants to do. Not all bottoms are that way though. Some enjoy making or getting their partner to spank them or punish them or ravage them (whew is it getting hot in here?) or discipline them or penetrate them. They may do this by being quietly naughty or even loud & demanding.

As the Fairy Butch says about these sexual roles it's about "the position you favor relative to sexual power."

Life is not as we all know simply black or white, good or bad. And in terms of sexuality there is more than just bottom or top. The old school terms for some one who could be both a bottom & top was switch. Nowadays most of us say versatile. I think most folks are generally able to switch power expression and roles as the energy dictates. It's up to the couple to negotiate & share through verbal and non-verbal communication where each person is in terms of their personal sexual expression. Sometimes in a couple where both partners are versatile and lets say both feel like being more aggressive, one may have to acquiesce for the moment & then get their turn later.

Like most folks my partner & I have a very diverse & exciting sexual expression. We don't have any kind of routine & like to "mix it up" on many levels. And while I'm defiantly versatile I tend more toward a bottom expression. I enjoy most being taken by my partner & having her in charge so to speak of our sexual act. This doesn't mean I'm not an active participant or have power. In fact it's a little known fact that the bottom is often really the one in charge because s/he is letting the other person do what their doing and without such permission nothing would take place. I'm passionate as a bottom & pull hair & push my partner to me, but I let her take her time & enjoy her demonstration of sexual power. I'm what one would call a versatile bottom because if I'm in a sexual situation where my partner is a bottom I'm able to be the top with no problem. Though for me such a scenario couldn't last on a long term basis but I do sometimes enjoy and even crave to be sexually dominant.

My partner is versatile to a degree. But calling her a versatile top might be a slight stretch. Yes she likes to receive & will have me physically on top of her, but there are things that I just can't top her with. That doesn't mean I can't show her new things or initiate sex. I do. But overall she always wants me to receive and enjoy the pleasure she gives. She often will physically pull me to her at the start of sex. And the most important part, she pays attention to what I like & where my energy is and knows intrinsically how to respond. And that makes my baby not only a top but a great one.
~F

A Mostly Shitastic Monday

Well I'm glad to know I'm not the only one having a crappy Monday. Zee over at Rathnait gave me inspiration to do a little rant of my own so here goes...

• Slept like crap. So I overslept & missed my Monday 12 meetings. Also had strange dreams.
• Felt like my partner was rushing me so we could have coffee together & in the midst of that I couldn't find my keys. Since I just moved in everything is still a mess & as I looked through things to find said keys crap was falling all over the floor. And at the same time my cat was underfoot meowing like a fiend.
• The garlic I've been using to clear up my yeast infection (oh joy!) is not working so I went to a drug store to get vaginal goop & realized at the checkout I'd left my debit card at home.
• Spilled coffee on my shirt on the way to said drugstore.
• Had to work with my shirt soaking wet for the 1st hour.

And that was in just my first 2 hours of the day! I've been doing a lot of attitude of gratitude Jedi mind tricks & it's helped enough to not take out my crap-o day on anyone else. But sometimes bad days happen. It's okay cuz most likely tomorrow will be less annoying.

The good parts of today include...

• My sweetie making me a quesadilla for dinner & treating me to pizza for lunch.
• Figuring out that I want my wedding dress to have a silhouette that is A-Line, a V-neck & an empire waist
• I actually got some work at work done & I get to go home in less than an hour.

That's it from me! Peace!

Why Men Should Wear Shirts

This will be my most bitchy post to date. I was on the bus & saw the man below and was so mortified by his outfit (or lack of) that I had to take this pic. This isn't just a bad taste thing but a hygiene thing. I mean back hair should never come in contact with a seat on public transport. I know I'm wrong to post thing, but he's even more wrong to force folks to look at him like this. Judge for yo'self. Peace!

A Few Funnies!

Hop on over to TTL & check out a satire that gives 11 reasons why gay folks shouldn't get married. It's very tongue in cheek & hits the subject dead on. Here's a couple:

• Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage is allowed, since Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.


• Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

Here is another great K Chronicle on the whole colorblind excuse some white folks use when the topic of racism comes up.

Man if I had a nickle for every time I've heard this lame ass excuse. Personally I've never met any purple or green folks. Have you? I did see a lady who truly was the color of yellow but she had jaundice.

If you have not heard of or seen Chocolate Rain by Tay Zonday (from Minneapolis!) you have been under an internet rock! Anywho check out this awesome Radiohead version of the OG youtube video. Anyway if you're wondering if that really is his real voice check out this video where Tay talks with Jimmy Kimmel. Wacky yet cool!

Peace!

Gravity

I love John Mayer's music. He's a soulful little dude! Anyway here's something for your listening pleasure. Enjoy.


My 3 days off were good. I spent one of the days on the couch all day & night watching movies. I saw Apollo 13 which quite frankly wasn't as good as I'd hoped. It was directed by Ron Howard which explains that. Next was Antwone Fisher. I really enjoyed the heck out of that film! Some parts of the movie touched me so deeply I cried. Plus it has Denzel who I think is amazing in every movie he's in. Last I watched... oh shit I forget. Damn oh well.

The next day my sweetheart & I went to a meeting and then had a yummy lunch at the Detour Cafe which never disappoints. After that we looked at some reptiles & tarantulas a few block down the street at a pet store. Not my favorite but my partner likes these things. So to settle my fright we looked at fish at another which was much better!

Later that evening we went to my dear friend Zee's birthday bash & had a nice time & ate really good veggie chili. I gave her a nice necklace with swarovski crystals which are really nice to bead with! Then we got home & made sweet sweet love. Pretty good days off!
Peace!
~F

I've been Simpsonized

My partners sister went to a website that Simpsonizes people. Without further ado here is my self & my beloved. Weird!
My sweetie

I think I like us better in the real world but it's still funny. Peace!

Race aint Everything but on October 10th it Will be

As we all know slavery sucked. And the effects of such soul crushing devastation still haunt the United States today. Reparations is basically an apology from those who have benefited from such a hideous institution in the form of money. Who has benefited from slavery? All white people. Yes even you, your mama, daddy & so on. Even I do a degree have benefited from slavery, because my African features sometimes pass for other lighter skinned ethnicity's I'm not always under the same types of scrutiny that my darker brothers & sisters get. But once many a person (usually white, but not all as my white friends are cool!) finds out I'm part negro, then I'm suddenly Black & being black means something.

Today I went to the blog Racialicious as I do several times a day and found a link to Portland local artist damali ayo's website reparations day. It's a project for Black folks who want to participate via performance art in raising public awareness on the history & effects of American slavery. Most of the comments on Racialicious about this project are thus far negative. I think perhaps it may in part be that folks are not getting that it's an art project & meant to be provocative. I personally find it to be refreshing and exciting & a great way for a few hours to practice being brave. Not only do I find it to be an exciting idea but I plan on participating!

Even better is that the next day is National Coming Out Day. I get to claim my Blackness & queerness in the span of a couple days! Anyway I've already ordered a tee-shirt. You can watch a video of Ms. ayo receiving & giving out reparations right here! It's called living flag and there are scenes from right here in Oregon!

Anyway I think it's going to be scary because there is so much racism & so much sweeping under the rug of the effects we still live with in our day-to-day lives. So much anger and fear but this is what art intersecting with politics is all about. If you want to join me -yes other people of color & people of non-color may do this or simply be allies & support, please contact me at my e-mail listed in the sidebar. You can also send a check to:

The Black Student Fund

3636 16th Street NW

4th Floor

Washington, DC 20010-1146 USA

"A very common question asked is "why should i pay reparations? I wasn't alive back then!" Well, as any probate lawyer will tell you, the debts of ones relatives are passed down through generations, and will continue to be until paid." damali ayo

Can't Think of a Pithy Title

I'm tired. This moving business has me exhausted quite frankly. The minute I get home I start organizing until my partner makes me sit down. It's just so hard for me to relax when our home is still in disarray. But I got the bathroom organized!

Tonight I met the coolest guy. He's a sports writer who's very aware & his latest book looks at the intersection of sports & politics. Anyway he wrote an awesome article on the bridge collapse there & how it intersected with the groundbreaking of an undesired (by the majority of Minnesotans) new dome. He brought up a great point tonight about how so many in MN are enraged because certain rich beasts care more about making money off domes than caring about citizens safety. Katrina is more than a hurricane!

Anywho another interesting thing this evening was what I like to call an uncomfortable moment. Since I wish to not get into any potential trouble by talking about stuff at work too much I'll leave out a few details but hopefully convey the gist of the event. So I have a co-worker I'll call Jerry. Jerry draws & such. I asked Jerry why in most of his drawings where people are depicted there were so few if any people of color. I was simply curious & asked in a very casual way. He responded by saying "not everything is about race." Which I admit is true, however it didn't answer my question. So I told him that I was just wondering because it seemed like there were no folks of color in his pieces & wanted to know if he ever thought about it.

I got the same response back with an added "some folks just need the attention by making everything about race." And I said... well I had no response because were at work & my partner may or may not have to work with this dude sometimes & his response was clearly his way of saying he wished to not explore this topic with me.

But you know it's all good because some folks are scared to ask these questions. Why are there so few POC in certain things like television, baseball and art? And yes I know not everything is about race & perhaps it is simply my need for attention that makes me want to see faces in the places I work, the streets I live, the art I encounter & the activities I pursue, that are brown like mine (not the same exact shade mind you, any color of brown is good!). I mean it's nice when I see folks who may look like me represented in things that don't require them picking up after white folks in some way, shape & form.

Hmmm. Well I don't know what more to say about anything other than that I

Home...

is where the heart is. And my home is with my beloved. That being said I'm all moved in & domestically partnered now. Our first night with all my stuff in what is now our place was last night. It was a night full of everything a home life with a partner should be: a little kissing, a very pointless argument over where a Cat Stevens poster would hang & a movie with Jack Nicholson being basically evil (The Departed). Ahh love!

Seriously though I just felt so damn content this morning. I'm so in love. So happy to finally found the woman it seemed like I had waited for, for like ever. We work in the same place & live in the same place & I still miss her when she's not around. Don't get me wrong here. I like my space. I am an only child after all. But my girl is such an amazing, true & fun person! And the best part is that before we got together I laid down the ground work to be able to be with her & be good to her & myself at the same time. Not an easy task for a recovering drunk!

Finally I'm ready & able to love while walking somewhat gracefully through the fear. Finally my heart is clear & open to true love. Our love is epic. That may sound egotistical but it's true. Our romance is more than just about now. It's about forever. How very grateful I am to the powers that be. I'm committed to her & to us. Now if only we could organize the bathroom!

Peace!
~F

Tragedy

As some of you may know I'm from Minneapolis. My partner called me while I was packing to tell me about the bridge collapse on Tuesday. Needless to say I hung up from our conversation & called my mom. All the circuits were busy. I tried over & over again between my mom's home phone, cell phone & my grandmothers for an hour before I was able to actuall get through my mom's home # & leave a message. She called just a couple hours later saying she was okay (she works in St. Paul & lives in Minneapolis & the bridge connects the two cities) and that we thinks the rest of the family was too.

The event reminded me a bit of September 11th when a dear friend had gone to NYC on holiday & would up stuck there for days I did'nt know if she was okay. That friend was that day. However a couple years later she took her own life in an overdose. I still miss her.


Anyway I feel so sad for the tragedy back home. Divers are still pulling people out of the Mississippi River. Living in a Bridge Town I have reason to be concerned about Portland's safety. For today though I my prayers go to the family & friends of those who died so tragically.
~F

Don't Cry for Me 82nd & Foster...

The truth is I never really loved you.

All through my mild days,
my somewhat zen existence,
I kept my promise,
I'm not into prostitution.

I kept my promise,
There was no good coffee shop near by.

That's right I'm out of Lents as of this week. I can't say what I'll miss exactly but I know I feel some sadness.