Hell's Bells

I've had a bit of a headache all day. Not liking that so much. :( Anyway I'm all settled into my new digs. Lilly the daschund is so terrible sweet. Last night I sat on the couch in the living room watching CSI & knitting & Lilly just rested in my lap as I kept draping yarn over her head.

There is the nicest park near the house. Really cool! 2 softball fields & a really nice baseball field. Plus an off leash area for the pooches, community garden & playground. So excited to spend time there. Seeing more of the neighborhood I realized that's it's pretty nice & normal. A few more pit bulls than usual (which is so out of fashion) but over all just regular peeps with regular homes doing regular things.

So in 2 days my 6 month self imposed sponsor suggested celibacy kick is over. Not totally sure how I'm feeling. One part of me feels like there is so much inner work I need to do alone. And another part is... ahem...hot to trot. And ready to have some kind of caring experience with another. All my sexual feelings have been coming back & it's a celebration & a true concern. Many choices in the past in concern to dating/relationships were been based on self gratification in various ways. This is no longer okay. My heart is still recovering from the last big break up. So glad C & I are no longer. And there is still some kind of love. Not in the I wanna be with her way. More just missing the familiarity we had. It saddens me even now as I write this. Harley Davidson's keep haunting me. But it's getting better.

Reading the Da Vinci code. It's poorly written. There's no style to it & the characters are totally void of personality. But it's kinda like a history lesson & Catholic thriller & really plot driven. It's tiring to read because it's non stop twists & turns but is a page turner nonetheless.

This Thursday City Hall is having it's first Pride art exhibit. I'm excited to see all the art. And it means masturbation month is coming (ha ha) to an end & Pride month is almost here! Yay yay yay! My favorite!

Peace out y'all!
~F

no caps

no caps today. the move went well yesterday. it rained right as we got to my new home which was kinda funny. all in all the whole thing took about an hour to actually move. between wednesday & yesterday i had 7 friends, 3 trucks & 2 cars to help me. so very very grateful to them. bebes appears to have a bladder infection so i'm leaving work early today to hit a meeting & get him to the vet.

i'm very tired, sore & got my period last night. but i'm happy to be sober, have wonderful friends, my cat & a safe quiet place to call home. peace!

Slow Small Steps

It has been a day. Damn near had a panic attack while working. Had to call my manager to helps on the tills while I took a break to get myself together. Then I cried & cried & like magic my sponsee calls & helps me.

The nurse Saturday told me to take small slow steps & at this point I need to follow that advice for everything.

Which means I have to make some changes in my schedule in the weeks ahead & there is fear that I may disappoint others. Fear is a bitch named Co-dependancy. So it's all about self care right now. My foot & leg is in constant pain, my cat is constipated & I can't afford the vet right now. I'm so broke I can't afford vitamins & I feeking moving.

But my friends & loved ones surround me, God is right here & today I'm calling on the angels to walk with me. Amen!

Never a Dull Moment

So Saturday I was packing & getting ready for moving this Thursday. Needed to remove some hooks off the walls that my art had been on. I stood on my bed, & removed 2 hooks. As I stepped down onto the floor my index toe on my left foot caught on the rug. Sprained the hell out of it & today (Monday) I'm off the crutches. My wonderful friend Lindsey was a jewel of a friend & took me to urgent care, waited with me for several hours & fed me french toast the next morning.

Today I feel blue. A dull ache of melancholy. It WILL go away. The PMS does NOT help though! It's all I can do to just keep pulling forward at work today. I just want to go home & read & sleep & cry. I'm frustrated from not being packed, sad to move from the Cully neighborhood, emotional from my body pain and tired as hell. Don't get me wrong I'm so grateful. I have an amazing life. But just for today I feel shitty & just for today that's okay.

Hoobie Schnoobie

So this morning my roomie tells me mi gato is on the roof of the garage. So after taking a wiz & putting on my shoes, I grabbed a very tall ladder from the garage. After climbing up ther ladder Bebes didn't like me grabbing him by the neck to pull him closer, so I climbed another rung (I don't like being on ladders despite that 2 days a weeek I'm up & down them constantly) and grabbed my cat full body, put him upon my shoulder & got him down as he purred with joy. Geez I really LOVE my cat. He's my best friend, which may sound silly or pitiful even, but too darn bad. I love him more than any human & that's the truth!

So Diane Linn lost last night. I'm sad to say but I'm glad. Though I don't really believe it's because she helped homos to get married a couple years ago. But the mainstream media certainly portrayed it that way last night & I'm sure will continue to do so. Corporate media SUCKS!

This weekend I went to a restaurant called "Sweet Tomatoes" and it was awesome! The food was very flavorful. They have all these yummy salads & yummy mac-n-cheese & crazy yummy focaccia bread with asiago cheese. Plus the staff were friendly & attentive, one woman, a manager gave me a pack of cookies in honor of my 1st visit. And the best part... it's all you can eats & costed less than $10 bucks! I seriously want to go back soon.

Anyway I'm feeling a little sad lately. Not a lot, just when I walk around the neighborhood in which I currently live. I LOVE the neighborhood so much! It's my favorite neighborhood thus far & I'm sad to leave it. Beaumont is so cool & I even love the Safeway on 71st. It's just great over there. Though it's time to move, I know I'll get to visit the area as one of my favorite meetings is over there. So la tee da. Please if you pray, please put me & my cat in your prayers.
Peace out!
~F

I Wish I Could be Nicer about Bush Wacko

But I fooking can't. He's such a dillhole! God I cannot believe people voted for him as the ruler of our Country. He's such a MORON! God help me not hate that bigoted fool as much as I do. I know it's a waste of my energy, but GAWD what a dumbass! I have an air freshener of his dumbass head on a string in my closet. There's also an air freshener that has a pic of his head with "WTF" over it. I think I have to get that next! ARRRRRG!

Another Post Today. Excerpt of a Speech by Rebecca Solnit on Books!

Books matter. Stories matter. People die of pernicious stories, are reinvented by new stories, and make stories to shelter themselves. Though we learned from postmodernism that a story is only a construct, so is a house, and a story can be more important as shelter: the story that you have certain inalienable rights and immeasurable value, the story that there is an alternative to violence and competition, the story that women are human beings. Sometimes people find the stories that save their lives in books.

The stories we live by are themselves like characters in books: Some will outlive us; some will betray us; some will bring us joy; some will lead us to places we could never have imagined. George Orwell's 1984 wasn't a story to shelter in, but a story meant to throw open the door and thrust us into the strong winds of history; it was a warning in the form of a story. Edward Abbey's The Monkeywrench Gang was an invitation in the form of a story, but even its author didn't imagine how we might take up that invitation or that Glen Canyon Dam might have taken on a doomed look by 2006. "The universe," said the radical American poet Muriel Rukeyser, "is made of stories, not atoms." I believe that being able to recognize stories, to read them, and to tell them is what it takes to have a life, rather than just make a living. This is the equipment you should have received.

Gas is NOT Sexy/Bush is a Moron

Today I am gassy! And it's pretty hot outside. I'm going to gay skate tonight (& hopefully no one will push me down!) and wonder if I'm gonna blow folks away.

So da prez thinks if we have the National Guard all over the Mexico/US border the "problem" of "illegal" immigrants will be solved. God that man is such a dumbass & everyone who likes him really is a smug bigot! Anyway have we all forgotten the Treaty of Guadalupe? And hello it's not like were gonna have the National Guard is quite the same numbers for Canada. Wanna know why? Because Bush & his fellow fookwits hate brown people! I'd move to Jamacia if it weren't so homophobic there!

HTML is Sorta Friendly

Man it's only through experience (as in trial & failure) that I'm learning to get more web savvy. And so far I'm not doing well. Trying to do cool stuff with the sidebar on this blog & have somehow shrunk the links & bolded all the text of my posts. A mystery to be solved indeed. Anywho all is good. I spoke to my mom yesterday & set up some ground rules with her. We'll see how it goes.

This morning my roomies woke me at 7:30am talking loudly in the kitchen. The night (as in morning really) the basement dweller woke me at 3am. After I somewhat unkindly asked him & his pals to "lower it" they did talk more quietly but tuned the stereo on. I got back to sleep aroung 4:30am. I can't wait to leave the house of Frat. Only 11 more days!

BTW in the weird looking links section to your left & down a bit is my new Website of the Month feature. This Month the honor goes to Pimpfants. It's on online clothing shop for kids who need to look more ghetto fabulous. Please visit them as even though I think it's kinda weird, it's really quite cool!

Lastly I added under links the a blog called BRO Watch. Highly recommened!
That's it from moi. Peace out!
~F

The Agony of Mud Butt & Felony Flats

My pal CM & I went to a fun wedding & then saw the film CSA. Well I don't know what happened exactly but something we ate was bad because she was barfing all night & having a bad case of mud butt. I only barfed once, but my tummy still feels a bit tender. Weird!

So CSA: The Confederate States of America was a good film. It portrayed Lincoln as an exiled Canadian which to me was kinda funny. Then it showed these real names for products & restaurants that don't exist anymore. One place used to be here in good ol' PDX called Coon Chicken Inn. Here's a picture of an old menu.
CRAZY!

Anyway I'm apparently moving to an area called "Felony Flats" by the locals here. And so in doing some research I came across the comment responding to an article in the Portland Tribune. It says:
Nasty nickname hurts community
In publishing the article and plastering the stereotype “Felony Flats” tabloid-style across your front page, you have done a great disservice to my neighborhood (The taming of Felony Flats, Sept. 27).
The article relied on negative stereotypes that don’t come close to describing the place where I live. Instead of a “violently ill” neighborhood teeming with “poor white trash,” I see diversity, with more than 19 language groups at our local school and numerous thriving Latino, Asian and Eastern European businesses.
Crime rates (both violent and nonviolent) are lower per capita than in more glamorous neighborhoods like Hawthorne and downtown. The recently renovated Mount Scott Community Center draws hundreds of people from across the city daily.
And, most important, residents here are actively directing the development of their neighborhood by, among other things, reinvigorating the long defunct Foster Road Streetscape Plan and reclaiming the dangerous intersection of Southeast 72nd Avenue and Woodstock Boulevard as a public gathering space featuring a design by a renowned public artist.
Ours is not a place of last resort. With home prices having risen up to 50 percent during the past two years, our neighborhood is attracting people who are interested in the possibility of making great things happen. And as for our lack of Frappuccinos, we’ll take our local, independently owned coffee shops any day!
Sarah Stacy Iannarone
Southeast Portland

Anyway I'm oddly looking forward to moving to this place. I have a good feeling about it.

Oh BTW I'm not talking to my mom for the next 6 months.
Peace out y'all!
~F

Curry & Tom Cruise

Two totally seperate personal news items.
1. Last night I made my second attemp at curry. This was a red curry dish & it turned out quite well. The veggies got a bit over cooked, which I admit is ofteb a weak point in my dishes. But I just had some leftovers from last night & it's good. I'm so happy about it.

2. So since May is masturbation month I thought I'd share one of my recent masturbation fantasties. And oh yes it got me very hot! So Tom Cruise is led away from a party with a reasonably trim leather Bear (bears are gay men who are hairy & thick) wearing one of those leather things that cross at the chest with a middle circle in the middle. Tom & the bald headed yet bearded bear found a quiet & simply furnished bedroom. The leather bear thakes off his pants & Toms as well. Then he puts his wee wee slowly into Toms ass. He goes into Toms quivering bunghole gently putting his hoobie shoobie all the way into Tom. Then the bear begins to slide his you know in & out of Toms but in fast deep thrusts, filling Tom with excitement & surrender. This action goes on for a while until Tom grabs ahold of his hoodilie doodlie furiously yanks it at the same pace as the bears thrusts. Then they come & so do I. The end!

Peace out!
~F

Umm.... like.... WOW!

So I've been having anxiety about home hunting. I loathe moving & being quasi homeless. It's again another round of big changes ahead. I'm grateful & a bit in fear & prayin' my ass off. But I'm powerless & know that I'll be alright & that my job is to find a comfortable place for my cat & I that is affordable & trimet easy.
So June may be stressful. God help me remember to breathe. I also can start dating in June & that brings another kind of feeling. Excitement & terror. But then I remember it's one day at a time. There is no sense is being afriad of what may come. My hope & goal is simply to have integrity, be loving, honest and tender in my interactions with ALL my loved ones.

Holy shit on a stick. Life seems to be movin' right along these days. Seems like today was a mini soberiety convention before noon. And too boot I wasn't even at a meeting! Got a call from someone at IWAAC asking me to be the PI/Publicity chair. Then I called my sponsor. Then one of my sponsees called me. Then I ran into someone from the rooms at a jewelery shop & upon leaving ran into another meetings dude. Then made a candle exchange for one of my sponsee's who getting (hetrosexually) wed. And called one of my sponsees for help with web tech stuff for IWAAC & finally bought a cute summer barbeque dress from my dear friend who recently celebrated a hell of a lot o' years sober. Man how cool! It's been a god-shot partaay! Anywho that's it from me. Peace out!
~F

BTW: United 93 is very very very sad. Be prepared to cry your ass off!